Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

This episode of The Muppet Show stars the legendary dancer, choreographer,

actor, director Gene Kelly.

When Gene was first booked on the show, he said to the writers, I just don't

want to do Singing in the Rain. Well, of course, the writers turned this into a

running gag in which the Muppets keep trying to get Gene to do his signature

song. Is Gene excited about doing Singing in the Rain on the show? Well,

doesn't know about it yet.

And finally, in the end...

As usual, the Muppets win out. I'm singing.

There's a great little sketch in this one where Kermit dances full figure, and

you see him head to toe dancing.

The way we did it was the performers doing the arms and legs are standing in

shot in the background, but they're wearing black against a black

it's invisible to the camera.

Here it is, Gene Kelly on The Muppet Show.

Up and down, not sideways.

Who are you?

Well, I'm Gene Kelly.

Did Kermit leave a ticket for me? They didn't have it at the box office.

Gene Kelly?

You don't need a ticket. You're tonight's special guest star.

Oh, gee, there must be some mistake. I wasn't planning to do anything tonight.

thought Kermit invited me over just to watch the show.

No, you're tonight's guest. You're supposed to sing and dance.

Oh, no.

No way. If you invite a guest to dinner, do you expect him to cook?

Is that an offer? We could use a good cook around here.

I don't know who you are, but I love your cooking.

with our very special guest star, Gene.

Hello? He's not home.

Incomparable, Gene Kelly.

Yes, but first, before Gene actually performs for us, we have a... Kermit.

Just a second.

What's up, Gene?

Kermit, you don't understand.

I'm just here to watch the show.

You mean no singing or acting or dancing or starring?

No, I'm just going to be part of the audience.

Well, listen, let me just introduce this number, and then we'll talk about what

you're going to do on the show, huh?

No. I'm just going to sit here and have a great time.

Okay, folks. Well, here all the way from Baffin Bay, the Endangered Species

Chorus Line.

Is that Joe?

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

I love it.

I didn't understand it, but I loved it.

Okay, next on stage, Prince Rudolph and his invisible cheeseburger.

Excuse me.

Have you seen a cheeseburger waiting in the wings?

No. Ah, good.

It's on time for a change.

Hey, Bo.

Yes? You want me to tell you what you'll be doing in the future?

I don't know what I'm doing.

here in my fortune -telling cards that for you, the Seven of Lumps is in the

ascendancy with the beginning of the drowning refrigerator.

What does that mean?

It's the end of the world.

The invisible cheeseburger has lost his voice.

There's nothing left of him but the smell of onions.

It's the end of the world.

Well, it's not that bad.

Everything okay so far, Gene?

Oh, come it. You don't know what a... pleasure it is coming to a show and not

having to perform.

Yeah, and you don't know how hard it is to do a show where the guest star

doesn't perform on stage.

Oh, relax, Kermit.

It isn't the end of the world.

Well, don't be too sure.

But if you don't go on, I'll have to, and I can't dance my way out of warm

jello. No problem.

I used to be a dance teacher.

What? Wait a minute. Are you offering to give me a dance lesson?

Of course. In a few minutes, I can have your toes tapping or... In your case,

your flipper's flapping.

That's terrific.

Hey, tell me, Gene.

Tell me, where would you like to give me this dance lesson?

Oh, I don't care. Anywhere at all.

Well, how about right over here?

Right. Now, Kermit, the first thing you've got to remember is to figure

Kermit,

you tricked me.

Uh, well, just sort of a little trick.

Well, okay, then.

Let's do it.

Come on, hop up on the piano.

Okay. Watch this, folks.

Hey!

Follow me.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four. One, two, three.

One, two, three.

La, la, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. Well, there.

Gee, I guess I got it.

I wish Gene Kelly would teach me to Charleston. I wish Gene Kelly would

you to Charleston.

Oh, hello, boss. Hey, do you know there's some guy who was sitting over

watching the show?

Oh, that's not some guy. That's Gene Kelly, our guest star. He's one of the

great entertainers of our age.

Oh, good.

I gave him my SpongeBob.

Well, why did you do that?

Well, I'm giving away all my stuff.

Because the world is coming to an end.

Oh, that's silly.

Oh, no, it isn't. I'm worried sick.

Oh, good.

Come with us. We need a sick person for Vets Hospital.

Okay.

Oh, Bo, thanks again for the sponge mop.

And now, Veterinarians Hospital.

The continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs.

So who's this patient, Nurse Janice?

It's Bo, Dr. Bob.

Bo, the one that lost the sheep?

No, no, no, not Bo Peep. Bo the stagehand.

Oh, the one who lost his marbles.

Hey, that's not nicey -nicey.

No, it's not very funny -funny either.

No, it isn't. Were you calling the patient, stupid Dr.

Bob?

Stupid Dr.

Bob. I like the first way better.

Me too. I just came here to tell you that the world is going to come to an

Oh, no.

Oh, and I had so many things I wanted to do with my life.

Like what?

Well, like frizz my hair and buy some new shoes.

Wait a minute. Bo, how do you know the world is going to end?

Oh, I saw it in the cards.

The cards. Then we got nothing to worry about.

He's not playing with a full deck.

There you go again, treating me like I was subferior.

