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All language subtitles for The Muppet Show - s03e10 - Kris Kristofferson & Rita Coolidge

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,470 --> 00:00:06,630 Chris Christopherson and Rita Coolidge, 25 seconds to curtain, folks. 2 00:00:06,870 --> 00:00:07,870 No problem. 3 00:00:08,130 --> 00:00:09,130 We'll be ready. 4 00:00:09,290 --> 00:00:13,810 Great. By the way, I hope you folks don't mind having to share a dressing 5 00:00:14,570 --> 00:00:19,650 No, not at all. Good. Come on in, guys. You can share Chris and Rita's dressing 6 00:00:19,650 --> 00:00:20,650 room. 7 00:00:20,710 --> 00:00:21,730 Oh, boy. 8 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,260 special guest stars Rita Coolidge and Chris Christopherson. 9 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,080 It's time to play the music. 10 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,020 It's time to light the light. 11 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,360 It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight. 12 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,440 It's time to put on makeup. 13 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,380 It's time to dress up right. 14 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:05,600 It's time to get things started. 15 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:07,860 Why don't you get things started? 16 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,740 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 17 00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:15,860 It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational, 18 00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:17,500 celebrational. 19 00:01:36,490 --> 00:01:41,390 special show tonight because we have not one, but two special guest stars. We 20 00:01:41,390 --> 00:01:44,370 have Mr. Chris Christopherson and Miss Rita Cooley. 21 00:01:48,610 --> 00:01:49,610 Yes, 22 00:01:50,050 --> 00:01:54,630 Miss Piggy. I just want to thank you for letting me do this opening number with 23 00:01:54,630 --> 00:01:56,350 Chris. Oh, well, that's all right. 24 00:01:56,710 --> 00:01:58,530 It's a very sexy number. 25 00:01:58,810 --> 00:02:00,530 I hope you won't be jealous. 26 00:02:01,930 --> 00:02:02,930 Don't worry. 27 00:02:03,450 --> 00:02:04,710 Uh, sure. 28 00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:06,290 Positive. 29 00:02:06,670 --> 00:02:07,670 Oh. 30 00:02:09,030 --> 00:02:10,370 Chris, please. 31 00:02:11,610 --> 00:02:15,850 Come here, come here. You'd better introduce us. He just cannot wait. 32 00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:18,750 Well, 33 00:02:19,810 --> 00:02:22,290 ladies and gentlemen, here he is. Come here, come here. 34 00:02:22,730 --> 00:02:27,030 I just want you to know, no matter what happens, it's you I love. 35 00:02:27,770 --> 00:02:28,770 Trust me. 36 00:02:30,630 --> 00:02:33,730 Yeah, okay. Well, ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Mr. 37 00:02:33,950 --> 00:02:34,990 Chris Christopherson. 38 00:02:45,770 --> 00:02:49,150 Take the ribbon from your hair. 39 00:02:51,810 --> 00:02:54,830 Shake it loose. Let it fall. 40 00:02:58,050 --> 00:03:01,330 Laying soft against my skin. 41 00:03:03,510 --> 00:03:06,770 Like the shadows on the wall. 42 00:03:09,570 --> 00:03:12,790 Come and lay down by my... 43 00:03:16,490 --> 00:03:21,370 Till the early morning light. Oh, you silver -tongued devil. 44 00:03:21,710 --> 00:03:25,050 All I'm taking is your time. 45 00:03:25,990 --> 00:03:27,310 Take it. 46 00:03:27,910 --> 00:03:30,570 Help me make it through the night. 47 00:03:31,030 --> 00:03:32,270 Oh, Chrissy. 48 00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:36,650 You care who's right or wrong. 49 00:03:39,390 --> 00:03:41,910 I don't try to understand. 50 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,800 Yesterday is dead and gone. 51 00:04:00,660 --> 00:04:02,840 Yesterday is dead and gone. 52 00:04:03,060 --> 00:04:05,740 And tomorrow's out of sight. 53 00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:08,660 Yes, tomorrow's out of sight. 54 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:11,580 And it's sad to be alone. 55 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,300 So sad to be alone. 56 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,500 Help me make it through the night. 57 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,280 We don't want to be alone. 58 00:04:27,370 --> 00:04:30,130 me make it through the night 59 00:04:30,130 --> 00:04:45,830 wonderful 60 00:04:45,830 --> 00:04:47,810 wonderful 61 00:04:58,460 --> 00:04:59,460 Yeah, dear? 62 00:04:59,620 --> 00:05:01,080 What's the soup, the jor? 63 00:05:01,340 --> 00:05:02,380 Same as yesterday. 