Original subtitles

Bernadette Peters?

Oh, 15 seconds to curtain, Miss Peters. Thanks, Scooter, and thank the Swedish

chef for sending in this lovely chicken sandwich.

Suddenly, I'm not hungry.

I do sing and dance occasionally, so you'll know I'm not just another pretty

face.

Tell me, my love, about the opening number.

It is a duet.

That's true.

I wish you told me earlier. I don't have time to learn the lyrics.

Oh, that's okay. I'm doing it with Miss Mousy.

Miss Mousy?

I love you when you know I've been a liar all my life.

You've had that reputation since you were a youth. I must have been insane to

think that you'd tell the truth.

But how could you believe me when I said we'd marry when you know I'd rather

hang than have a wife?

I know you said I'll make you mine.

But who would know that you would go for that old line? How could you believe me

when I said I love you when you know I've been a liar?

leave a fellow baloney phony like me.

Say, how about the time you went to Indiana?

I was lying. I was down in Alabama.

You said you had some business you had to complete.

What I was doing, I would be a cad to repeat.

Well, what about the evenings you were with your mother? I was roughing with

another honey lamb.

To think you swore our love was real.

But baby, let us not forget that I'm a...

How could you believe me when I said I love you when you know I've been alive?

Nobody ever notices me.

Uncle Kermit?

Okay, come on, hurry up.

The number's about to start. Get on stage. Get on stage.

Attract whoever I go on. I want a feature part in the show.

Oh, rats.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, one of the loveliest ladies in all of show

business. Kermit, you're not bringing that Miss Mousy back, are you? No, this

our guest star, Bernadette Peters.

Well, you're not singing with her, are you?

She's working with some of our big, ugly, shaggy beasts.

Sounds like Miss Mousey to me.

You get out of here. Ladies and gentlemen, the beautiful Miss Bernadette

Peterson.

Take a little one step, two step, three step, then a little dip like this.

Here's a step we can't afford.

Oh, gee.

I'm so small, they don't even see me most of the time.

And then when they do, they don't think I can do anything right.

Well, I'll show them.

I'm running away.

The next time they turn around and don't see me, I'll be gone.

Then they'll see I can... do something right. Oh, rats.

Now, Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of a quack who's gone

to the dogs.

Oh, here, Dr.

Bob, here's your next patient.

Half triple D?

That's about the size of it.

Dr. Bob, what are you going to start on? The shoestring. A lot of people start

on a shoestring.

What do you think, Dr. Bob?

Simple. It's arsenic poisoning.

Arsenic? Sure. Just look at this old lace.

Arsenic and old lace? Dr.

Bob, Dr. Bob, that's an old show.

Well, that's an old shoe. Well, that's an old joke.

Stick out your tongue and say, ah.

Dr. Bob, that tongue has a coat on it. Of course, it's cold outside.

Oh,

the leather outside is frightful.

Dr.

Bob, you're not going to sing a song now, are you? Why not? There's no

like shoe business.

So, once again, Dr.

Bob is barking up the wrong shoe tree.

nurse, piggy nurse, Janice and Dr.

Bob sing, He'll never walk away.

We'll be right back with more.

the eagle will now read a fable which should serve as a moral lesson to us

Once upon a time, there was an ant and a grasshopper.

It was warm and sunny where they lived, but the ant worked day and

night from dawn to dusk, storing food for the long, hard winter he

knew would come.

can strive for all that matter in this life.

Oh, the ant is a wonderful character.

But meanwhile, the lazy, pleasure -loving grasshopper sang and danced

with appalling abandon.

Winter will fall and snow will come, but now it's time to have some fun.

Shocking, shocking.

As expected, Winter came.

Very nice.

And then it was, dear listeners, that the

grasshopper drove his sports car to Florida and the ant got stepped on.

What?

Wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait. That was not in the script. Someone change it.

That's Upper Grove to Florida.

The ant got stepped on.

Will you stop that?

Why are they picking on us tonight?

I don't know.

Hello, Miss Peters.

Oh, hello, Robin. I didn't see you.

Eh, most people don't. Listen, I'm running away from home, but I did want

stop and say goodbye.

Oh, you're running away from home?

How come?

Because nobody notices me around here.

Deep enough.

Funny you should mention it, Robin. You know, I was just thinking the same

thing. Oh.

Curtain opens, and I'm standing there in a spotlight.

The music swells, and I sing, A way out here they've got a name. No, no, no,

no, no. They call the wind Mariah? Yeah, great, huh? Robin, that's ridiculous.

No, no, no. Listen, I have a cute little song here that's much more fitting to a

frog your age. It's called I'm Five.

It's called Cute and Yucky.

Welcome again to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here with news to set you a quiver.

Beaker, Beaker, dear lad, come over here.

Oh, Beaker, you forgot the beaker.

Now, get the beaker, Beaker.

Come on.

You are about to see the first sample ever isolated of the new element,

Bunsonium, contained in this selfsame beaker here.

for Bunsonium.

We already know that it does not remove paint, it isn't a good glue, and when

used as a shampoo, it produces unusual side effects.

Right, Beaker?

So today, we begin an experiment to see what Bunsonium does when taken

internally.

My assistant, Beaker here, will now drink the Bunsonium.

Oh, that's all right. There, there, Beaker.

Just take a teensy little sip at first and remember not to get carried away and

gulp the whole thing.

Go ahead.

It's all right.

Go on.

Good. And now, in just a few moments, we shall know exactly what Bunsonium does.

and pump you back up.

Well, it's introduction time, so here he is, my own cute little nephew, Robin,

singing, I'm Five.

I'm five, I'm five.

I'm a big fog now, I'm five.

I can dress myself, I don't need mom to help me anymore.

And when I sit in my father's chair, my feet... can reach the floor. Almost.

I'm five.

I'm five.

I'm a big frog now. I'm five.

My mother doesn't spank me just for going without a hat. She knows darn well

run away cause I'm too old for that.

What does she think? I'm three?

Not me.

What does she think? I'm four?

I'm more than four.

I'm even more than four.

Okay,

and now let's go down home for a little singing, a little banjo picking, and a

little applejack with the lovely Miss Bernadette Peter.

Lived by the apple orchard in a little old orchard shack. His name was Jackson

Taylor.

But you can only find out how to enter during Nick in the Afternoon. That's

weekdays at 3, 2 Central, right here on Nickelodeon.

Now stay tuned for The Partridge Family, next on Nick at Night.

Seriously, what did you think of Miss Mousy? I loved her. Me too.

What? No, we didn't.