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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,940 --> 00:00:10,160 Hi, I'm Brian Henson. 2 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:15,220 This episode of The Muppet Show stars Rudolf Nureyev. Don't you talk to 3 00:00:15,220 --> 00:00:16,219 strangers? 4 00:00:16,940 --> 00:00:18,720 Depends on how strange the stranger is. 5 00:00:19,380 --> 00:00:24,460 Nureyev is one of the 20th century's greatest ballet dancers, and perhaps the 6 00:00:24,460 --> 00:00:26,960 last person you'd expect to find on The Muppet Show. 7 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:32,700 They contacted Nureyev to find out what he wanted to do with The Muppets, and he 8 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,900 said, I'd love to dance with Miss Piggy. 9 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:39,420 Well, of course, with Miss Piggy, it's kind of hard to do a ballet sequence 10 00:00:39,420 --> 00:00:43,480 because she's generally only seen from the waist up. So what they did was they 11 00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:50,140 built this crazy, big, kind of goofy pig costume to dance with Nureyev. 12 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:55,000 The dance floor was a little slick, and Nureyev actually taught us a little 13 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:57,320 trick. He said, you mop the floors with Coca -Cola. 14 00:00:57,540 --> 00:01:00,980 So as you watch this episode, check out the sticky floors and the extra large 15 00:01:00,980 --> 00:01:03,020 pig on The Muppet Show. 16 00:01:07,190 --> 00:01:08,230 Rudolph Nureyev? 17 00:01:08,450 --> 00:01:09,670 Rudolph Nureyev? 18 00:01:10,130 --> 00:01:11,530 Fifteen seconds, Mr. 19 00:01:11,930 --> 00:01:12,930 Nureyev. 20 00:01:13,330 --> 00:01:16,790 Uh -huh. I knew he was too smart to show up. 21 00:01:20,190 --> 00:01:23,130 It's the Muppet Show with our special guest star, Mr. 22 00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:24,390 Rudolph Nureyev. 23 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:58,040 It's time to get things started on the most 24 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,240 sensational, inspirational, celebrational moment. 25 00:02:22,540 --> 00:02:26,060 I don't mind that so much, but me and Robin are mad we have to wear these 26 00:02:26,060 --> 00:02:28,480 clothes. You and Robin? Where's Robin? 27 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:29,720 Oh, right here. 28 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:32,960 The only hat I could find. 29 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:35,880 Attention! 30 00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:38,198 Beg pardon? 31 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,240 Line up for inspection. 32 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:45,380 Inspection? Yes, we must look proper for Mr. Nureyev. At last, to have a man of 33 00:02:45,380 --> 00:02:49,760 dignity, a man of culture on this weird, sick program. 34 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:53,840 Would you wash your flippers? 35 00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:55,500 Yes, sir. 36 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:56,760 Let's have a look. 37 00:02:59,620 --> 00:03:01,920 Will you please get off the floor? 38 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:07,040 Will you comb your hair and polish those shoes? Yes, sir, yes, sir. 39 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:08,360 And one more thing. 40 00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:09,960 Your hat's too big. 41 00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:14,960 Sam, can I introduce the show now? Of course, yes, but just do it with 42 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:16,240 Yes, yes. 43 00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:21,760 To have the brilliant, talented Rudolf Nureyev on our show. 44 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,720 He's my favorite opera singer. 45 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:32,520 Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hi there, and welcome to the Muppet Show. 46 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,000 call that dignity? 47 00:03:34,420 --> 00:03:35,500 I'm sorry, Sam. 48 00:03:37,540 --> 00:03:42,680 Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed an honor to welcome you to the Muppet Show. 49 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:48,220 Tonight's guest star is one of the world's great masters of ballet, Mr. 50 00:03:48,220 --> 00:03:49,220 Nureyev. 51 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,400 Are you sure it's ballet, not opera? 52 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:54,480 Positive. 53 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,740 Six of one, half dozen the other. Culture is culture. 