All language subtitles for The Parkers s02e09 Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow

I can't believe I'm missing the most
jumping party of the year to write this

stupid paper.

Oh, well, better a stupid paper than a
stupid camp.

But, hey, if you're happy just getting
by, go right ahead.

Okay, thanks.

Girl, if you don't get back to work, the
professor's going to give you an F.

Dang the professor and his creative
writing class.

Where am I going to get an idea?

we continue with our Dallas Marathon.

Ooh, Dallas.

Cool show.

They needed more flavor.

You should have called it Detroit.

Eh, too plain.

I'll call it Atlanta.

Starring D .C. Washington, Black Hair
Tycoon.

owner of Stay Straighter hair oil
products.

Alizé Washington, ruthless, lousy
businesswoman, former wife of D .C., and

of Stay Curly hair oil products.

Blith Ann Washington, daughter of Alizé
in D .C., nasty temper, spoiled, and

greedy.

Rhinestone Washington, a boozing Atlanta
socialite, wife of D .C., and bitter

arch rival of Alizé.

Armand Washington, jet setter, and
international playboy, son of DC and

Rhinestone. And humble stable girl,
Billie Jean.

Along with faithful servants, Pearl the
feisty maid, and her frisky Jamaican

husband, Rollo the butler.

Well, it tastes like you made it with
your own two feet.

Let me tell you she was looking.

Hey, sis, what's going on?

Pearl tried to poison me.

Remind me to give her a raise.

Please, Miss Blissanne, let me go to Pie
Pie's and pick up your favorite, a two

-piece and biscuit.

This before, we can't fire Pearl and
Rollo. They've been with this family,

since before you were born.

And Pearl was your stepbrother's
wedding, Mary?

Yes, those were the days.

Well, if you don't fire them, I demand
another oil fee.

How about your own private jet instead?

Like I need two of those.

Okay, okay, I'll buy you an oil field.

But the Saudis have to stay.

Here, fetch me my morning martini and my
vitamins, please.

Well, son, aren't you going to introduce
us to your play toys?

Oh, my bad.

This is... Well, I know one of them is
Bunny.

I'm sorry to disturb you, sir.

Oh, what now, stable girl?

Well, I was just wondering if I could
get a raise.

It's just that the horses need shoes,
and so do I.

Oh, you poor thing.

Get the door.

Can you believe her? She's only been
here two years, and she's already asking

for a raise?

I know. We give her a place to stay and
all the oats she can eat.

the underbelly of a whore.

Alizé, here at Pitchfork Ranch, it's
customary to greet someone when you

their mansion.

My bad.

Good morning, gold -digging heifer.

Morning to you too, brazen hussy.

All right, all right. Enough of the
niceties.

Why are you here, Alizé?

Don't I have a right to visit my one and
only child?

Okay, enough bonding.

My name is Billie Jean.

Change it.

I'm going to the liquor bar.

Well, could you drop me off at Roscoe's
Giddens and Waffles? I haven't eaten

there in a long time.

We were there this morning.

Well, you know, loose sex makes a girl
hungry.

Go draw me a bath.

Come on, hurry up.

What do you want, Alizé?

Now, D .C. darling, is that any way to
speak to your ex -wife and the best

you've ever had?

So, what is this visit going to cost me?

Besides the crushed pelvis?

Not much. Just control and interest in
your company.

That'll never happen.

Don't be so sure of that.

Me and my secretary?

No.

Me and the mayor's wife?

Me and the mayor?

No.

Really?

They're pictures of bald women.

How'd you get these?

Don't you worry your pretty process here
about that.

See, they used your latest product, Perm
Forever, but now they'll be bald

forever. And it'll be a pity if the
newspapers got a hold of this.

What do you want?

A merger.

Between your company and my company.
With me as CEO.

Head honcho, big wig, big baller, shot
caller.

Now look, I want you to make a big
announcement tonight at the party. What

party? The party you're throwing for me.

Run out!

Walkman!

Show her the door.

It's over there.

That big wooden thing with a handle.

I'm not done yet.

So, we see everything's going as
planned.

Just like you mapped it out, baby.

Once DC signs those papers, this will
all be ours.

Good, good, good.

Then I'll finally be able to get rid of
Pearl and be with you, my one and only

love.

Till tonight, my darling. Soon come.

Soon will come.

What do you think you're doing, Rallo?

Securing our future.

Well, our plan is working.

Like clockwork.

I want an ugly love.

As soon as DC signs the company over to
LSA, me marry LSA, don't...

and get rid of you.

No, no, that's wrong.

What me meant was me dump Pearl, marry
and murder Alizé and you and I will be

the richest couple in black America.

And he'll be so broke we'll make him my
butler.

Oh, that's nothing. My daddy promised to
buy me an island with real humans on

it.

Stable girl, this champagne is nasty.

Go down to the malt liquor selling, get
me a 40.

Okay, shorty.

You ain't gonna let me take you away
from all this.

Boy, what are you talking about? I
nursed you.

I know.

Attention, everyone.

your attention, please.

Tonight, with my signature, you'll
witness the largest merger of black hair

products in American history.

Stay straighter and stay pearly. We'll
become one entity. Stay wavy.

