Original subtitles

cotton candy and a hot dog.

What kind of beer is this?

Baby, this is a health band, not a buffet.

But let's get our freebies and get the hell out of here.

Ooh, I already see something yummy.

Hey, T.

You look good.

I didn't know you were athletic.

Shoot. My friends call me Buff Daddy.

You know, I normally do like 36 miles a week.

You guys should try it. Oh, I did my workout.

I ran to the court this morning.

36 miles in 36 years.

And I won't in the next 36.

But I don't have anything against taking a nice romantic bike ride.

Lady Egyptian no sweat deodorant. Mama, didn't you say the FDA banned that?

That's only if you eat it.

So why do you need the no sweat?

Because I need to smell as good as I look.

I'm trying to find Billy Blank.

Billy Blank?

Is that T -boy going to be there? He better be. I'm not doing this for my

health.

Oh, come on, Nikki. It's a life thing. And you'll enjoy it. The place is

crawling with celebrities.

Like who?

Well, last week I saw Leon Isaac Kennedy and Stoney Jackson.

He played in the park. He played in the dark. He played all around the world,

from Paris to New York.

Spinning the ball, dazzling women.

Big ups to my man, Metal Lock Lemon.

Yes, I have three words for you.

Fabulous.

So, how was that, Professor?

Interesting.

But I asked for something on the Harlem Renaissance, not the Harlem

Globetrotters.

Let me give you an example of what I had in mind.

This is one of my favorite poems by Langston Hughes.

It's entitled, To Artina.

A .K .A. Nikki.

I will take your heart. Hey.

I will take your soul out of your body as though I were God.

I will not be satisfied with the little words you say to me.

I will not be satisfied with the touch of your hand.

nor the sweet of your lips alone.

I will take your heart for mine.

You can take my heart, my soul, my ring finger.

Oh, time's up.

Have a great weekend.

Want to get a photo?

How about wheatgrass?

Rug, it's a health drink.

I know. That was a health joke, silly.

Professor, I just loved your reading.

Those words, they really moved me.

We should have a private poetry session.

You could go to my place.

We could have a little alizé.

And you could recite poetry to me.

As much as I could use a good stiff drink right now.

Sorry, Miss Parker, I already have plans tonight. I have to get to my Taibo

class. Taibo with Billy Blanks?

Yeah.

Do you take the class too?

No.

Good. I must be on my way. Bye, Mrs. Parker.

Well, run on with your little tight -tie -bo booty.

How do I look? I'm not showing too much flesh, am I? No, no, you're fine.

Oh, really?

All right.

I'm going to go find Billy. Oh, okay.

I suggest you warm...

and it'll hurt your back if you don't stretch correctly.

Well, can you show me?

What you want to do is raise your right arm and bend from the waist.

endeavor's agency.

I'm your new agent.

They fired my brother?

No, but you may want to think about it after you hear my offer.

Hey, Dad.

Just a second, Nikki.

What is that you're wearing?

A key. You know, like from the karate kid.

Now, where's this Billy blankety -blank you trying to hood with?

That would be me, grasshopper.

Nice to meet you. Welcome to Tybo.

Remember to pace yourself.

Thanks a lot, Nikki.

Yoo -hoo, Billy!

Have you ever thought about doing a video?

Now there's somebody I want to do a video with.

Sit down just for a moment. No, no.

Dr. Parkin said you have to stay awake for the next six hours.

Oh, and it says here to watch for nausea, vomiting, and if he falls

sure he's easily aroused.

If I knew it was going to be that easy, I'd have knocked you out a long time

ago.

I'll take it from here, T.

Oh, no, no, no. Please don't call. Now, look, I'm the one who gave you the

concussion, so I'm the one that's going to take care of you, at least for the

next few days. Now, go on, get.

came in handy.

Want to get something to eat?

Oh, Tim, I'd love to, but I got to run.

Cool. Mind if I join you? Hey, great. We'll do a quick 10 -mile jog, then grab

bite at the Tofu Hut.

10 miles, Tofu Hut. Did you get a concussion, too?

Please, Miss Parker, can I just lay down just for a moment?

I don't like grits and eggs.

That's quite tasty.

And that's where this came from. And I ain't just talking grits.

You know, Ms. Parker, sometimes less is more.

Too much salt?

No. What I'm saying is, you don't have to come on so strong.

You know, you're an exceptional woman who has accomplished a lot in the face

great odds.

Yes, I will marry you.

You're missing my point.

No, I get it.

Don't push so hard.

Push!

Harder! Are you sure you want it like this, Professor?

I don't want to hurt you. Oh, hurt me, Miss Parker.

Oh, yeah, like that.

Hurt me again.

Hey!

Come on, the match is about to start.

Stone Cold is ready to open up a can of whoop -ass.

It's gonna take more than a can of whoop -ass.

Where's Professor Ogilvy? Oh, he's taking a shower.

