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All language subtitles for The Muppet Show - s02e07 - Bernadette Peters

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,420 Bernadette Peters? 2 00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:06,960 Oh, 15 seconds to curtain, Miss Peters. Thanks, Scooter, and thank the Swedish 3 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:10,140 chef for sending in this lovely chicken sandwich. 4 00:00:12,460 --> 00:00:16,160 Suddenly, I'm not hungry. 5 00:01:33,870 --> 00:01:36,870 I do sing and dance occasionally, so you'll know I'm not just another pretty 6 00:01:36,870 --> 00:01:37,870 face. 7 00:01:38,710 --> 00:01:42,070 Tell me, my love, about the opening number. 8 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:43,830 It is a duet. 9 00:01:44,090 --> 00:01:45,090 That's true. 10 00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:49,250 I wish you told me earlier. I don't have time to learn the lyrics. 11 00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:51,490 Oh, that's okay. I'm doing it with Miss Mousy. 12 00:01:53,930 --> 00:01:55,090 Miss Mousy? 13 00:02:04,940 --> 00:02:07,380 I love you when you know I've been a liar all my life. 14 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:12,240 You've had that reputation since you were a youth. I must have been insane to 15 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:13,400 think that you'd tell the truth. 16 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:17,420 But how could you believe me when I said we'd marry when you know I'd rather 17 00:02:17,420 --> 00:02:18,820 hang than have a wife? 18 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,980 I know you said I'll make you mine. 19 00:02:22,340 --> 00:02:26,660 But who would know that you would go for that old line? How could you believe me 20 00:02:26,660 --> 00:02:29,340 when I said I love you when you know I've been a liar? 21 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,900 leave a fellow baloney phony like me. 22 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,600 Say, how about the time you went to Indiana? 23 00:03:17,140 --> 00:03:18,800 I was lying. I was down in Alabama. 24 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:22,440 You said you had some business you had to complete. 25 00:03:22,780 --> 00:03:25,300 What I was doing, I would be a cad to repeat. 26 00:03:25,660 --> 00:03:29,500 Well, what about the evenings you were with your mother? I was roughing with 27 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:30,780 another honey lamb. 28 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,400 To think you swore our love was real. 29 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,760 But baby, let us not forget that I'm a... 30 00:03:37,580 --> 00:03:41,280 How could you believe me when I said I love you when you know I've been alive? 31 00:04:36,970 --> 00:04:38,770 Nobody ever notices me. 32 00:04:40,090 --> 00:04:41,590 Uncle Kermit? 33 00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:43,070 Okay, come on, hurry up. 34 00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,990 The number's about to start. Get on stage. Get on stage. 35 00:04:46,530 --> 00:04:49,430 Attract whoever I go on. I want a feature part in the show. 36 00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:51,270 Oh, rats. 37 00:04:53,790 --> 00:04:57,390 And now, ladies and gentlemen, one of the loveliest ladies in all of show 38 00:04:57,390 --> 00:05:01,650 business. Kermit, you're not bringing that Miss Mousy back, are you? No, this 39 00:05:01,650 --> 00:05:02,970 our guest star, Bernadette Peters. 40 00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,210 Well, you're not singing with her, are you? 41 00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:08,060 She's working with some of our big, ugly, shaggy beasts. 42 00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:10,000 Sounds like Miss Mousey to me. 43 00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:14,220 You get out of here. Ladies and gentlemen, the beautiful Miss Bernadette 44 00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:15,220 Peterson. 45 00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:52,180 Take a little one step, two step, three step, then a little dip like this. 46 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,900 Here's a step we can't afford. 47 00:07:54,919 --> 00:07:55,919 Oh, gee. 48 00:07:56,420 --> 00:07:59,720 I'm so small, they don't even see me most of the time. 49 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:04,780 And then when they do, they don't think I can do anything right. 50 00:08:05,620 --> 00:08:07,200 Well, I'll show them. 51 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:08,640 I'm running away. 52 00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:13,080 The next time they turn around and don't see me, I'll be gone. 53 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:20,220 Then they'll see I can... do something right. Oh, rats. 54 00:08:21,860 --> 00:08:28,820 Now, Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of a quack who's gone 55 00:08:28,820 --> 00:08:29,980 to the dogs. 56 00:08:31,980 --> 00:08:33,760 Oh, here, Dr. 57 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,059 Bob, here's your next patient. 