Original subtitles

Thank you, Gorlin.

Helping the grocery shop, carrying in the groceries, holding the door. I like

that in a young man.

Oh, thank you, Nikki.

Or an old man.

Or an any man.

You know I can hook you up with my Uncle Otis.

He'll be out in about two years.

Ah, you so crazy. I know you're going to win that college laugh off.

I'm working on it.

Give me that.

Can't be carrying heavy stuff.

Still got to have my baby one day.

Uh, you better have a wedding ring in one of those bags.

I got an onion ring.

Come on, baby, we got a movie to catch.

Hold up my little Pikachu.

Vicky, why don't you come to the movie with me?

Me with y 'all?

Sweetie, it's our date.

I know, it ain't like we going to fool around.

We not?

Ah, I got us a hotel room for that.

You're joking, right?

possible that every time I enter the student union, I run into you.

Well, maybe God is trying to tell you something.

Yeah, stay out of the student union.

Professor, this is Garland. Garland Rockin', comedian extraordinaire.

www .comedy. Check the website, yo.

Oh, my boyfriend is so interactive.

And so am I.

Kim, can I holler at you for a second? Excuse us.

Since when did we become a couple?

About 2 o 'clock this morning.

What you talking about? We was at Fatburger.

I know. We shared the same straw.

Because it was the last one.

Are you trying to get out of this?

Nah, it's just all happening so fast. I mean, a Fatburger, a milkshake. Next

thing you know, I'm engaged.

I accept.

You know what?

Girlfriend is fine.

Okay, baby, we'll talk about the wedding plans later.

So, Professor, you ever been blindsided by a woman?

Phew.

Blindsided, run down, deceive, trick, slick, trip, trap, stalk, bamboozle,

hoodwink, browbeaten, felt up, set up, let down, squeeze, pinch, goose.

Don't get me started. I could tell you...

President Fred Rubble. All right.

All right, time to bring my next contestant, Stevie Van Lowe.

Hey, how's everyone doing tonight?

Good.

Anyone out there have a mother?

Got any pictures? I'd like to see what one looks like.

I mean, not that my mother and I work close, but I had to make an appointment

get breastfed.

Her idea of a mother -daughter vacation was to go to Europe and leave me at

home. And my father? How can I respect him?

He married her. And don't let me get started on my grandparency because

We won't.

I'm not finished.

You are here.

Give it up for Stevie, the crazy white girl.

How was I?

I think chicken said it all.

I got three words for you.

that. We're moving right along.

Let's give it up for the comedic stylings of my man, Garland Rockin.

How's everybody doing out there?

Alright, first of all, I just want to thank Nubian Entertainment Television

giving us this opportunity.

But you know, personally, I've really been getting paid in real dollars. These

black dollars are only good at KFC.

What's Marlon Wayans doing up there?

But I ain't one of the Wayans. I'm funny.

Yup. Well, me and my girl made it official. We a couple now.

She went and told all her girlfriends, so now I'm stuck.

But hey, I ain't complaining.

Shoot, I like my girl. My last girlfriend was a big bone woman.

A portly person.

what it is she was fat okay i once took it to a favorite french restaurant lay

grocery store and see see my only problem with fat people is they always

like i asked my girl how you get so damn big she had the nerve to say

The contest is between you and I.

Okay, the judges have selected a winner.

And, uh, it's not Stevie.

Although, personally, I like that bitter thing.

Representing Santa Monica Junior College at the world -famous Laughin' Port,

where the winner will get their own special on newbie entertainment

is my man and your man, Garland Rockett. Come on, Garland.

to talk to you about Garland and his act.

Ooh, it wasn't off the hook?

No, it wasn't. It was offensive to people. What people?

I didn't have a problem with it.

OK. It was offensive to a certain type of person.

Oh, you mean fat people, Mama?

I prefer the term large and lovely.

I always thought you were cool with your size.

Well, just because I'm cool with it doesn't mean I like to be made fun of.

They're just jokes.

Good morning, Kim.

Hey, Nikki.

You ready to go get something to eat? Yeah, I'm starving.

And I cannot wait until we get to the restaurant. I might be able to find some

new material for my act.

I can observe the buffalo grazing at the all -you -can -eat buffet.

to ease up off those fat jokes.

Oh, come on, Nikki. That's my routine.

And you heard the laughs. The audience loved it.

And besides, you know me. I ain't mean nothing by it. They're just harmless

jokes. Well, maybe they're harmless to skinny folks like you.

Oh, come on, Nikki. Won't you lighten up?

Nothing good with lighting up.

I ain't even mean it like that.

Garland, you need to change your act.

Wait, hold up. We're talking about my career, Nikki.

This could be my big break.

No disrespect, but if you can't take the heat, then you need to get out the...

You know what I mean.

Oh, I'm afraid I do.

So you need to get the... Oh, you know what I mean. Out in my house.

Nah, nah.

Nah, Kim.

It's cool.

See y 'all around.

and change those jokes.

No, Mama. You need to deal with it.

Oh, and I am going to deal with it.

Mm -hmm.

Now,

we're here

today because we're sick and tired of being the butt of jokes. Yeah.

And we can't let it continue.

No.

Oh. Uh, is Miss Parker here?

Come on in.

Oh, Professor Ogilvie, what are you doing here? Well, I saw your flyer about

large and in charge.

You mean down at the Student Union?

Well, actually, it was at the Krispy Kreme Donuts.

Did you bring any with you?

No, I came to offer my support.

So you do have some donuts.

Okay, maybe this was a mistake.

No, no, please come in.

Thank you for coming.

Look, I just wanted to let you all know that you're not alone.

That not everyone thinks that making fun of large people is funny.

Although I have to admit, that 7 -Eleven joke, that was pretty funny.

Out by 12 .15.

I mean, I feel your pain.

Oh, sure you do, skinny boy.

No, no, no, no. Now, I was not always the man you see before you.

I mean, as a child, I remember many trips to the Sears Husky Boy Department.

Husky? You mean you were? Yes, I was fat.

I was ridiculed, teased.

Fat boy, what you got there?

Nothing, man. Just a little something to hold me over till lunch. Give me that

fat Stanley.

You know a good one. You're supposed to be on a diet.

I am on a diet. I'm down to a gallon a day. Now give me fat Stanley.

Fat Stanley.

Fat Stanley.

Fat Stanley.

Fat Stanley. Fat Stanley.

You okay, man?

It's my fault.

Always got to spend.

I was teased unmercifully all through my younger years.

Group hug.

No, no, no.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

No, I decided to take control of my life. Yeah. You know, and change things.

The professor is right.

making fun of fat people in my act.

And you know, I thought long and hard about this situation, and I come to the

agonizing conclusion that

midterm.

They're just jokes.

Well, then find some other jokes.

Just like that.

You think it's that easy? Why don't you get up here and do it?

I wanted to come by and apologize.

Oh, and I get so flushed with so not into you.

You're so right.

Can I come in?

Yeah.

Kim, I just really want to apologize about the other night.

I just got caught up in everything.

Kind of lost my head.

That's cool.

I guess I got a little pushy about the girlfriend thing.

Just a tad.

Friends.

televisions, laugh off. Give it up for Miss Nikki Parker.

You know what, ladies?

This is for all my big girls. One of the reasons why it's so important that we

hang together, because skinny women can't understand directions.

They don't follow them. They don't read very well. When we go to the all -you

-can -eat buffet, what does it say?