Oh, I'll come back later.

No, no.

Kim, did you get everything?

Yes, I got the Italian bread, the garlic butter, the Parmesan cheese, and the

lingerie. What kind of sandwich are you making?

A man with teeth.

So what crazy things are you and T up to today?

I'm not sure.

What's an Athlon?

Athlon?

Never heard of it. Why?

Well, T said something about triathlon, so I said, sure, I'll try it.

Why are you putting up with this extreme math?

Because T's extremely fun.

Hey, Nikki. Hey, babe. All right, kid, I got a route all planned.

We'll do a 40 -mile bike ride, 26 -mile run, and finish with a two -mile swim.

Why don't we start with a five -course meal, take a 15 -minute nap, and enjoy a

two -hour movie?

I love your sense of humor. Come on, let's do this. By the time I'm through

you... You be ready for the Olympics. Yeah.

Or the grave.

Bye, Mommy.

I love you.

And so the dog chased me, and I jumped on top of my father's car, and I started

crying, and everybody just laughed at me.

No one helped?

They didn't have to because the dog didn't have any teeth.

Poor baby, almost got gummed to death.

Thank you for your sympathy.

Surprise!

Who are you?

Who are you?

Veronica.

Stanley, what happened?

Well, I had a little accident in Tybo class, but I feel much better now.

Miss Parker was kind enough to cook and look after me.

Miss Parker, this is...

Veronica Cooper.

He had my girlfriend.

Girlfriend?

I mean, nice to meet you.

Likewise. Well, I hate that it took an accident for it to happen, but I'm glad

Stanley finally hired a housekeeper.

How are you doing, Sadetti?

I am not the maid. Miss Parker is one of my students.

Her? A student?

You must think I was born yesterday.

From those crow's feet around your eyes?

I don't think so.

Who is this woman? Miss Parker, could you please just show her your school ID?

All right, I'll get my purse.

It's by the bed.

By the bed?

Veronica, look, it's not the way it sounds. Oh, yes, it is.

And if you were so concerned for your man, where were you when he needed to be

taken care of?

I'm not feeling so well.

I was in Australia on business, if you must know.

They don't have phones in Australia?

They don't have nurses in Los Angeles?

Yeah, and they also have breath mints. Try one.

I'm definitely going to be sick.

Excuse me.

Is this your idea of a first aid kit?

and forget it.

Stanley Ogilvie already has a good woman, me.

And now that I'm back, your help is no longer needed or wanted.

Goodbye, Miss Parker.

Oh, and here's a little something for your troubles.

I'm sorry, Miss Cooper.

I know what this must have looked like with me being in here with your man and

all. But you might think about this.

If he's your man, like you say, then why hasn't he ever once mentioned your

name?

Of course, he's mentioned mine.

Just ask the neighbors.

Have a good evening.

And it took every ounce of strength I had to keep me from asking her who did

hair.

to tear up the money?

Because I had to let that hustler know I didn't need her money.

Okay, so why are you trying to piece it together?

Because I just got my phone bill.

Now shut up and pass me that Benjamin's nose.

Hi, Mama.

Hey, Deb.

What happened?

Have you been in a fight?

No, but I found out what triathlon really means.

It's just another word for attempted murder.

Well, baby, that's what you get for trying to pretend to be something that

you're not.

You know, you're right, Mama.

I'm tired of eating like a bird, running like a cheetah, and climbing mountains

like a billy goat.

So, you're through with tea?

I'm through sweating with tea.

Why are you here? Why aren't you at the professor's?

She ran into a slight problem.

And what was that?

His girlfriend.

Girlfriend?

Mama, we need to stop acting like busters, doing all this crazy stuff to

men. Shoot, you miss one bust, you get on the next one.

You're right, baby, because... I have too much going on to be chasing after

man. If he doesn't want me, that's his loss.

Quick, that's tea, hide me.

I'll handle it, baby.

Professor.

Can I speak to you for a minute?

Sure, come in.

This won't take long.

Look, I just wanted to come by and apologize for Veronica's behavior.

She was way out of line. I've never been so embarrassed in my life.

Except for when you knock me out.

And the way you're looking at me right now.

Professor, I would never hold you responsible for that woman's actions.

Well, I also wanted to thank you for taking care of me this weekend.

I owe you one.

Tell you what, a kiss and we'll call it even.

I have something even better.

For me?

My way of saying thank you.

The poetry of Langston Hughes.

He's my favorite. Thank you.

I'll always cherish this.

Well... But I still want my kiss.

You cheated.

Good night, Stanley.

Who was that?

Your future stepdad.

I thought you had enough.

Shoot, I could never get enough of that.

Well, I can only handle it a couple of times a week.

I can do it every day. Are you ready?

All right, let's go for it. Let me get my towel.

Good idea, because that spicy pork ball can get kind of messy.

Yeah, because that's how football can definitely get...