54 00:03:58,980 --> 00:04:02,320 But here to get things started is Dr. 55 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,120 Teeth and the electrician. What, Dr. 56 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:05,360 Teeth? 57 00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:10,360 Sam, I know I promised you a very cultural show, but don't worry. You see, 58 00:04:10,460 --> 00:04:13,820 they're playing a minuet, and they have promised to be very classy. 59 00:04:14,180 --> 00:04:15,720 May I have that in writing? 60 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:35,640 Hey, what's this bummer called again? 61 00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:37,860 When you went to G -Major. 62 00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:41,000 They ought to send it back to the miners. 63 00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:45,980 Yeah, if I knew we were going to do this, I'd have just stayed home and sent 64 00:04:45,980 --> 00:04:46,980 my suit. 65 00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:51,460 The animal's not going to make it, man. 66 00:05:23,980 --> 00:05:28,200 get, the more I appreciate good music. Yeah, what's it got to do with what we 67 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:29,079 just heard? 68 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:30,880 Nothing. Just thought I'd mention it. 69 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:37,160 Not very cultural, guys. 70 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,820 Not very cultural. That was awful. 71 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,100 Mr. Nureyev must be shocked. 72 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:45,360 Well, I doubt it. 73 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,220 Well, of course he is. He is sensitive. 74 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:51,080 He is creative. He is artistic. 75 00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:52,580 He is not here. 76 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,580 He just phoned in. He's running a little bit late. 77 00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,480 Oh, thank goodness. 78 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:05,020 Now, remember, when Mr. Nureyev arrives, we must be dignified. We must be 79 00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:06,020 respected. 80 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:12,420 I'm here. 81 00:06:13,260 --> 00:06:17,220 Not for long, you are not. We are waiting for Mr. Nureyev. 82 00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:22,260 I'll handle this. Get out of here, you freak. You hit me. You weirdo gal. 83 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,140 punk kids think they are. 84 00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:31,860 That one thinks he's Rudolf Nureyev. 85 00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:37,760 What? In fact, I was Rudolf Nureyev. 86 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,740 What have I done? 87 00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:44,920 I think I'll go out and introduce something cultural. 88 00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:54,500 Now, in keeping with our tone of culture and classicism, 89 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,740 kill time while we see if we still have a guest star, we proudly present the 90 00:06:59,740 --> 00:07:05,360 love duet from the third act of The Barber of Der Flatermus by Giuseppe 91 00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:07,800 Or Giuseppe Wagner. 92 00:07:09,940 --> 00:07:10,940 Whatever. 93 00:08:39,340 --> 00:08:40,340 see that. 94 00:08:44,260 --> 00:08:46,980 You know, there's nothing like grand opera. 95 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,080 Yep, and that was nothing like it. 96 00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:51,020 Mr. 97 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:53,940 Lorena, will you ever forgive me? 98 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:55,460 He forgives you, Sam. 99 00:08:56,500 --> 00:09:00,500 What? I just talked to him. He isn't angry. He's putting on his costume for 100 00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:01,500 big ballet number. 101 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:03,540 Oh, bless you, Frog. 102 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:08,540 Oh, thank you for these glad tidings. And what ballet, may I ask? 103 00:09:08,780 --> 00:09:11,740 is the incomparable Mr. Nureyev going to perform? 104 00:09:12,140 --> 00:09:13,420 Uh, Swine Lake. 105 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,960 Culture. Yes, culture. 