Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

The Muppet Show was originally shot in Elstree, just north of London.

And it was a wonderful process to watch.

You walk out of these dingy London streets and then you go inside the

There's brightly colored, crazy, frenetic energy.

The way the show was shot, though, is it took three frantic days to shoot each

episode. One thing that was amazing is the audience, for some reason, always

thought that the show was shot live, which always astounded me, because if

watch The Muppet Show, every shot is a special effect.

There's a little trick going on everywhere, and it took a lot of time

of effort to sort of pull that together.

Of course, the real audience for The Muppet Show, as you see in the show, is

bunch of...

muppet monsters and various creatures because we always knew they would flap

the right times the monsters in the audience particularly enjoyed this show

i hope you do too enjoy it's

the muppet show with our special guest stars the mum and john

It's time to put on makeup.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to get things started.

No, please don't make me watch it.

It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational, marketational. This is what we call.

Welcome again to The Muppet Show, and a rather unusual one we have planned,

because our special guest stars are the unique masked theater group from

Switzerland known as the Momenchants.

But right now, let's get things started with Floyd, Scooter and the Gang, and

Mr. Bassman!

Hey, Mr.

Bassman, you've got that certain something.

Hey, Mr.

Bassman, you set that music pumping. To you, it's easy.

When you go one, two, three, ba -ba -ba -ba -ba. You mean ba -ba -ba -ba -ba -ba

-ba -ba -ba -ba. Yeah. Hey, Mr.

Bassman, you're on all the songs with a ba -ba -ba -ba -boom -boom and a ba -ba

-ba -ba -boom -boom -ba -ba. Hey, Mr.

Bassman, you're the hidden king of rock and roll.

Oh,

well, it don't mean a thing when the leader's singing.

Or when he goes, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. Hey, Mr.

Baseman, I'm asking just one thing. Will you please teach me?

Yeah, the way you sing, Mr.

Baseman. I want to be a baseman, too.

Like this.

Now you.

With me.

Well, it don't mean a thing when the leader's singing.

For when he goes, I hear it.

Mr. Bassman, I think I'm really with it. Hey, Mr. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

boom, boom,

boom,

boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

boom, boom, boom,

boom.

Pinion! Pinion!

Arthur! Arthur!

A work of art! Brilliant!

What was that about?

That was about a minute and a half.

Hello? Is this dial a joke?

Fish got to swim.

Bird got to fly.

I've got to love one frog till I die.

What is this?

My dearest piggy.

You must know how much I love you.

I cannot pretend any longer. I will wait for you in the dressing

room, mon cher.

Oh, it has happened.

Oh, my Kermit has admitted his love for me at last.

And now he waits with...

Our special guest, the Momenchants, is a group of performers who, while they're

kind of distant cousins to the Muppets, they use a unique mixture of pantomime

and masks that's about as difficult to describe as to pronounce.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Momenchants.

Fantastic. Incredible.

They remind me of puppets.

Puppets. I've always hated puppets.

You're a traitor to your class.

What class? I never even graduated.

She kissed me. She put her arms around me and she kissed me. It was a case

of mistaken identity.

Hug me, Miss Piggy. Hold me. I will not.

Hug you, you twit turkey?

Hold my hand, pig of my dreams.

Will you beat it, twerp?

Just touch me, you hog of my heart.

Here's a touch for you, wimp buzzard. Unready.

She touched me. She

swung her porky pinkies and she touched me.

The moment shots do some very strange looking things. Things that look like

this.

Then there's something that goes like this.

And how about this one?

How long we been going together anyway?

Oh, about ten years.

Well, it's time we got married.

Oh, gee, it's so sudden.

There is such riffraff here.

Wouldn't you rather be associated with a better class of people?

Yeah, but you were the only one not dancing.

Animal,

my watch won't run.

Here, I run it for you.

You are one

cute tomato, my little dumpling, my little cupcake, my little lamb chop.

