Original subtitles

Helen Reddy, 30 seconds to curtain, Miss Reddy.

Okay, Scooter, I'll be there.

Ready or not.

Yeah. Did you mean to make that joke?

Well, I meant to make that joke before someone else did.

You think we'd stoop that low?

Hey, three to get ready.

Low.

It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Miss Helen Reddy.

Hey, there's chickens in our seats.

Muppet Show. Hey, we've got a terrific show tonight because our special guest

one of the world's greatest singers, Helen Reddy. But right now, we whisk you

back through time and space to the Palace of Versailles where Marie

bears a striking resemblance to our own Miss Piggy.

We'll be right back.

We could stay alive, stay alive.

Feel the city breaking and everybody shaking. Stay alive, stay alive.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Stay alive, stay alive.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Stay alive.

Well, I'll feed it for them. What's that?

They don't show favoritism. They offend everyone.

Oh, come on. Let us eat cake.

Let us eat cake.

Not only historically wrong, but hysterically wrong.

Suck the blue.

What does that mean?

Sacred blue.

What a mess this place is. Hey, Beauregard, I've got a job for you. Oh,

Just look at this mess.

Okay, that sounds easy enough.

The floor needs sweeping. There's a broom around here someplace.

Oh, yes, there it is.

Well, step on it.

Okay.

Hey, that's a neat trick.

Use some elbow grease.

Elbow grease?

What did I think of that?

And now, it's really an... honor to have with us one of the world's greatest

recording stars, and here she is swinging up a storm at an informal

the Muppets' private studio. Ladies and gentlemen, Helen Reddy!

One, two, one, two, three.

When you can't find a friend, and the road doesn't

seem to end,

And you're lonesome the whole day through.

How can you be happy?

How can you be smiling?

How can you be anything but loud and saggy and blue?

Hey, Roger, how's it going?

I think Animal's a little too loud on the drums.

Oh, okay. Hey, Animal!

I watch the cookie bushes shine in the sun.

The smell of sweet vanilla lift glows in every breath

of air.

Doesn't anybody want me?

Doesn't anybody want me?

And your fortune has all been told.

And your nobody's eyes.

like Helen Reddy, I'd never be on the Muppet Show.

Right. If you had a voice like Helen Reddy, you'd be in a sideshow.

Oh, hey, very good, Beauregard. That really looks great.

You've swept it spotless and polished it, too.

Well, I couldn't find any elbow grease.

I expect not.

So I used axle grease.

What kind of an idiot are you?

Oh, I didn't know there was a choice.

Boyd, watch out!

Hey!

What a fag.

Borgard, how do you manage to stay upright?

Well, I'm wearing these special shoes.

You want to borrow them? I don't think I can get any place without them.

Good. Okay.

Let me get my flippers into these slippers.

These are non -slippers.

Yeah. Okay, what is the secret of these miracle shoes?

Oh, there's no secret. I just nailed them to the floor.

It's a mistake.

Today is not my birthday.

And so my great -uncle Beauregard said to me, he said, Beauregard, you go into

show business and you'll clean up.

And you know something? He was right.

Were you named Beauregard after him?

About 40 years after.

Oh, I'm working.

I'm working. That's what I was afraid of. Stop that polishing.

But I've only done a little bit. Get off. Off, off, off, off, off, off.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to have a brilliant dance number

our own Fozzie Bear and friends. But excuse me one second. Fozzie?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, watch, watch, watch. Fozzie, be careful. There's a very

slippery place on the stage out here. Where is that? I don't know. It's right

around here somewhere.

Right here.

Curtain.

Look careful, there's a wet spot right here in the stitch.

Careful,

it's right there.

Terrific, guys.

You look great.

Guys, look careful, there's a place right here.

Watch out, there's a wet place. Watch out, right there.

Here is a bucket full of wine.

Date wine, Silver Spring, Maryland.

At this very moment, Mr. and Mrs. George Laser of Silver Spring are attempting

to break the world's record for overhand refrigerator throwing.

Helen, you did a song about, um...

Oh, I don't know. A few years ago. It's one of my very favorite songs of all

time. Really? Which one was it?

Well, it was called You and Me Against the World.

Oh, sure. That was a song I did with my daughter.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. You did it with your daughter? Mm -hmm. Well, do you suppose

that you could do it with a frog?