106 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:21,540 Dignity at last. Cl... Swine Lake? 107 00:09:23,540 --> 00:09:29,420 Uh, ladies and gentlemen, in the classic ballet Swine Lake, a beautiful princess 108 00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:33,040 has been turned into a pig by the wicked magician Trichinosis. 109 00:09:33,820 --> 00:09:37,860 Uh, unfortunately, the handsome prince... There's a handsome prince in 110 00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:40,950 too. The handsome prince hasn't heard about the change. 111 00:09:41,210 --> 00:09:45,730 Here, then, the very princely Mr. Rudolph Nerea. 112 00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:59,440 I've got two wheels on my tricycle and four toes on each foot. I've got six 113 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:06,360 in my week and up with this I will not put. I'm a bath without a plug and I'm a 114 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,000 handle with no jug. 115 00:13:08,260 --> 00:13:12,920 I'm a kiss without a hug unless you're near me. 116 00:13:13,220 --> 00:13:18,200 I've got three strings on my violin and I'm an only twin. 117 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,940 Something's missing, something's missing, something's... 118 00:13:29,260 --> 00:13:35,260 Well, my cat has only got eight lives. He chases two blind mice. On my 119 00:13:35,380 --> 00:13:38,920 when I get three cheers, they only cheer me twice. 120 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:45,780 I'm an oil well with no oil, and I'm a plant that has no soil. I'm a kettle 121 00:13:45,780 --> 00:13:48,940 won't boil unless you're near me. 122 00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:54,200 Two and two make three when I add. You're an orphan, says my dad. 123 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:57,960 Something's missing, something's missing, something's... 124 00:14:04,319 --> 00:14:09,720 But whenever you come close to me, my life is all complete. 125 00:14:10,020 --> 00:14:16,400 For no longer do I have four toes, no longer two left feet. I'm a playground 126 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:22,780 full of swings and I'm an eagle with his wings. I'm a nightingale that sings 127 00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:24,140 because you're near. 128 00:14:48,969 --> 00:14:51,610 And now, Veterinarians Hospital. 129 00:14:51,930 --> 00:14:57,460 On this special episode, our quack who has gone to the dog. will pay tribute to 130 00:14:57,460 --> 00:14:58,460 William Shakespeare. 131 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,700 Prithee, nurse, who beeth our next patient? 132 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,220 Why, this little piglet, sire. 133 00:15:05,460 --> 00:15:06,880 Not piglet, hamlet. 134 00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:10,380 Remember, we're doing Shakespeare here. 135 00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:12,320 Sounds more like bacon. 136 00:15:14,140 --> 00:15:17,560 Say, this patient needs a transfusion. What's his blood type? 137 00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:21,240 Well, I think it's 2B, but I'm not sure. 138 00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:23,260 Well, make up your mind. 2B. 139 00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:32,150 this patient's heart. 140 00:15:32,590 --> 00:15:34,490 Zounds. Zounds what? 141 00:15:34,790 --> 00:15:35,790 Zounds terrible. 142 00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:39,910 Hey, the frog wanted Shakespeare. He's getting Shakespeare. 143 00:15:40,270 --> 00:15:42,090 But you're a doctor first. 144 00:15:42,470 --> 00:15:45,490 Right. Doctor first, Richard the second, Henry the fourth. 145 00:15:46,990 --> 00:15:49,450 Me thinks we should take our leave. 146 00:15:49,930 --> 00:15:50,930 Why? 147 00:15:59,850 --> 00:16:06,550 if the shrew fits. So we leave veterinarian's hospital on Avon. Tune in 148 00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:07,750 week when you'll hear Dr. 149 00:16:08,030 --> 00:16:10,570 Bob say, Alas, poor pork! 150 00:16:32,010 --> 00:16:33,090 Is there something wrong with it? 151 00:16:33,330 --> 00:16:35,870 Wrong? Why, it's... Oh, 152 00:16:37,950 --> 00:16:43,650 at last, a mature and passionate love duet between me and my Kermit. 153 00:16:44,030 --> 00:16:46,190 Well, you're not doing it with me. 154 00:16:47,010 --> 00:16:49,630 What? No, you're going to do it with Rudolph and Araya. 155 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,880 the next introduction he's trying to get 156 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:46,660 Depends on how strange the stranger is. 157 00:17:48,620 --> 00:17:53,980 What a wonderful sense of humor you have. And you have a marvelous mind. 158 00:17:54,620 --> 00:17:56,640 And the other parts ain't bad either. 159 00:17:57,700 --> 00:17:58,860 Just think of it. 160 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,540 Last week I've been dancing with Natalia Makarova. 