Original subtitles

Harmony is to be valued. Shotoku Taishi (574-622 AD)

But, if all the trees die... what will happen to the earth?

We 're all part of the earth 's ecosphere.

Plants provide the oxygen to keep it going.

Eons ago, the earth was covered with carbon dioxide atoms.

Phytoplanktons started converting these to oxygen...

...which gave rise to the first zooplanktons.

Plants have purified the air for over 800 million years.

Their oxygen eventually created the oz one layer.

Over 800 million years.

The oz one layer blocked harmful rays from the sun...

...allowing life to migrate from the seas to the land.

Without plants, we simply couldn't survive.

Plants are really the dominant life forms.

They stand still while we animals run around scattering their seed s...

...and providing fertilizer.

The way I see it, trees are a higher power.

There are two directions we can go.

Toward a bright future, or a dark one.

But we've been given the ability to make wise choices.

We can choose the right path.

Stop, you!

For all things, there is a season.

Spring brings us a balmy pool...

Summer, the sun's sutlry glare...

Autumn is bracingly cool...

Winter strips all the trees bare.

Villains, approach!

Winter sounds splendid.

Yes, winter pleases me best.

Even if I am chllled to the bone.

Behold, the Japanese pine.

Its needles

beg pardon.

Its needles are sharp to the touch.

Pricking brings uunearable pain

Winter invigorates me so!

Go!

Push it!

Turn it off! Hurry up!

Make it stop! Hurry up!

Cut! What the hell happened?

Who screwed up? Get out of here!

Ryu, we're terribly sorry.

You shithead!

Mr. Takayama, we're so sorry!

Damn! I was just getting into it.

Apologize!

And look at my kimono!

You idiot! Apologize!

I'm so sorry!

Quit dying and apologize!

I'm really sorry.

A bit much, don't you think?

Who are you? Are you in this film?

I'm playing Kagemaru.

Kage... who?

This is my only costume.

That guy's acting like I really killed him.

Ignore him.

You can get up now.

Thanks.

What've you done? Sorry.

It was a work of art.

You're a philistine!

Take it home and clean it up first! Yes, sir.

'Scuse me can I borrow a light?

My... name... is... Danny.

Dismember it!

Dismember it! Dismember it!

This guy Kiuchi is amazing.

He discovered a comet that's heading...

...toward a collision with earth in 2126.

So he came up with a way to prevent it.

Load all the nuclear arms onto a rocket...

...and detonate it in space.

That would change the comet's orbit.

Sounds like a movie.

Doesn't it? But the Americans are researching it.

I need the translation ASAP so we can edit.

Can you do it?

Give me two days.

I wish you'd get your voice back.

Out, huh?

Yes?

Mr. Katsura? Yeah?

Registered mail. Oh.

Stamp, please. It's inside.

Fingerprint, then?

Fingerprinted.

From Konan Prison

Shit!

Who do they think I am?

Action!

You must protect what is most precious to you.

Release them and I will relinquish the sword.

Hand it over.

OK, thanks. Next!

Mr. Katsura, please come in.

Hello.

You're Keisuke Katsura?

Yes.

Take it up to where you kill him.

Ready? Let 's give it a shot.

I' II do my best.

Ready, action!

Prepare to meet your maker.

Say your prayers, monster!

All right, stop. That's not quite it.

You're good, but it's not dramatic enough.

This is a major motion picture!

Give it some oomph!

People don't pay to see bland samurai

OK, from the top.

Sorry. I'll try to do better.

Ready, action!

Prepare to meet your maker. Say your prayers, monster!

If you wish to save their lives, relinquish the Masamune sword.

Fiend! Release the prince and princess!

It's no laughing matter. Today is your last day I will see to it!

He's the one.

I' II do the kissing scene if you cast him.

But I'II have to reconsider if you cast someone else.

OK... You know I' m only here to please you, Mika.

But you won't change your mind?

This time, I'm sure. He's my type.

Your type, huh? Isn't that what you said last?

All right. That's fine. Can you do your own stunts?

Yes.

You sure? I'm sure.

Let's see what you can do.

Fellas?

Yes sir!

Guess who gets to play my boyfriend?

Wha really?

