Original subtitles

Well, it looks like everyone RSVP'd to see Mom and Dad renew their marriage

vows. After 45 years of being married to Daddy Dearest, she ought to vow not to

do it again.

Nikki. I just don't understand why they have to have the ceremony here in L .A.

Because this is where they met. This is where they eloped. This is where they

raised their family.

And your point is?

Nikki, promise me you will be civil around Daddy. This is not for Daddy.

not for us. It's for Mom.

And I'm all for Mom.

But she don't need daddy.

Why can't she renew her vows with herself?

Love herself.

Are you serious?

Yeah. I saw it on Jenny Jones. Oh. This girl proposed to herself, married

herself. She even kissed herself.

I hope she made herself sign a prenuptial because she sound crazy.

There's nothing crazy about that. I mean, nowadays, women are doing a lot of

things by themselves.

Have children, have mortgages, have sex.

You certainly know about that.

I've told you that in the strictest of confidence.

And I'm telling you in the strictest of confidence.

Look, did you get the bridesmaids' dresses like I asked? No.

Nikki. Girl, Kim wanted to make them. They're in there trying them on now.

Kim, Tiff, come show us those damn dresses.

That's not exactly what I had in mind.

You said you wanted something from the olden days, when Grandpa and Grandma

first got married.

Yeah.

1955, not 1855.

1819? That's only a year different.

Nikki. Thanks, Ma.

Well, this is a pleasant surprise. I thought you two would be at the hotel.

Oh, some idiot messed up and canceled our damn reservations.

For $49 .99 a night, things should be in order when you get there.

George, please.

Why don't you guys stay here?

Yeah, Kim and I can sleep in the living room.

Did you check San Diego?

It's only two hours away.

You're right.

You're already crowded.

Maybe we can find a room down at the Snooty Fox.

Then it's settled. A suite at the Snooty Fox. I'll make the reservation.

Come on, Mama. It'll be fun.

The whole family together.

We'll be just like the Brady Bunch.

Shirley, I told you I didn't want to stay here.

Fine.

Don't stay here.

Go on.

Don't you sass me and don't tell me what to do. If I don't want to stay here, I

want to stay here.

out of Kim's bedroom.

Why did you two start sleeping in separate rooms?

When Mama came to her fences.

Everything's fine.

It's just that when I'm in bed with your father, well, he's not the same man he

used to be.

Oh, Mama, I'm sorry.

But not to worry.

We women have options these days.

Listen to her, Mama. She knows...

I can't handle.

He's an animal.

Daddy? He's taking that Viagra.

It's murder on me. Two, three, four times a night.

And he always wants me to do these weird...

Any sleep at all is to go into another room and lock it.

You weren't the one by chance who canceled the hotel reservation.

Yes.

But it wasn't because of Viagra.

Then why, Mama?

I was hoping maybe you and your father could resolve... Look, Ma, if Daddy

hasn't forgiven me in 19 years for getting pregnant, he's not gonna forgive

now. So let's just drop it. Sweetheart, your father loves you.

He talks about you all the time.

Does he ever talk about me?

Why don't you go back to bed, dear?

Ma, I've tried.

But Daddy is Daddy. He's not going to change.

Please, honey.

Give him one more chance.

For me.

Please.

All right, Ma. I'll try.

I'll invite him to our school tomorrow.

That's my baby.

So he never even mentions me?

Your father's getting old. He can't remember all his children.

But he only has two.

This is our student union. The social center of Santa Monica College.

Like this is a real college.

George, stop it. You should be proud of Nikki.

Hey, Mom, over here.

Hey, baby. Hey, baby.

Oh, gosh, girl.

I'm so proud of you.

Everybody, me, my grandparents, Shirley and George West.

Grandpa, Grandma, me, Tee, and Stevie.

I am really looking forward to playing at your ceremony.

My mom helped us select a few songs. She was a big singer in her heyday.

Of course.

Now she's just a sad, lonely woman trying to be a mother for the first

Stevie? What?

Oh, was I doing it again?

Oh, I'm so sorry. My therapist says it's all part of the healing process. Yeah,

okay, I'm gonna go now.

Why is it only the crazy white people want to be our friends?

You guys, don't go anywhere. There's someone special I want you to meet.

And I have someone special I want you to meet.

Hey!

I would like for you to meet my parents, mom, dad.

Meet Professor Stanley Ogilvie, your future son -in -law.

Your daughter is such a kidder.

Colonel George West, United States Army.

So, uh, you're a community college professor?

What kind of grades did you get?

George, stop it.

Professor Ogilvie, it would mean a lot to us if you'd join us for the renewal

our vows tomorrow.

Isn't that right, George?

Yeah, well, I'm sorry. I have that thing with the people,

you know, at the place.

Oh, what the heck? Where and what time? The Emmanuel Baptist Church.

The Reverend Dr.

B .J. Tatum presiding.

11 a .m.

Great. See you tomorrow.

Mr. and Mrs. West, I just want to say I think it's real cool that two old people

like you want to walk down the aisle again.

No, just one old lady wants to do that.

I guess I'll soon go fishing, sir.

He doesn't mean that.

The hell I don't.

This is all for you, Shirley. I'm not getting anything out of this. What? No

bachelor party?

Bachelor party.

What bachelor party?

Now, you stay out of this, Shirley. This is between me and the Pete.

he, Daddy?

Whatever. The boy knows who he is. Come here, son.

Grandma, Grandpa, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Jarell.

Boyfriend?

Young man, what are your intentions for my grandbaby?

Oh, well, uh, you know, today I intend to take her to the movies, you know what

I'm saying? I intend to get a little bit of popcorn, you know what I mean? And

if she's real good, oh, maybe even some goo for something.

