All language subtitles for Real Husbands s01e10 Retreat from Couples

Previously. on Real Husbands of
Hollywood.

What are you doing, man?

Hey, you got to be kidding me.

What up, boy?

Who told you to get out the car? Hey,
man, what the... Hey, dude, get off.

are you doing, man? Get your hands off
me. Shut up. Were you talking on the

phone while operating a motor vehicle?

What? Are you talking... I was talking
to you, jackass. Shut up. All right, all

right. Do you know what they're going to
do to you in jail? Why am I going to

jail? Let me show you.

This is going to happen to your little
ass in jail. Oh, my God. He's not even a

real cop.

You're not a cop!

It's just like when you were on the
Celtics. You're nothing but a reserve.

Get off of me. You're not even a real
cop. Get your hands off of me. Get off

me. I'm a reserve. You know me. Yes,
reserve.

I reserve the right to do this.

I'm feeling great, Charles.

for seven days straight and live in a
hotel room in a hotel room.

Honestly, I was kind of looking forward
to getting back in town and just hanging

out with my boy.

JB!

What's up, man?

You at the spa?

Are you at the spa or are you at the
spa?

Are you with your wife?

Or are you at the spa?

Robbie -o!

No, that's you. That's the nickname I
gave you.

I don't have to use it. It's cool.

Dude, what are you doing? Like, let's do
something.

I feel like we should hang out.

Oh, you with Paula?

Oh, okay.

No, stop. No.

Dude, I understand.

Hey, let me tell you something. I'm
going to tell you the same damn thing

Paula and my wife.

Hello?

D, back me up on this.

What's up? All I'm saying is that when
women get married, they just don't do

same.

freaky things they used to do. I mean,
you got a point. You got a point. What

freaky things are you talking about?

You know, the things that made us leave
the women we were with when we met you.

Exactly. That stuff.

There you go. What women were you with,
Dwayne?

Nobody. I'm just speaking in
generalities.

Okay, keep it up and I'm going to kick
you in your genitalia. Hey, hey. What

woman were you with?

Actually, you took me from three women.

Oh, really? So you know you had it going
on.

Come on now. You remember on the soap
with that?

In my trailer.

Yeah, he said, let's put Darren's dance
grooves on.

Bye, bye, bye.

Don't be shy.

All I'm saying is, baby, you took your
foot off the pedal a little bit.

What? Yep. Well, maybe if you tried a
little romance, a little atmosphere.

Thank you. You need to glaze the donut a
little bit. Glaze the donut. Glaze the

donut. Okay, look. What is that?

Who wants a romantic freak, huh? Who?

Anybody? Nobody. That's a woman thing.

If a man wants his wife to be freaky,
he's not talking about candlelit dinners

and bubble baths, foreplay. What is that
anyway?

He's not talking about wine.

Unless you use it to get drunk, but then
you get freakier. There you go.

Okay, you know what, Boris? You can get
away with talking that misguided

bullshit because you're pretty, but you
on the other hand. Hey, I'm cute.

You have rules, regulations, and a lane
that you need to stay in, so I'm going

to ask you this one time and one time
only.

Am I freaky enough for you?

Don't answer that.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Boris is always
getting us into these no -win

conversations with our wives.

He talks this metrosexual European
bullshit that I end up paying the price.

All right.

Are the women less freaky?

Hell yeah.

But that's the way I like it,
personally. Because, I mean, after a

cuff, Tommy John surgery, gout, I just
can't get down like I used to. So I

just...

Be eating the blue pills like M &M's. I
just want to go see some art with my

best friend, who happens to be my
beautiful wife.

You are such a brown -nosing punk.

Shut up! Shut up, boy!

Hey,

Kevin, what's up?

Man, dude, let me tell you something. I
was in Dallas last night.

You're on speakerphone, okay? I got
Nicole in the car and Tisha.

Oh, okay. No, no, no.

My bad. Hey, Nick.

What's up, babe?

Hey, Kev. What's up, T?

Whatever. Yeah, okay. No, no, I totally
get that. I see where that's coming

from. Shut up, Kevin. Just shut up. What
were you in Dallas?

I wasn't in Dallas. I had never been. I
watched Dallas. Okay, okay.

What y 'all doing? What y 'all love
birds up to?

We're just going to see this photo
exhibit at Gallery Downtown.