64 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,780 Good. I'll have that and the chicken. 65 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:08,560 Now, how do you want your chicken? Baked, broiled, or barbecued? 66 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:11,120 I want the chicken for company. 67 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,540 I hate to eat alone. 68 00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:16,980 For a second there, I thought you was one of them weirdos. 69 00:05:17,540 --> 00:05:18,560 I still do. 70 00:05:20,740 --> 00:05:24,240 Hey, Gonzo, Hermit says you're on next. Oh, thank you. 71 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,740 It's okay, dear. You'll pay me later. 72 00:05:27,180 --> 00:05:31,160 Thank you. Hey, you're finally going to get to do the old piano balancing act, 73 00:05:31,220 --> 00:05:32,220 eh? Yeah. 74 00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:35,180 You'll pay me now. 75 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:43,980 And now, ladies and gentlemen, the great Gonzo in a master feat of mathematical 76 00:05:43,980 --> 00:05:46,980 dexterity. Is he ready back there? 77 00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:48,099 No, no. 78 00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,500 Ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 79 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,380 Okay. The great Gonzo. 80 00:05:53,070 --> 00:05:57,190 master feat of mathematical dexterity will recite the seven times 81 00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:01,150 table while balancing a piano and standing in a hammock? 82 00:06:22,830 --> 00:06:27,270 3, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. 83 00:06:30,870 --> 00:06:36,130 That certainly suited Gonzo. It did? Yep, suited him right down to the 84 00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:41,530 Dr. 85 00:06:46,110 --> 00:06:50,690 Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs where the future is being made today. 86 00:06:52,170 --> 00:06:57,090 Well, I've got some news of welcome relief to short, stubbly people like 87 00:06:57,090 --> 00:06:58,090 here. 88 00:06:58,850 --> 00:07:02,170 Announcing new Muppet Labs Atomic Elevator Shoes. 89 00:07:03,210 --> 00:07:07,430 Yes, these shoes can add inches to your height at the mere flick of a lever. 90 00:07:08,030 --> 00:07:10,790 Beaker is wearing them now, and they work like this. 91 00:07:11,190 --> 00:07:12,190 Up. 92 00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:14,330 Down. 93 00:07:16,590 --> 00:07:20,390 Oh, Beaker, stop it. You're just acting like a baby. 94 00:07:22,820 --> 00:07:28,300 And so the atomic elevator shoe adds untold interest to Beaker's unfortunate 95 00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:29,300 defeat. 96 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,800 Beaker, you never told me you wore stripy socks. 97 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,360 That's all for today from Muppet Labs. 98 00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:08,190 What a nice stall. 99 00:08:08,630 --> 00:08:10,070 Hello, Miss Piggy. 100 00:08:10,930 --> 00:08:15,970 Oh. Hello, Annabelle. You look so beautiful today. 101 00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:17,630 Of course I do. 102 00:08:18,530 --> 00:08:19,830 Now, what'll it be? 103 00:08:20,050 --> 00:08:21,890 Won't we watch a special? 104 00:08:24,650 --> 00:08:27,550 I shall see the menus of a play. 105 00:08:27,790 --> 00:08:29,590 The name's Gladys. 106 00:08:31,350 --> 00:08:34,370 Well, Gladys, I shall have... 107 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:40,860 sandwich on whole wheat and four ounces of rhubarb juice. 108 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:22,660 on the Henderson burglary. Police have recovered all the stolen property except 109 00:09:22,660 --> 00:09:23,660 the silverware. 110 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,920 It has disappeared into thin air. 111 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:36,140 Not right now, Miss Piggy. I have to go introduce Rita Coolidge. Oh, I just 112 00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:40,780 wanted to mention that Mr. Christopherson and Miss Coolidge are 113 00:09:41,420 --> 00:09:42,760 Yeah, I know. 114 00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:45,620 It shows that you can... 115 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:47,940 show business careers and marriage. 116 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:50,280 Well, I suppose it does, yes. 117 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,480 But, you know, we both have show business careers. 