Original subtitles

It's the Muppet Show with our special guest star, Miss Florence Henderson.

It's time to play the music.

It's time to light the light.

It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.

It's time to put on makeup.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Girls tonight.

Prices are so high. Yesterday I bought a pound of hamburger and had to have a co

-signer.

To introduce our guest star, that's what I'm here to do. So it really makes me

happy to introduce to you, Miss Florence Henderson.

But now let's get things started. Welcome

to

the show and what a fantastic program we have for you tonight. Our guest star is

the beautiful and talented Florence Henderson.

Boy, she is really great.

But to open the show, one of the most exciting acrobatic acts in the entire

business, the Bouncing Borsellino Brothers.

They've been bouncing since they were baby boys. In fact, the doctor wasn't

sure they were boys until they stopped bouncing.

So here they are all the way from Boston, the Bouncing Borsellino

El Pyramido. The Pyramid. One.

Two.

Six. That's me.

Why

did

you do that, Tiny? I didn't do nothing. I told you not to get on the top.

Well, he really brought down the house. Well, at least the stage.

975 pounds.

No, no, no, no.

You're a big disappointment, you guys. Hey, will you guys watch it? Hey, watch

it. George, will you go out there and clean up after the pigs, please?

I am sick and tired of cleaning up after them lousy pigs.

Well, George, you can always quit.

What? And get out of show business?

George, will you move the body?

All right, I'll move the body.

I'll move the body.

My brother has ghosts in his attic.

Sounds scary.

Yeah, he's on the ten most haunted list.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're happy now truly to present a star of stage,

and television, the mother of six on the Brady Bunch, and the mother of her own

bunch of four at home, our guest for the evening, the lovely Miss Florence

Henderson.

You might wake up some morning to the sound of something

moving past your window in the wind.

And if you're quick enough to rise, you catch the fleeting glint of someone.

© BF -WATCH TV 2021

Come on, pigs. Out, out.

Move it. Move it. Get out of here. Out, out, out, out, out.

You have such a masculine yell. Is there anything at all, anything I could do

for you, my dear?

No. Because I want to make you happy. Good. When you're happy, the pig is

Wonderful.

be so forward, but I'm a liberated pig.

Must be my animal, Musk.

Two, three, four, two, three.

You know, the trouble with kids today is they don't know what they want. When I

was a kid, I never wanted that.

Just a couple of slow hugs.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the wine talking. In fact, I'm sure it is. But

you're beautiful.

Now, tell me the truth. You really don't like dancing with a dog, do you? What

makes you say that?

It's that flea collar you're wearing.

I think we ought to move out of the ghetto and find ourselves a nice little

in the suburbs.

Oh, honey, I love you like the plague.

Can we take this moment to announce our engagement?

Eh, why not?

Oh, we're engaged!

Your eyes are like

two limpid pools.

Very sweet. And when I look into your eyes, I'm spellbound.

And when I look into those eyes, I see... I see... Come on, tell me what

see. I see trouble.

Well, well, well.

While the pig's away, the frog will play.

Hi, Piggy.

Don't hi, Piggy me, you frog stealer.

Piggy, you have it all wrong there. You see... In a pig's eye!

wrong, Piggy. Oh? Yes. Kermit was just practicing on me what he really wants to

say to you.

Uh, what?

Oh, you mean it? No.

Oh, it's Kermit. Oh.

My love.

My love. My life. Oh, I am like putty in your hands.

Putty. Putty.

What?

What happened?

What happened?

Piggy. Piggy, come here a minute.

Listen, can I give you a little tip?

Oh, no, there's no need for that. I'm well paid.

About men.

Oh, my dear, I'm sure you know about men.

But, honey,

make one move toward that frog's bod.

Piggy Kermit and I are old friends, honest.

You mean there's nothing... No, we're just... It's just platonic, really.

Oh!

Yes, she's off to find her love.

I told you I never would have caught you!

When

I

was a puppy, I used to enjoy reading about Winnie the Pooh.

He's a bear, like Fozzie Bear, but, well, not very much like Fozzie Bear.

This is a song he would sing when somebody would say something he didn't

understand.

He could have said, what?

Well, I beg your pardon, but Pooh would instead sing this song, which he made up

for singing when his brain felt fluffy.

It goes like this.

Coddleston, Coddleston, Coddleston pie.

A fly can't bird, but a bird can fly.

Ask me a riddle and I reply.

Coddleston, Coddleston, Coddleston pie.

Now this is where the song changes key, what we call a modulation.

That's G -sharp minor.

Coddleston, Coddleston, Coddleston pie.

A fish can't whistle and neither can I.

Ask me a riddle and I reply.

Coddleston, Coddleston, Coddleston pie.

Coddleston, Coddleston, Coddleston pie Why does a chicken, I

don't know why Ask me a riddle and I reply

Coddleston, Coddleston, Coddleston pie

to raise the intellectual level of our program as our panel discusses questions

of lasting importance.

And our guest tonight is Miss Florence Henderson.

Thank you.

Good evening, everyone.

Hey, baby.

Okay, and tonight's question is one that has bothered scholars everywhere.

Was William Shakespeare, in fact, bacon?

No! Isn't this some kind of bad joke?

I don't understand, Vicki. Bacon, my love, bacon!

I'm tired of these continual fake slurs.

Oh. You know, we pigs have feelings, too.

Oh, no, no, no, no. See, I meant Francis Bacon.

Francis Bacon? It is Bacon Chickens. Oh, fuck you, Bacon.

