Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

This episode of The Muppets Show stars Elton John.

And at the time that we did this show, he was just coming out of a phase where

he was doing those flamboyant costumes and those big crazy glasses and feathers

everywhere. And it was wonderful, and it particularly excited the Muppets, the

idea of having Elton on the show doing all that crazy stuff.

Until they called him and asked him what he wanted to do, and he said, you know,

I'll do anything, but...

What I really don't want to do is I don't want to do those crazy flamboyant

costumes with all big feathers and big glasses and stuff. So naturally, that

a bit of a problem to the Muppets because that was what they were really

forward to.

So this whole episode is about the Muppets really wanting him to do that

flamboyant, crazy look and him not wanting to.

But as always, the Muppets sort of went out in the end.

Boy, Elton, you look weird.

Here it is, Elton John and the Muppets.

Elton John?

Elton John?

Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. John.

It's great to be here.

Even my lunch likes me.

It's the Muppet Show with our special guest star, Mr.

Elton John!

It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational, Muppetational. This is what we call the Muppet Show.

Thank you, thank you, and welcome to the Muppet Show. We were going to have a

wonderful show for you tonight. We're all very excited around here because our

guest star is one of the world's greatest recording stars.

And here he is.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

John, okay?

Okay? He's fantastic.

Terrific. Scooter?

Scooter? Oh, Chef, you're on next.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I don't know.

Scooter? Scooter?

Yes, Chief?

Scooter, what are you doing with this piano?

Oh, I found this song for Elton John. He's just got to hear it. He don't got

hear it.

Theater wanted him to hear it. Where do you want the piano?

Upstairs in Milton John's dressing room.

You got it.

This birdy birdy egg dishes.

Egg dishes.

This birdy birdy egg dishes.

This birdy egg.

This birdy egg.

This birdy egg.

This birdy egg. This birdy egg.

This birdy egg.

This bird egg.

This bird. This bird. This bird.

This bird. This

bird.

guests feel at home on the show, but don't you think a piano in the dressing

room is overdoing it a little?

Oh, well, you see, I've been meaning to talk to you about this piano.

You see, we've got a gopher around here.

We've had frogs, chickens, and now a gopher.

Oh, yeah, well, you see, that's an old theatrical term. A gopher is somebody

have around to gopher coffee.

Isn't that interesting?

No.

You see, this gopher of ours, well, he's found a song he wants you to do on the

show. Oh, come on. I thought you were more professional. than that. Well, I'm

sorry, Elton, but the kid has taste, he's got talent, and he's got an uncle

owns the theater. Please, please.

Okay, okay, let's hear it.

That song has no melody.

Isn't that the worst song you've ever heard, Elton?

Well, I didn't think so when I wrote it.

You wrote that song?

Yep. Oh, it's a rather interesting song. It's got a nice little melody.

You really hated it, huh?

Well, yeah.

Well, it can sound different. It can?

Yeah. Let me show you.

For Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of a quack who has gone

dog.

Here's the next patient, Dr. Bob.

It's a dog.

I hope he doesn't have fleas. Why not?

I hate to start from scratch.

What kind of dog is he, Dr. Bob?

Ask him what time it is. Why?

He might be a watchdog.

by her own guard dog.

Doberman Pinscher?

No, Doberman Bitter.

Hey,

where did you find him? At the lost and hound department.

I wish he was a dachshund. Why?

I'd like to get a long little doggy. No.

And so, once again, Dr.

Bob has taken the bulldog by the horn.

Tune in next week when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say... Dr. Bob, I think the

patient is running a fever.

Oh, well, go get some mustard.

Mustard? That's what you always put on a hot dog.

Just a week or two ago, my poor old Uncle

Bill went and kicked the bucket and he left me in his will.

The other day I popped around to see poor Auntie Jane. She said, your Uncle

has left to you a watch and chain.

I put it on right across my vest.

I'd look at the endy as it dangled on my chest.

Just to flash it off, I started walking round about.

A lot of kitties followed me and all began to shout like this.

Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron.

You look neat, talk about a treat. You look dapper from the opportunity.

Dressing style, brand new tile, and your father's old green tie on. But I

wouldn't give you toppings for your old watch chain old iron.

Here we go, everybody.

Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron.

You look deep, talk about a treat, you look down from your back to your feet.

Dressed in style, brand new tie, with your father's old green tie on.

But I wouldn't give you time for your old watch chain. Old iron, old iron,

yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron.

You look deep, talk about a treat, you look down from your back to your feet.

Dressed in style, brand new tie, with your father's old green tie on. But I

wouldn't give you time for your...

Ladies and gentlemen... Anyway,

Kermit's allowed me to do an introduction to our guest star tonight,

promise not to get carried away, so I'll be very understated.

Here he is, the greatest talent in the history of the universe, Elton John!

When are you gonna come down?

When are you going to land?

Should I have stayed on the phone?

Should I have listened to my own mind?

You know you can't hold me forever.

I didn't sign up.

And now, Pigs in Space!

Starring the intangible Link Hogthrob, the redoubtable Miss Piggy,

and the sanctimonious Dr.

Strangeport.

As we left the swine track last time, the crew had just been overcome with a

fearful attack.

of eternal space.

A pig could go mad.

We only blasted off 20 minutes ago.

That long?

At least we could have brought a TV set. I'm missing all my favorite bowling

shows.

You and your bowling shows.

He cries at the sad parts.

Doctor, what does that red light mean?

Oh, the red light means stop.

Green light means gold. The yellow light... No, no, no, no. Not traffic

yet, twit.

That light on the console.

Oh, that light.

That means we've been invaded by alien beings.

Oh.

What?

Yes, even now, hideous creatures of some sort are roaming the ship.

Oh, oh, help. Do something, Miss Piggy. If they're like snakes, I'll scream.

Two snakes.

of eternal space.

Tune in next week and be bored.

musician. Then why does he dress like a stolen car?

Sam, musicians have always been fancy dressers.

Mozart wasn't.

Mozart wore high heels and wigs and silk stockings.

Hold your little green tongue.

It's true, Sam.

If Mozart wore high heels, wigs and stockings, I'll eat my hat.

And give Elton John a big introduction.

picture of Mozart, Elton John TV.

What? Those high heels and silk stockings.

What?

Hey, Sam, you know, you'd look great in a powdered wig.

Good grief, I've been horn -swoggled.

Yes, yes, you do, Sammy. That is a bet.

All right.

Let's see.

I am proud to introduce one of the great names in popular music, one of my all

-time favorites,

Elton John.

And? All right.

Wonderful lady that I've always wanted to work with

and sing with.

So will you please give a great reception to the fantastic Miss Piggy!

It's like stolen guns.

Well, what'd you think?

I hate running gags.