58 00:08:47,470 --> 00:08:48,470 Half triple D? 59 00:08:48,590 --> 00:08:49,790 That's about the size of it. 60 00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:55,770 Dr. Bob, what are you going to start on? The shoestring. A lot of people start 61 00:08:55,770 --> 00:08:56,770 on a shoestring. 62 00:08:56,850 --> 00:08:58,470 What do you think, Dr. Bob? 63 00:08:58,710 --> 00:09:00,310 Simple. It's arsenic poisoning. 64 00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:03,130 Arsenic? Sure. Just look at this old lace. 65 00:09:03,350 --> 00:09:04,950 Arsenic and old lace? Dr. 66 00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:08,670 Bob, Dr. Bob, that's an old show. 67 00:09:09,010 --> 00:09:11,530 Well, that's an old shoe. Well, that's an old joke. 68 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,620 Stick out your tongue and say, ah. 69 00:09:23,380 --> 00:09:27,680 Dr. Bob, that tongue has a coat on it. Of course, it's cold outside. 70 00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:29,060 Oh, 71 00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:31,220 the leather outside is frightful. 72 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:33,960 Dr. 73 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:38,280 Bob, you're not going to sing a song now, are you? Why not? There's no 74 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:39,280 like shoe business. 75 00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:42,500 So, once again, Dr. 76 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,820 Bob is barking up the wrong shoe tree. 77 00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,180 nurse, piggy nurse, Janice and Dr. 78 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:55,060 Bob sing, He'll never walk away. 79 00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,840 We'll be right back with more. 80 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:06,820 the eagle will now read a fable which should serve as a moral lesson to us 81 00:12:08,180 --> 00:12:13,600 Once upon a time, there was an ant and a grasshopper. 82 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:21,340 It was warm and sunny where they lived, but the ant worked day and 83 00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:28,020 night from dawn to dusk, storing food for the long, hard winter he 84 00:12:28,020 --> 00:12:29,020 knew would come. 85 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,400 can strive for all that matter in this life. 86 00:12:35,140 --> 00:12:38,720 Oh, the ant is a wonderful character. 87 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:46,520 But meanwhile, the lazy, pleasure -loving grasshopper sang and danced 88 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,000 with appalling abandon. 89 00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:52,840 Winter will fall and snow will come, but now it's time to have some fun. 90 00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:55,880 Shocking, shocking. 91 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,220 As expected, Winter came. 92 00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:03,620 Very nice. 93 00:13:04,380 --> 00:13:11,100 And then it was, dear listeners, that the 94 00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:15,420 grasshopper drove his sports car to Florida and the ant got stepped on. 95 00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:16,900 What? 96 00:13:19,820 --> 00:13:20,820 Wait, 97 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,140 wait, wait, wait, wait. That was not in the script. Someone change it. 98 00:13:29,230 --> 00:13:30,470 That's Upper Grove to Florida. 99 00:13:31,130 --> 00:13:32,610 The ant got stepped on. 100 00:13:33,390 --> 00:13:35,390 Will you stop that? 101 00:13:36,230 --> 00:13:37,970 Why are they picking on us tonight? 102 00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:39,350 I don't know. 103 00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:45,050 Hello, Miss Peters. 104 00:13:45,510 --> 00:13:47,850 Oh, hello, Robin. I didn't see you. 105 00:13:48,150 --> 00:13:52,550 Eh, most people don't. Listen, I'm running away from home, but I did want 106 00:13:52,550 --> 00:13:53,550 stop and say goodbye. 107 00:13:53,790 --> 00:13:55,410 Oh, you're running away from home? 108 00:13:55,670 --> 00:13:56,670 How come? 109 00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,580 Because nobody notices me around here. 110 00:14:44,490 --> 00:14:45,490 Deep enough. 111 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:51,700 Funny you should mention it, Robin. You know, I was just thinking the same 112 00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:52,740 thing. Oh. 113 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,740 Curtain opens, and I'm standing there in a spotlight. 