All language subtitles for Red Shoe Diaries s04e06 Jump

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Original subtitles

This isn't exactly a letter.

It's more like a confession.

You red shoes.

I always had this dream of doing something really brave.

Stepping out of real life into thin air.

Finally, after years of dreaming about it, I actually mustered up the nerve to

do it.

And it changed my life forever.

Not the jump, but the courage it took.

Relax. Breathe.

Looking down on the ground below, I felt like I was floating above my whole

life.

It suddenly became very clear.

Vivid.

I could feel how unhappy I was.

How frightened.

How resigned.

How much I had compromised.

I need to be the perfect girlfriend.

The perfect soon -to -be stepmother.

And the perfect lover.

The perfect daughter.

And sister and friend.

Perfect.

Beautiful. Show me your favorite part.

It's like I was an actress playing a role.

Every part.

Every solitary interview.

Acting the way he wanted me to act.

Doing things I would otherwise never do.

Strip teas and champagne shows.

Just going through the motions.

All of it a lie.

Seriously, before the jump, that's the way my life went.

I could find a reason, no matter how irrational, not to do anything for me.

Yeah, I was paralyzed, seriously paralyzed, frightened,

complacent,

pretending to be something I wasn't.

a message on the machine and I forgot to call her back.

I'm sorry.

Pretending to be in love.

Pretending to be happy.

Pretending, pretending, pretending.

I'll take it if you stop my name.

Sorry, baby.

I really didn't expect it.

Shh.

Yeah, I love Max. Don't worry.

I know you do.

made love I would squeeze my eyes shut pretend I was jumping

fearless and exhilarated

and I thought about him my instructor

the way he made me feel

safe and brave at the same time

secure

Imagine that. I actually felt happy.

I went back again and again.

I couldn't get enough.

Enough of him.

With every jump I made, I became a little braver and a little happier.

No plans.

No future. No pressure.

No right or wrong, just happy.

She told me it was her way of feeling alive.

And when we talked, we actually talked to one another.

We had it all.

Beauty, grace, charm, intelligence.

We were honest.

Totally and completely honest.

Of course, the more we saw each other,

The closer we became.

I asked her if she'd let him know what she was feeling. She said she didn't

to hurt him.

But I made it clear to her that I couldn't save her.

That that was something she'd have to do herself.

to the place where I felt most brave.

You know, I can't believe you're actually going to be my wife.

The man I was about to marry.

You have no idea how good this is for me.

The man I wanted to love, but didn't.

I'm taking you someplace.

A special place where we can talk.

A place with nothing but silence.

No kids.

No phones.

I was scared to death, but I did it.

And he listened.

He understood.

I knew then that I wasn't escaping my life, I was finding it.

to be my wife.

I'm not going to be anyone's perfect anything for a long time.

It was like I'd taken all the little fears and went right to the thing that

frightened me the most.

And once I conquered it, that one big fear, everything else seemed to

fall into play.

We became great friends.

My instructor and me.

Lovers, but more importantly, the best of friends.

Partners of fun.

Do you hear what I said, Red Shoes?

Fun.

The biggest miracle of all.

Anyway, Red Shoes, if you ever paint yourself into a corner, Into a place

you can't find your way out.

My advice to you is to just shut your eyes and jump.

I still jump.

Don't? No.

Bye.

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