Original subtitles

Let me see what heart I like today.

I like no chance in the fourth.

Hey, what's happening, Woody? Hey, Professor.

Is that an engagement ring? Yeah, what do you think?

Well, I'm flattered.

But the answer's hell no.

Not you, Mr. Ripley.

I'm planning to pop the big question to Veronica.

Well, by the size of that stone, I wouldn't call it a big question.

Question.

Professor, this is so sudden.

I accept.

Not you, Miss Barker.

It's for Veronica.

Oh, so it's a friendship ring.

No, uh -uh. The professor's going to ask Veronica to marry.

Marry? Don't you think that'll put a damper on our relationship?

I certainly hope so.

Yeah. Well, I gave the professor my heart, and all he did was tear it up and

line his litter box with it.

Valentine's Day is for suckers.

My mama's trying to work through something.

Hey, ladies.

by pretending some fat -winged little diaper boy supposedly goes around

arrows to and fro, causing people to fall in love.

Men, who needs them?

Preach on, sister.

You two are one step away from marching in the gay pride parade.

May I have your attention, please?

May I present the brothers of the Kai Kai Kai fraternity, Incorporated!

Are you going to be my Valentine?

Yeah.

I'll pick you up for the party around 7. How about some flowers and some candy?

Skip the flowers, but I would love a few Tootsie Pops.

I have a date for Valentine's.

I thought you weren't into Valentine's Day.

Well, that was the bitter date with Stevie.

I got a man now.

I wish I had gotten a Valentine.

and shot it up his ass.

Mama, I know you feel bad, but you can't keep eating Chunky Monkey ice cream.

You're right, baby.

You want some pizza?

Hi, Kim.

Kim, are you sure your mother's interested in me? Or is this another one

rebound situations?

Woody, do you care?

No.

Come on in.

Woody! What a pleasant surprise!

Woody?

Where you on your way off to? A funeral?

No. I came by to see you, Nikki.

Mama, doesn't Woody look nice?

Right here.

You know what? These lights are killing my eye.

That's better.

Come here, baby.

Woody, get your mix off of me.

What'd you hit me for?

Kim said you wanted me. I don't want anything from you unless you come with

pepperoni and extra cheese topping.

I could.

to get you to snap out of it, but you've been obsessing over a non -existing

entity.

My, what thick words you're using. I know that was good, huh?

Look, baby, I know you're just trying to be helpful, but Mom will be okay.

I'll be just fine.

That's the spirit. In about 20 or 30 years.

crushed today.

What do you mean, Daddy?

Kelly and I broke up. We moved out this morning.

Oh, Daddy, I'm sorry.

Hey, things happen, but Daddy's okay.

I'll be all right.

Just the spirit.

About 20 or 30 years.

don't live here anymore.

Yeah, love is a four -letter word. Hey. In the butt.

See, you two are made for each other. Black and bitter.

I guess it wouldn't hurt. I mean, I don't love you.

I definitely don't love you.

because I didn't want you to feel bad about this section 8 spot we live in

Baby, baby, come on. Let's not rush things, okay? Nobody's rushing.

Hey, Valentine's Day is right around the corner.

Why don't you two make a date?

Kim, I don't know if that's such a good idea.

Why? It's not like offers are pouring in for either one of y 'all.

All right, great. Well, I guess I'll go change into something a little less

frilly.

Kim, now don't go blowing this thing between your daddy and I out of

Oh, it was just a booty call.

to be the special guest of Ideal at their four lovers only concert.

How did you pull that off?

Well, Keebler, it just so happens that my cousin PZ is a member of Ideal and he

and the guys wanted to hang out with me and my friends after the show.

So what are we going to tell our kai kai kai dates?

Stevie, are you coming down with something? You don't look so good.

Girl, what are you talking about? I look great.

You know, you're right, Regina, and I don't feel so well either.

And we'll be right back to continue our night of romance for lovers only.

