Original subtitles

And now, our final speaker is the talented host of BET Tonight.

He is intelligent, insightful, and incredibly fine.

But y 'all know I got a man.

Hey, Professor Oglebay!

Let's give a warm SMC welcome to Tavis Smiley!

Parker, the law of the good ones are always taken.

She's available.

Santa Monica, it's regular folks like you and me who are the true fabric of

country. Well, I'm all about the fabric.

That's why I'm here to encourage each and every one of you to vote. By voting,

you can make a difference.

Your vote is your voice. So on election day... Get to the polls and let your

voice be heard.

That's right.

You heard the man. Let your voices be heard.

Remember, there are people who fought and died for us to have the right to

We must never take this right for granted.

Mr. Smiley, you were quite an inspiration up there.

And for the record, Ms. Parker really is available.

You make a brother feel like he can be president. You're a little young to be

president of the United States, but right here on campus is a good place to

start.

Mr. Smiley, I'm Regina Foster, future student body president of Santa Monica

College. Hold up, Regina. You haven't won the election yet.

Hello. I'm running unopposed.

Hello. I'm opposed to you running.

You're smart. You're bouncing around. Good looking out there.

Well, Regina, I guess you're proof that anybody or anything can be president.

Anybody except you.

I bet you don't even know the difference between the Democratic Party and the

Republican Party.

Duh. Everybody knows Democrats throw better parties.

Now, who looks stupid?

did decide to run, you wouldn't win.

Besides, you don't even have a platform.

Girl, I got plenty of platforms, including these new ones I'm rocking.

I think of you.

I can see you're politically challenged.

This just in, you're wrong.

Tell her, Stevie.

Kim will not only run, she'll win.

I will?

Yes, you will. Now write that down in your little bougie handbook.

makes me want to get married.

Miss Parker, breathing makes you want to get married.

I'm serious.

Now, we could be like the other famous political couples, JFK and Jackie O,

and Hillary, Bill and Paula, Bill and Monica.

He didn't sprint off this time. I'm wearing him down.

Hey, Nikki, say hello to the next student body. president of Santa Monica

College. Oh, well, good for you, Stevie. You decided to get that little Regina

some competition.

Not me, Kim.

Kim who?

Kim, me, Mama.

Oh!

Wow, that's great news.

Who are we kidding?

I don't know if I have what it takes.

T, why don't you run?

Can't. Shady pass.

I couldn't even get elected to be a hall monitor in the first grade.

Pardon? You can do it. You just have to believe in yourself.

I don't know anything about being a president.

Well, trust me, you wouldn't be the first.

And with me as your newly appointed campaign manager, we will not rest until

enter office. That's right.

Gold digger gold nail polish.

Oh, I thought of a slogan, too.

Don't be a sucker and vote for him. Do the right thing and vote for Kim.

Yeah, I like that.

Kim, there are no men running in this election.

I know, but him rhymes with Kim.

That copycat was getting fired, so he gave me the homeboy discount.

He was supposed to be with her. I think it's important to take pictures of Kim

hobnobbing with famous folk.

Pope Kim.

Pope Kim?

Oh, look here. Have you been cleared?

Get away from me.

Look, I'm sorry. I'm going to have to frisk you.

Touch me and die.

Look, it's no day at the beach for me either, all right?

It's okay, T.

Look, Jackie.

Oh, no.

If you think wearing fake pearls and a pillbox hat is going to help you win,

then you're more of a loser than I thought.

Ooh, can you feel the hate up in here?

Come on, girls, let's go.

Hold it.

Okay.

She's clear.

This is Reuben Boulware. from the Corsair. The what?

The Corsair.

Official school newspaper.

We got a newspaper?

That's how it's directed.

Now, can we begin the interview?

Kim, why do you want to be student body president?

Well, Ruben... She wants to make the school environment a better place for

growth and study.

Very well put, Kim. I didn't put nothing.

Well, how do you plan on doing that? Doing what?

You know, making a plan.

Well, I would like... Extend tutorial?

get a daycare service, provide more computer access, and supersize the fries

the Grove.

Look,

Mama, this is my interview.

You didn't even know we had a newspaper.

Sorry to cut this interview short, but we have to hit the campaign trail. Okay,

thank you, Mama.

Great interview.

Not to me. I didn't get to say anything.

