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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,020 --> 00:00:08,140 Hi, I'm Brian Henson. 2 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:12,820 This next episode stars James Coburn. For a change, we have a real Hollywood 3 00:00:12,820 --> 00:00:13,920 tough guy with us. 4 00:00:15,820 --> 00:00:19,540 What do you call this? 5 00:00:19,780 --> 00:00:20,780 The Easter Bunny? 6 00:00:21,380 --> 00:00:24,920 When Coburn came on the show, my father asked him what his favorite character 7 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:27,540 was, and he immediately replied, animal. 8 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:32,119 So you'll see the running gag through the episode is the relationship between 9 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:36,220 James Coburn and animal. There's right ways and wrong ways to handle 10 00:00:37,260 --> 00:00:40,600 You don't want to bust a chair up like that. 11 00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:43,540 You want to bust it up like that. 12 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:50,600 But my favorite moment is the scene where James Coburn tries to relax Animal 13 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,000 enough to meditate. 14 00:00:53,340 --> 00:00:54,340 Relax. 15 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:56,600 Are you relaxed? 16 00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:57,980 Relax. 17 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,100 Here it is, The Muppet Show, starring James Coburn. 18 00:01:09,410 --> 00:01:10,790 Coburn. James Coburn. 19 00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:12,030 Oh, yeah. 20 00:01:12,210 --> 00:01:14,950 Hey, I seen you in all them tough guy movies. 21 00:01:15,290 --> 00:01:18,170 Hey, you got a contract out on the frog? 22 00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:19,890 No, no. 23 00:01:20,090 --> 00:01:21,090 I'm just here as a guest. 24 00:01:21,450 --> 00:01:25,030 Sure you are. And that bulge in your pocket's just a pipe. 25 00:01:28,250 --> 00:01:29,250 What's up? 26 00:01:30,210 --> 00:01:32,590 You've seen too many movies, Pop. 27 00:01:33,490 --> 00:01:35,170 Now, can you show me to my dressing room? 28 00:01:35,410 --> 00:01:36,470 Yeah. Scooter. 29 00:01:37,190 --> 00:01:38,189 Yeah, Pop? 30 00:01:38,190 --> 00:01:39,190 Yeah. 31 00:01:41,670 --> 00:01:42,670 And make it snappy. 32 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:49,170 It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational, 33 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:56,450 celebrational, motivational, this is what we call the Muppet Show. 34 00:02:59,750 --> 00:03:03,530 Well, she heard it. 35 00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:11,210 Thank you and welcome again to the Muppet Show. And I have some wonderful 36 00:03:11,210 --> 00:03:13,150 for you because tonight's guests are... 37 00:04:00,750 --> 00:04:01,750 Easy, easy. 38 00:04:03,750 --> 00:04:05,150 Square drums. 39 00:04:05,630 --> 00:04:06,690 Yucky drums. 40 00:05:15,630 --> 00:05:16,750 Well, it's hard to be sure. 41 00:05:16,970 --> 00:05:18,830 They may wind up in Booyah Base. 42 00:05:20,550 --> 00:05:21,550 Booyah Base? 43 00:05:21,710 --> 00:05:23,970 Well, those French towns are nice. 44 00:05:25,970 --> 00:05:28,710 Animals on the loose! Animals on the loose! Get them, Rizzo! 45 00:05:29,070 --> 00:05:30,550 It's James Coburn. 46 00:05:33,290 --> 00:05:34,910 What is it, Kermit? You having problems? 47 00:05:36,030 --> 00:05:40,850 Problems? No, no, no, no, no. Actually, everything's right under control, sir. 48 00:05:40,930 --> 00:05:44,300 Yes. As a matter of fact, it's going to be a very different experience having 49 00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:45,840 you with us tonight. Really? How so? 50 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,860 Oh, well, for a change, we have a real Hollywood tough guy with us. Hey! 51 00:06:25,530 --> 00:06:28,510 You don't want to bust a chair up like that. 52 00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:46,930 come true. 53 00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:54,220 James Cooper and an animal have made friends. 54 00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:57,100 Yeah, they're up in his dressing room swapping stories. 55 00:08:59,820 --> 00:09:01,760 How about this? 56 00:09:05,540 --> 00:09:06,540 Well, 57 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:08,760 they're swapping something. 58 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,660 We're ready for Bear on Patrol. 59 00:09:13,260 --> 00:09:17,060 Yes, sir. Bear on Patrol is not until the second half of the show, guys. Okay, 60 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,140 we'll wait in the squad car. 61 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:19,820 We'll take this thing with you, would you? 62 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,600 In that case, we're waiting to squid car. 63 00:11:27,850 --> 00:11:28,850 James who? 64 00:11:30,510 --> 00:11:31,510 James Cooper. 