Original subtitles

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

It is catching up.

But now I have that peg repeat. I have a ton of lines to mark on my slate.

And that's why we're having this party.

Congratulations! Woo!

Now get up on that pole and celebrate.

This guy sucks.

Here's to all the customers!

B -B -C -C -I?

Daddy? B -B -C -C -I?

Daddy, what are you doing here? B -B -C -C -I?

Oh, my God, Daddy, are you having a seizure?

Here, put my shoe in your mouth. I don't want you to swallow your tongue. Get

that shoe away from me. I'm talking about your report card. Now, C's are bad

enough, but what is an I in Western civilization?

Uh, incredible?

Intelligent? No, important.

No, why don't you try incomplete, as in didn't finish, didn't care, didn't try,

don't give a darn about my daddy's money?

You flew all the way out here just to tell me that?

That's how disappointed I am.

Plus, I had to lay over here on my way to Seattle.

So it was either you or sitting at Cinderburn for two hours.

Look, Daddy, don't worry. All I have to do is hand in one paper and my

incomplete becomes a C.

So, Seattle, the Emerald City... How exciting.

Actually, it's going to be the Diamond City when I'm done.

Danielle, they're visiting her parents, and I am going to surprise her with this

bag of ale.

Daddy, you're getting married? Oh, I love Danielle.

Now give me all the details.

Actually, it's going to be so romantic, baby. It's going to be rose pep.

Oh, yo.

Nice try, Missy Poo.

It's not about me.

Obviously, something is getting in the way of your studies, and I think I know

what it is. On your feet, boy. I know you're awake. On your feet. On your

Daddy, take it easy. It's not his fault my grades aren't perfect. Yes, it is.

You just can't see it.

Somehow this glorified panhandler's gotten his dummy disease all over you.

I'm actually doing very well. I have a steady job, and I'm auditioning for a

full scholarship to the Music Institute.

So I think this boy is holding it down.

See, Daddy?

Oh, well, if all this is true, it makes me question life as we know it.

I wish you should try to be more like Ernest.

Mr. Washington, are you having a seizure? Man, get off me.

Look, I want that paper done when I get back and that incomplete off your

record. Now, if you'll excuse me, Cinnabon puts out a fresh batch of buns

minutes.

Wednesday!

Oh, my God, I only have until Friday.

Friday!

Okay.

Western civilization is a civilization that started on the West Side.

Tupac was the original leader of the West.

Oh, I am so dead. Arnett!

Arnett, come here!

Brianna, you have got to stop bugging me. I'm working on my audition and I am

freaking out.

Look, you're going to be fine, but I just really need your help right now. I

stuck in rehearsal all day. I cannot come up with a topic and I'm starving.

Can you please go to the store for me?

I repeat, audition, me, freaking out.

Bye, you guys. We're going to a sorority party to pawn Lisa off on the gammas.

I mean... No, that's what I meant.

I'm going with.

because I want to slam a gamma.

You guys should both come.

Oh, we can't. She's still working on her paper, and I need to get ready for my

audition. So what do you think?

Shirt on or shirt off?

I think Brianna should study with her shirt off.

I'm just going to oil up and let the mirror decide.

Yeah, he's right. I do need to finish this paper.

Start this paper.

Oh, Brianna, you're only blocked because you're stressed.

What you need to do is relax at a party with us.

Oh, no. Come on.

Sororities are part of the Greek system. And who knows more about Western

civilization than the Greeks, huh? Yeah, huh?

Good point.

Foot sale.

Oh, then do it for me.

I'm trying to meet hot frat boys with trust funds. It won't help if I'm seen

with... Super tall and loud.

make me a very good roommate if I just abandoned you in your time of need? Oh,

thank you so much.

And speaking of need, I'm going to need you to change.

All right, people, let's pick up where we left off. Our opening is but a

fortnight away.

There'll be agents, managers, and my life partner, Percy.

And remember, this is Shakespeare.

Honor the word.

Oh, hell, to choose love by another's eye.

Or if there were a sympathy in choice.

Is somebody going to get that?

Well, I guess I will since nobody else is going to.

come pick you up.

There were no cell phones in Elizabethan England. Hence, there are no cell

phones on my stage.

D -Mac!

D -Mac, you have to help me.

All right, give it up and go back to Baltimore. You're welcome. No, come on,

come on, come on.

I can't sing without you. You're going to have to come to my audition with me.

Look, I don't have time for that, man.

Dude, man, this could be it.

Without you, I am nothing. Man, you got to stop that.

I won't until you say yes.

I've never been better than when I'm with you. Come on, man.

Don't shake it, shake it.

Don't shake it, shake it.

Big dot off the forehead.

He fell back asleep.

You know I depend on you. You should have made sure I got up. Brianna, it's

like I don't have my own stuff to do. I have to shave, and if I go shirtless, I

have to decide.

Coconut or palm oil?