Photos? You don't know what that is.
Guess what?

I love photos.

You know what? That's crazy, because I
don't got nothing to do. I'm going to

dressed. I'm going to come down and meet
y 'all.

No, no, no. We're doing the couple
thing, Kev. Your couple thing. Why are

saying I don't have women in my life?
I'll call a girl. I'll just come down

meet y 'all. No, Kevin, no. We don't
want you or your little skanks. No. No.

The problem with Kevin Hart is he's a
hoe, and hoes attract other hoes. And

before you know it, you have a ho -ho
gumbo.

Uh, first of all, Destiny is not a
skank. Destiny is in college.

So let's get that straight.

Beauty college, Kevin!

And she burned Tisha with the flood on
her. Right on my ear, on her graduation.

What kind of s*** is that? Uh, what it
is is a sign of having big -ass ears,

Tisha. You can't just keep pointing to
blame everybody else.

It's you. Now, if you don't like
Destiny, that's fine.

Charmaine. I can bring Charmaine.
Charmaine's in the bank. Oh, come on.

that gangster chick that spent all your
money?

The video vixen? Yeah.

She's into banking. You're banking. Rick
Ross is banking.

Which also equals skanking.

Okay, okay. What about Portia? What are
you going to say about Portia? Tisha,

you said you thought that she was cute.
No, what I said was, Kevin, she cute for

a stripper. She's cute for a stripper,
Kevin. That's what I said.

Okay. That's not a good thing. She's not
a stripper. She's a professional

dancer. She is a professional skank.
Okay, that's why Bridget left your ass

right there. Come on. What?

You gonna bring my ex -wife into this,
Tisha?

Yes.

Dwayne, let me tell you something,
Dwayne. You need to check your lady,

What? You need to check my lady?

I'm talking about my wife, man. That
sucks for you, Shaq. What?

I'm talking about you being stuck with
her. All right, Kevin. No, no, no, no.

Call your lady, Kevin. Bye.

I'm so sick of all this bull with my
married friend.

Forget them.

I'm gonna call one of my single friends.

That's right.

One of my single friends who just so
happens to have a twin sister.

This is going to be so much better than
hanging out with the Black Thumb and

Louise.

In life, you don't always get what you
want, but you

get what you deserve.

See, when I first met the Payne twins,
Mona and Nona, truth is, I was trying to

get both of them. Oh, Kevin, we want to
do it, but do you have any condoms?

Yep. I honestly got a thing for twins.

So I started with Mona. But then when I
pushed up on Nona, they both kicked me

to the curb. So imagine my surprise when
I call Mona today and Nona gets on and

asks me if I wanted to feel the pain.

One second!

One second! Sometimes life is like a box
of chocolate.

Women.

Honestly, I couldn't have done this
without you, Tisha and Nicole.

Here I come! Thank you.

Enjoy your photo exhibit. I'm coming!

BT's about to get uncut.

Ladies, mommas.

No,

uh -uh, no, no, man. Why are you
tussling on me with your d*** out?

I brought you some wings to go with your
gizzard. Okay, first of all, that

wasn't for you.

You weren't supposed to see that, okay?
Second of all, the hell are you doing in

my home?

I'm Nick Cannon. I'm welcoming
everyone's home.

18 million to be exact.

Dude, this ain't about your damn TV
show.

Why are you here not with your wife like
everybody else? Tonight, Mariah and I

are going our separate ways.

What?

Wait, y 'all.

Mariah dumped you?

Wow. That's crazy.

Give me her number just so I can see if
she's okay.

For sure. 1 -800 -KISS -MY -ASS.

Kiss my ass.

That's too many numbers, Nick.

Keep f***ing with me, Kev. You ain't
gonna get none of these hot wings.

Okay, dude, I don't want any wings.

Seriously, I want you out of my house,
Nick.

You might want these wings. You see, the
chicken is on fire on the mat.

Nick, we don't have a bring wings to my
house relationship.

Why are you here, dude?

Okay.

Once a month, my wife and I, you know,
she has ladies night, I have guys night.

Usually, I'm hanging with Dwayne and
Boris, but they can't get rid of Laverne

and Shirley, so I'm stuck with your ass.

Stuck with my motherfucker?

Chief, you mean... I'm making money now.
That's a good place.

Ikea. Nick, are you listening to me,
man? I got stuff planned, okay? I got

company coming, for real.