65 00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:33,550 That's not funny. 66 00:11:34,310 --> 00:11:35,690 Yeah, neither is this. 67 00:11:39,050 --> 00:11:42,170 Hey, don't do that. It might be bad for... 68 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:07,840 You call me a two -bit hood? 69 00:12:08,340 --> 00:12:10,980 Yeah. But I've been living next door to you for the past ten years. 70 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,020 Okay, okay, fine. Then you're a neighborhood. 71 00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:17,160 Guns. Guns. 72 00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:20,060 That's a lousy joke. 73 00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:24,540 Oh, 74 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:31,040 that root beer is terrible. 75 00:12:32,260 --> 00:12:34,340 It's the first thing we're going to change around here. 76 00:12:37,420 --> 00:12:38,420 You mean my mob? 77 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,000 I don't see any mob. 78 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:46,440 Well, gee, 79 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,300 they were. 80 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:25,319 Right, Gonzo. 81 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,720 Oh, I give up. I give up. You can have the place. 82 00:13:28,940 --> 00:13:30,800 I was going to open the chicken ranch anyway. 83 00:13:31,180 --> 00:13:33,280 You don't want the place, Gonzo. What? 84 00:13:34,260 --> 00:13:35,620 I just came to play with the band. 85 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:12,120 If you can't... 86 00:14:44,010 --> 00:14:47,830 there betsy bird hey i really love that little dance you did earlier in the show 87 00:14:47,830 --> 00:14:54,590 oh my uh well thank you yeah do you have any other 88 00:14:54,590 --> 00:15:01,270 dances you could do for us oh no i mean well i'm i'm just working them out well 89 00:15:01,270 --> 00:15:06,370 they're not very good but if you want me to uh wing it 90 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:48,820 And now, living the world of evil, here comes Bear on patrol. 91 00:16:52,820 --> 00:16:55,900 Get in there, you. Get in there. Just keep going. 92 00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,300 Get in there. Stand still. 93 00:16:57,540 --> 00:17:00,100 Patrol Bear, can't you be more polite to the public? 94 00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:02,820 But sir, this is a crook. Well, that's different. 95 00:17:03,420 --> 00:17:04,980 What's the little twerp's name? 96 00:17:05,740 --> 00:17:07,660 Banana Nose Maldonado. 97 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,099 Banana Nose Maldonado. 98 00:17:10,770 --> 00:17:14,690 How'd you ever get a dumb name like that? My parents were Mr. and Mrs. 99 00:17:15,290 --> 00:17:16,290 Maldonado. 100 00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:20,930 Well, full case, Marty Poole. Lock him up, patrol bear. 101 00:17:21,230 --> 00:17:25,450 Yes, sir, sir, sir. Get in there, you. Get in there. Don't put me away. What if 102 00:17:25,450 --> 00:17:26,450 I spill the beans? 103 00:17:26,569 --> 00:17:29,010 That's simple. Lock him up and don't give him any beans. 104 00:17:29,790 --> 00:17:33,270 Yes, sir. Get in there. No beans for you tonight. Wait a minute. What if I 105 00:17:33,270 --> 00:17:35,210 actually tell you that I'm really a police officer? 106 00:17:35,810 --> 00:17:36,810 Oh, yeah? 107 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,820 Well, then why aren't you wearing one of these official police officer type 108 00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:41,700 uniforms? Well, 109 00:17:42,660 --> 00:17:44,960 this is an official police disguise. 110 00:17:46,420 --> 00:17:47,420 Wow, 111 00:17:48,620 --> 00:17:49,860 this looks cute. 112 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,220 Is this part of it right here? 113 00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:54,460 That's real. 114 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,480 Actually, I'm Chief Inspector Maldonado. 115 00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:00,500 Really? 116 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:08,060 patrol bears that's the chief inspector free yes sir sir sir let me show you the 117 00:18:08,060 --> 00:18:14,020 way out you look very attractive in that i'll give you a taxi love to the wife 118 00:18:14,020 --> 00:18:19,440 and kids oh oh sir we almost sir 119 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:23,640 come here uh do you recognize this fellow 120 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:33,340 Oh, the truth, of course. 121 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:37,060 I caught this guy, but I'm still looking for this one and this one. 122 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:47,660 Animal, if you can control yourself, you will enter a state of relaxation. 