Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

This episode of The Muppet Show stars Julie Andrews.

Julie and the Muppets had worked together several times before actually

this episode in a number of TV specials. In fact, in this show, you'll see her

sing a song with Kermit called When You Were a Tadpole.

She wrote this song earlier for one of her own specials. Another moment to look

for in this episode is an appearance by a real cow.

Now that sounds simple enough, but you have to realize that every set is built

five feet off the ground and is really not meant to carry much weight.

They had an awful lot of nervous puppeteers surrounding a very nervous

five -foot platform.

The cow naturally didn't do anything he was meant to do, but at least he didn't

jump off the stage.

Here it is, The Cow, Julie Andrews, and The Muppets in The Muppet Show.

Julie Andrews?

Fifteen seconds to curtain, Miss Andrews. Thank you.

Thank you. I'll be ready.

I'll be ready just as long as nobody else drops in.

And here she is now, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Julie Andrews.

I honor you was a lonely goatherd. Lady, oh, lady, oh, lady, oh.

Loud was the voice of the lonely goatherd. Lady, oh, lady, oh, no.

Folks in a town that was quite remote.

... ...

...

... ... ...

Don't sneak. Snake sneak.

Find out who it belongs to.

Okay.

Who do you belong to?

Strutter!

Okay, Chief, okay.

I think they're going to love this show in Jersey.

Here is a Muppet News flash.

A plane carrying a load of sports equipment was forced to jettison some of

cargo. Among the items... The ones tossed out were 10 ,000 ping pong balls.

we're much more careful about who we allow in this place.

Yeah, I can see that.

It's been a bad night for security.

Wow, you got a great pair of legs.

In fact, she's got two great pair of legs.

Hey, you wouldn't think about going into show business, would you?

Well, at least have dinner with me. Promise?

Gonzo!

Hey, Chief.

Well, so far, nobody knows nothing about the cow.

Well, keep trying. We cannot have a cow backstage.

Well, look on the bright side.

At least you won't have to give us milk money anymore.

Julie, it's very nice to be able to talk quietly with you for a minute. Thank

you, Kermit. I feel the same way. You know, there's something I was going to

you. Excuse me, Julie. Hey, Kermit. Your nephew, Robin, just fell in a tuba.

What? He fell in a tuba, but it's okay.

Animals are getting him out.

Hey,

Robin, are you all right?

Yeah, it's fun.

Now, you were saying, Julie?

Excuse me. I hate to interrupt, Julie.

Excuse me.

Kermit? Kermit, did you ask to see the Flying Zucchini Human Cannonball Act?

right now, Fonzie. Okay, I'll go tell him. Bye -bye. Bye.

Kermit, I was too late. You see, I already have him on.

Yes, now you were saying... You see, they have two... Okay, okay!

I'm sorry, Julie. You were trying to say... Sweetums and fog are playing

badminton. So?

Well, you're playing with my chicken.

Julie,

you were asking?

Oh, nothing.

I was just wondering what you guys did for entertainment around here.

Oh, nothing much.

Once again, I'll get my coat and go a lonely wall.

Flower waiting by the wall without the will.

Power to face the music at all.

Please won't somebody dance with me?

Start up a romance with me.

One, two, three.

Way down south, way down in Borneo, there's a wild man called the Borneo.

down on Borneo Bay.

Even though you've got a corneo, you'll dance till the break of dawnio. Way down

on Borneo Bay.

Wild man stand with his clothes all corneo, toot toot toots on bamboo

Round the bamboo, baby, start to sway, start to sway.

See them dance for me. Oh, you'll just put your jewels in Ponyo way down.

Way down south, way down in Borneo, there's a wild man called the Borneo.

down on Borneo Bay.

Even though you've got the Borneo, you'll dance till the break of dawn, yo.

down on Borneo Bay.

Wild man stands with his toes on Torneo, toot, toot, toot on his bamboo horn,

yo. And the bamboo babies start to sway, start to sway.

When you see them dance the Borneo, you'll just put your jewels in Borneo.

Way down on Borneo Bay.

Hermit, you've really been busy since I saw you last.

Oh, yeah, we've been doing this show and all that stuff. Oh, and I love the

shows. I watch them every week. Oh, hey, that's nice.

Gee, but, you know, one thing a lot of people don't know about you.

is that you write children's books. I really enjoy doing that, too.

And you also write songs.

Well, I wrote one for you, remember?

You wrote one for me?

Oh, come it. How could you have forgotten?

Oh, I didn't forget.

We did it on a special of yours a couple of years ago. That's right.

Hey, would you do that now?

Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

Actually, I knew she was going to do it.

Ready? Mm -hmm.

When you were a tadpole and I...

was a fish when the whole world had barely begun

I saw you swim by

with a smile in your eye and I loved you

That really is a lovely song.

Oh, I'm glad you like it, Kermit. It's a little bit fishy, but I really love it,

though. I love when you sing it.

Thank you.

I'm so glad that you love me, too, because I've loved

you.

Greetings. As an American Eagle, I feel it is my duty to

say a few words about the glories of industry and technology.

There are those among us who would silence our factories,

shut down our mills, and grind our highways to a halt.

Yea, verily.

Today, the very fiber of our industrialization is under attack from a

subversive group of namby -pamby conservationists. These

weirdos would stop the march of progress for the sake of a few

insignificant animals.

I have here a list, a list of the animals.

These so -called conservationists would have us protect... Just listen to

this. The mountain lion.

The alligator.

The coyote. The timber wolf. The American bald eagle.

The American bald eagle.

Excuse me, this list is now inoperative.

Oh, well, I finally found someone who's going to do something with her. Oh,

yeah? Who? The Swedish chef.

What are you

doing? I'll do that. Come on. No,

no, no, no, no.

Now,

Scooter, would you erase that cow? Oh, sure, boss.

At least I can help.

Welcome again to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today.

Well, we are just feverishly excited here at the labs today because our

invention is ready for testing.

Here it is, Muppet Labs' new hair -growing tonic. And who better to test

than my willing and eager lab assistant, Beaker.

Come on in here, Beaker.

Now, you would just love to test this new hair -growing tonic, wouldn't you,

Beaker? Mm -mm.

I knew he would.

Okay, just sit down on this stool here.

Come on.

There you go.

We'll shake a little bit of this on here.

Put it down.

And massage it in vigorously.

Well, yes, now, in just a matter of seconds, you can grow a rich, luxurious

of hair. Go from a baldy to a shaggy in the mere tick of a clock.

There. Now watch closely. Here is the result of using Muppet's hair -growing

tonic.

Perhaps we should call it hair -raising tonic.

Hey, Kermit? Hey, Kermit, I found some guys who'll get rid of the cow for you.

Oh, that's great. Who are they? The Zucchini Brothers.

The human cannonball?

Yeah, but now they're going to change it to a cow cannonball.

Whenever I feel afraid, to hold my head erect, and whistle a happy tune,

so no one will suspect I'm afraid.

While shivering in my shoes, I wipe a careless pose, and whistle a happy

tune, and no one ever knows I'm afraid.

is very strange to tell, for when I fool the people I fear...

I happen to have a pen on me at the moment, but there's one at the police

station around the corner.

Hooray, come on!

You're brave, and the trick will take you far.

Muppet Show, and I must say that this one has been a particularly moving

experience.

But before we go, let's have a warm thank you to our special guest, our

and gentlemen, Miss Julie Andrews!

Thank you. Thank you, Kermit. I really had a super time on the show. Oh, good.

Except for one thing.

What's that?

Well, I seem to have lost my cow around here somewhere.

Cow?