Mama did all the talking. I know. And wasn't she great? But I'm the...

managers too. We put a spin on the issues.

But those weren't my issues. My issues were more campus parties, cuter campus

gear, and more campus sports.

Kim, your issues aren't important.

your friend, but I really believe in what Nikki stands for. She threatened

didn't she?

No, I just think she'll make a great student body president.

What are you trying to say?

Kim, I... Never mind.

Yo, Kim.

Look, I wasn't worried about beating Regina, but your mama, that could be a

problem. Tell me about it. That meet with the candidates thing is coming up.

I'll tell her what my mama has planned.

Well, just say the word. Me and my boys can make it happen for you.

Well, you can scare my mama, but don't hurt her.

Come on now, girl. I'm talking about sabotage.

Ka -ka -ka, it could slow down Nikki's campaign.

And in return, you let us host a big homecoming party.

Is that all?

Yeah. See, by hosting that party, it'll bring our frat more money. And more

money means more honeys.

Oh, that sounds like dirty politics.

I like it.

Watch this.

Operation Camper President is in full effect.

You're not going to jack my spot.

I just did.

Look, you better tell these boys to move.

They're not going anywhere.

You'll just let my fiance settle this.

Why are you always here?

to talk to you. For the last time, Miss Parker, I will not give you a lock of my

hair. Oh, please. I got that last night.

I want to report Kim's unfair campaign tax. Miss Parker, I've seen no

of wrongdoing. Should any occur, I will take immediate action.

Now, I suggest you go prepare yourself and meet the candidates.

Oh. Well, if you really want to meet this candidate, be at my house around 8.

will ever get in.

Wouldn't you at least like to say you know someone at Stanford?

Where's Kim?

Home. If she knows...

I gotta go.

Good night.

seven running for student body president.

Well, it took me a little longer to get here. 20 years.

So, I don't take any of this for granted. See, I want your college

be as important to you as it is to me. She's lying.

Okay,

okay. Could everyone please refrain?

to wear shades.

All right, our last candidate is Kim Parker, but she doesn't seem to be here.

Meet Kimberly Ann Parker.

Humanitarian.

Dollar.

And fashion trendsetter.

Vote for me because I care about our future, the rainforest, And our

On election day, show how much you care.

Vote Kim Parker for student body president.

The candidate who cares.

Thank God that's over.

And now, the next student body president.

of Santa Monica College, here is Kimberly Parker!

Kimberly! Kimberly!

Kimberly! Kimberly!

Kimberly! Kimberly!

Thank you! Thank you!

Can you see her?

Yeah, what a show.

You can pick this election. Goodbye.

Miss Parker?

What are you doing?

Oh, hi, Professor Ogilvie.

It's not what you think. I was just touching up Kim's post. Miss Parker, you

in direct violation of Campaign Rule 246, which clearly states defacing or

removal of another candidate's property is grounds for immediate

disqualification.

Oh, well, uh, couldn't you turn your head just this one time?

I think you're worth your while.

So you're willing to strap yourself to the space shuttle and be launched into

the stratosphere?

No, I'd rather strap myself to you and be launched into the love zone.

That's it.

I gave you your chance.

Consider yourself out of the running.

I have the final tally of votes.

Regina Foster has a total of four votes.

One of you traitors didn't vote for me.

And in the last moments of the election, Nikki Parker was disqualified for

unethical behavior.

I can explain.

No, I can't.

Which brings us to Kim Parker, who has managed to garner...

52 ,000 votes?

thousand students here.

What's the problem? I still win.

The problem is somebody stuffed the ballot box.

Sorry, Kim. Guess me and the brother sort of got carried away.

Which means Regina Foster wins by default.

Who am I kidding? No, I won't.

What can you do to me now? I'm the president.

Well, you guys are stuck with Regina Foster as president.

I hope you two have learned your lesson.

No, but perhaps a good spanking will set me straight.

sorry too, baby.

I was wrong for trying to speak for you and force my ideas on you.

And oh yeah, for drawing those ugly mustaches on your posters.

Oh, I realized that you were just trying to help me and I let my stupid pride

get in the way.

Oh, and I'm sorry about posting those pictures of you on the internet.

Pictures? What pictures?

Hey, I didn't ask you any questions.

Mama, if we hadn't been disqualified, I would have beat you up.

Well, it would have been close.

But no.

Always here?