Original subtitles

Oh, who are you?

Uh, Joan Baez.

Oh, yeah.

The famous folk singer.

Well, that's a change.

Oh? Yeah, we've had singing rats, flowers, penguins, horses, pigs. About

they had some folks.

Well, at least you're unbiased around here.

Yeah.

The show can't get much worse than this.

recording star and folk singer, Miss Joan Baez.

Yes, but first, here is a talented group of folk singers.

Well, actually, they aren't that talented, and come to think of it, they

even folks.

But anyway, here they are, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah!

Let us put Ben and Oprah together to see which one is smarter.

Some say...

to be clear.

sleeping on the floor.

Listen, boys, I've got to introduce John Baez.

Would you just take care of these rats?

Well, okay, rats, I'm supposed to take care of you.

Now, what would you like?

policy. You believe that? No, I was lying.

Okay,

pull. Fire. Come on. Yeah, forget it, guys. We'll never get this refrigerator

open. Hey, can it, guys. Here comes Einstein.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. I hope you rats are making yourselves at home.

this refrigerator officially open.

Okay. I declare this refrigerator is open.

Boy, this present job is fun.

Hey, Joan, besides the songs we have planned for you, is there anything else

you'd like to do on the show tonight?

I do imitations.

Really? Who do you do?

Oh, I do pretty good Marlon Brando's The Godfather. You're kidding.

No, I'm not kidding. That's it.

Please. Take some moments of preparation.

Okay.

on his piggy like that. Would you consider a lifetime contract?

If it's a contract you're looking for, Kermit, you've come to the right place.

And now, Pigs in Space!

When we last saw the spaceship's swine track, Dr.

Strangepork was just outside the door waiting for his... You.

You.

you'd have to pass an intelligence test.

Did he pass it?

Yes.

Oh, I see what you mean.

Well, listen, rat.

You could never be in the crew of Pigs in Space.

Why not?

Well, you're too short.

Why didn't you just say he wasn't a pig?

Well, I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

Hey, wait a minute, you guys.

I can do anything that a pig can do.

Oh, yeah?

Sure, I can say oink, oink.

I can wallow in the mud.

I can eat garbage.

For this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly.

Blackbird fly.

Into the light of the dark black night.

dark black night Blackbird singing in the dead of

night Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life You were only

waiting for this moment to arise You were only waiting for this moment

to arise

this moment to arrive.

I took a train to Richmond that felt it was the time.

question for you i think you don't like singing singing schminging this is

important you want to be an honorary rat do i have a choice it'll come in

handy to be a rat when we take over hope you guys aren't planning anything

violent

I think you guys could probably learn a lot from the teachings of Mahatma

Gandhi.

Mahatma what?

Gandhi. He wrote a whole book on nonviolence. I had it around here.

Oh, yeah.

Can I have that? No!

Get out! Get out!

Mahatma Gandhi!

Well, that's what happens when you take Gandhi from a baby.

Okay, and now it's comedy time with our own Fozzie Bear.

Tonight, the...

it might help his monologue if he did it on his own home turf.

So here he is out in the backwoods. Ladies and gentlemen, Fozzie!

Hiya, hiya, hiya. This is Fozzie Bear out in the open air with funny jokes to

spare. So laugh, don't stare.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

But seriously, I love working in the woods. Yeah, that's because I know all

trees. See, there's the cedars and those are the pines.

And, oh, these are the funny trees.

The funny trees, you ask? Yes.

These are the oak.

Oh, here's my friend the weasel. Yeah. You know, he's the

one who tells me when it's time to quit work.

You know why?

He's the five o 'clock weasel.

You see his whistle?

These are the oaks.

I was born a stone's throw away from here. In fact, my mother still lives

Thanks a lot, Mom.

I get the hint, but I'll quit when it's time.

What do you want, Weasel?

What's up, Weasel? It wasn't even five o 'clock.

Oh, Beauregard.

Yes? Did you take care of those rats? Yep. I just brought their chicken dinner

then.

Beauregard, I want them out of this theater.

Well, I can't do that. They're my people.

I don't care whose people they are. They made me president.

Beauregard, they make me angry.

Let my people stand.

Beauregard, they are rats.

They are rats, Beauregard.

Now listen, you're going to have to choose.

too tough on him? I don't know.

bread happiness.

Do you get to eat?

I guess so. You got it. Come on, guys.

Where are they going, Bo?

I don't know. I quit my job as president.

Final number.

All right. Final number. Everybody on stage for the final number, please.

Mr. Kermit. Oh, please, Mr. Kermit. We're sorry we haven't done our share of

entertaining and spreading happiness.

We've got pigs.

We've got chickens.

Why not rap?

But, you know, if I were you, I'd keep a very close watch on those rats.

Oh, well, actually, those rats, they're nice guys.

Maybe, but not so long ago. They were really planning on taking over.

The rats could never take over.

Thank you.