All language subtitles for The Muppet Show - s02e06 - Steve Martin

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

This episode of The Muppet Show stars
Steve Martin.

It was a very different kind of Muppet
Show.

See, you're going to feel right at home
around here.

There was no laugh track, so you can
actually hear the Muppet performers

laughing along at what's going on.

The episode features the talents of such
legends as the strange alien fazoos and

the flying zucchini brothers.

Marvin Suggs and his all -food glee
club. We have no bananas today.

Bananas today.

All this and, of course, Steve Martin's
balloon animals.

Puppy dog.

Oh, I love that one. That's so cute.
Thank you very much. Here he is, the

wonderful Steve Martin in The Muppet
Show.

Steve Martin.

Oh, Steve Martin.

15 seconds till curtain, Mr. Martin.

Thank you, Scooter. I'm almost ready.

Say,

you're going to feel right at home
around here.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to get things started.

Well, I like the old opening better.

It's time to get things started. I'm the
most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational.

Muppet Show. Listen, I really feel bad
about this, but I have a special

announcement. Hey, maybe we've gotten
lucky at last.

Yeah, maybe tonight's show's been
cancelled.

Tonight's show has been cancelled.

Have I died and gone to heaven?

Well, you see, I just realized I misread
my calendar.

Tonight we're scheduled to audition new
acts for the show, so I'm really sorry,

but there will not be a Muppet Show
tonight.

You can all stay and watch the
auditions, but of course, I'm not sure

be anything very exciting.

When has there ever been?

Okay, you two, take the night off.

We might as well bring up the house
lights and say goodnight to everybody.

I'll just go out into the house.

Oh, good grief, it's Steve Martin.

Yeah, it is, Kermit. How's it going,
little fella?

Well, fine, just fine, Steve.

Say, I was sitting back in my dressing
room back there getting ready for the

next number, and...

I heard this rumor that the show had
been canceled.

Well, yeah, you see, we have to audition
new acts tonight.

Oh, oh, okay, fine. Hey, you know, I was
just supposed to be the guest star on

tonight's show. No problem. Well, yeah,
I'm very sorry about that, really. Well,

you know, it's just a thing that I'm
sitting back there getting ready, and,

know, I feel like some kind of sap back
there putting these clothes on for the

big number, and no one comes back and
bothers to say, Hey, Steve, the show has

been canceled.

What am I around here?

I don't know what to say. Well, I do.

Excuse me!

Well,

let's get the auditions going, shall we?

Well,

should we stay or go?

I feel the same as I do every week. I've
paid good money for this ticket, and

I'm going to use it.

The tickets are free.

Oh, yes. Well, and overpriced at that,
too.

Okay, if we can get things started here
now.

Kermit, Kermit, hey, when you say you're
auditioning acts, you mean new acts,

don't you? I mean, you don't mean
replacements.

Oh, well, I don't really know, Fozzie. I
just thought maybe we could use some

new blood.

Why didn't you tell me you wanted me to
bleed?

Okay, Scooter, what's the first act?

Oh, we got some really great talent
lined up, boss. First up is the LaTrek

sisters in the garbage can can.

Oh, please don't let them be funny.

Oh, very good. Nice work, girls.

He liked the dancing rats?

What chances a bear have.

Listen, Kermit, if you like the last
act, wait till you see the next one.

called Mary Louise and Friend.

Yeah,

right on. Now you're talking my
language.

Hey, can we have some quiet out there in
the theater, please?

What's next, Scooter? Oh, you'll love
this, boss.

Here he is, Steve Martin.

Steve,

you know, you really don't have to
perform here, you know. Well, I figured

I was here, I may as well do some stuff,
you know.

Yeah, but you don't have to. to do this
because we canceled the show.

Oh, well, maybe I could just, you know,
perform for the guys.

Yeah. Okay, well, listen, if you want
him, you got him. Take it away, Steve.

Thank you.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

I realize a lot of you folks are sitting
out there saying to yourselves, sure,

he's great, but can he...

But I won't blow.

Well, actually, I get the balloons for
free. I go down to the balloon ranch

where the little baby balloons are
grown, and I, oh, steal them from the

What I do is the adult balloons who
guard them are very stupid, and I can,

easy to trick them.

is Terry Lewis.

It's an enriching experience.

Yeah. Hey, Scooter, what's next?