I told the director you were perfect for the part.

Oh! Thanks a lot.

What's your name?

Keisuke Katsura.

Here.

Oh, don't

I don't mind.

Thanks.

Nice name, Keisuke.

Yeah?

Thanks.

This week, we're talking with comet hunter Tsuruhik oKiuchi.

Four years ago, I attended a global summit...

...where European botanists discussed light pollution.

Apparently, city lights are causing plants stress.

Pollution and exhaust gases may also be contributing factors.

Thus, today's plants may hav e shortened life cycles.

Are you saying plants are dying from stress?

I'm saying sooner or later, they will die.

The average plant now lives less than 20 years.

So there is great concern.

Do you mean plants everywhere are at risk?

Do you mean plants everywhere are at risk?

Yes, they are.

That's awful! They're all dying?

It 's a real possibility.

Unbelievable. But lights are a problem.

Did you ask for specifics?

I' m just editing that.

Hey, don't do that. It's bad for the speakers.

Let me do it.

OK...

There. Start there.

OK, OK.

Fugitive emissions from cars and factories have produced acid rain.

Plants absorb the emissions, which weaken them.

Then, acid rain falls on them. It's a one two punch.

To top it off, lights giv e them insomnia.

Poor trees. If only they could be protected.

It 's sad, isn't it?

We have to use the show to spread the word about it.

Maybe we could start a campaign to turn off lights.

Yeah, and we could have a campaign song, too.

You never say die, do you?

By the way, how 's your sister's Illness?

It 's really more of a psychosomatic thing.

She'll get her voice back when the time's right.

If y ou find mushrooms on a mountain, that mountain is aliv e.

It's the same in the forest.

Mushrooms grow in healthy environments.

H ow can w e tell if a tree is healthy?

Well, healthy trees are glossy.

Unhealthy trees are dull looking.

Just like people. We can look dull, too.

I hope I ace this audition. I'm lousy at them.

You can do it!

I'll try. Help me rehearse?

Sure.

Prepare to meet your maker. Say your prayers, monster!

Sorry.

If you wish to save their lives, relinquish the Masamune sword.

Fiend! Release the prince and princess!

Sorry.

I know it's ridiculous. But if I don't emote, I won't get the part.

But you're usually so moving when you act.

Thank you, ma'am. You're my only fan.

Then you're in trouble.

Don't say that. I need this role.

C'mere let's take one together. OK.

Just a little this way...

Lift your chin...

Can you be a little sexier?

It 's pouring!

No kidding.

Are you OK? You're sopping.

Should we live together?

What?

Let's get married.

I'm ready to settle down.

The owner of the club where I'm working is opening a new club.

He wants me to manage it.

So you won't have to worry about money.

If you just say 'yes. '

What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy.

But... why are you giving up on acting?

I' m not giving up, just being realistic.

Reallstic?

Why don't you say something?

I'm doing this for you!

We can't live on dreams alone.

Or did you find someone better than me?

Ms. Eri Momosaki. We are 95.3% sure you are 10 week s pregnant.

Please visit the clinic to confirm this.

Next, please welcome Dr. Danny Moreno from the United States.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

Thanks. You're a godsend.

We're planning to get the word out on the internet, too.

Cheer up. You can't wallow in the past forever.

There's more to life than romance. Work's just as fulfilling.

I wouldn't mind a relationship...

...but work's great. I get to tackle the important issues.

But all the trees are dying.

The future must be dark, right?

But we have options. Like...

...turning off unnecessary lights...

...returning golf courses to nature...

...planting roof gardens...

...and using solar energy.

Anything to make the earth greener.

We can't just stop cutting down trees.

But we have to take action. If we don't...

...there won't be anything left for our kids.

Anyway, let's wake people up.

Mika's here, everyone. Sorry to keep you waiting.

Hello, everybody.

Hello!

OK, let's get started.

Oh you come, too.

You're too kind.

Remember, this is Mika's closeup.

I need a clear shot of her face.

Stay out of her frame.

Leave it to me.

All right. Let's give it a shot.

Going for a camera test.

Ready, action!

Princess.

Shinosuke.

Cut!

Cut!

CUT!

See you at your place later, OK?

Great, Mika.