118 00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:55,439 That's true. 119 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:56,440 Mm -hmm. 120 00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:57,620 Need I say more? 121 00:09:58,940 --> 00:10:02,720 Miss Piggy, I really have to go introduce Rita Coolidge. Yes, dear. 122 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,840 I just wanted you to think about it. 123 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:06,840 I don't have time to think about it. 124 00:10:07,260 --> 00:10:10,360 Maybe six months in the hospital will give you more time to think. 125 00:10:12,340 --> 00:10:13,560 I don't think about it. 126 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:15,800 Thank you. 127 00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:23,230 Here she is, our second very special guest, a lovely lady with a beautiful 128 00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:25,610 and a wonderful song, Miss Rita Coolidge. 129 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,200 Once a stone... 130 00:12:43,089 --> 00:12:45,590 Yes. Are you sure? 131 00:12:46,550 --> 00:12:48,730 Sure, I'm sure, Chris. You don't see anybody, do you? 132 00:12:49,030 --> 00:12:52,270 No, but around here it doesn't make any difference. Everything on this show 133 00:12:52,270 --> 00:12:53,270 walks and talks. 134 00:12:53,710 --> 00:12:54,890 Animals, vegetables. 135 00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:56,530 Don't forget about the minerals. 136 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,970 You heard me, Buster. 137 00:13:01,010 --> 00:13:05,270 Would you mind leaving us alone for a while, please? Oh, sure thing. Come on, 138 00:13:05,310 --> 00:13:06,310 gang. 139 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,340 Rita, this is a very weird show. 140 00:13:14,820 --> 00:13:19,100 Yes, that was a little strange, but I think you'll find most of the Muppets 141 00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:20,039 pretty normal. 142 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:23,900 Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Scooter, Kermit. 143 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,500 Hi. Hi. How about this one? 144 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,480 Bonzo? Hi. Say, how about a couple of autographs? 145 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,020 Sure, I'll get a pen for you. Oh, you don't have to. 146 00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:35,720 I already signed them. 147 00:13:38,460 --> 00:13:40,640 You're giving us your autographs, huh? Yeah. 148 00:13:40,890 --> 00:13:44,170 They're really valuable now since my piano balancing act. 149 00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:46,710 But, uh, Gonzo, you fell. 150 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:48,130 I know. 151 00:13:48,210 --> 00:13:50,350 A lot of people think I'm dead now. 152 00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:53,090 Isn't that terrific? 153 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:10,680 Young folks like to get away, take a holiday from the neighborhood. 154 00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:15,920 Hop a flight to Miami Beach or to Hollywood. 155 00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:23,980 I'm taking a greyhound on the Hudson River line. 156 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:29,400 I'm in a New York state of mind. 157 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,660 Out of touch with the rhythm and blues. 158 00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:54,820 Now I need a little give and take. 159 00:14:55,780 --> 00:14:57,880 The New York Times. 160 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,100 The Daily News. 161 00:15:07,020 --> 00:15:09,460 Come down to reality. 162 00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:13,000 And it's fine with me. Cause I love it. 163 00:15:20,610 --> 00:15:27,110 I don't have any reason to let them all behind. 164 00:15:28,430 --> 00:15:32,210 I'm in a New York state of mind. 165 00:15:35,410 --> 00:15:40,770 I'm in a New York state of mind. 166 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:52,880 Well, 167 00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:00,740 I didn't think I'd live to see it, but for once they've given us something 168 00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:02,240 than second -rate entertainment. 169 00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:03,539 What's that? 170 00:16:03,540 --> 00:16:04,860 Third -rate entertainment. 