What do you got coming over? I got two
twins coming over. Maybe they want some

wings. They don't want no damn wings.
Get out my house, man.

Where your hot sauce at?

In the refrigerator, Nick.

What the fuck keeps hot sauce in the
refrigerator?

It's a vegetable, ain't it?

Why do you care where it's at? You don't
have time to eat it. Get the fuck out

my house.

Wow. Way to pack this up. Pack the damn
wings up, man.

Get the hell out of here, Nick.

It's the police. Open up.

One second, sir. Open up. You've got to
be kidding me.

We received a complaint from this
address for loud and lewd noises.

Ain't no noises come from here, unless
it's my teapot.

I ain't been doing nothing but drinking
chamomile tea.

And watching Hunger Games. We got some
different games in mind. Let's go.

Let's play. Come on.

Don't resist us. Yeah,

I want it.

Spread your legs.

Yeah.

Is that a loaded weapon?

Get on the table. You have the right to
remain turned on.

We're being so bad.

Anything you say can and will make us
horny. I want to say a lot.

Last chance to get some of these wings.

And Nick, close your eyes. Is that Nick
Cannon?

You are so talented. I love your show.
Can we ask you a question?

Ladies know you cannot audition for
America's Got Talent.

But we've got talent.

We dance.

You're looking for something different.

On unicycles?

Don't you talk to them.

He's married.

What?

Are you serious?

Look, can we change the subject?

I don't know why you guys are so
uncomfortable talking about something as

natural as sexuality. I'm not
uncomfortable.

I talk about it all the time. When? When
you're not around.

Okay, and with whom are you talking
about sexuality? With Dwayne. What?

You're talking about our sex life with
Boris? Why are you even listening to

Boris?

Now they do.

Well, see what you made me do?

Hey, look, guys, can we just go on
Nicole's little field trip already? No,

no. I want to hear all about the tail
road, Mr. and Mrs. Hold on, I thought it

was underground railroad. Where does
that lead us to anyway? To the promised

land. Tell them the way she can. Excuse
me, can we please change the subject?

Where are we going?

Oh, we're here.

Let's go.

Hey. No, no, no, no. Nicole, Nicole. I'm
not going to an erotic art exhibit.

Come on. You two freaks ought to love
this.

She's talking about you two freaks.
That's what we're doing tonight? Fun,

Dwayne. We're looking at ass? Think of
it as foreplay. Something you don't know

anything about.

Hey. This is the life of the Hollywood.

Let go. She said she wanted to take me
home. That'd be her desire.

Girl, don't let your tongue turn your
words into a liar.

Because I can't keep that name. I lack a
firefighter.

So, what do you think?

You know what I think. Okay, Nick, what
do you think? That's the question.

I like...

The music. Okay. I mean, you said you
were going to be dancing on the

You weren't even riding the unicycle.

Okay, I'll tell you what I think.

I think you're an ass.

How dare you sit here and disrespect
these two Olympians?

Like, you got some nerve. Are you going
to tell me that you didn't just see them

ride that unicycle?

How'd they get around and around, Nick?

That's the best I've ever seen anybody
ride a unicycle with.

training things on the bottom of them
and a bunch of metal attached to it. I

mean, it's original, man.

Who the hell do you think you are?

Get your hands up. Get off me. Don't
touch me with me when you're out again.

But look, I didn't say that they were
that bad. We just looking for something

different. Like what?

Something that's outside the box.

Wait. You're thinking about something
else? Yeah, I know exactly what you're

saying. We have someone. We have a
cousin.

You have to see him. So outside the box?

He's in the box.

What'd she say?

They got a copy.

I think we can, there's other times we
can meet them.

And deal with the wings, man.

Kidding, kidding me.

Wow.

That's nice. It's two minutes.

Oh.

Yep, those are the man. I've seen enough
naked bodies for one night. I'm out of

here. You know what, man? I was done at
the door, man. Let's get the hell out of

here. No, no. Look, you have not come
here with Dwayne, and I'm not ready to

leave. Me either. What is wrong with
you? You can't hang?

I thought you wanted freaky. No, no, no,
baby. Don't try to twist our words

around. We said we wanted freaky. This
here is freaky. Like, just like them.

Oh, my God.

Oh, you got it.

Hey. Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Walking and kissing at the same time.
So, so, Shahida fooled you into coming

down here, too, huh? Baby.