Dang, Daddy, we're gonna be even richer.

Not us, honey. Your mama's gonna run the
business.

signature on these papers, and then I'm
gonna get paid.

Give me back. Money belongs to me.

Beat it, you booze and bimbo. The money
is mine.

Look at

her. She's lucky all I broke was her
neck.

She broke my neck, punctured my lung,
and knocked out my teeth.

I'm still getting paid.

Hmm.

I'm going to open a chain of drive -thru
male strip clubs.

I'll call it McStrippendales.

Can't believe I have to talk with this
thorny accent.

With that kind of money, I could buy you
half this mansion and all the girls,

too.

I could end world hunger, but I won't.

Good morning. My name is Lonnie Cochran,
and I'll be reading Mr. D .C.

Washington's last will and testament.

Let's begin.

I, District of Columbia, Washington,
being of sound mind and body, do

hereby leave the following.

To Alizé.

Oh, Jesus.

My greedy, self -centered first wife. I
leave one nickel.

What?

Representing one cent for each tortured
year I was married to her.

To my drunken wife, Rhinestone.

Who nearly sped me into destitution.

I leave you the 1 -8. number to the
Betty Ford class.

I'm getting to that.

As for my entire hair oil dynasty, that
is to be divided amongst my three

children.

But there's only two of us.

No, D .C. had a third child, born 19
years ago.

Well, who is it?

No one knows.

Not even D .C.

knew. It doesn't matter. Me and my
sister will take this, sir.

You and your sister are free to do just
that if no one comes forward within 24

hours.

One more thing.

Each child must take a DNA test before
they can receive the inheritance.

What? A DNA test?

Oh, I hope there's no Maya.

But why? To verify that these are D
.C.'s children.

He had his doubts.

Lonnie's not coming.

We don't need some stupid test to tell
us who DC's children are. That's right.

Besides, we deserve... I mean, our kids
deserve that money.

I'll drink to that.

Good morning, everyone.

Sorry I was delayed.

Uh, what are you doing here?

Yeah, didn't your brakes go off? Didn't
your steering wheel lock up?

As a matter of fact, all that did
happen.

How did you know?

Lucky guess.

Man, you survived all that?

Yes, I did.

But unfortunately, my girlfriend didn't.
We switched cars this morning.

Shall we begin?

I have the results of the DNA test.

What does it say?

It says DC is in my pops.

Ha! I always knew you were a little
bastard.

I hate to tell you this, Armand, but
Rollo is your real daddy.

What? You did it with the butler? It
wasn't my fault. I was sober.

You're great, Mom, for me.

Getting lost, butler boy.

Not so fast, Blithanne.

Daddy wasn't my daddy.

Look, baby, I never thought it would
come to this.

I always imagined I would outlive you.

Now who's the bastard child?

Well, at least I'm not the butler's
child.

Well, actually, baby, you're the butler
and the maid's child.

You did it with the maid?

No, baby.

Let me explain.

See, it was 20 years ago, and I was
pregnant, and D .C. desperately wanted a

child, but I felt ill, and I miscarried.

But Pearl was pregnant, too, so I made a
deal with Pearl and Rollo. You made a

deal? You bought me?

Yeah. It cost me an all -expense -paid
trip to Atlantic City.

Is that out?

No, I threw in $100 worth of chips.

So where does that leave us, Mr.
Cochran? Yeah, who gets the money now?

I know who the missing child is.

A year after my darling Blissanne was
born.

I gave birth to another child.

D .C.'s child.

But then he threatened me, so I had no
choice but to send her away.

Well, where is she?

Pearl asked me to test Billie Jean.

And the results confirm that she is sole
heir to the black hair oil fortune.

Billie Jean, I hereby release D .C.'s
entire estate to you.

Congratulations.

Wait one kinky curl minute. She can't be
their daughter.

They're black, and she's white.

She's not white. She's just light
-skinned.

Yes, I am.

Damn! How is that possible?

I faked my own death.

But why?

I wanted to expose you all for the low
-down, backstabbing, lying cheaters you

all are.

Oh, Daddy!

You may not have felt me, but I'm still
your little girl.

Get away, you imposter!

to the money now.

Well, the money will still be mine and
you'll still work in the stable.

Could I at least get some shoes?

Wear the horses.

Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch.

Oh, no!

Who shot DC?

Guess we'll have to wait until next
season.

No, you won't. I shot him.

From the best years of my life and all
he left me were some funky mocks? I

think so.

Just before the trial, Billie Jean and
Pearl fled.

I mean, relocated to Peru.

But they lived happily ever after. So
what do you think, Mama? Isn't it good?

Yeah. It was even better on Dallas.

Kim, you're plagiarist.

No, Mama. I like people of all colors.

Plagiarism means you copied someone's
work.

No, that would be Tracy.

Now, I want you to sit here and come up
with something original.

Mama, it's hard.

Just relax and let your mind go blank.

Now I know you can do that.

Leave it to an old person to remember an
old show like Dallas.

Now what am I going to write about?

What do you want?

A merger between your company and my
company.

I see me plan is going as planned. That
didn't make no damn sense.

But I liked it.