But nothing serious, sir.

That's what they all say.

Next thing you know, you got to drop out of school to raise a baby with no

money, no man, no job. Then you end up going to some rinky -dink community

college 20 years from now.

I don't need an education to see that those pills are making your head as hard

as yours. No, Nikki.

No, Mama.

I don't have to do this anymore.

Look, George, I need to talk to you. What do I do?

I am sick. and tired of your foolishness. Nikki may have made a

need to let it go and forgive her.

I'm not about to apologize for something she did.

I didn't say apologize.

I said forgive.

I'm not about to do that either.

If you don't renew your relationship with Nikki, I'm not renewing our vows.

Fine. I didn't want to do it anyway.

Fine. The wedding is off.

Fine. Come on, Z.

Let's bounce.

hold up in there all morning probably still pouting come on out of there

we don't want to be late look i'm sorry you know i didn't mean it i'll give you

back your happy pill

Where could Daddy be?

Maybe he was kidnapped.

Who would kidnap Grandpa?

I mean, once he opened his mouth, they would give him back.

We had a fight at the student union yesterday.

I thought he'd be over it by now.

Wait a minute, T was with him last night.

Where'd you go?

Out. Out where?

Out and about.

Talk, T.

All right.

I left him about an hour and a half ago at the Fuzzy Kitty.

That strip club up by the airport?

No, that's the hairy cat.

The Fuzzy Kitty's a classy establishment.

It's a gentleman's club.

Nikki, you take Mama to the church and stall. I'll go get Daddy. Don't go get

him. He can rot up in that kitty for all I care.

Come on, Mama.

It's still your day. Now, let's finish getting you ready.

I'll go with you so you don't get too lost.

Yeah, me too.

Um, I'm not letting you go by yourself.

Baby, you don't want to go into a place like that. Oh, well, as long as you do,

I do.

Now get on, genuine.

Hey, Constance, can you spot me a hundred in singles?

Let me guess.

You're a naive little girl from the Midwest who had dreams of making a dig

Hollywood.

No, actually, I'm a pre -med student at UCLA, and you look like you have a pain

right here.

I must warn you, I'm on bag.

What a coincidence.

So was I.

Manly Stanley, you've got one more balloon to go.

Not now, Bubbles.

Well, she's definitely not telling him what she wants for Christmas.

Or maybe she is.

Yo, Kim, why don't you go on? This is a family thing. Me and Drell gonna hang

out back here. Well, you better watch what you hang on to, Drell.

Drell, you got any money?

Yeah, you better believe it.

75 cents.

Drell, what are you doing here?

Honestly, Daddy.

This is embarrassing.

You're acting like a horny teenage boy.

What are you girls doing here? This is no place for my grandbaby.

Grandpa, there's nothing here I haven't seen before on cable or the Internet.

Except that.

And what exactly are you looking for?

Daddy, stop this insanity. Everybody's at the church waiting for you. They'll

waiting a long time if your mama expects me to apologize to Nikki.

Daddy, you know you're not right. It's been 19 years. You can't punish Nikki

forever. Why not?

Well, now that you're done, I'd like to continue my private consultation with

Dr. Passion.

I give up.

Grandpa, weren't you so mad at Mama?

Let me tell you something.

Your Mama could have been anything she wanted to be.

A doctor, lawyer, Oprah.

But she threw it all away.

To become the best mother she could possibly be.

You don't understand, baby.

You love me, don't you, Grandpa?

More than anything.

You know that.

Then why do you continue to hurt the person who brought me here?

Still no sign of Daddy?

I've had it with that man.

When I get back to North Carolina, I'm changing the locks on the front door and

the refrigerator.

Mom, what did y 'all fight about anyway?

Me again.

I can't believe him.

It's been almost 20 years since I got pregnant. I was young. I made a mistake.

He acts like he's never made one. Don't get upset. No, Ma!

Does he hate me that much? And he would ruin your dream of having a wedding?

Why don't we just tell everybody they can go?

No, Ma.

All right, all right. We found them. It wasn't easy, but, you know, I searched

high and low, and I... Oh, shut up, Mr. Bubbles.

He was with Daddy at the nudie bar.

If you wanted a lap dance, all you had to do was ask.

Please, Miss Parker, we're in the house of the Lord.

I have something to tell you. Sugarfoot. Don't you sugarfoot me.

I was just leaving.

You have every right to be mad at me.

You all do.

Especially you.

Daddy, how could you treat me so badly for so long?

Well, it was just that... I mean, you were my princess.

My little girl.

The beat of my heart.

You were my favorite.

Look, Daddy, I know you're trying to make Nikki feel good, but let's not

exaggerate. Everybody knows I'm your favorite.

Who told you that?

Mama.

Did I say that?

It's just that Nikki was the one who laughed at all my stupid jokes.

The one who was just like me.

I want to be able to give you away.

to walk you down that aisle.

And you took that away from me.

You broke my heart.

If I'd been your favorite, you wouldn't have been having this conversation.

I missed a lot of years being your daddy because of my foolish pride.

I'm sorry, Nikki.

I miss you so much, Daddy.

I missed you too, sweetie.

Do you, Grandpa, take Mama to be your lawfully forgiven daughter?

To love and to cherish and not forget to bring her her airplane peanuts?

I do.

Do you, Mama, take Grandpa to be your lawfully forgiven father?

To love and to honor?

And laugh at his corny jokes so the rest of us won't have to.

I do.

And by the power vested in me, by... Well, by me.

I now pronounce you father and daughter.

Grandpa, you may kiss your child.

I love you so much, Daddy.

You know when you can't pay for your meal, you gotta bust. This is

Shut up, man.

I'm trying to get that writer credit, girl.

This is not about... This is... Nick, thank you.