Owww!

Mika, one with the director?

With me?

Yes, yes... get a little closer, closer.

Make sure it's tasteful.

Get my best angle.

Great. Thank you!

You're too kind.

Dude, I can hear something.

Too bad have to do it the hard way.

But someone's in there.

I know. We're not burglars, so it's OK.

Shit. It won't open.

Welcome to the 21st century.

The hell's that?

When did you get so high tech?

Dude, you were in the slammer for two years.

Voila.

Cool, techno boy! You're the bomb.

Wait in the car. Be right back.

Hey! Long time, no see.

Keisuke, why didn't you come pick me up, man? That was cold.

How'd you get in here? Get the hell out!

Can you loan me some cash to celebrate my freedom?

I don't have any. Take a hike!

Just enough for a drink?

There's beer in the fridge.

The fridge, huh?

Shit.

What're you doing, dammit?

Is this creep your friend? Can't you get rid of him?

He's not my friend. Don't worry, he's leaving.

Get him out of here!

I heard you the first time.

Stop it!

Hmm, lemme see...

Any cash under here?

Cut it out!

Any cash hiding under here?

Stop, you bastard!

Not 'til you lend me some cash.

Show me the money!

OK, STOP!! My wallet's over there.

That's better. What are friends for?

Whoa, not bad. Thanks for the donation.

Not all of it!

I'II borrow these cigs, too. See ya!

Kengo!

At least lock the door... wimp.

What the?

Remember me?

Behold, the fan.

It soothes in summer... chills in winter.

Beg pardon.

Villains, you are no match for me.

I am the Peerless Samurai Mondonosuke.

Recognize the scar?

The 'M'! The 'M'!

Your efforts to kill me will be for naught.

Approach!

Cut!

Amazing, Ryu! You're a genius!

Danke schon!

Break for lunch!

Can you believe that? The guy wants more scenes...

...so they make him immortal.

That's star power for you.

Maybe you should quit in protest.

You may feel like I' m just an extra, since you have lines.

But I live for this job.

Where else do you get to die 5000 deaths in one lifetime?

Ooh my back.

Uh-oh. You need to take those blows better.

The trick is to react before the sword reaches you.

Watch.

Hey, can you help me a sec? Go like this

This is the 'diagonal slash flopping tuna' technique.

This is the 'horizontal slash wriggling eel' technique.

Next, two nominees for the People 's Choice Environmental Award.

Local residents are working hard to restore these areas to nature.

In Saga, this watergate on the Rokk aku River was reopened...

...and the birds and fish have returned.

In Amakusa, the use of nature friendly detergent...

...has resulted in much cleaner waterways.

We talked to the man who developed the detergent, Mr. Yoshid a.

Although synthetic detergents look clean, they're made from surfactants.

Surfactants are made from tar.

Watch what happens when you heat detergent up.

You can see the tar.

It starts burning. You can see the smoke.

That's the true nature of synthetic detergent.

This tar is end angering our waterways.

Hello? Oh... yes... yes...

Hey, what the hell was that program?

What?

I did not approve that material!

The ad agency's complaining.

The airline sponsors your show.

How could you say, 'Planes destroy the ozone layer'?

I didn't exactly say, 'Don't fly. '

Same difference! And why attack synthetic detergents?

Chemical firms are our biggest sponsors.

In the future, get my approval first.

But you told me to focus on environmental issues.

Yes... but without sponsors, we don't have a show.

Don't cross the line. Think of the position I'm in.

I' m sorry. But...

You're the one who said we can't force oh, sorry...

...can't force environmental issues on viewers.

But that 's what you 're doing.

I want a formal apology on my desk now.

Got it?

You sell one set speaker, you make $200.

$200. Looks like the real thing at first glance.

Dude! What 's this llttle 'i'?

Little things not important.

They're not ALTEC, they're ALTECI.

ALTECHI.

ALTECHI?

You find driver with foreign car or whiskers, you got sale.

Rich drivers I get, but what's up with whiskers?

You sell, you get big bucks.

Fight! Hurrah!

Hurrah!

Okee dokee!

Okee dokee!

Wait your turn... Don't push! Next!

Beer, please!

It 's oxygen or water.

