All language subtitles for The Muppet Show - s02e18 - Julie Andrews

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

This episode of The Muppet Show stars
Julie Andrews.

Julie and the Muppets had worked
together several times before actually

this episode in a number of TV specials.
In fact, in this show, you'll see her

sing a song with Kermit called When You
Were a Tadpole.

She wrote this song earlier for one of
her own specials. Another moment to look

for in this episode is an appearance by
a real cow.

Now that sounds simple enough, but you
have to realize that every set is built

five feet off the ground and is really
not meant to carry much weight.

They had an awful lot of nervous
puppeteers surrounding a very nervous

five -foot platform.

The cow naturally didn't do anything he
was meant to do, but at least he didn't

jump off the stage.

Here it is, The Cow, Julie Andrews, and
The Muppets in The Muppet Show.

Julie Andrews?

Fifteen seconds to curtain, Miss
Andrews. Thank you.

Thank you. I'll be ready.

I'll be ready just as long as nobody
else drops in.

And here she is now, ladies and
gentlemen, Miss Julie Andrews.

I honor you was a lonely goatherd. Lady,
oh, lady, oh, lady, oh.

Loud was the voice of the lonely
goatherd. Lady, oh, lady, oh, no.

Folks in a town that was quite remote.

... ...

...

... ... ...

Don't sneak. Snake sneak.

Find out who it belongs to.

Okay.

Who do you belong to?

Strutter!

Okay, Chief, okay.

I think they're going to love this show
in Jersey.

Here is a Muppet News flash.

A plane carrying a load of sports
equipment was forced to jettison some of

cargo. Among the items... The ones
tossed out were 10 ,000 ping pong balls.

we're much more careful about who we
allow in this place.

Yeah, I can see that.

It's been a bad night for security.

Wow, you got a great pair of legs.

In fact, she's got two great pair of
legs.

Hey, you wouldn't think about going into
show business, would you?

Well, at least have dinner with me.
Promise?

Gonzo!

Hey, Chief.

Well, so far, nobody knows nothing about
the cow.

Well, keep trying. We cannot have a cow
backstage.

Well, look on the bright side.

At least you won't have to give us milk
money anymore.

Julie, it's very nice to be able to talk
quietly with you for a minute. Thank

you, Kermit. I feel the same way. You
know, there's something I was going to

you. Excuse me, Julie. Hey, Kermit. Your
nephew, Robin, just fell in a tuba.

What? He fell in a tuba, but it's okay.

Animals are getting him out.

Hey,

Robin, are you all right?

Yeah, it's fun.

Now, you were saying, Julie?

Excuse me. I hate to interrupt, Julie.

Excuse me.

Kermit? Kermit, did you ask to see the
Flying Zucchini Human Cannonball Act?

right now, Fonzie. Okay, I'll go tell
him. Bye -bye. Bye.

Kermit, I was too late. You see, I
already have him on.

Yes, now you were saying... You see,
they have two... Okay, okay!

I'm sorry, Julie. You were trying to
say... Sweetums and fog are playing

badminton. So?

Well, you're playing with my chicken.

Julie,

you were asking?

Oh, nothing.

I was just wondering what you guys did
for entertainment around here.

Oh, nothing much.

Once again, I'll get my coat and go a
lonely wall.

Flower waiting by the wall without the
will.

Power to face the music at all.

Please won't somebody dance with me?

Start up a romance with me.

One, two, three.

Way down south, way down in Borneo,
there's a wild man called the Borneo.

down on Borneo Bay.

Even though you've got a corneo, you'll
dance till the break of dawnio. Way down

on Borneo Bay.

Wild man stand with his clothes all
corneo, toot toot toots on bamboo

Round the bamboo, baby, start to sway,
start to sway.

See them dance for me. Oh, you'll just
put your jewels in Ponyo way down.

Way down south, way down in Borneo,
there's a wild man called the Borneo.

down on Borneo Bay.

Even though you've got the Borneo,
you'll dance till the break of dawn, yo.

down on Borneo Bay.