Okay,

girls, we got a problem. Guys who look that good and sing that good are going

want something just as good.

Yeah, but we're all they got right now.

Hey!

Stanley, this place is wonderful.

I just wanted to show you that I'm not so stuffy. You know, I can be hip.

I'm down.

I know what's up.

So cute.

Veronica, I had something I wanted to tell you. Hold that thought, sweetie. I

have to go powder my nose.

Mickey Parker.

Let me guess.

You knew Stanley and I had dinner plans here, so you decided to come and disrupt

our romantic evening.

No. I came to have dinner with an old friend.

Ah, a meal.

And our table is ready.

Oops, you dropped something.

You fade.

Swab with a B. Oh, Swabble, I don't care if it's with a B, C, or a D, as long as

it's with me.

You must be Kim.

Yeah.

Well, enjoy yourselves, ladies. We'll hook up after the show.

Okay.

still eats like an animal.

Mel, could you pass the bread?

Look at her. Who did her makeup?

Ronald McDonald?

Mel, use your napkin and sit up. We're in a restaurant.

No, I made the damn reservation.

Once an egg, always an egg.

I wouldn't nag you if you just did what I told you.

Look at this place.

I'll tell you.

Ladies are in the house tonight.

Wait a minute.

Is that Kim?

The funny thing about a sweetheart dance is you need a sweetheart to get in.

T, this was a last -minute thing. Regina's cousin is in the group. Yeah.

Oh, so y 'all ready to kick with some R &B pretty boys and us?

Yeah, pretty much.

Get y 'all in.

How did you get in here?

I know you can't afford it. Okay.

Regina's not the only one with a cousin, baby.

There's mine.

Hey, B!

What up, dog?

These gentlemen are annoying us. Could you please escort them to their seat in

the back?

Cool. You hear better from back there anyway.

Come on, y 'all.

Way back there, man?

Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer.

It doesn't hurt to look.

It can.

Our seats?

No. You must be mistaken with a guest of ideal.

Well, we are dates of ideal.

I hate Valentine's Day.

Good groupies.

You're going to need to find somewhere else to sit because we're not getting

Fine.

We'll join you.

It's an engagement ring.

Veronica, I love you.

And I want you to be my wife.

I don't know what to say.

Well, there's only one answer I need to hear.

Stanley, I'm not ready to get married.

Okay.

That's not the answer I'm looking for.

Sweetie, I love my life.

My career.

And I love what we have. What we have?

Honey, I'm lucky if I get to see you twice a month. And even then, you're

on the phone. Stanley, you're exaggerating.

I had answered.

Hello?

Mel, I'm not in the habit of sleeping with my friends.

wasn't such a good idea.

Yeah, I think you're right.

I mean, I was a little tipsy and missing Kelly, and you... Well, I don't know

what your deal was.

I don't either.

It wasn't like I enjoyed it.

All right.

I deserve that one.

No, you didn't.

I guess we should have left the past alone.

Maybe I should go. Maybe you should.

How could you ride home with Kim?

All right.

Now, wait. Nikki, come on, sweetheart.

It's not going to work.

Especially if you don't pay the check.

Tonight?

But can't I... All right, all right, I'll be there.

Look, baby, I know this is bad timing, but I have to catch a plane to New York

tonight. I promise we'll talk about this when I get back.

Just go on.

Get it!

Let's give it up again for Virgin Records recording artist, Ideal.

Thank you.

Thank you.

We'd like to dedicate this next number to a newly engaged couple in the house.

She's gone.

And get that damn light off me.

So much for the happy couple.

Well, I understand we have another couple that's getting back together on

Valentine's Day after many years.

Valentine's Day is for suckers.

Tell you what. Why don't we just sing?

My funny valentine.

Sweet comic valentine.

Would you ladies like to dance?

Oh, sure.

Nacho.

I guess so, we're both pretty pitiful That's the nicest thing you've ever said

to me