161 00:18:02,020 --> 00:18:04,740 And today I'm in a steam room with a lady pig. 162 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:06,360 Oh, yes. 163 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,360 But isn't it heaven? 164 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,860 I don't think heaven is this one. 165 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,640 It's more like the other place. 166 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:36,780 i really can't stay cold outside i've got to go away it's 167 00:18:36,780 --> 00:18:39,640 cold outside this evening 168 00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:04,790 Well, maybe just a little while more. 169 00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:33,140 Implant. 170 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,210 this show he'll 171 00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:41,370 Forgot you can, the library. 172 00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:44,090 Keep playing. 173 00:20:44,350 --> 00:20:45,350 Sounds terrific. 174 00:20:48,270 --> 00:20:50,410 Thank you. 175 00:21:01,150 --> 00:21:02,270 Got a match? 176 00:21:02,550 --> 00:21:04,850 Match. Match for the... Okay. 177 00:21:39,790 --> 00:21:41,250 I think it's all taken care of. 178 00:21:41,570 --> 00:21:43,650 You're going to have a beautiful candle to play with. 179 00:21:51,750 --> 00:21:52,750 Give it time. 180 00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:00,570 Don't go! 181 00:22:02,310 --> 00:22:05,770 Rudolph, I want to tell you how delighted we are to have you on our show 182 00:22:05,770 --> 00:22:08,110 tonight. I'm having a great time. 183 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,200 I'm afraid your friend the eagle isn't too pleased. 184 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,120 Oh, that's just Sam. Don't worry about him. 185 00:22:15,140 --> 00:22:17,440 Mr. Nerea, may I have your attention? 186 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,040 Yes. 187 00:22:19,220 --> 00:22:22,020 Well, maybe I'm not too sure. 188 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:29,000 I just want to apologize for the disgusting things the frog has forced 189 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,000 on this show. 190 00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:32,560 The frog did not force him. 191 00:22:33,260 --> 00:22:34,660 The frog didn't force me. 192 00:22:35,460 --> 00:22:38,020 What? No, I wanted to do that. 193 00:22:38,340 --> 00:22:39,460 And it was fun. 194 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:45,220 I can't believe that I'm speaking to the real Rudolf Nureyev. 195 00:22:45,620 --> 00:22:47,600 Does that mean you're going to throw me out again? 196 00:22:49,540 --> 00:22:51,560 No, no, no, no, of course not, no. 197 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,860 There's one more number I would like to do. 198 00:22:54,500 --> 00:23:00,560 Aha, I should have known. The first two for the lowbrow element, but for your 199 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:04,980 finale, a brilliant interpretation of classic ballet. 200 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:06,760 Exactly. 201 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:10,060 Is that a ballet? 202 00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:13,220 costume. Trust me, Sam. You see? 203 00:23:18,420 --> 00:23:22,320 I am putting on my top hat. 204 00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:25,040 Tying up my white tie. 205 00:23:25,740 --> 00:23:26,980 Brushing off my chain. 206 00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:32,260 I am putting up my shirt. 207 00:23:33,380 --> 00:23:34,760 Putting in my shirt. 208 00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:37,440 Polishing my name. 209 00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:40,060 He's stepping out. 210 00:23:42,730 --> 00:23:44,010 simply rich with class. 211 00:23:45,790 --> 00:23:50,430 And we trust you will excuse his dust when he steps on that gas. 212 00:23:53,710 --> 00:24:00,370 So I'll be there, putting on my top hat, tying up my 213 00:24:00,370 --> 00:24:03,250 white tie, dancing in my tail. 214 00:24:26,969 --> 00:24:30,810 For I'll be there, 215 00:24:31,170 --> 00:24:35,850 voting on my top hand, 216 00:24:36,670 --> 00:24:43,010 tying up my wife's tie, dancing in my bed. 217 00:25:18,870 --> 00:25:19,870 Mr. 218 00:25:23,930 --> 00:25:27,530 Nureyev, I just want you to know that I am sorry. 219 00:25:28,650 --> 00:25:30,390 You are sorry you threw me out? 220 00:25:30,930 --> 00:25:33,390 No, I'm sorry I ever let you back in. 221 00:25:35,470 --> 00:25:42,310 this has been shocking oh cool it baldy okay we'll see you all next time 222 00:25:42,310 --> 00:25:43,310 on the muppet show 223 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:22,840 Wasn't that a cultural show? 16425