Original subtitles

Thanks for housebiting, Stevie.

The most important thing to remember is I don't want any boys in here.

Boys? Me?

No. Boys? You?

Yes!

Kim, hurry up. The men of Kaibo San Lucas are waiting for us. And I don't

to keep my home braids waiting.

They'll all be my home braids after they see me in my bathing suit.

dental floss.

Oh, I definitely will be flossing in this.

I caught you.

Hey, Professor Ogilvie.

You're running to catch me?

So I guess you do know a good thing when you see it.

Well, you know, Miss Parker, there's always been a special place in my heart

you. Kim, give the professor your plane ticket. You've been bumped.

Molly's getting married.

Miss Parker, please.

I was just wondering if you would pick me up a few Cuban cigars.

You know, Professor, a woman would only do something like that for her man.

So, uh, Am I doing it?

Kim, could you pick me up some cigars?

You're so crazy.

Now, where do I get these cigars?

Oh, good. Write this down.

Okay.

There's a place called Casa de Cigaro.

Oh. It's right next to El McDonald's.

Bring me three boxes of Oya de Monterrey, double Coronas.

Okay.

Now, let me see.

Casa de Cigaros, El McDonald's, Oya... Real day Monterey.

Got it. Of course I'm going to need a little motivation.

How does he do that?

Come on, Mama. We won't miss our plane.

You know, I must say I envy you two. You guys have so much fun together.

It's not like your mother and daughter.

Please don't do that.

You're wearing what?

Well, don't let it melt.

That better not be your Amazon girlfriend calling my house.

This is my cell phone.

It's still my house.

Okay, Professor, let's play a game of hide and seek.

Each cigar you find, you can keep.

Parker, you just managed to accomplish what five years of wearing the patch

never could.

race were you on aero cheapo flight 514 from cabo san lucas this morning

maybe and do you have a daughter by the name of kimberly parker

not anymore

fever by a passenger on your flight.

We'll have to quarantine you for 72 hours until we've determined if you've

infected.

72 hours? Yeah, tough luck, kids.

Miss Parker, I'll get those cigars later.

You're not going anywhere.

What are you talking about? I'm placing you on the quarantine watch as well.

You must be joking. I can't stay here. I have a date who's melting.

Step out that door and snipers will shoot you down.

You're right.

We'll take our chances.

Oh, I'm scared, Mr. Albright.

Step back in the house or we will shoot.

Okay.

72 hours isn't so bad.

Depends on the company you keep.

the towels you took from the hotel, the silverware you took from the restaurant,

and the liquor you took from the plant.

Are we forgetting anything?

Nothing but... Oh, hell no.

Come on, Professor.

We have to burn everything. Come on, now you're overreacting.

According to this pamphlet, none of us exhibit any of these symptoms.

Do any of us have a fever, chills, a rash in the groin area?

Don't even think about it. My point is, none of us have anything to worry about.

We have to be sure. Didn't he say the disease could be fake?

Hardly. According to this, it says the mortality rate is one in three.

One in three?

What does that mean?

It means one, two, three. One of us is going to die.

It's your fault. If we hadn't got kicked out of the country, we wouldn't have

been on that flight.

I'm not the one who got us kicked out. You got us kicked out fooling around

that Latin lover of yours.

You just can't stand me having fun.

I can't stand you making a fool of yourself.

Professor, let me tell you what really happened on this so -called vacation.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Shouldn't we be talking about more important things, like making funeral

arrangements for one of us?

After you hear my story.

See, it all started after I picked up your cigars.

Padre was escorting me back to my hotel when we stopped into a small cantina for

some shade and refreshments.

Maybe we should go someplace else.

I've never been in a bar.

They serve alcohol, you know.

We'll only stay a minute.

Can you just sit down and rest my feet?

The usual, please.

Yeah.

Wonderful child.

Pardon me, Padre.

Kim,

baby, may I speak to you?

What do you want now?

I just wanted to say hello and compliment you on your angelic voice.

Now get out of my way. I have a soccer team to reward.

Come on, Enrique.

It's still warm in here.

It's probably all that hot air certain someone's been blowing.

Hello?

Oh, Veronica.

No, baby, I forgot. I was going to call you back.

Where am I?

You're not going to believe this, but I'm quarantined at Miss Parker's.

No, really?

I'm dying.

I'm not joking.

You don't mean that, Snookums.

Snookums. Hello?

Is everything okay, Professor?

Oh, yeah. Just peachy.

My girlfriend just broke up with me. I possibly contracted a fatal disease, and

if I try to leave this floral and plaid hell, snipers will shoot me dead.

Well, look on the bright side.

You get to spend the night with me.

If I have any luck left, they'll shoot me right between the eyes.

You need to hear the truth about what happened in Mexico.

It all started when Mommy wanted me to visit the cigar man.

True. I wasn't in your toes, but I was with the soccer team.

Who said you could speak Spanish and drink milk?

Shut up and get back to the hotel room.

It's my vacation, not yours.

Now say goodnight to your Uncle Pablo and get out of here.

Did you just dance?

the disease growing.

to be a Chippendales dancer.

If you can't love, worship, adore, and trust a good, upstanding man like the

professor, then maybe you're hiding something.

Who are you to lecture me about trust?

accusing her of things that aren't true. She don't need your man. She don't want

your man. She don't like your man. Ain't nothing your man got.

Ooh, slow your roll, baby.

I don't have to listen to this.

No, you don't. So you can leave.

But tell me this, Stanley. If you're under quarantine, how did I get in?

I don't know, baby. I'm disease -ridden.

Enough for me, Kim.

I had to.

You're my mama.

You're my baby.

Mama, I'm not a baby anymore.

You'll always be my baby.

But I guess I have to let that go.

You're a woman now.

I apologize for what happened in Mexico.

And I have to admit, I over -exaggerated my story just a tad.

I have to admit, I exaggerated my story a tad, too.

Yeah, because you know I didn't hurt that little muchacho.

I was here earlier.

Well, just face it.

Oh, well, we only wear that when we want to scare people.

Anyway, I just came by to tell you folks that you're okay. It turns out that the

passenger aboard the plane just had the flu.

Wait a minute. So I'm not dying?

Well, let's face it. We're all dying.

Good night, folks.

Well, thanks for taking care of Stanley again.

I trust there won't be a third time.

If you can't trust Stanley, you know you can't trust me.

Well, thanks for the cigars, Miss Parker, Kim, and I hope our little

remain just that, our little secret.

Oh, that thing about you being a Chippendales dancer? Yes.

And shaking your groove thing?

Well, you said if I ever wasn't down to look you up.

I'm here to party, muchacha.