All language subtitles for The Muppet Show - s03e22 - Roy Rogers & Dale Evans

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

Everyone knows that my father performed
Kermit the Frog, but he also did a lot

of other characters.

He performed the Swedish chef, Dr.

Keith, Ralph the Dog, Waldorf, and

Link Hogthrob.

Link Hogthrob is actually one voice that
I remember very well.

As a kid, whenever my dad did some
stereotypical fatherly chore, like

the Thanksgiving turkey, that would be
the voice he would use. Surely you

recognize the independent heating slash
unifying element on the horizontally

equalizing plane?

I guess when the character of this
pompous, not -too -bright pig came

figured, well, that voice would fit just
perfectly.

See if you can tell which characters are
my father's voices in this next episode

of The Muppet Show.

Roy Rogers and Dale Evans?

Fifteen seconds for Curt and Roy and
Dale.

Thank you, Scooter.

Hey, Scooter, what's this target doing
here?

Oh, well, we thought you'd feel more at
home on the range.

Muppet Show with our very special guest
stars Roy Rogers and Dale Evans.

Yeah!

It's time to play the music.

It's time to light the light.

It's time to meet the Muppets on the
Muppet Show tonight.

It's time to put on makeup.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to get things started.

Why don't you get things started?

Are these seats taken?

No, take them!

It's time to get things started on the
most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational, palpitational, this is
what we call a...

Yes,

sir.

Yes,

sir. We're just about to do the opening
number.

Ladies and gentlemen, the opening
number.

Smiling at me.

Nothing but blue skies do I see.

Little birds singing a song.

But blue birds all day long.

Never saw the sun shine as bright.

Never saw things going so right. Notice
in the days, hurry and find.

Winter and love, smile and fly.

Blue days.

All of them gone, gone, gone.

Nothing but blue guys from now on.

Okay, nice number, prairie dogs. Nice
number. I liked what I saw and I liked

what I heard.

Speaking of heard, boss, look what just
showed up.

Who's responsible for these crummy cows?

Some fella by the name of Rogers ordered
them, shorty.

Rogers, Roy. Yeah, well, the little
darlings are always welcome.

Roy said he wanted something special for
the closing number.

Oh, speaking of that, I have to
introduce his opening number.

Oh, yeah. Hey, uh, Kermit? What? Uh,
what, uh, what are these cows here for?

well, they're apparently for Roy and
Dale's closing number.

Uh,

say, what, what are they singing?

Uh, catch a falling steer?

Or, or, or, if heifer I should leave
you?

I can take the cows, but not the cow
jokes.

What about the moon river?

Okay, well, it's not often that things
get any better around here, so brace

yourselves for things to get positively
grand right now, because, ladies and

gentlemen, here he is, the king of the
cowboys, Roy Rogers!

about one of the roughest, toughest,
meanest bucking horses that ever jumped

of a chute by the name of Old Skyball
Paint.

Now, Old Skyball Paint was a bit of a
saint. His eyes were a fiery red.

Good men have tried this horse to ride,
but shucks, all of them are dead.

Now, I won't brag, but boy, I rode that
nag till his blood began to boil.

Then I hit the ground and ate three
pounds of good old Texas soil.

Singing hi -ho, whoopie -tie -yo, ride
him high and down you go, son of the

western soil. Singing hi -ho, whoopie
-tie -yo, ride him high and down you go,

son of the western soil.

I swore by heck I'd break his neck for
the joke that gave my pride.

I threw my noose on that old cayuse and
once more took a ride.

He turned around and soon I found his
head where he still should be.

I said, sir, I perhaps he's shy or he
just don't care for me.

Singing hi -ho, whoopie -tie -o, ride
him high and down you go, son of the

western soil.

Singing hi -ho, whoopie -tie -o, ride
him high and down you go, son of the

western soil.

In town one day I chanced to stray upon
old Cher of

June. For a hoop and a holler and a
counterfeit dollar, I sold that mag to

But when he plants and skates his pants
in sky -balled leather chair, I'll bet

four bits when sky -ball quits, old Jim
will not be there.

Singin' hi -ho, whoopee -tio, ride him
high and down you go, son of the western

soil. Singin' hi -ho, whoopee -tio, ride
him high and

down you go.

Sons of the Western soil.

Sons of the Western soil.

That Roy Rogers is one good singer.
Yeah, but if he does any of those rope

tricks, I'm leaving.

Move it out, bossy, move it out.

Hey, Link, what are you doing hanging
out backstage?

Those nasty cowboys threw me out of my
dressing room.

No kidding.

I just barged in.

Tell him to move it out. Get tough with
him, like your babe.

I tried.

Howdy, sports fans, and welcome to the
wild world of Muppet Sports.

And you're just in time for the deciding
throw in the horseshoe pitch. As usual,

I'm here on the spot.

I forgot to take the horseshoes off the
horse.

Let's put this show out of its misery.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, not only is
the king of cowboys with us tonight, but

his lady is with us, too. Here she is,
Miss Dale Evans.

Do you think you can remember where to
come in? You can, of course you can. To

come in on the beat of the music,
clapping with me?

Okay, let's begin.

The stars at night are big and bright.

Deep in the heart of Texas.

The clear sky is wide and high.

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Well, you're not exactly the son of a...

to get the rhythm.

The sage in bloom is like perfume.

Deep in the heart of Texas reminds me of
the

one I love.

Deep in the heart of Texas.

No, children, that's just great.

Let's do this again, but let's change
it, okay?

Suppose instead of clapping, we make a
sound. like what I'm singing about. Do

you think you can do that?

