All language subtitles for The Parkers s02e16 Hands Off, Grandma

What's that you're wearing?

Oh, this is a mobile lie detector
device.

A what? The psych department is paying
volunteers $200 to wear for a week.

$200 to wear some jewelry? Where do I
find out? Not so fast. If you lie, you

a shock.

And it works?

Yeah.

Tell me something, Puddin'. Did you ever
sneak boys into your bedroom?

Um, no, Mama.

Not even that time I went to San Diego
for the Lady Egyptian convention?

No, Mama.

Never.

I must be pretty lonely since Pop -Pop
died.

I remember the hardest thing to go
through was to lose a mate or a child.

Yeah. I don't know what I would ever do
if something happened to you.

Or Professor Ogilvy.

You know, I've been trying to think of
stuff to do with Nana.

What does a 75 -year -old like to do?

Breathe.

Don't worry. Nana won't get lonely.

We'll have plenty for her to do.

I hope it's all right.

Oh, of course it is.

Hey, Nana!

Is that Kimberly Ann?

Oh, look at you.

You've gotten to be so... so... Child,
have

you grown any?

Now, Nan, we want you to get your rest
because tomorrow we have bingo at 10,

your nap at 2, and if you're up to it, A
nice little walk up and down the

hallway.

What are you running here, a nursing
home?

I want to go to Venice Beach so I can
see those oiled -up muscle men.

Now, can your heart take that? Of
course.

Now, let's scoot. I want to get back in
time to see Sex and the City.

Those white girls are so crazy.

What's going on with your lie detector
band?

No problem. It's going to be the easiest
two bills I ever made.

I can't believe I just paid ten bucks
for

these bunions. That stupid vending
machine keeps taking my money.

If it's going to be here, it should work
properly.

You're the only one who's losing money.

Forget you guys. I'm going to find out
who the owner is and make him replace

Kim's friends. And this is my fiancé,
Professor Ogilvie.

This is Professor Stanley Ogilvie. This
is my nana, Evelyn Smith.

My granddaughter tells me you two are
engaged.

I wish you would stop saying that.

I'm no good at keeping secrets.

By the way, I'm having a little get
-together tonight for nana. Can you make

No.

Now, now, I won't take no for an answer.
That seems to run in your family.

Good. Then I'll see you at seven.

No, but I... Did you hear me, young man?

Yes, ma 'am.

Seven it is.

What's up with all these old men?

It looks like a Depends commercial.

I thought it would be nice for you to
meet some gentlemen your own age.

Nana,

this is my good friend Tony.

Toby.

He's a widower. Hey, boys.

Hey, don't just say how you doing.

Where did you get this guy from?

Oh, I gave him a ride during the bus
strike.

Mama, there are a lot of cuties here for
Nana.

Oh!

Hey, boo. Welcome home.

I can only stay a quick minute.

Well, I love quickies.

Oh, hello, Professor Ogilvie.

Hello, Mr. Smith.

Evie, please.

Oh, okay. Hello, Evie, please.

Oh, you're so clever. Would you care for
something to drink? Oh, no, no, no, no,

thanks. I really can't stay.

Oh, what a shame.

Would you mind bringing me a drink,
darling?

Sure thing, Nana.

I want to apologize for what happened
earlier.

Kim explained.

that your relationship with my
granddaughter is mostly in her mind.

It's all in her mind.

Well, you can't blame her.

After all, you are a very good -looking
man.

Well... As a matter of fact, when I saw
you earlier, I thought perhaps you were

a movie star. I mean, it's been
Hollywood and all.

Well, I have been told I do somewhat
favor Denzel.

That's it.

You could be twins.

with you, Evie. You really know how to
shake a fan.

Watch yourself.

Now, don't forget, we have lunch
tomorrow.

I look forward to it. I do.

Nana sure seems happy.

Uh -huh.

You think she's trying to steal my man?

That's crazy.

Professor's not your man.

Forget you.

And what happened to that old man you
came with? Don't you have to take him

home?

Why? The bus strike's over.

So, you think I'm making too much of
Nana and Professor Ogilvie?

I don't know.

I suppose anything's possible in that
world you live in.

Adopt me.

Do you have a wonder bra I can borrow
for tomorrow?

Hey, baby, I think I'm in love.

Stop!

Hey, beautiful, can we get together
sometime?

All I want to do is talk. Stop!

Man, I've had it with this band.

I can't get my Mac on without getting
zapped on. How about this thing taking

off? Well, what about your $200?

What use is that if I don't have no
honey to spend it on?

I thought you talked to someone about
that machine.

I did. They said they fixed it.

Well, they fixed it all right. Now it
keeps your money and the money.

sharing oyster, Caesar salad, and angel
hair pasta with cream sauce and a light

sprinkling of Parmesan cheese.

What? No dessert?

I don't know.

I couldn't see him. The policeman made
me move.

Those cops could have went around me.

There's that man stealing Granny now.

Next time, Evie, you have to let me pick
up the check.

Oh, it was my pleasure.

Well, until next time.

Bye, Miss Parker.