Who cares?

It's all bad taste.

Oh, no. Bacon tastes real good. I had some this morning. Really made a pig of

myself.

Oh, that does it.

Pig to the world. Good night. Pig to the world.

Piggy, we don't have time for that now.

Yeah, besides, you're always hogging it time. Get it?

Let's get this weirdo!

Can we get back to the

subject at hand?

Piggy, please.

Okay,

the subject at hand. Lawrence?

Well, there's no question in my mind.

As to what? Nothing.

There's no question in my mind.

No answer either.

We have a saying in my country.

A woman who laughs at her own joke told him has branches on her shoe trees.

That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

So, don't visit our country.

The topic is, where is Shakespeare's work actually written by Francis Bacon?

And offstage, we've had enough of this garbage about bacon. Right. We pigs are

true artists.

Miss Henderson, would you like to see our acrobatic act? Well, yes, I'd love

Oh, no, no, you don't want to see the acrobatic act. Oh,

I'm sorry about that, Miss

Henderson. Now, listen,

we'll be back next week with another vital question for our panel. Do attack

dogs make good house pets?

Wake me when the show starts.

It's already been on a while.

Wake me when it's over.

any more pigs on this show. If I ever see another pig... Oh, Kermit. Every

you yell, it sends a shudder through my body. Wonderful. I tremble with desire

and uncontrollable passion. Yeah. In you, I see a sitting volcano ready to

like Vesuvius and explode.

What are you ever going to do? Will you get out of here?

He loves me.

I give up.

Folks, stand by, sit tight, hold on, and fasten your seatbelts. The Muppet

Show's own furry funny man, here he is, Mr.

Fozzie! Bye!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Okay, gang, grab your shoes and grab your socks.

Here come the jokes, here come the act.

Now tonight, I'm going to try and put something new in my act.

Like comedy, maybe.

Hey, look, guys, I paid a lot of money for this new act, and I want to see if

it's good, okay?

Could it possibly be good?

Could it possibly be worse?

Okay,

now, tonight, I will do impressions of great movie actors from great movies.

Great, wonderful.

Love them. Okay, okay, okay.

First, Humphrey Bogart from Casablanca.

Play it again, Sam.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Now.

Next is Jimmy Cagney from Mr. Robert.

Who took my palm tree?

Okay, next, Terry Grant from all his movies.

Judy, Judy, Judy.

Listen, all your impressions sound the same.

I can't help that. They were all written by the same writer.

He's got a point there.

Yeah, on his head.

Any other impressions?

Impressions, huh?

Yeah, we'd like to see an impression of a bear leaving a stage.

Gotcha, gotcha.

Presenting a bear stage.

Ha! Bear, get it on the bear, no one on stage. Oh, I'm terrific, I'm lovely, I'm

too good for this show.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

He's getting better.

Yeah, oh, we're getting worse.

Once again, the lovely Miss Florence Henderson.

I don't quite know how to say this, but me and a lot of the guys are really fond

of you. Oh, Lizard, that's very flattering.

Imagine me and you. I do.

I think about you day and night.

It's only right to think about the girl you love and hold her tight.

So happy together.

If I should call you up, invest a dime, and you say you belong to me, I need my

mind. Imagine how the world would be so very fine, so happy together.

I can't see me loving nobody but you for all my

life.

When you're with me, baby.

The only one for me. And you, and you for me.

So happy together.

Come on, everybody, sing it.

I can't see me loving nobody but you all my life.

When the world will be the sky so blue all my

life.

Me and you.

And you and me.

together.

I didn't have time for guns on the show this week. That's too bad.

Well, Romeo, how are you and Miss Henderson getting along?

Piggy, jealousy doesn't become you.

Jealous? Moi?

Just to laugh.

I'm just glad that other women find my frog attractive.

Your frog, Piggy, said the frog, trying to couch his next words in the gentlest

of terms.

I am not joking!

Thinks that of just too much.

What?

Shakespeare. Sounds more like bacon than a ham.

I could really fall for you.

Are you serious?

He's serious.

This is Timothy Frog speaking to you from the planet Coosbane.

There's a hush in the air. This is the traditional time of courtship of the

Coosbanian creatures.

We're waiting now for the male Coosbanian creature to make the first

Hark, that may be him now.

Now that is the wonk wonk signal to the female creature.

Let's see if she makes the traditional response.

Yeah, that is the traditional

response to the wonk wonk.

Ah, there she is, and what a beauty.

Now the tender ritual begins.

Watch as the male makes the first overture to the female, known as the

Hargi!

Hargi!

Hargi!

I believe she likes

him.

Did you see that? That was the signal. They're going to do the Galio Hoop Hoop.

This should be very exciting.

It's a television first, ladies and gentlemen, the Kuzbanian Galio Hoop

Watch closely now.

They're going far away.

He's just about to make his turn now.

ladies and gentlemen, the Galio Hoopoo.

Galio!

Well,

there you have it, friends. Once again, love comes to Coosbean.

we have for you tonight. We want to thank our very special guest, Miss

Henderson.

Hey, listen.

Thank you, Florence, for being our guest. We hope you enjoyed it as much as

did. Oh, you know I did, Kermit, especially our love scene.

Woo! Wire for Miss Henderson.

Wire for Miss Henderson.

For you, Miss Henderson.

You know I am, Fozzie. The wire for you.

Well, that does it, folks. We'll see you all next time.

loved it.

So what? You also loved World War II.