Oh, that makes me feel so, so... Amorous? Let's kiss.

No, hungry. Let's eat.

You know these jokes they give us each week?

You know, they make me so mad I can blow my top.

Me too.

Ladies first.

Ah, I feel better now.

Oh, my heart is beating wildly.

And it's...

because you're here when I'm not near the fish

I love I love the fish I'm near every fin

that flutters by me is a flame that must be

fanned

When I can't fondle the fin that I'm fond of, I fondle the fin

at hand.

I love every flipper of each little kipper, for each one is

hipper, my dear.

When I'm not near the fish I love, I love the

fish I'm near.

For herring, I'm caring.

For tuna, I swoon. I'm faithful to whoever's here.

When I'm not near.

The fish I love, I love the fish I'm near.

spend a few moments talking to the guest stars, but in this case, the moment

shots don't talk, do you?

Yeah? Oh, well, in that case, say something.

I mean, say anything.

It doesn't have to be important.

You can say something silly.

Ask for silly, you get silly.

Does anybody have anything important to say?

Yeah?

that thought, we bid goodbye to the talk spot for another week.

Bravo! Bravo!

What are you bravoing about?

That performance.

It was first rate. Yes, it was good, but only one act I've ever seen deserved a

bravo. Oh, really? Who was that?

Lady Beth McIntosh and her singing parakeets.

I'll never forget her closing night at the palace.

What happened?

Well, she fell into a box of bird seed just before going on stage.

and she was pecked to death by the parakeets.

That's a hard act to follow.

Yeah, well, I was there, and I cried.

Really? What did you cry?

Bravo! Bravo!

Oh, here she comes. Get down. Get down.

Oh, hiya, Piggy, my dear.

Did you call me my dear, Kermie?

Indeed I did. I was just wondering if you'd like to go to dinner after the

Quiet candlelit meal with soft music, perhaps some wine.

And then go dancing and walk by the river in the moonlight.

Oh, I would love those things, my dear.

Good. So would Gonzo here. And I hope the two of you have a great evening.

Kissy kissy.

I'm going to cut you in half for this, frog.

It is my distinct pleasure.

this time to present wayne and wanda of whom noted composer and conductor

leonard bernstein wrote these two are a manifestation of the musical

mediocrity that passes for talent in our troubled times

Say it's only a paper moon hanging over a...

Hello,

I am Ventiface. Simply insert coin in slot, step

up to machine, and I will...

Phase one.

Is

this

good?

Gonzo, wasn't it?

Well, well, Piggy, I suppose it was. Yeah, I'm sorry.

Oh, really?

Oh, how sweet of you to apologize so abjectly to your lover, Pig.

Well, it wasn't exactly an abject apology. Get away!

Well, Piggy, while I appreciate this offer of affection, I hope you

when I tell you, as usual, that I do not want you.

Oh, then can I have her?

That is known as getting two turkeys with one chuck.

Here's a Muppet newsflash.

Date line Moscow.

Sergei... whom the Russians claim is the world's oldest living human, celebrated

his 196th birthday yesterday by taking a deep breath.

Sergei has 96 children, 150 grandchildren, and 228 great

whom visit him.

Said his youngest son, Leonid, he smells funny.

Ladies and gentlemen, the moment chance.

Well, that's about all the time we have. Oh, Kermit, my love, I am so sorry

about my little temper tantrum. Old Buzzard Beak was driving me crazy.

What?

You drive me crazy, Miss Piggy.

You know something, nasty nose?

I'm going to send you on a one -way trip to the geek farm, Cindy.

course of true love never runs smooth.

But right now, let's have a warm thank you to our special guest stars, Andres

Bossard, Floriana Frosetta, and Danny Kirk, better known as the Muppet Show.

Thank you.

It's been great.

Say, you guys really do work as a team.

We'll see you all next time on the Muppet Show.

Yes, it was.

I wonder if they meant it that way.