All language subtitles for The Muppet Show - s04e01 - John Denver

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

This episode of The Muppet Show stars
John Denver.

He was not only

a terrific performer, but also a good
friend of my father's. In fact, he and

father had similar interests in
preserving the planet.

In this episode you're about to watch,
John and Kermit try to convince the gang

to go on a camping trip.

You expect moi to carry that heavy
thing?

Sure. They don't have much luck on this
show, but they did go camping several

years later on a special that we did
together with John called Rocky Mountain

Holiday.

John Denver was a good friend of the
Muppets, and we miss him.

But here he is on The Muppet Show.

John Denver, 15 seconds to curtain,
John.

All right, Scooter, thanks.

Listen, Denver, you're a good kid. Let
me help you get away so you don't have

do this crummy show.

Wait a minute. I want to work with the
Muppets.

You do?

Well, yeah.

I think this is a terrific show,
Waldorf.

You're beyond help.

It's the Muppet Show with our very
special guest star, John Depp.

He wouldn't listen. They must have
brainwashed him.

It's time to get things started.

Muppet Show, and it's going to be a
terrific show tonight because our guest

is one of the great talents of the music
world, Mr. John Denver.

And because John is such an outdoors
lover, we're going to spend a lot of the

show in the country.

Kermit, Kermit, I haven't quite finished
building the set yet.

Well, how much time do you need?

Thursday?

Well, we have to do the number now.

Well, okay, but it looks like a
battlefield back there.

It's supposed to. Oh, then it's
finished.

Ladies and gentlemen, our opening
number!

We just can't wait until the war begins.

They keep a medal to you if you win.

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

Don't ever ask a general what's it for.

Because he'd be out of work without a
war.

Why can't we be friends?

Okay, soldiers, nicely waged.

All right, James, what is this important
announcement you wanted to make? Hey,

listen, everybody.

John Denver has invited us all to join
him on a weekend camping trip.

I'm in the mountains?

Well, actually, no. You see, John and I
decided it would be fun to take you all

and show you the land of my birth.

You mean... Yes, it'll be a weekend in
the swamp.

I just remembered I got a basketball
game on Saturday.

Yeah, and the band's got three extra
gigs this weekend.

Yeah, and I signed up for a seminar on
mildew.

Now, now, now, listen, everyone.

A wonderful thing has just happened.

Our Kermie has offered to take us on a
visit to his homeland overnight.

I think we should all be grateful to
him.

Well, thank you very much, Miss Piggy.

Just how do you figure that?

If you go, I won't put you in the
hospital.

Let's go pat those knapsacks, guys.

I wonder if they have room service.

Ladies and gentlemen, with us tonight is
one of the good guys of contemporary

music, Mr. John Denver.

Inch by inch, row by row, gonna make
this garden grow.

All it takes is a rake and a hoe and a
piece of fertile ground.

Inch by inch, row by row, someone bless
these seeds I sow.

Someone warm them from below till the
rain comes tumbling down.

Thank you.

Plant your rose straight and long.
Temper them with prayer and song.

Mother Earth will make you strong if you
give her love and care.

Old bro watching hungrily from his perch
in yonder tree.

In my garden I'm as free as that
feathered thief.

Inch by inch, row by row, gonna make
this garden grow.

All it takes is a ring, a hoe, and a
piece of fertile ground.

Inch by inch, row by row, someone bless
these seeds I sow.

Someone warm them from below, till the
rain comes tumbling down.

Till the rain comes tumbling down inch
by inch,

row by row.

You know something?

That was a sweet number. It sure was.

You know something else?

What? I hate sweet numbers.

Okay, very good, flowers.

Get to your dressing pots.

Can I meet... Oh, I am so excited about
spending a weekend in

the swamp with Vu, the little green
hunk.

Yeah,

well, very good, Miss Piggy, but you
must remember that camping can be tough,

because we're going to be roughing it.
Oh, I know. That is why I...

Four long dresses. And, of course, a
dozen pairs of shoes.

And some apres swim togs. Wait, wait,
wait. And my sun visor spectacles.

Figgy, you can't carry all that stuff.

Carry? I do not intend to carry
anything.

But campers carry everything they need.
Look, come here a second. What, what?

See, for instance, Floyd here has just
packed his backpack. See that?

You expect moi to carry that heavy
thing?

Sure, that's how you go camping.

Forget it? I am not going.

Okay, as you will.

Oh, Mr. Kermit, sir, when we get to the
swamp, will you give me a swimming

lesson? Oh, sure, Annie Sue. It might be
kind of fun to teach a cute little pig

to frog kick.

Thank you, sir.

Kermit!

... ... ... ... ...

... ...

We shake the tree.

Hiya, Gonzo.

Oh, hi, John.

How you doing, man? I'm doing fine.

Hey, I really enjoyed your last number.

Oh, thanks very much, Gonzo. I enjoyed
that, too. Yeah, hey, listen, I wonder

you'd share some of the secrets of your
success with me since we're both in the

same field.

