All language subtitles for The Muppet Show - s02e11 - Teresa Brewer

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,930 --> 00:00:05,430 Teresa Brewer, 13 seconds to curtain, Miss Brewer. Everything all right? 2 00:00:06,010 --> 00:00:07,590 Actually, I could use a hand. 3 00:00:07,850 --> 00:00:09,770 You want a hand? You got it. 4 00:00:12,730 --> 00:00:13,790 Anything else? 5 00:00:18,370 --> 00:00:22,670 It's the Muppet Show with our special guest, our Miss Teresa Brewer. 6 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,180 It's time to put on makeup. 7 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,100 It's time to drag a fright. 8 00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:51,380 It's time to get things started. 9 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,420 Can I see your ticket stub? 10 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,640 It's time to get things started. I'm the most mistaken, all inspirational, 11 00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,540 celebration, all motivational. 12 00:01:00,180 --> 00:01:01,560 This is why. 13 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,380 Muppet Show, where anything can happen. 14 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:21,040 Unfortunately. 15 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:25,840 But on the bright side, our special guest star tonight is one of the great 16 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:29,060 in popular music, and here she is now, Miss Teresa Brewer! 17 00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:27,949 was king. 18 00:04:27,950 --> 00:04:29,990 You can remember when Arthur was king. 19 00:04:32,810 --> 00:04:35,410 Okay, you guys really bailed out that number. 20 00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:36,810 Very nice. 21 00:04:36,970 --> 00:04:40,550 Hey, Kermit, have you decided what you're going to do about Miss Piggy's 22 00:04:40,550 --> 00:04:43,810 ballet number next week? Yeah, Scooter, I'm afraid we're going to have to cut 23 00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:45,530 it. But why? 24 00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:49,190 Well, have you seen Miss Piggy recently? I mean, she's getting a little bulgy. 25 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,670 You know, the pork no longer fits in the barrel. 26 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,770 Yeah, her wiggles are beginning to waddle a little. 27 00:04:57,310 --> 00:04:58,310 old pork roll. 28 00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:06,430 Hello, Kermit. Hi, Miss Piggy. 29 00:05:07,070 --> 00:05:13,310 I have a wonderful announcement to make. I know it sounds silly, but I am going 30 00:05:13,310 --> 00:05:14,310 on a diet. 31 00:05:14,550 --> 00:05:15,550 A diet? 32 00:05:15,650 --> 00:05:16,810 What a wonderful idea. 33 00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:19,890 How much weight do you plan to lose? 34 00:05:20,270 --> 00:05:22,590 Oh, I don't know. Maybe five. 35 00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,110 Ten. Ten. 36 00:05:27,270 --> 00:05:28,650 Do I hear 20? 20 pounds! 37 00:05:30,410 --> 00:05:33,610 For my, uh, new ballet number! 38 00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,430 You think she overheard? 39 00:05:39,950 --> 00:05:43,790 Now, Pig in Pig! 40 00:05:47,150 --> 00:05:53,630 Starring the indomitable Captain Link Hogbrab, the flappable first mate, Miss 41 00:05:53,630 --> 00:05:58,360 Piggy, and the inex... Implicable Doctor Strange. 42 00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:04,500 As we left our heroes last time, Captain Holtrop had just discovered the awful 43 00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:05,500 truth. 44 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:11,700 Yes, Captain? Our oxygen is almost gone, fuel supplies are down to nothing, and 45 00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:13,560 the water is all used up. 46 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,980 Oh, Captain, my Captain, what shall we do? 47 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:21,200 Hey, Gad, we're out of water, fuel, and oxygen. What could be worse? 48 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:24,580 Captain, we're out of swill! 49 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:39,280 fiction story. Yes, but we've got 25 adult pigs on this spaceship. We can't 50 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:42,740 survive without swill. What do you suggest, Captain? 51 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,820 Miss Piggy, go cook us some swill. 52 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:50,340 Me? I'm the first mate. I'm supposed to give orders. 53 00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:53,080 Fine, then give us 25 orders of swill. 54 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,060 Good. Then give us 25 orders of swill stroganoff. 55 00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:12,940 All right, that does it. I refuse to continue this sketch. You hear me? 56 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,460 What sketch? This is the swing truck. We've lost an endless space. 