123 00:18:50,060 --> 00:18:52,940 You're getting deeper and deeper relaxed. 124 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,280 Relaxed. 125 00:18:57,540 --> 00:18:58,720 Are you relaxed? 126 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:00,520 Relaxed. 127 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,600 Control yourself. 128 00:19:04,540 --> 00:19:11,420 The white eternal light is penetrating your temples, going down through 129 00:19:11,420 --> 00:19:15,380 your body, and coming out your toes. 130 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,900 Are you relaxed? 131 00:19:20,980 --> 00:19:23,400 Uh, uh, James? 132 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:26,720 Oh. 133 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,720 Oh, Kermit. 134 00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:33,220 Uh, excuse me. You know, I think it's just great what you're doing with Animal 135 00:19:33,220 --> 00:19:38,120 here. Oh, it's nothing. Just a little oriental philosophy and some meditation. 136 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:40,520 Meditation. 137 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:46,500 Yeah, well, just don't forget that the closing number is a rootin' tootin' gun 138 00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:50,220 tootin' cowboy desperado. Shoot him up. Yeah, Kermit, listen. 139 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,620 Animal and I have been talking this over, and there's an awful lot of 140 00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:57,140 in entertainment these days. We'd like to do something a little bit more 141 00:19:57,140 --> 00:19:58,140 enlightened. 142 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:02,340 Something more serene, like maybe a salute to Japan. 143 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:03,920 Oh. 144 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:09,300 Yeah, well, we already have the cowboys and we rented the horses, though. 145 00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:10,540 Yeah. 146 00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:14,360 We want to do something serene. 147 00:20:16,660 --> 00:20:17,660 Serene! 148 00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:22,600 Yes, well, that's a good idea. Yes, indeed. 149 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:37,800 Octopod. 150 00:20:39,380 --> 00:20:44,400 We were so funny. 151 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,460 Yeah, we were supposed to be. 152 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:52,180 Oh, boy, what are we going to do? James doesn't want to do the gunfighter 153 00:20:52,180 --> 00:20:53,180 sketch. Why not? 154 00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:55,420 He doesn't like the gunfighter sketch. 155 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,460 You want to know what the gunfighter thinks of James Colburn? 156 00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:00,820 No, no, probably not. 157 00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:04,460 Scooter? Yeah? 158 00:21:04,740 --> 00:21:08,120 What are we going to do? James Colburn... to do a quiet contemplative 159 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:12,060 closing number. Oh, I got no time, boss. You know whose bus just broke down in 160 00:21:12,060 --> 00:21:15,520 front of the theater? The Tokyo Tai Chi Karate and Chowder Society. 161 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:17,840 Oh, look. 162 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:21,480 Oh, well, fate sometimes just seems to step right in. I'll go make the intro. 163 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,240 Yeah. 164 00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:30,880 Okay, and now, ladies and gentlemen, we're never too sure if any act on this 165 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,920 show will work or not, but this next act is guaranteed to work. 166 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:35,240 Or not. 167 00:21:38,090 --> 00:21:43,450 special guest, Mr. James Colburn, exploring the perfect serenity of 168 00:21:43,450 --> 00:21:46,170 music with our own Zen percussionist animal. 169 00:21:46,790 --> 00:21:48,610 I give it about a minute and a half. 170 00:22:27,210 --> 00:22:28,210 Sorry. 171 00:24:32,490 --> 00:24:35,370 pan kitten in the stew. Girls in the middle for a little kung fu. 172 00:24:37,470 --> 00:24:44,370 Keep on dancing around 173 00:24:44,370 --> 00:24:46,790 the floor. It'll soon be over because there ain't no more. 174 00:24:46,990 --> 00:24:48,930 Tough old cowboy Japanese dolls. 175 00:24:49,170 --> 00:24:50,810 Bow to your partner. Walk through the wall. 176 00:25:28,300 --> 00:25:29,600 Now we can say I've done the Muppet Show. 177 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:32,660 Yeah, well, the way things turned out, you could say you did the gong show. 12848