Well, yeah, I'd be happy to. You know,
you've got to take care of your throat.

You can't let yourself get too tired
when you're singing. You've got to

Well, I don't need help with my singing.

I need help with my gardening.

You've got a garden?

Oh, yeah, John. I've got the world's
biggest mold garden.

Mold garden?

Yeah, mold.

Far out.

How did you get into that?

Well, about a year ago, I went away on
vacation and I forgot to clean out my

refrigerator.

Yeah? When I got back, the food was all
green and fuzzy.

And it was just too cute to throw out.

So what's the problem?

Well... I don't have any privacy
anymore.

Sometimes I think my garden is plotting
against me.

You're kidding.

You know, you could be right. There is a
fungus among us.

Bongo. What? The bulb in the
refrigerator got busted.

How did that happen? Well, we were
playing puffball and Reggie hit a long

All right, I'll replace it, but this is
the last time. Oh, thanks. You're a real

spore. Yeah, yeah.

Nobody knows the truffles I've seen.

I think that I shall never

see.

as a tree a tree whose hungry mouth

is pressed against the earth's sweet
flowing

in her hair upon whose bosom

snow

We would call you a pine in the neck.

With a voice like that, you won't be
very popular around here.

If I couldn't sing any better than that,
I'd leave.

Excuse me while I chop some wood.

Watch your step.

blue sky.

Piggy, is that a gold lame backpack that
you're wearing?

Oh, you nuked it.

Well, it's hard.

Piggy, we are going to the swamp. Yes,
the swamp, yes.

Yes, well, do you have everything? Do
you have your snake bite kit?

What? Your snake bite kit. There are
snakes in the swamp. They may bite you.

Well, yes, piggy snakes. And also, you
need a short, sharp stick about that

long. Oh, a walking stick. Yes, I'm
sure. No, no, no.

This is for the alligators.

Alligators? Why, yes, darling. The
alligators, when they open their mouths

eat you, you jam the stick, and they
can't close their jaws. Good.

Well, yes, and also, piggy, one other
thing, and this is of critical

Yes? Every morning when you get up,
before you put your boots on, be very

to shake them vigorously.

Why?

Well, Piggy, at night when you're asleep
in the swamp, sometimes there are

spiders and little creepy crawly things,
and they'll get on your boots, and if

you don't shake them out...

I think she needs a week in the country.

Poor Miss Piggy appears angry.

Angry? No, I am not angry.

Your star is not angry.

She is merely disappointed.

Disappointed? Yes.

You have not been honest with me,
Kermit.

I haven't?

You never said there would be snakes and
spiders and alligators.

Well, no, I was saving the best part for
a surprise.

Surprise?

Kermie, you are out of your little green
mind.

Well, Gina, speaking, you know, I was
born in the swamp. My roots are there,

I just wanted you and my other friends
to see it.

But we don't have to go back to the
swamp.

We can, uh, we can go to back where to
where to where you were born.

The sty.

You know, where your roots are.

Where pigs eat swill and wallow in the
mud.

Remember that? Huh?

Huh? Huh?

Remember this? Hi -yah!

Uh, uh, uh, uh, well, uh, ladies and
gentlemen, once again, Mr. John Denver.

Little bitty boy, just a boy.

We used to go out to Grandma's house
every month and so.

Hatchigan pie, country ham, homemade
butter on the bread.

But the best darn thing about Grandma's
house was the great big feather bed.

It was nine feet high and six feet wide,
soft as a bed.

It was made from the feathers of four
and eleven geese, took a whole boat full

of tick.

It hauled eight kids and four -hand dogs
and a big leaf full of chips.

We didn't get much sleep, but we had a
lot of fun on Grandma's bed of bed.

After supper, we'd sit around the fire,
the old folks spit and chew.

All the talk about the farm and the war,
I'm a great at singing ballad or two.

And I'd sit and listen, watch the fire
till the cobwebs filled my head.

Next thing I'd know, I'd wake up in the
morning in the middle of the old bed of

bed. It was nine feet high, six feet
wide, and so good down in Jake.

Well, I love them all. I love my pa. I
love grand and grandpa,

too. I've been fishing with my uncle. I
wrestled with my cousin. I even kissed

Aunt Lou.

We'll be right back.

Okay,

well, it looks like we've come down to
the end of another one. But before we

let us bring back our wonderful guest
star, ladies and gentlemen, John Denver!

Kermit, it was an absolute thrill to
work with you. Thank you for having me

the show.

Oh, it was our pleasure, John. But, you
know, it looks like it's going to be

just you and me on that camping trip
because everybody else backed out. Oh,

sorry to hear that. But listen, Kermit,
never mind. We'll have a great time.

I'll teach you how to catch frogs.

What? Well, yeah, what you do is you
wait until dark, you see, and then you

a flashlight and you shine it out in the
water. John, I knew all about those

flashlights. How do you think my eyes
got this way?

I'll find somebody else to go camping
with me. We'll see you next time on The

Muppet Show.

Guys, it's just the three of us for a
weekend in the swamp.

Oh, no!