No shit... no booze?

I was gonna treat you for doing great today.

So treat me.

Got any air that makes you high?

Like a sacred island-rain forest mix

Sounds great. What're you having?

Same for me.

Give me the first toke.

It 's OK. Beer's better.

Hey, I could get you a better paying job.

I'm quitting tonight.

Quitting? Extras must make more these days.

No, I have a speaking role.

In a movie? That's rad!

Hey, hook me up with a few movie people.

They won't hire you.

I just gotta find some rich dupes to buy new speakers.

Please help us out? I'm not gonna be part of your scam.

Hiro, call 911!

You'll be OK, Eri.

You just overdid it.

It 's your lucky day, sir. They're usually $3000 a pair...

...yours for just $ 700.

But they 're fake

Whaddya mean? They're factory direct, just $ 700.

I' m broke. I'm just a gigolo in training.

Hey, Shunsuk He's buying. Bring it here.

I said I'm not interested.

OK, OK, two pairs for $800.

Cheap bastard! You don't deserve that car.

Dude, isn't that movi studio around here?

Good thinking. Where is it?

Around here somewhere...

Somewhere where?

Give me a hand.

What's your wife think of this job?

I dunno. She never talks to me.

HALT!

You can't just drive through here! You have to sign in first.

It 's OK. We're here to see a movie star.

Hold it!

All visitors must have a pass. Hey, HEY!

We're not visitors.

Wait a minute, wait a minute!

Get your asses out of here! Now!

What's going on here?

Hoollgans! Hoollgans!

Who the hell are you?

None of your business!

Why'd you do that?

What do you want?

Break it up!

Stop it! You?!

Why hit me?!

You bastards!

Chrome dome!

It was a rug!

Keisuk?

Not bad. I could use him.

It hurts, it hurts, it... spluuurts!

Cut it out.

It hurts, it hurts, it... spluuurts!

C'mon, I mean it.

I' m sorry, I' m sorry.

And you wonder why I want nothing to do with you.

Come in?

Are you OK?

Yeah, I' m fine.

There's a costume fitting tomorrow. They said to come.

Costume? For what scene?

Not you him.

Him? Me?

The director wants you to fight the monster samurai

Yeah! Yeehaw!

Keisuke, we're gonna be in a movie together!

He's just a...

How do you do, Mika? I'm Kengo.

It 's like a dream come true being in a movie with you.

Thanks. Ever acted before?

Acted? No, never.

Oh, really...

But I can do this...

That's great. The director'll love it. Like a pro, huh?

Nice, huh? And a real bargain.

They're usually $5000, but I paid just $500.

What's wrong? You look kind of down.

How can we convince people this is important?

You can't rush things. It was 500 years before Galileo convinced Rome.

Galileo died trying, of course. People are slow to accept the truth.

We have to spread the word through our show.

You never say die, do you?

Must be your influence.

Really?

So, I have reached someone.

Good intentions always reach people.

Well, let's get started. OK.

Hey, is something wrong with the speakers?

No way! These are top of the line ALTECs.

See the label?

Wha?

What's this little 'i'?

So they're ALT SH I?

Shi... it.

Scene 48, take 1.

Ready, action!

Die, fiend!

Ahh... ugg...

You monster!

Princess!

Die, fiend!

Owww.

Cut!

Fantastic! Fabulous! You were both perfect.

Ryu, brilliant how you sprung back to life.

But, those two. Talk about pathetic splashes.

What to do? We need more oomph.

Ryu, how 'bout it? One more take?

No problemo.

Thank you. You made my day.

How many more takes?

My throat's killing me.

Just one. Pretty please?

Do I have a choice?

Thank you. I' m the happiest guy alive.

Hey, you pretty good. Keep it up.

What's with you? When I say jump, JUMP!

Show some spirit!

You're screwing it up for everyone.

You do this every day?

Acting's harder than it looks.

SHIT!

Why'd he have to pick on me?

Hey, watch where you're going!

Don't get so uptight over nothing

You're a good actor. You really are.

I don't know how you do it.

I'm not going tomorrow, so cheer up.

That's what you want?

To be a star, get rich, live the good life?

That's insane. What kind of life is that?

