Original subtitles

Lou Rawls? Oh, Lou Rawls? 24 seconds to curtain, Mr. Rawls. Thank you, Scooter.

Mr. Rawls, I wanted to tell you that I greatly respect your talent and I've

followed your career from its very beginning.

Thank you, Sam.

It's just too bad it has to end here.

It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Mr.

Lou Rawls.

It's time to put on makeup.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to get things started. We're old men.

Give us a break.

It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational, momentational. This is what we.

Hey, tonight's show is going to be a very special one because our guest star

the great Mr.

Lou Rawls.

But first, to get things started, here's our own Fozzie Bear, who will perform

for you tonight on roller skates. Oh, man, I think the act needs just a bit

rehearsal.

Well, so much for the opening number.

Now we suddenly arrive at guest star time.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Lou Rawls.

I like groovy people.

I like to be around the groovy, groovy people, yeah.

I don't like nobody that's got an ego.

Don't like to sit around and hold... conversation with somebody who don't

where he wants to go.

Groovy me the simple life full of fun and joy.

And you see I'm just a big old country boy.

Hey, and I like groovy people.

I like to be around the groovy, groovy people.

Yeah. Groovy people. Well, well, well, well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I tell you.

Groovy Groovy Groovy

Groovy

up for child time folks no more let's pretend that we're not at home when they

come knocking on that door I don't like nosy people you know what I'm talking

about nosy folks getting at my business and things well I went through all of

that baby and I know the bad feeling that it brings

A country boy. And I like groovy people.

I like to be around the groovy, groovy people.

Groovy, groovy, groovy. I like groovy people, yeah.

I'm talking about people. I can't hold a conversation.

one fantastic singer.

So am I. Hey, you want to hear me sing?

Only if you sing solo.

Solo? Solo, I can't hear.

Okay,

nice and groovy, guys. Very groovy.

Hey, Chief, I thought you said Fozzie was going to do the opening spot on the

show. Well, that was the plan, but he wasn't quite ready, so we switched

numbers. So what happens now? A newsflash or Fozzie's roller skating

I'll tell the newsman he's on.

Here is a Muppet News flag.

Dateline, New York. Medical science has been baffled by a sudden epidemic of the

rare disease Mallarditis.

The illness strikes very quickly and causes its victim to turn into a duck.

Mallarditis? That's the silliest thing I ever...

And now, Veterinarian's Hospital.

The continuing story of a quack who has gone to the dogs.

On to the next patient.

What's this? He was here a minute ago.

Oh, wow. This is happening a lot lately.

What is?

Dr. Bob is losing his patience.

That's untrue. I never lose my patience. What about the patient you accidentally

fed nitroglycerin to?

Him I lost.

But I found him again.

Where? In Iowa, Minnesota, North and South Dakota.

That was him all over.

So, once again, Dr. Bob has come to nothing.

Tune in next time when you will hear him say... Hey, who are you?

Who? You.

You know, the voice we keep hearing in here.

I'm the announcer.

I'm the guy who says... And now, Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing

of a quack who has gone to the dark.

Well, where's the next patient?

What's this? He was here a minute ago.

Oh, wow. This is happening a lot lately. What is?

Dr. Bob is losing his patience.

Untrue. I never lose my patience.

What about the one you fed nitroglycerin to?

Him I lost. But I found him again.

Where? In Maryland, Virginia, North and South Carolina.

That's him all over.

And so Dr.

Bob has done all the same jokes twice.

Tune in next time when you will hear Nurse Janice say, Shall we go for

No, that would dry my patience.

You don't have any patience. No. I would if it weren't for that dumb

nitroglycerin.

Hey, Floyd.

Animal, what's happening?

Hey, Leroy.

Hey, good to see you. No, Haps. You know, I'm just out walking the drummer.

Walking the drummer? What is he, friend or foe, man?

Oh, yeah, well... Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Lou Ross!

Lou Ross! Lou Ross!

Yeah,

well, he's a big fan, Lou. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, he bought all your albums.

Oh, you like them, Animal?

Ah -ha!

Delicious!

Yeah, well, let me tell you something, Animal. You know, you play the drums so

good, man. You take the sticks and you really lay down some great percussion.

You know what I'm talking about?

Percussion!

You sort of have to consider Animal your basic primitive man.

You have to know how to talk to him. Oh, yeah?

Well, how do you tell a man that his work with the sticks really is down?

I mean, he can put some soul in the bowl. You know what I mean?

Yeah, okay, that's easy.

Animal!

Good drummer. Good drummer.

Good drummer.

Yeah.

Well, listen, let me ask him to say this. Look, see, I got this long road

coming up, and I'm sure the drummer, you think he'd be interested?

Oh, no, you couldn't take Animal on any long road trips, dude. Why not, man? The

cat's good.

Well, you couldn't get a long enough chain.

Chain, chain, chain.

Hey, come on, Floyd. Just let me discuss it with you man to man, you know?

Man to man?

This dude don't know animal.

Okay, Lou, it is a chain, but... All right. Could I just ask one favor? Yeah,

baby. Yeah, don't let him chase any cars, okay? Don't let him chase any

Cars! Oh, I think I blew that game.

Cars!

I see. I'll tell him.

Hey, Kermit? The Swedish chef says he's not ready to go on. You said he'd be on

the second half of the show.

Hey,

well, listen, chef. We've had to move things around a little.

Kermit!

In fact, some things are moving around quite a lot.

This is on the almost.

Okay, let's go, Chef. Come on. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Uncle Kermit, somebody, anybody, help!

Oh, you say your boyfriend's name is Cy?

Cy who?

Klops?

So, uh, what'd you think of the movie Jaws?