57 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:21,100 This is a cheap shot comedy sketch, and I'll lay you on the frog rodent. 58 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,200 Hey, you guys, Kermit says get on with the sketch, okay? 59 00:09:26,890 --> 00:09:33,290 death -defying intellectualism never seen before, the Great Gonzo will recite 60 00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:38,530 Shakespeare while suspended by his nose from a feather boa nine feet in the air. 61 00:09:39,290 --> 00:09:41,190 Ladies and gentlemen, the Great Gonzo! 62 00:09:45,630 --> 00:09:49,890 The Magic of Venice, Act One, Scene One. 63 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,450 Antonio speaks. 64 00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:57,300 It wearies me. 65 00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,200 I 66 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:09,600 was 67 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,780 wondering if I could ask your advice. 68 00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:13,780 You know, woman to woman. 69 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,220 Why, sure, Miss Piggy. 70 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,000 about being fat. 71 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:32,040 Oh, Miss Brewer, I've always known that you were one of us skinny people. 72 00:10:32,260 --> 00:10:36,380 I thought that maybe you might have heard something from one of your fat 73 00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:37,380 friends. 74 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:41,900 Well, maybe I can help. I was just about to have some lunch. Would you care to 75 00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:42,900 join me? 76 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:51,360 You know, it's such a relief to meet someone who isn't on a diet. 77 00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:53,300 You know, 78 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,580 all they ever talk about is... 79 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,140 calories and exercise and lettuce leaves. 80 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,140 Now you're talking. 81 00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:09,940 Oh, Miss Brewer, listen, I thought that number was so great, that cotton field 82 00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:11,260 thing. It was just beautiful. 83 00:11:11,660 --> 00:11:15,380 Thank you, Kermit. Uh, Piggy, you're supposed to be on a diet. 84 00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:19,960 You weren't thinking of doing anything with that cake there, were you, fat 85 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:20,960 stuff? 86 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,940 but carrots three times a day. 87 00:11:59,180 --> 00:12:00,300 Oh, how's it working? 88 00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:01,700 Fine. 89 00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:08,220 As far as I'm concerned, being fat is all in your head. 90 00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,500 I don't think it's all in your head. 91 00:12:33,710 --> 00:12:36,970 Amazing, Teresa. You got the autograph of every big star in show business in 92 00:12:36,970 --> 00:12:37,829 that book. 93 00:12:37,830 --> 00:12:41,430 Well, it's a hobby of mine. I started when I was just a kid. I always get all 94 00:12:41,430 --> 00:12:42,990 the autographs of all the people I work with. 95 00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:44,750 Oh, look at that. There's Bing Crosby. 96 00:12:45,490 --> 00:12:47,890 You got Bob Hope and Louis Armstrong. 97 00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:51,030 Wait a second. Whose autograph is that? 98 00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:52,770 Crazy Harry. 99 00:13:01,930 --> 00:13:04,170 of us Muppets. Of course. 100 00:13:04,570 --> 00:13:08,790 I think I've got just about all of the Muppets autographs. Well, you haven't 101 00:13:08,790 --> 00:13:09,790 gotten all of them. 102 00:13:10,310 --> 00:13:11,310 You know, you're right. 103 00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:13,650 I'm missing the most important one. 104 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,530 Well, gee. 105 00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:18,770 You know, the collection would be worthless without it. 106 00:13:19,050 --> 00:13:21,750 Yeah, well, I don't know what to say. 107 00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:24,890 Well, just tell me how to get animals autographs. 108 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,840 Welcome again to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today. 109 00:13:43,140 --> 00:13:46,180 And it's breakthrough time here at the labs again. 110 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:50,520 Well, here it is, the all -new Muppet's electric nose warmer. 111 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:56,860 Yes, how many times have you been outdoors on a cold nippy day and gotten 112 00:13:56,860 --> 00:13:57,860 nose cold? 113 00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:03,160 Wouldn't it be nice, you thought to yourself, if I could warm it 114 00:14:03,660 --> 00:14:05,460 Well, now you can. 115 00:14:06,090 --> 00:14:08,670 as my assistant Beaker will now demonstrate. 