Don't listen to him, Bo. Well, I can't help it. He's so close, I hear every

word.

I think another car just fell out of the deck.

Okay, but the world is going to end, and there'll be a sign.

Something will happen here that's never happened before.

You mean like if Dr.

Bob actually cured a patient?

Or Nurse Janice kept her mouth shut.

Or if we got one honest laugh.

Well, if the world was waiting for that, it's going to be around a long time.

Might as well kill the announcer.

And so we come to the end of another veterinarian's hospital.

Gee, I was sure something was going to happen.

Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr. Bob!

Oh, good thing I landed on something soft.

for love.

Having a worry, I haven't a care.

Feel like a feather, they're floating on air.

Fiddle, fiddle, and ready for love.

Soon the church bells will be ringing, and the march is mine to paw.

Now the church bells will be ringing, with a hey, nonny, nonny, and a ha, cha,

cha. My dinner little, my baby's okay.

Ask me a riddle, what did she say?

Look at that.

All that and she can dance too.

The church bells will be ringing, and the march will be on the path.

The church bells will be ringing, with a nonny nonny and a hot cha cha.

I hear a little, my baby's okay.

Asked me a little, what did she say?

But as a fiddle and ready for love.

Oh, hi, Miss Piggy. I was just standing here getting some fresh air.

Oh, I thought you were grabbing a taxi.

Oh, no, I don't want to leave. I'm having too much fun.

Oh, good.

And you're doing a wonderful job.

Oh, I'm not doing anything.

You're doing it so well.

Thank you.

Eugene, you have sung to many beautiful women.

Yes, yes, I've been lucky.

Your luck's still with you.

It is.

I'd be happy to.

I'm glad I met you, you wonderful you.

I don't think it'll be the same.

was about to speak.

Oh, I wonder how that announcer is. He fell down in Fitzhospital, you know.

Actually, I sprained my ankle.

Well, take my advice and get your mommy to kiss it.

Can we get on with this sketch?

Yeah, yeah, good idea.

Captain Hogthrob, the navigational computer just gave us a very startling

Oh, what's that?

I just love presents.

In exactly one minute from now.

It's okay, it's okay. It's just the dinner gone.

Oh, God.

That means I'm going to miss the meaning and purpose of life.

The meaning and purpose of life has just been announced.

Any more coffee?

Too bad we all missed the meaning and purpose of life.

Not all of us missed it.

use a jug band number tonight.

Aw, man, it's unfair.

Oh, come on, Zeke. It ain't the end of the world.

Yes, it is.

The universe ended in pigs in space and the world must be next.

It's just a sketch, though.

Hey, Kermit, the set's on stage and ready to go. Let me see. Yeah, it looks

like the set from the movie, doesn't it? Wow, an exact duplicate.

Is Gene excited about doing Singing in the Rain on the show?

Well, he doesn't know about it yet.

Oh, it's our surprise closing number, Gene.

Well, I hope it's not for me. I don't want to do anything more. I just came

to enjoy myself, sit down, and relax.

Not even something like all singing in the rain, possibly?

Especially not that number. You know, I've done that number so much people are

tired of it. But, Gene, that's exactly what we thought.

Gene's not going to want to do singing in the rain, we said. Didn't we,

Yeah, that's what we said, I guess.

Maybe I wasn't listening to us.

Listen, Scooter, since the Jug Band set is on stage right now, we have a Jug

Band on the show, Gene. A Jug Band. Yeah. Why don't you go tell a Jug Band

their number is next?

Oh, right. Yeah, right.

I'll tell the Jug Band. Oh, they'll sure be pleased with their set.

Gene, I just have one quick introduction to make.

Good. I'll just go over here and sit down and relax, okay?

Well,

welcome, if you will, that Texas Jug Band extraordinaire.

Lubbock Lou and his jug huggers.

hoping that I do Singing in the Rain, all right?

Oh, no, no, absolutely not. The thought never crossed my mind.

Or to put it another way, yes.

I guess.

Well, I understand.

I mean, it's a great song, but after I did it in the movie, Kermit, I used to

it all the time.

I'd do it at the drop of a hat.

And no more.

You see,

that I'd never be able to do it better than we did it in the movie.

So that's why I never sing it anymore.

Yeah, but Gene, doesn't this vamp I'm playing make you kind of feel like

singing?

Yeah, that vamp does.

I know that one sure.

You...

It sure does.

And you know something?

It even goes with this one, too.

I'm singing in the rain.

Just singing in the rain.

What a glorious feeling.

again I'll walk down the lane with a

happy refrain just singing and dancing

in

Okay, and so we come to the end of another one. But before we go, let us

back the man who's made this evening so very special for all of us. Ladies and

gentlemen, Mr. Gene Cowan.

Herbert, I've had a wonderful time.

How can you say that? The world is coming to an end.

You know, Beauregard, I have been reading the instruction manual for those

fortune -telling cards.

Scooter made a mistake.

Oh? Yes, it says here, when the seven of lumps is in the ascendancy with the

beginning of the drowning refrigerator. It doesn't mean the world is ending. It

means your laundry will come back gray and dingy.

You're trying to make me feel better, but I know the end is near.

No, the end is now.

We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show.

Are you ready for the end of the world?

Sure, it couldn't be worse than this, y 'all.