I have my play, this paper, school, and my dad breathing down my neck. My whole

world is falling apart, and you can't do a simple thing like wake me up?

I'm not the one who was getting crunk with the gammas all night.

Oh, so I suppose playing Beyonce and Jay -Z with D -Max... is any better.

I'm not Beyonce.

When did you start baking?

When I found out that sorority sisters like to binge before they purge.

As long as we're talking about the banana bread.

No nuts, right?

Nope. I'll save you a hot slice.

As long as we're still talking about the banana bread.

I'm never going to finish it. My daddy's going to kill me. I'm doomed.

You know, Brianna, I can help you. I know a guy who sells term papers cheap.

Uh -uh, I don't think so. Brianna Barnes is not a cheater.

I have integrity. I have morals.

Yeah, you have eight hours to finish this paper.

No, no problem.

I could do a paper in eight hours. Good, because your dad will be here in six.

So, Lisa, how much are we talking?

I hope you don't mind. Lisa, let us in. Oh, of course not. Oh, congratulations.

Check it out.

Oh, I know. It's huge.

It better be for $20 ,000.

Flex, if this marriage is going to work, you're going to have to stop telling

people how much you paid for this ring.

I haven't told anybody else.

Now, where is this $20 ,000 ring Lisa's been talking about?

Tom, let's look at it outside.

Anyway, Brianna, baby, about this paper.

is about to go turn 80, and I worked so hard on it and everything.

I can tell.

This is fascinating.

Mythological women of ancient Greece. Why did you choose to focus on these

Gorgon sisters?

Uh, I guess because I just admired them a lot.

Hmm.

You know, it says here Medusa became a hideous symbol of horror with hair made

of snakes.

Yeah! Well, you know, Greek brothers really like a sister with a good wig.

Becky.

You know, Brianna, five years ago, when you walked through my front door, I

thought to myself, how in the world am I going to pull off raising a teenage

daughter?

But look at you.

You make me so proud.

You validate me.

Thank you.

You're late. Where have you been?

Evidently, Lisa doesn't know that almond paste falls in the category of nuts.

And clearly, I'm allergic to nuts.

Dude, almonds are nuts.

It doesn't end in nuts. You know, peanut, walnut, cashew.

Oh.

Anyway, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to sing with you. My throat is

swollen, too.

We're waiting, Mr. Ballard.

Look, you can do this without me.

I know I gave you a hard time, man.

But you can play that guitar.

I know it.

I'm your D -Muse.

Hi.

Thanks for having me.

I call this P... D -Nut.

Congratulations, Mr. Ballard. Welcome to the Institute.

How can we turn him down? This kid comes with his own freak.

Helena, adieu. As you on him, Demetrius dote on you.

Love can transpose to form and dignity.

And speaking of dignity, where doth thou lie, cheetah?

Huh?

Ah, but fair maiden, I speaketh of thy term paper, for thou hath cheated.

Cheated?

One who plagiarizes thy term paper is nothing but a dirty cheatin' chump.

Cheatin' chump!

Cheatin' chump! Cheatin' chump! Cheatin' chump! Cheatin' chump!

Cheatin' chump! Cheatin' chump! Cheatin' chump!

What's the holdup?

I'm not a cheater!

That's great.

And I'm not Liza Minnelli.

At least not during the day.

All right.

Let's take a five, people.

Brianna, if you're going to be a part of this production, then you're going to

have to show a little more focus.

I will.

But I just have to fix something first.

These are for you.

I'm so proud of you, baby, and how you've been taking care of your

You didn't have to do this, Daddy. Why not? You've made me a very happy father.

I can't take this anymore.

I'm not who you think I am.

You're Brianna.

You're the apple on the tree.

Daddy, I cheated.

I bought my term paper from a term paper pimp.

Come again?

Look, my life just got too crazy, and I couldn't focus enough to write the

paper, so I bought one.

But I didn't turn it in.

Instead, I just decided to take the incomplete.

Look, I'm sorry. I know I made a mistake.

But college is so much harder than I thought it would be.

But now I promise I'm going to buckle down and get my stuff together.

So go ahead and yell at me because I know I deserve it.

Come give me a hug. Why?

Maybe what you did was wrong, but you owned up to it like an adult.

You did the right thing.

Wow. I guess I can start my new life with Danielle and not have to worry

you anymore.

I love you, Daddy. I love you, too, Daddy.

Hey, guys.

What happened to you?

Nuts.

Were they shot out of a gun?

No, I'm allergic to them.

Aren't I, Lisa?

How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?

Until my eye pops back open.

Well, I know somebody who likes my banana bread.

Oh, my God, you got in?

Yes, I did.

All it took was my smile, my personality, and the hot tub my father

Cool, you can be my little sister.

I'm an Omega Sig.

You don't even go to art school.

Evidently not a requirement.

All you need is the magic word, I can buy beer.

Love you, Daddy. Love you, too, Netta.