Oh, it's a guy named Lenny the Lizard.
He's an emcee.

What the hey?

Thank you, thank you, thank you, and
welcome again to another edition of The

Muppet Show.

Well, we've got a great show for you
tonight, starring the incredible and

amazingly talented me, plus other good
things. Next.

It was really interesting to see how
another emcee works.

What? Yeah, you really... must feel
enriched, Kermit. Will you get out of

Fozzie?

On to the next act, Chief?

Yes, I'd love to. I should think so.

Anyway, it's a weird little act to Rick
from the planet Coosbane.

Here they are, the four fazoobs.

and Terry Louise.

Kermit. Not now, Gonzo.

We had the fazoobs.

The fazoobs.

Kermit. What is it, Gonzo? Kermit, I've
got this great new act for you.

Not now, Gonzo. You see, right now I'm
in the middle of auditions.

Okay, we'll audition.

I've seen your acts, Gonzo. You see, I
don't want to see any more of them.

you. Okay?

I'll talk to you later. All right? All
right? All right? Scooter!

Who's next, Scooter?

Well, look, at least let me tell you
about the act.

No.

Dancing cheese?

You were listening.

Will somebody find Scooter?

Oh, Kermit, she's a great dancer.

She? It's a female cheese?

Of course it's a female.

You don't expect me to dance with a
male, do you?

No, no. That would look weird.

Yes, yes, I'm sure that would look
weird, Gonzo. Okay, you say you dance

her. You're getting interested, aren't
you? No, I'm just killing time until

Scooter gets here.

Oh, well, anyway.

She's featured. We do a flamenco.

I just click my heels a little.

The cheese does the fancy steps.

The cheese does the fancy steps, huh? Mm
-hmm.

Gonzo, I don't think I want to hear any
more about it. But Scooter's not here

yet. I don't care.

Oh, here he comes now. Oh, Scooter! Just
remember it.

Yeah, sure.

Yes, Chief?

Scooter, who you got next, huh?

Oh, Gonzalez and Yolanda.

that we've got some truly new and
different acts for the rest of the

Here's the first one, Carrie Louise in
Friend.

Oh, man.

Ribbit.

I keep telling you, I'm the girl singer
on this show.

Move it, move it.

Okay, nothing too different so far.

This one, Kermit, he's a rambling guy.

Okay, let's not waste any more time.
Let's go.

How much was it to get in?

Three. Okay, you're going to get your
money's worth on this.

Thank you.

Yes,

here, here.

Oh, wholesome, wonderful.

I'm glad you enjoyed that act, Sam. Oh,
Kermit, it was good, old -fashioned

entertainment. With that act, the Muppet
Show finally turns the corner and

becomes a normal, decent, moral program.

Please, Sam.

What's next?

Oh, Marvin Suggs and his all -food glee
club.

For one brief moment, there was light at
the end of the tunnel.

Thank you.

in my heart out.

Oh, what is wrong, Miss Spanigan? I feel
naked without my hollandaise.

A dinner.

Yeah, Soprano looks delicious.

Okay, Chief, next up is a guy you'll
love. Remember Ramblin' Guy?

Here's Jugglin' Guy.

And now it's time for a little juggling.

First of all, I juggle one.

Okay, take it.

Toss it up in midair, okay?

Okay.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

I've killed it.

Oh.

Oh.

when you say very funny, do you mean?

Fozzie, listen, don't worry about it.
Nobody is going to lose their job.

Oh, that's terrific.

Excuse me, Kermit. I got one last act
back here. It's a human cannonball act.

The Zucchini Brothers.

Yeah, it sure does, Steve. Listen, I
hope you're not mad that we canceled the

show. Oh, no, I'm just a little
disappointed I didn't get to do the

rehearsed with your jug band.

Oh, I didn't know you'd rehearsed a
number.

Oh, it was going to be good, but no
problem, no worries. Yeah, well, I would

have liked to have seen it.

I knew he'd fall for it.

No!

Well,

you know, this is the time when I
usually say the show is over, but it

kind of silly since the show never
actually begun.

But if it had begun, I'd be saying,
let's have a special thanks for Mr.

Martin.

Tell you what, a pleasure it's been for
me not being on your show tonight.

for watching. We'll see you next time.

That was different.

Yep. Lousy, but different.