Wild man stands with his toes on Torneo,
toot, toot, toot on his bamboo horn,

yo. And the bamboo babies start to sway,
start to sway.

When you see them dance the Borneo,
you'll just put your jewels in Borneo.

Way down on Borneo Bay.

Hermit, you've really been busy since I
saw you last.

Oh, yeah, we've been doing this show and
all that stuff. Oh, and I love the

shows. I watch them every week. Oh, hey,
that's nice.

Gee, but, you know, one thing a lot of
people don't know about you.

is that you write children's books. I
really enjoy doing that, too.

And you also write songs.

Well, I wrote one for you, remember?

You wrote one for me?

Oh, come it. How could you have
forgotten?

Oh, I didn't forget.

We did it on a special of yours a couple
of years ago. That's right.

Hey, would you do that now?

Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

Actually, I knew she was going to do it.

Ready? Mm -hmm.

When you were a tadpole and I...

was a fish when the whole world had
barely begun

I saw you swim by

with a smile in your eye and I loved you

That really is a lovely song.

Oh, I'm glad you like it, Kermit. It's a
little bit fishy, but I really love it,

though. I love when you sing it.

Thank you.

I'm so glad that you love me, too,
because I've loved

you.

Greetings. As an American Eagle, I feel
it is my duty to

say a few words about the glories of
industry and technology.

There are those among us who would
silence our factories,

shut down our mills, and grind our
highways to a halt.

Yea, verily.

Today, the very fiber of our
industrialization is under attack from a

subversive group of namby -pamby
conservationists. These

weirdos would stop the march of progress
for the sake of a few

insignificant animals.

I have here a list, a list of the
animals.

These so -called conservationists would
have us protect... Just listen to

this. The mountain lion.

The alligator.

The coyote. The timber wolf. The
American bald eagle.

The American bald eagle.

Excuse me, this list is now inoperative.

Oh, well, I finally found someone who's
going to do something with her. Oh,

yeah? Who? The Swedish chef.

What are you

doing? I'll do that. Come on. No,

no, no, no, no.

Now,

Scooter, would you erase that cow? Oh,
sure, boss.

At least I can help.

Welcome again to Muppet Labs, where the
future is being made today.

Well, we are just feverishly excited
here at the labs today because our

invention is ready for testing.

Here it is, Muppet Labs' new hair
-growing tonic. And who better to test

than my willing and eager lab assistant,
Beaker.

Come on in here, Beaker.

Now, you would just love to test this
new hair -growing tonic, wouldn't you,

Beaker? Mm -mm.

I knew he would.

Okay, just sit down on this stool here.

Come on.

There you go.

We'll shake a little bit of this on
here.

Put it down.

And massage it in vigorously.

Well, yes, now, in just a matter of
seconds, you can grow a rich, luxurious

of hair. Go from a baldy to a shaggy in
the mere tick of a clock.

There. Now watch closely. Here is the
result of using Muppet's hair -growing

tonic.

Perhaps we should call it hair -raising
tonic.

Hey, Kermit? Hey, Kermit, I found some
guys who'll get rid of the cow for you.

Oh, that's great. Who are they? The
Zucchini Brothers.

The human cannonball?

Yeah, but now they're going to change it
to a cow cannonball.

Whenever I feel afraid, to hold my head
erect, and whistle a happy tune,

so no one will suspect I'm afraid.

While shivering in my shoes, I wipe a
careless pose, and whistle a happy

tune, and no one ever knows I'm afraid.

is very strange to tell, for when I fool
the people I fear...

I happen to have a pen on me at the
moment, but there's one at the police

station around the corner.

Hooray, come on!

You're brave, and the trick will take
you far.

Muppet Show, and I must say that this
one has been a particularly moving

experience.

But before we go, let's have a warm
thank you to our special guest, our

and gentlemen, Miss Julie Andrews!

Thank you. Thank you, Kermit. I really
had a super time on the show. Oh, good.

Except for one thing.

What's that?

Well, I seem to have lost my cow around
here somewhere.

Cow?