116 00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:10,770 Come on in here, Beaker. 117 00:14:11,470 --> 00:14:13,310 We're just going to slip... Come on over here. 118 00:14:13,510 --> 00:14:15,870 We're just going to slip this on your nose, all right? 119 00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:18,030 There you go. All the way up. 120 00:14:20,230 --> 00:14:21,230 There. 121 00:14:21,630 --> 00:14:25,730 And now with the nose warmer in place, we have only to turn on the electricity. 122 00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:34,790 And there's Beaker with a nice, toasty, warm nose. 123 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:40,060 You really should stop smoking, Beaker. It's very bad for me. 124 00:14:49,380 --> 00:14:50,400 That was great. 125 00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:52,720 Fantastic. Yeah, I didn't like it. 126 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,220 Well, what would you know, you old fool? 127 00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:58,720 Don't call me an old fool. I'll give you the evil eye. 128 00:14:58,940 --> 00:14:59,940 Oh, I'm scared. 129 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,860 You can rock it, you can roll it, you can stomp it, even throw it at the hop, 130 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:21,180 hop, hop, hop, hop. The record's got you spinning, you call it so when you're 131 00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:25,840 kicking at the hop, hop, hop, hop, hop. The do the dancing station, it is 132 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:29,360 sweeping the nation at the hop, hop, hop, hop, hop. 133 00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:50,990 It's been 20 whole minutes I've been on this diet. 134 00:15:53,130 --> 00:15:56,590 Well, let's see. I hope I haven't lost too much weight. 135 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:47,440 girl swing monster bit again. They tried to sneak it past us. 136 00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:49,260 Sorry. Sorry. 137 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:25,520 I think you're getting seen. 138 00:18:08,940 --> 00:18:11,100 Well, chubby, ready to lose a little lard? 139 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,420 Ready to lose a few tubes? 140 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,700 A little exercise, shall we? 141 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:21,280 Okay, chin up, chest out, deep breath, touching toe. 142 00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,300 Next exercise, running in place. 143 00:19:00,580 --> 00:19:01,900 Here we go. Ready? 144 00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:08,720 Run. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. 145 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:10,100 One, two. One, two. One, two. 146 00:19:10,340 --> 00:19:11,820 One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. 147 00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,760 One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. 148 00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:15,020 One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. 149 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:16,279 One, two. 150 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,280 One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. 151 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,800 One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. 152 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:19,840 One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. 153 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:20,840 One, two. 154 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:23,320 One, two. 155 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:24,440 One, 156 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:25,580 two. 157 00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:26,359 One, two. 158 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:27,360 One 159 00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:37,120 Now we really hear some music. Yeah, what music? 160 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:38,820 Put another nickel in. 161 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,560 I put nickel in. What music? 162 00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:45,080 Put another nickel in. 163 00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:51,280 I put nickel in. What music? Just listen, fuzzy face. 164 00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:52,620 What music? 165 00:22:10,990 --> 00:22:14,250 jokes we have left for this show, but before we go, let's have a great big 166 00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:15,250 for Miss Teresa Brewer. 167 00:22:18,310 --> 00:22:22,270 And now, how about a nice big hand for Kermit... 168 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,920 Well, they did it again. Yeah, whatever it was. 12648

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