You mean just you and me?

Yeah.

I think so.

You and me against the world Sometimes it feels like

you and me against the world When all the others turn

their backs and walk away You can count on me to

stay Remember when the circus

came to town

by the clown wasn't it nice to be around

someone that you knew someone who was big and

strong and looking out for you and

me against the world sometimes it feels like

you and me against the world

And for all the times we've cried, I always felt that God was on

our side.

And when one of us is gone, and one of

us is left to carry on, then

remembering we'll have to do

memories alone will get us through.

Hey, Bo?

Yes, sir?

I see the floors are no longer slippery.

Oh, well, that's probably because Kermit told me to spread a little sand around.

A little sand.

Somebody ought to teach you the meaning of a little, though.

I don't believe this.

You believe that?

And now, Veterinarian Hospital.

The continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dog.

Hubba hubba.

So, where's the next patient?

Oh, right here, Dr. Bob.

Oh, oh, look at that.

Hey, he looks cold. We better turn up the heat.

Dr. Bob, those are not earmuffs he's wearing. He was in the recording studio.

Don't you know about headsets? Of course. The head sets on the neck. The

sets on the shoulders.

I learned that the first year in doctor class.

Dr. Bob, have you forgotten about the patient?

No, the patient is the one who's sick. I learned that the second year.

But, Dr. Bob, this patient, he's lost his hearing.

Well, maybe he dropped it someplace.

I'll look under the table.

What kind was it, a clip -on or one of those pierced jars?

Not his earring, his hearing. Dr.

Bob. This man can't hear anything.

He's lucky I've heard every dumb word.

Well, let's get these off.

There we go.

Can you hear me?

Of course I can hear you.

You? Him?

How can I hear him? He hadn't said a word.

If Florence Nightingale had to put up with this, she'd have been a waitress.

Well, I can't do anything about his hearing now.

Call me. tomorrow.

No, Dr. Bob.

You're responsible for his ears. You're right. Call me irresponsible.

And so we come to the end of another veterinarian's hospital.

Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr.

Bob say... Ah!

No wonder he can't hear anything.

He has a tiny little drum in there. It'll have to come out.

No, no, no, no. That's his eardrum. That stays.

What about the tiny little piano and bass?

Call me kangaroo down, sport. Call me kangaroo down.

Call me kangaroo down, mate. Call me kangaroo down. All together now.

Call me kangaroo down, sport. Call me kangaroo down.

Call me kangaroo down, mate.

Well,

no more sand.

And the slipperiness is gone.

Hey, nice going, guys. Way to go.

Well, that takes care of the sand.

Yep, and I'm glad to be rid of it.

Yeah, I swept all the sand out of here.

Now, where did you put it?

Next door.

But that's the stage.

What are we going to do?

What can we do? Get some costumes, scooter, get a couple of tents, a palm

Bring back that camel.

You're lucky I just happened to have a palm tree here.

Now, once again, ladies and gentlemen, our very special guest star. Are you

ready back there? No, we're not ready.

Oh, well, I'll just tell you something about Helen Reddy. I said we weren't

ready. I wasn't talking to you.

Okay, we're ready.

Ladies and gentlemen, Helen Reddy. Oh, I hope this works.

We'll sing in the sunshine.

We'll laugh every day.

We'll sing in the sunshine.

Then I'll be on my way.

I will never love you.

The cost of love too dear.

But though I'll never love you I'll stay with you for a year

And we can sing in the sunshine We'll laugh every day

We'll sing in the sunshine Then I'll be...

Each morning, I kiss you every night.

But darling, don't cling to me.

I'll soon be out of sight. But we can sing in the sunshine.

We'll laugh every day.

We'll sing in the sunshine.

grown to like you, so we'll stop.

But not before we say thank you to our wonderful guest star, Helen Reddy! Yay!

Thank you, Kevin. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed working with the camel.

Oh, you say you enjoyed it. I said I can't tell you that.

Hey, lady, you like him?

He's yours.

Good grief. What's his name?

Sopwith.

Sopwith the camel?

We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show.

Tomorrow at 7 on The Muppet Show,

things get a little bit country when country and western star Roy Clark guest

stars. Coming up next on Happy Days, Richie is held hostage in Chicago.

what's that? after this show nothing hurts