171 00:16:24,780 --> 00:16:29,040 That was mighty fine, Gladys. My compliments to the chef. 172 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,240 Hey, he says he liked it. 173 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,920 Who are you talking to? The short order cook. 174 00:16:35,860 --> 00:16:38,280 This place takes itself so literally. 175 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:40,480 Well, of course it does. 176 00:16:40,740 --> 00:16:42,520 Hey, you want to see our apple turnover? 177 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,000 Sure. 178 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:56,120 I might just slide by later and take a look at the salad dressing. 179 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:57,320 Hey, 180 00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:00,340 what about Animal? 181 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:01,980 He hasn't ordered yet. 182 00:17:02,340 --> 00:17:04,680 No, it's okay. He just finished the TV dinner. 183 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,200 Well, did he remember to... 184 00:17:27,459 --> 00:17:28,459 Okay, 185 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,040 what happens now? 186 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,420 Oh, now comes the funny part. 187 00:17:49,380 --> 00:17:52,500 Well, leaving the stage is funnier than a lot of things the bear does. 188 00:17:53,780 --> 00:17:54,780 Okay, now, now. 189 00:17:55,050 --> 00:17:56,950 Ask me what I'm carrying the fish for. 190 00:17:57,230 --> 00:17:59,490 Oh, Fonzie, what are you carrying the fish for? 191 00:17:59,810 --> 00:18:01,590 Oh, just for the halibut. 192 00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,530 They were better off leaving the stage. 193 00:18:05,990 --> 00:18:06,990 Ah! 194 00:18:08,730 --> 00:18:12,030 Hi -diddly -dee, an actor's life for me. 195 00:18:12,430 --> 00:18:16,530 A high -spill cat in a silver cane, a watch of gold with a diamond chain. 196 00:18:16,770 --> 00:18:19,870 Hi -diddly -doo, if we still ask you to. 197 00:18:20,510 --> 00:18:21,510 Hey, Fonzie. 198 00:18:21,870 --> 00:18:22,890 This number needs help. 199 00:18:23,110 --> 00:18:24,410 No, it doesn't. It needs scenery. 200 00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:28,270 Oh, it's wonderful scenery. 201 00:18:28,710 --> 00:18:29,710 But is it funny? 202 00:18:31,090 --> 00:18:33,770 Okay, now, now, ask me what I'm carrying the hoop for. 203 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,710 Oh, Fozzie, what are you carrying the hoop for? 204 00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:40,470 Ah, because that little Waldorf are always saying the show is hoopless. 205 00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:44,150 Just for the hell of it. Keep trying. Stop. 206 00:18:45,230 --> 00:18:46,330 Here we go. Hi. 207 00:18:48,140 --> 00:18:52,960 actor's life for me. A high silk hat and a silver cane. A watch of gold with a 208 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:53,879 diamond chain. 209 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:54,880 Hi, dildo. 210 00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:57,080 You sleep till after two. 211 00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,460 You promenade with a big cigar. 212 00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:04,320 You tour the world in a private car. You dine on chicken and caviar. An actor's 213 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,279 life for me. 214 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,980 An actor's life. 215 00:19:23,850 --> 00:19:24,850 together and see what happens. 216 00:19:25,190 --> 00:19:27,830 Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Christopherson and Rita Coolidge. 217 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,180 Yeah, Kermit. Uh, where's Gonzo? 218 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,460 Gonzo? Oh, he was, uh... Oh, 219 00:22:21,820 --> 00:22:28,420 Gonzo. Shh. 220 00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:29,700 I'm only pretending. 221 00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:31,780 My autographs will be worth a fortune. 222 00:23:02,700 --> 00:23:07,120 at 7 on The Muppet Show, Scooter is amazed when guest star Raquel Welch 223 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:08,380 of changing her image. 224 00:23:08,900 --> 00:23:13,900 Next on Happy Days, when Jodi and Tachi sneak out to see a concert, it turns out 225 00:23:13,900 --> 00:23:15,540 to be a one -way ticket to trouble. 226 00:23:16,020 --> 00:23:19,420 You know, they can improve the whole show if they just change the ending. Oh, 227 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,060 put it closer to the beginning. 15906