Original subtitles

What's that you're wearing?

Oh, this is a mobile lie detector device.

A what? The psych department is paying volunteers $200 to wear for a week.

$200 to wear some jewelry? Where do I find out? Not so fast. If you lie, you

a shock.

And it works?

Yeah.

Tell me something, Puddin'. Did you ever sneak boys into your bedroom?

Um, no, Mama.

Not even that time I went to San Diego for the Lady Egyptian convention?

No, Mama.

Never.

I must be pretty lonely since Pop -Pop died.

I remember the hardest thing to go through was to lose a mate or a child.

Yeah. I don't know what I would ever do if something happened to you.

Or Professor Ogilvy.

You know, I've been trying to think of stuff to do with Nana.

What does a 75 -year -old like to do?

Breathe.

Don't worry. Nana won't get lonely.

We'll have plenty for her to do.

I hope it's all right.

Oh, of course it is.

Hey, Nana!

Is that Kimberly Ann?

Oh, look at you.

You've gotten to be so... so... Child, have

you grown any?

Now, Nan, we want you to get your rest because tomorrow we have bingo at 10,

your nap at 2, and if you're up to it, A nice little walk up and down the

hallway.

What are you running here, a nursing home?

I want to go to Venice Beach so I can see those oiled -up muscle men.

Now, can your heart take that? Of course.

Now, let's scoot. I want to get back in time to see Sex and the City.

Those white girls are so crazy.

What's going on with your lie detector band?

No problem. It's going to be the easiest two bills I ever made.

I can't believe I just paid ten bucks for

these bunions. That stupid vending machine keeps taking my money.

If it's going to be here, it should work properly.

You're the only one who's losing money.

Forget you guys. I'm going to find out who the owner is and make him replace

Kim's friends. And this is my fiancé, Professor Ogilvie.

This is Professor Stanley Ogilvie. This is my nana, Evelyn Smith.

My granddaughter tells me you two are engaged.

I wish you would stop saying that.

I'm no good at keeping secrets.

By the way, I'm having a little get -together tonight for nana. Can you make

No.

Now, now, I won't take no for an answer. That seems to run in your family.

Good. Then I'll see you at seven.

No, but I... Did you hear me, young man?

Yes, ma 'am.

Seven it is.

What's up with all these old men?

It looks like a Depends commercial.

I thought it would be nice for you to meet some gentlemen your own age.

Nana,

this is my good friend Tony.

Toby.

He's a widower. Hey, boys.

Hey, don't just say how you doing.

Where did you get this guy from?

Oh, I gave him a ride during the bus strike.

Mama, there are a lot of cuties here for Nana.

Oh!

Hey, boo. Welcome home.

I can only stay a quick minute.

Well, I love quickies.

Oh, hello, Professor Ogilvie.

Hello, Mr. Smith.

Evie, please.

Oh, okay. Hello, Evie, please.

Oh, you're so clever. Would you care for something to drink? Oh, no, no, no, no,

thanks. I really can't stay.

Oh, what a shame.

Would you mind bringing me a drink, darling?

Sure thing, Nana.

I want to apologize for what happened earlier.

Kim explained.

that your relationship with my granddaughter is mostly in her mind.

It's all in her mind.

Well, you can't blame her.

After all, you are a very good -looking man.

Well... As a matter of fact, when I saw you earlier, I thought perhaps you were

a movie star. I mean, it's been Hollywood and all.

Well, I have been told I do somewhat favor Denzel.

That's it.

You could be twins.

with you, Evie. You really know how to shake a fan.

Watch yourself.

Now, don't forget, we have lunch tomorrow.

I look forward to it. I do.

Nana sure seems happy.

Uh -huh.

You think she's trying to steal my man?

That's crazy.

Professor's not your man.

Forget you.

And what happened to that old man you came with? Don't you have to take him

home?

Why? The bus strike's over.

So, you think I'm making too much of Nana and Professor Ogilvie?

I don't know.

I suppose anything's possible in that world you live in.

Adopt me.

Do you have a wonder bra I can borrow for tomorrow?

Hey, baby, I think I'm in love.

Stop!

Hey, beautiful, can we get together sometime?

All I want to do is talk. Stop!

Man, I've had it with this band.

I can't get my Mac on without getting zapped on. How about this thing taking

off? Well, what about your $200?

What use is that if I don't have no honey to spend it on?

I thought you talked to someone about that machine.

I did. They said they fixed it.

Well, they fixed it all right. Now it keeps your money and the money.

sharing oyster, Caesar salad, and angel hair pasta with cream sauce and a light

sprinkling of Parmesan cheese.

What? No dessert?

I don't know.

I couldn't see him. The policeman made me move.

Those cops could have went around me.

There's that man stealing Granny now.

Next time, Evie, you have to let me pick up the check.

Oh, it was my pleasure.

Well, until next time.

Bye, Miss Parker.