114 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:05,900 The music swells, and I sing, A way out here they've got a name. No, no, no, 115 00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:09,980 no, no. They call the wind Mariah? Yeah, great, huh? Robin, that's ridiculous. 116 00:17:10,319 --> 00:17:13,700 No, no, no. Listen, I have a cute little song here that's much more fitting to a 117 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,599 frog your age. It's called I'm Five. 118 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,680 It's called Cute and Yucky. 119 00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:44,320 Welcome again to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today. 120 00:17:44,860 --> 00:17:48,620 Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here with news to set you a quiver. 121 00:17:49,340 --> 00:17:51,340 Beaker, Beaker, dear lad, come over here. 122 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:55,160 Oh, Beaker, you forgot the beaker. 123 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,200 Now, get the beaker, Beaker. 124 00:17:58,500 --> 00:17:59,500 Come on. 125 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:04,100 You are about to see the first sample ever isolated of the new element, 126 00:18:04,220 --> 00:18:07,800 Bunsonium, contained in this selfsame beaker here. 127 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:11,920 for Bunsonium. 128 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:16,780 We already know that it does not remove paint, it isn't a good glue, and when 129 00:18:16,780 --> 00:18:20,320 used as a shampoo, it produces unusual side effects. 130 00:18:20,620 --> 00:18:21,620 Right, Beaker? 131 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:29,920 So today, we begin an experiment to see what Bunsonium does when taken 132 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:30,920 internally. 133 00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:36,460 My assistant, Beaker here, will now drink the Bunsonium. 134 00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:39,440 Oh, that's all right. There, there, Beaker. 135 00:18:39,820 --> 00:18:43,760 Just take a teensy little sip at first and remember not to get carried away and 136 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:44,920 gulp the whole thing. 137 00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:46,700 Go ahead. 138 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:48,280 It's all right. 139 00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:49,900 Go on. 140 00:18:55,060 --> 00:19:00,560 Good. And now, in just a few moments, we shall know exactly what Bunsonium does. 141 00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:21,630 and pump you back up. 142 00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:29,390 Well, it's introduction time, so here he is, my own cute little nephew, Robin, 143 00:19:29,510 --> 00:19:30,910 singing, I'm Five. 144 00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:40,430 I'm five, I'm five. 145 00:19:40,650 --> 00:19:42,330 I'm a big fog now, I'm five. 146 00:19:42,690 --> 00:19:46,430 I can dress myself, I don't need mom to help me anymore. 147 00:19:46,930 --> 00:19:51,230 And when I sit in my father's chair, my feet... can reach the floor. Almost. 148 00:19:51,450 --> 00:19:52,189 I'm five. 149 00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:53,190 I'm five. 150 00:19:53,310 --> 00:19:55,150 I'm a big frog now. I'm five. 151 00:19:55,370 --> 00:20:01,130 My mother doesn't spank me just for going without a hat. She knows darn well 152 00:20:01,130 --> 00:20:03,410 run away cause I'm too old for that. 153 00:20:03,930 --> 00:20:05,730 What does she think? I'm three? 154 00:20:06,210 --> 00:20:07,350 Not me. 155 00:20:08,130 --> 00:20:09,870 What does she think? I'm four? 156 00:20:10,590 --> 00:20:11,890 I'm more than four. 157 00:20:12,190 --> 00:20:14,030 I'm even more than four. 158 00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,020 Okay, 159 00:20:55,620 --> 00:21:00,060 and now let's go down home for a little singing, a little banjo picking, and a 160 00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:02,500 little applejack with the lovely Miss Bernadette Peter. 161 00:21:08,620 --> 00:21:13,820 Lived by the apple orchard in a little old orchard shack. His name was Jackson 162 00:21:13,820 --> 00:21:14,820 Taylor. 163 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:35,380 But you can only find out how to enter during Nick in the Afternoon. That's 164 00:23:35,380 --> 00:23:38,480 weekdays at 3, 2 Central, right here on Nickelodeon. 165 00:23:39,180 --> 00:23:42,360 Now stay tuned for The Partridge Family, next on Nick at Night. 166 00:23:52,660 --> 00:23:55,720 Seriously, what did you think of Miss Mousy? I loved her. Me too. 167 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,460 What? No, we didn't. 12582