Excuse me, are you the monster who swallowed my harmonica?

So, how are the kids, Flo?

just came down with the people pox. My horoscope said I should be

careful today or some great physical harm could befall me.

Ah, that's a lot of silly superstition.

I love

to

linger in the moonlight on Honolulu.

fond memories cling to me by moonlight, although I'm far away.

Boom, boom, and all the beaches, boom, boom, are full of peaches, boom, boom,

who bring their ukes along.

And in the glimmer of the moonlight, they love to sing this song.

If you get like a ukulele...

You like to linger where it's shady, ukulele lady linger too.

If you kiss a ukulele lady and you promise ever to be

true, when she sees another ukulele lady fooling

around with you, maybe she'll cry an awful lot.

Maybe she'll find. And maybe not. Maybe she'll find somebody else.

Bye and bye.

When it's cool and shady.

When it's silly, wicky, wacky.

If you like a ukulele lady.

Ukulele lady like a. If you like me like.

In the be - Final!

you on the show.

Hey, thank you, Kermit. It's really a gas to be here, you know. Oh, well, you

know, I got all your records back at my pad.

Oh. Pad.

Frog. Lily pad. That's a little joke there.

Only possibly, Kermit. Only.

Hey, listen, Lou. Could you tell us, what is the secret of singing jazz like

do? Well, Kermit, all you have to do really is just kind of lay back, you

and lay down some golden tones with soul and style.

Sure. You just kind of lay back and lay down some golden tones with soul and

style.

No, it doesn't even sound the same when I say it.

Hey, but listen, would you do a little bit of that for us right now?

No, no, no.

No? No.

You see, Kermit, you really can't sing jazz without salt lights, you know, a

little atmosphere.

And you've got to have a band.

Oh, well, listen, you got it.

This is an inspiration and an open invitation, you know, for some soulful

syncopation. Hey, does that mean something good?

Yes, it means let things... Wonderful. I'll be over here.

Right.

Back up on my carrom wall. Here I go. Sing low.

Bye. Bye.

Hold it, Floyd. Be cool. Now, wait a minute.

Somewhere somebody's waiting for me. Sugar is sweet. So is she. Goodbye.

Bye, you jive. Turkey, you... All right. The one you can love all understand me.

Oh, what hard luck stories they all each and everybody has. Maybe make my bed

and light the light. But I might not get home tonight, chicken.

Turkey.

Owl. Parakeet. Parrot. Pheasant. Partridge. Minerbird. Kiwi bird.

Jaybird. Redbird.

Bluebird. Big bird.

... ... ... ...

...

What, is there a pussycat in here?

Okay, great number. I love that. I love that.

Let's see. Oh, now where's Fozzie? If he's going to do that roller skating

it'll have to be soon.

Oh, very good, Fozzie. You ready to go on? I'm ready, Kermit. I'm

just sorry I took so long. But I want you to know it's tough.

Roller skating is very, very difficult.

Easy for you

to say.

Welcome again to Muppet Labs, where the

future is being made today.

Well, our latest development is the nuclear -powered shaver.

The honor of shaving for the very first time with a nuclear -powered shaver goes

to my faithful lab assistant, Beaker.

Come on in here, Beaker.

It's all right. Come on. There you go.

Now, in order to protect Beaker's fluffy orange hair from nuclear fallout, he

will wear this protective helmet, which is made of solid lead. Bend over,

Beaker, here.

Come on. Hurry up. Bend over.

There. All right. Up you go, Beaker.

Now Beaker is ready for the demonstration.

Notice how effective the lead helmet is.

Now Beaker doesn't need a shave.

As you may have noticed, Fozzie has taken up roller skating.

So here he is with funny jokes and figure eights, Mr. Fozzie.

How about that? I haven't told one joke and I'm rolling already.

Not bad on a ten -cent pair of skates, huh?

Speaking of cheapskates... Nice flinch, Fuzzy.

Thank you, Fuzzy.

Hey, hey, hey. The next joke I'm going to tell, I'm going to do it while

a figure eight.

Here goes.

Speaking of cheapskates, I know a guy so cheap... When he goes fishing, he puts

a picture of a worm on his hook and he catches a picture of a fish.

Hey,

this is a great way for Fozzie to do his material.

Yeah, a moving target is harder to hit.

Oh, yeah? Well, watch this.

I'm going to tell this next joke while skating, skating backwards and with my

foot in the air, wiggling my ears. Here goes.

Okay.

Guy walks into a diner. There's a horse behind the counter. The guy just looks

at the horse.

The horse says, what's the matter? Surprised to see me here?

And the guy says, yeah.

Did the cow sell the place?

He was doing okay till he fell off the stage.

Wrong. He was doing okay till he came on the stage.

Did the cow sell the place?

Once again, ladies and gentlemen, this time backed by the big band of Dr.

here he is, Mr. Lou Roll.

I've been all over the world And I've seen all kinds of girls But

baby, let me tell you that you're

you that you're the one.

I'm trying to tell you that you're the one.

You are the one.

You're the one. Hey baby, you are the one.

You know that I and all kinds of ladies do each and everything

to me.

But baby, let me tell you that

I said, because you did something to me nobody else has ever done.

Ask me another.

Well, that's about all the time we have, but before we go... I'm going now.

As I was saying, before we go, let's have a warm thank you to our special

star, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Lou Rose.

Tomorrow at 7 on The Muppet Show, Julie Andrews performs alongside a gang of

yodeling Muppets and serenades Kermit with a special song.

Coming up next on Happy Days, Richie Posse and Mel start out cruising and end

streaking.

I love tonight's show.

Really? Of course not. Just wanted to see if I could say it.