I love you dearly, Nana, but you need to
slow your roll. That's my man.

He's not your man.

Yes, he is.

Kim, tell her.

Uh, Mama?

Does that hurt?

Give it a rest, Dumplin'. The man is up
for grabs.

He's fair game.

No offense, but who do you think he's
going to see in you?

As much as he wants to.

Is she with Professor Ogilvy? I don't
know.

Okay, okay.

Nana said they were going to Red
Lobster.

Red Lobster? My tail.

I know where she is.

Put that food away.

No, no. You relax.

I haven't had the pleasure of taking
care of a man since my William died.

What are you doing here?

I should ask you the same thing.

Well, isn't this cozy?

Yeah, yeah. Abby's cooking dinner.

We're having catfish, macaroni and
cheese, mustard greens.

Cornbread and peach cobbler? Yeah.

You're fixing him the mating meal.

Mr. South, can you fix the pop -pop that
might be proposed?

And if you would just get out of here,
you'd have a new pop -pop.

Now you watch your mouth. Remember, I'm
still your grandmother.

Then start acting like one, Nana.

Okay. How's this?

Debbie, are you all right?

I feel a little faint.

I got you.

Maybe we should call a doctor.

Or an acting coach.

Miss Parker.

I feel all right.

Get me a glass of water. Of course.

Miss Parker?

Who do I look like? Florence, the maid?

Can't you see she's faking?

There you go.

She's trying to steal you from me.

Will you stop it? Can't you see you're
upsetting her?

You should be ashamed of yourself,
talking about this sweet, dear woman

that.

Get up, Nana. Look, Miss Parker, I'm
going to have to ask you to leave. What?

Out. Now.

Are you all right? Oh, I'm much

better now.

That was crazy. I mean, even for her.

Oh, she's being foolish.

Who would want an old run -down folky
like me?

How can you say that?

You're a vivacious, charming woman who
still looks great. Any man would be

to have you. You really think so?

Of course.

Even a strapping young buck like
yourself.

Excuse me?

Oh, come on, Stanley. No more games.

Can't you feel the heat between us?

No, no, no, I can't. In fact, it's very
chilly in here.

I got two words for you, Stanley.

Kama Sutra.

unforgivable. You gotta get her out of
my apartment.

What do they see in you?

Well, once an animator per mind, there's
not much anyone can do.

But I'll tell you what I can do.

I can turn down the bed in my room and
you can cuddle up with me.

Are all the women in your family insane?

Only in the bedroom.

I dreamed about going to Bakersfield.

No, I'm sorry. I'm here recruiting for
our intern program.

Oh, well, look no further. I look
adorable in a uniform.

Just tell me where to put my herby
handkerchief.

Have you had any experience in the
airline business?

Oh, lots of experience.

Excuse me? Just a little gas.

All right.

How about school? What's your grade
point average?

Get this thing off.

Excuse me.

Get that.

It's busted.

Bakersfield, here I come.

Ah, finally, someone is here about this
machine.

Well, what's your problem, Britney
Spears?

My problem is this stupid machine. Are
you the repairman?

No, I... I just like walking around in
spanked blue overalls.

Gee, well, you need to take this machine
out and put in a new one.

Well, there's nothing wrong with that
machine, and I'm not replacing it.

What's going on?

I'm complaining to this man about this
machine.

Watch out, then. I know you're not here
to complain. You look like one of my

best customers.

I know.

Grandpa Clump is not talking to me. I
don't even use your tore -up machines.

Quick, what's the number to get a
Snickers bar?

A3.

Look, she's using my machine. You don't
see her complaining.

Eh, give her a minute.

Please, Stanley.

Unhand my man, you homewrecker. He's not
your man.

Okay, stop it.

Now, what is it going to take to get
through to you two?

A honeymoon in Jamaica.

Look what you just did. You chased him
away.

Me? You're the one doing all the
meddling. Messing up my good thing.

Oh, please.

Don't even start that. He's not even
here.

Damage award.

Mama, we need to get her to the
hospital.

I'll go call 911.

You sure gave us a scare, Nana.

You.

I was petrified.

Well, at least it was angina and not a
heart attack.

I'll go down to the drugstore and pick
up your medicine.

Thank you, Stanley.

And I'll go fix up your bed for you,
Nana.

Thank you, Puddin'.

Come.

Sit with me.

Dumplin', I'm sorry.

I behaved like an old floozy.

Yeah, you did.

But I realize I've got better things to
do than to chase after some man who's

not interested in me.

I'm sure glad I don't have that problem.

If you say so, Dumplin'. But just
remember, the

women in our family always get their
man.

Nothing stopped me from snagging Pop
-Pop.

Not even a couple of restraining orders.

I love you, Nana.

I love you too, Dumplin'.

Hey.

What's the matter, baby?

I gotta get a job.

Didn't you get your $200 for wearing
your band?

Yep. But they're charging me $1 ,000
because I broke it.

Well, at least you can go back to lying.

Evelyn.

My neck. What?

What are you saying?

The fact department is charging $200.

Let me do that again.

Oh, I know.