I love you dearly, Nana, but you need to slow your roll. That's my man.

He's not your man.

Yes, he is.

Kim, tell her.

Uh, Mama?

Does that hurt?

Give it a rest, Dumplin'. The man is up for grabs.

He's fair game.

No offense, but who do you think he's going to see in you?

As much as he wants to.

Is she with Professor Ogilvy? I don't know.

Okay, okay.

Nana said they were going to Red Lobster.

Red Lobster? My tail.

I know where she is.

Put that food away.

No, no. You relax.

I haven't had the pleasure of taking care of a man since my William died.

What are you doing here?

I should ask you the same thing.

Well, isn't this cozy?

Yeah, yeah. Abby's cooking dinner.

We're having catfish, macaroni and cheese, mustard greens.

Cornbread and peach cobbler? Yeah.

You're fixing him the mating meal.

Mr. South, can you fix the pop -pop that might be proposed?

And if you would just get out of here, you'd have a new pop -pop.

Now you watch your mouth. Remember, I'm still your grandmother.

Then start acting like one, Nana.

Okay. How's this?

Debbie, are you all right?

I feel a little faint.

I got you.

Maybe we should call a doctor.

Or an acting coach.

Miss Parker.

I feel all right.

Get me a glass of water. Of course.

Miss Parker?

Who do I look like? Florence, the maid?

Can't you see she's faking?

There you go.

She's trying to steal you from me.

Will you stop it? Can't you see you're upsetting her?

You should be ashamed of yourself, talking about this sweet, dear woman

that.

Get up, Nana. Look, Miss Parker, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. What?

Out. Now.

Are you all right? Oh, I'm much

better now.

That was crazy. I mean, even for her.

Oh, she's being foolish.

Who would want an old run -down folky like me?

How can you say that?

You're a vivacious, charming woman who still looks great. Any man would be

to have you. You really think so?

Of course.

Even a strapping young buck like yourself.

Excuse me?

Oh, come on, Stanley. No more games.

Can't you feel the heat between us?

No, no, no, I can't. In fact, it's very chilly in here.

I got two words for you, Stanley.

Kama Sutra.

unforgivable. You gotta get her out of my apartment.

What do they see in you?

Well, once an animator per mind, there's not much anyone can do.

But I'll tell you what I can do.

I can turn down the bed in my room and you can cuddle up with me.

Are all the women in your family insane?

Only in the bedroom.

I dreamed about going to Bakersfield.

No, I'm sorry. I'm here recruiting for our intern program.

Oh, well, look no further. I look adorable in a uniform.

Just tell me where to put my herby handkerchief.

Have you had any experience in the airline business?

Oh, lots of experience.

Excuse me? Just a little gas.

All right.

How about school? What's your grade point average?

Get this thing off.

Excuse me.

Get that.

It's busted.

Bakersfield, here I come.

Ah, finally, someone is here about this machine.

Well, what's your problem, Britney Spears?

My problem is this stupid machine. Are you the repairman?

No, I... I just like walking around in spanked blue overalls.

Gee, well, you need to take this machine out and put in a new one.

Well, there's nothing wrong with that machine, and I'm not replacing it.

What's going on?

I'm complaining to this man about this machine.

Watch out, then. I know you're not here to complain. You look like one of my

best customers.

I know.

Grandpa Clump is not talking to me. I don't even use your tore -up machines.

Quick, what's the number to get a Snickers bar?

A3.

Look, she's using my machine. You don't see her complaining.

Eh, give her a minute.

Please, Stanley.

Unhand my man, you homewrecker. He's not your man.

Okay, stop it.

Now, what is it going to take to get through to you two?

A honeymoon in Jamaica.

Look what you just did. You chased him away.

Me? You're the one doing all the meddling. Messing up my good thing.

Oh, please.

Don't even start that. He's not even here.

Damage award.

Mama, we need to get her to the hospital.

I'll go call 911.

You sure gave us a scare, Nana.

You.

I was petrified.

Well, at least it was angina and not a heart attack.

I'll go down to the drugstore and pick up your medicine.

Thank you, Stanley.

And I'll go fix up your bed for you, Nana.

Thank you, Puddin'.

Come.

Sit with me.

Dumplin', I'm sorry.

I behaved like an old floozy.

Yeah, you did.

But I realize I've got better things to do than to chase after some man who's

not interested in me.

I'm sure glad I don't have that problem.

If you say so, Dumplin'. But just remember, the

women in our family always get their man.

Nothing stopped me from snagging Pop -Pop.

Not even a couple of restraining orders.

I love you, Nana.

I love you too, Dumplin'.

Hey.

What's the matter, baby?

I gotta get a job.

Didn't you get your $200 for wearing your band?

Yep. But they're charging me $1 ,000 because I broke it.

Well, at least you can go back to lying.

Evelyn.

My neck. What?

What are you saying?

The fact department is charging $200.

Let me do that again.

Oh, I know.