Did you fool me? Of course I didn't fool
you, baby.

I would never fool you.

I wouldn't fool around with you, though.

JB, it's your wife, not your girlfriend,
man. My wife and my girlfriend. You

damn right.

Hey, you guys. Come here. Look at this.

What? Oh, my.

Are you kidding me?

And that's why JB gets some. I love
getting some, too.

You see his face? Look at his face. Just
look at his face. I'm trying not to.

No, no, no. That passion. You look like
Jimmy Walker and Seabiscuit had a baby.

Funny, man. You're a funny dude. Me and
my baby like to switch it up. Keep it

fresh. Pick outside the box.

I'm ready to throw up inside the box.

Centaur. Greek mythology.

Part human, part horse.

I'm already part human, part horse.

If you know what I mean.

Don't use that.

Okay, I'm out of here.

Hey. I'm with you, B. Hey, come on. If
you guys stick around, the photographer

will be here in about a half an hour.
Are you serious? Yeah, let us introduce

you. Come on. I would love that. Yes.

He loves couple couples. He would love
to shoot you guys.

What? Hey, JB. He would love it. I would
love to shoot you.

No, I want to say I want to meet the
photographer. Me too.

Hang out, dude.

Nice.

I think we've seen enough.

I'm not leaving.

I don't know what to do.

Okay, last chance. You're going to walk.

Excuse me? I have the keys.

Not to my taxi, you don't. Let's go. I'm
with you, man. No, you are not going to

be with me. JB, thank you.

I'm with you, baby.

You get in the damn box. Do something.
He's going to wait.

Go, Ben.

Ben for him, Ben.

Yes. I'm going to address the elephant
in the room.

There's no way he has a penis.

It's impossible.

Go, Ben.

No, this is the best part. Just watch
this part right here.

Yeah!

Howard is going to love this. We need to
get this on tape.

Are you kidding me?

You know what?

You know what? Howard would love it. He
would. No.

I know he would. But I'll tell you what.
Before we get it on tape, you know what

we got to do? And I just came up with
this idea.

This is going to be great.

We got to get it the hell out of my
house.

Show's officially over, ladies.

Box is going out.

All right.

Wait, Kevin. Let me out. Let me out.
Please. It's hot.

Oh, Ben, let me tell you something, man.

You done did a good job.

You came over. You got in the box.

Now you're about to get out of my house.
No.

What am I doing?

Getting back to what was good, which was
us.

On that pool table, you got sent a bunch
of nasty stuff to me. That wasn't very

nice, Kevin.

Oh, maybe I was just being a little bad.

That's all, ladies. Maybe you want to
punish me?

Yes, I think we do.

Nice meeting you, Nick.

Nice meeting you, too, ladies. Good luck
with your dream.

What's he doing?

Hey! Hey!

Hey, Kevin.

Yo, yo, Kev.

Yo, we're here.

What's up, Nick?

What's up, Nick?

What's cracking?

What's wrong with him?

I guess he's still mad at y 'all.

Plus, I'm whooping his little midget ass
in this video game.

He's not even playing you, man.

Dude, you've been here all day. Like,
enough is enough.

Why are y 'all here?

Thought y 'all supposed to be out having
married couple days. Man, we had the

bell on that. That s*** was whack.

Jibby's weird.

She always singles night.

S*** was whack?

Nuh -uh.

She was off the chain.

Yo, we had two twins on some unicycles,
some hot wings, a d*** in a box.

Are you kidding me? What is that? What
is that noise?

Oh, damn. Twelve already.

Hey, fellas, I gotta get back to my
exceedingly better life.

You know what?

I'm serious.

Any year now. Come on. Leave, man. I'm
leaving.

Go. My pilot is outside.

Me a driver, dumbass?

No. My pilot.

His name is Pablo.

Helicopter. All right, Nick.

Helicopter, right? Why do you always
exaggerate, Nick? Huh?

He's just compensating for the whole
ass. He's been here all day. He's 16

old. What do you expect? All day.

What is that?

Did this mother got a helicopter shake?

Second Generation Weigh -In. Do you want
to get this movie made? I just don't

know about this thing. I think I'm being
kidnapped.

How am I supposed to invest my money in
you guys and I can't even count on you?

Second Generation Weigh -In's all new
episode coming up next on BET.

We got you.