Fame's a pain, you know?

I just wanna set off some fireworks.

What'll that prove?

It 'll prove that I'm alive.

Of all the bonehead! Get real!

When you really care about something deeply...

...that's when fireworks go off. That's being alive.

So what do you care about deeply?

Do you love me?

Hmm?

Answer me. Do you love me?

C'mon, you know the answer.

I need to hear it. Tell me you love me.

I love you.

That's it? Doesn't sound very convincing.

Why can't you say it like you really mean it? Are you tired of me?

I need to hear it.

Gimme a break.

I love you. You should love me back.

So, do you?

Say something. I mean it.

Can't decide how you feel?

You're spineless. Just like your acting.

How do you think that makes me look?

Damn, I blew it again

Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

And we were so good together.

Yummm!

Heaven, isn't it?

It 's a perfect harmony of ingredients.

But you can savor each one.

This is the taste of sheer bliss.

Looks like you're feeling better.

Or did you meet someone?

Have you seen Keisuke recently?

I know it's tough, but you've got to see him.

That's the only way you'll get better.

Yummy?

Yeah, that's it... hold it right there.

Gorgeous!

Just like that. OK!

Bring your hands down...

Can you move a bit?

OK, great! ...I love it!

I love that smile!

More this way

Your belly button... I love your belly button.

Your leg... I love your leg.

Go like this

I'd do anything for your smile.

Really?

Even that?

Huh?

You know that. C'mon, do it.

Again? Can't get enough, huh?

Keep it down!

Do you know what time it is?

He's just jealous.

Morning.

Keisuke.

Oh, hello.

We don't need you this morning.

What? Why?

We got him instead. It's mainly sword fighting, anyway.

I can do the sword fight.

Oh yeah?

He's been an extra for over 10 years.

Not one line of dlalog

but he still practices every day.

Now he's got the samurai spirit down pat.

Do you know the theory of pinwheels?

Theory?

Taken alone, they're not much to look at.

But give them some wind... I said, wind...

With wind as their partner, their beauty is revealed.

Without a partner, they're useless.

That's life...

even if you're acting or sword fighting.

It 's all about collaboration.

Let that be a lesson.

We 're terribly sorry.

We just started online diagnoses...

...I knew we'd have problems, but my son insisted.

Well, it's good that you came in.

Computers are helpful, but they're not perfect.

We're 95.3% sure you are 10 week s pregnant.

Prepare to meet your maker. Say your prayers, monster!

I need no prayers.

If you wish to save their lives, relinquish the Masamune sword!

Fiend! Release the prince and princess!

You worm! Hand over the sword.

Stop! I will relinquish the sword.

No, Shinosuke. Pay us no mind.

You must protect what is most precious to you.

- That shit...! - Hold on.

Why do you not attack?

Oooph.

Wait please help me, brave sir!

Forgive me!

Help! You are forgetting what is most precious to you!

We're out of film.

CUT!

What was that shithead doing?

No, it was great! Why didn't I think of that?

It has so much... oomph!

Was that take oK?

That's a big thumbs up!

God, this just sucks.

I told you!

Why'd you blow all our dough on fireworks?

Nobody buys fireworks out of season.

And you need a license to handle those sky rockets.

You got us in a jam, dude.

People buy ice cream in winter, right?

We eat strawberries year 'round, right?

What's that got to do with fireworks?

You know what I think?

I think people should stop and smell the roses.

Everyone's in such a rush to scratch every little itch.

If it's summer, I just wanna chug beer and watch fireworks.

That's how it should be, right?

We've forgotten the importance of simple pleasures.

Then why are we trying to sell fireworks now?

Why'd we buy them now? I don't get it.

Because, I loooove fireworks!

Come off it, dude. You are skunk drunk!

Watch what you're doing.

Are you all right?

Slash me with this.

I need redemption.

Go like this

Am I redeemed?

A little bit.

Thank you very much.

Let's take one more.

Man is no more than a reed... but he is a thinking reed.

Blaise Pascal (1623 1662 )

Yet the earth does move. Galileo Galilei (1564 1642)

You called?

I am the Peerless Samurai Mondonosuke.

I dare you to kill me. Try it!

Ouch.