Let's do that. We'll start first with a
coyote. What's a coyote? Well, kind of

like a dog. You'll hear it. Now listen,
you'll care for it.

The coyotes wail along the trail. Oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh. The

horses all neigh and they

munch their...

Oh, you're so cute.

Honestly, I'd just love to adopt every
one of you and take you home with me to

Texas. What the Texas?

What's a Texas?

Most of all, I love these horses.

A four -legged friend, a four -legged
friend.

He'll never let you down, let you down.
He's honest and faithful

right up to the end. That wonderful one,
two, three, four -legged friend.

You know, I thought we'd be there by
now.

Well, but remember, we had to stop and
water these horses.

That's right. Then we had to stop and
milk them.

Something about this life don't seem
right.

Pull, pull. It's easy.

Four -legged friend, oh, four -legged
friend.

He'll never let you down, let you down.

He's honest and faithful.

One, two, three, four -legged friend.

Whoa there. Easy boy. Hey, look at this.
Trick riding.

That's pretty good. How about this?

Speak, bossy.

We'd be lost without these horses, you
know. Oh, I say we would.

Wonder why they call us cowboys.

The four -legged friend, the four
-legged friend.

He'll never...

And now, ridding the world of evil, here
comes Bear on patrol.

Bullets Barker is back in town and he is
a gunning for you.

No. Yes.

You know, I have some sick leave coming.
I think I might just...

Sheriff, this

here is Bullets Barker.

I'm going to count to three.

If you're not out by then, I'm coming in
to get you.

One. Hide the closet. No, not the
closet. Over here. Two.

No, the desk. The desk. Three.

All right.

Where is he?

Outside. Can't miss him.

Well, I don't plan to miss him.

Oh, that was very, very good. Very good.
Terrific.

Oh, boy.

Well, look, I think I'm just going to
sit down here and wait until the sheriff

comes back.

Would you like some of my tea or milk
cookies? Shut up. Yes, sir. Yes, thank

you, sir. Yes.

Looks like it left his gun here.

He never goes anyplace without his gun.
What?

I'm so sorry, sir.

What was that?

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

So, he must still be here.

Ah, no, no.

He is not here.

I should have known it.

Open that door.

Yes, sir.

All right, I'm coming in to get you,
Gerald.

I did it. I did it, sir. He's gone. I
did it. He's up there. He's locked up.

It's okay. Come on.

Oh, who cares about that? If I can't use
this hand anymore, my sheriff days are

over.

Hand me my piece.

Yes, sir.

Not that one.

You know, I haven't lost it. I'm still
the fastest stamp in the West.

Hey,

Roy. You know, it sure is nice having
you and Dale with us. Oh, we're just

having a great time, Kermit. You don't
think our show is a little weird?

Well, it is a little weird, but we're
still having a great time.

Oh, good. You know, there's something
I've always wanted to ask you, because I

know you've made a lot of films.

189.

You know, I've only made one.

Yeah, 188 to go.

Hey, but in any of those films, did you
ever play a bad guy?

No, never did.

How come? Didn't think you'd look good
wearing a black hat?

No, the main reason is that the bad guy
never gets to sing.

That's right, they never do.

Can you imagine a bad guy stopping a
stagecoach, tying up the passengers,

all their money, and then saying, Happy
trails to you.

Yeah, and you know something else? I
can't imagine under any circumstances a

guy yodeling.

Matter of fact, you do a lot of
yodeling, don't you, Roy?

Yes, I do. In fact, I invented some of
the yodels I do on my songs.

No kidding.

You know, somebody told me the only
reason you yodel is because you forgot

words of the song.

You don't know how right they were.

But who told you that?

Some guy in a black hat.

Hey, but I agree, yodeling does look
like it's fun. Hey, could you show me

to do it? Sure, it's easy. Yeah? Just
repeat after me.

Yeah.

Well,

I'll see you later, Roy. Where are you
going?

I'm going to buy a black hat.

Okay, partner.

I want to see you dance. Now dance!

Dance!

Dance!

That's beautiful.

Do you think I can dance like that?

Well, of course.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

But seriously, you cows are in utter
delight.

I'm a hit.

Not bunch. Herd.

Herd of what?

Herd of cows.

Sure I heard of cows.

No,

I mean the cow's herd.

Of course they heard. That was talking
right to them.

These are my people.

Yeah, but right now they're needed on
stage for the final production number.

All right.

one of the things you had to watch out
for in the old west what's that audience

rustlers okay once again ladies

and gentlemen roy rogers and dale evans

there

is something about the wind puts your
heart and

your soul to rest makes you feel you're
really

blessed

there's a

ceiling of blue above and the trees
people

as a dog it's no wonder

Little people of Hazy Mountain

When evening chores

are over At our ranch house on the plain

And all I've got to do Is lay

around

I saddle up my police and ride on

down the trail to watch the...

A picture that no artist ever could
paint.

See you next time.

Happy trails to you.

Keep smiling until then.

Who cares about the clouds?

Okay,

well, buckaroos, we've come to the part
where we have to go. have to say

goodbye. And I really hate to do it
because sitting around the campfire with

tonight have been two of America's
legends, ladies and gentlemen, Roy

Dale Evans.

Kermit, we've had a wonderful time.

Oh, I'm glad.

Listen, Roy, at this point, I usually
say goodnight to everybody, but tonight

I'd appreciate it if you said it your
way.

Well, I'd be glad to, Kermit.

Until we meet again on the screen or in
person, goodbye, good luck, and may the

good Lord take a liking to you.

Moo! No!

Boo!

Boo!