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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,019 --> 00:00:14,440 Brianna, Christmas vacation is only a week. You have no stuff in here to close 2 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:15,680 the entire country of Haiti. 3 00:00:17,780 --> 00:00:21,480 Arnaz, you never know when a holiday party might jump off. A sister needs to 4 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:22,480 have 30 pairs of shoes. 5 00:00:24,420 --> 00:00:27,420 We're going to give everyone their gifts now. The taxi to the airport is going 6 00:00:27,420 --> 00:00:28,420 to be here any minute. 7 00:00:30,510 --> 00:00:31,930 Christmas Eve morning, ladies. 8 00:00:32,210 --> 00:00:34,710 Arnaz and I wanted to give you your gifts before we head off to Baltimore. 9 00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:36,290 Thanks, Lisa. 10 00:00:36,610 --> 00:00:37,610 What? Lisa? 11 00:00:38,730 --> 00:00:42,250 I'm sorry, Brianna. I'm just in a hurry. Chip and I are off to his vacation home 12 00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,250 in Santa Barbara. 13 00:00:43,530 --> 00:00:46,930 Wait, so you're dissing your family just so you can have a rendezvous with your 14 00:00:46,930 --> 00:00:48,210 boss? Correction. 15 00:00:48,550 --> 00:00:49,550 Rich boss. 16 00:00:51,550 --> 00:00:52,810 Soon to be rich husband. 17 00:00:53,530 --> 00:00:56,790 My mom is in a trailer park in Iowa. Trust me, she's rooting for me. 18 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:04,940 after my parents spend the entire evening telling me I'm an embarrassment 19 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:05,940 Filipino race. 20 00:01:06,740 --> 00:01:08,540 Well, you know what? Here, take two. 21 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:12,720 It was for the mailman, but you're more depressed than any postal worker could 22 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:13,720 ever be. 23 00:01:14,780 --> 00:01:15,780 Holiday! 24 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:20,160 Oh, Merry Christmas Eve morning, fella. 25 00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:23,260 Sorry, I don't do holidays. They're way too commercial. 26 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,020 That's why I'll be in Palm Springs trying to photograph a famous family at 27 00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:28,140 Christmas. So I can sell it! 28 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:34,640 I'm with Cash. Christmas is overrated. You know what I'm saying? This year, I'm 29 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:38,620 boycotting the family's e -trip. Brothers on skis is just unnatural, you 30 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:43,740 Weren't you people raised by Grinches? Christmas is the best, and do you know 31 00:01:43,740 --> 00:01:44,740 why? Yeah. 32 00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:48,720 Finals are over and school is out, and I get to lay around in my drawers all 33 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:49,720 day, made in China. 34 00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:57,060 No, because we get to go back home to Baltimore where it's cold during 35 00:01:57,060 --> 00:01:59,500 instead of being here where it feels like Fourth of July. 36 00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:02,100 This weather, great. 37 00:02:03,780 --> 00:02:05,440 Woo, 85 degrees. 38 00:02:05,820 --> 00:02:06,880 It feels like the Fourth of July. 39 00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:10,880 Man, I love Christmas in L .A. 40 00:02:11,660 --> 00:02:13,820 Ho, ho, ho. 41 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:16,940 Man, he has a Christmas spirit. 42 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,540 Oh, no, man ain't got three loose women in the back of his El Camino. 43 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:58,620 All right, we got our favorite Christmas movie, her favorite wine, and my 44 00:02:58,620 --> 00:03:00,860 favorite, big -ass turkey. 45 00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,340 Ain't nobody home. Take that, take that. 46 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:13,800 Hey, what are you two doing still here? 47 00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:15,460 God canceled Christmas. 48 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,380 All flights to Baltimore were canceled. There's a snowstorm on the East Coast. 49 00:03:34,990 --> 00:03:36,130 little Christmas right here in Venice. 50 00:03:36,410 --> 00:03:38,970 Baby, Christmas in California is not Christmas. 51 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:44,230 I want snow. I want to ice skate. I want to sing Christmas carols by a blazing 52 00:03:44,230 --> 00:03:45,230 fire. 53 00:03:45,370 --> 00:03:48,890 Ooh, we can sing Silent Night to the fire eater on the boardwalk. 54 00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:15,250 Yeah, Chip's mother, right? The one he's always complaining about? Yeah. Well, 55 00:04:15,310 --> 00:04:16,910 it turns out she's actually his wife. 56 00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:19,390 He married his mother? 57 00:04:21,890 --> 00:04:23,970 Oh, you're better off. You don't want to be in that family. 58 00:04:25,550 --> 00:04:28,590 Oh, hell, not you too. 59 00:04:30,250 --> 00:04:31,810 Oh, I see. 60 00:04:32,050 --> 00:04:33,670 You guys tried to ditch me, huh? 61 00:04:33,970 --> 00:04:36,010 Look, it's not what you think, all right? 62 00:04:36,390 --> 00:04:40,430 Nagging Nancy was the wife and not the mama, and God closed Baltimore. 63 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,140 boss's son to dinner just so I could meet him? 64 00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:49,220 It's just dinner, Lethal. What's wrong with that? 65 00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:51,800 Hello? My parents still believe in arranged marriage. 66 00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:55,860 Besides, this guy didn't have a strand of hair on his entire body. 67 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:57,600 It'd be like dating a newborn. 68 00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:01,100 Hey, what's all this? 69 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,820 Holiday movies, all this food. 70 00:05:06,660 --> 00:05:08,440 You got your fade touched up. 71 00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:14,480 Smelling like juice and berries. 72 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,040 hair grease. 73 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,660 You got a woman coming over. 74 00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:22,300 What? 75 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:26,400 I used to date a Laker, but I didn't even get a ring out of it. 76 00:05:28,340 --> 00:05:30,640 So, uh, were you expecting company, D -Mac? 77 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:32,240 Company? 78 00:05:32,940 --> 00:05:38,540 Uh... Uh... All right, all right, y 'all got me. 79 00:05:38,780 --> 00:05:43,040 Yeah, I was planning on having a special friend over, but, uh, I guess now I 80 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,160 have to cancel. Now, if you'll excuse me. 81 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,840 Daddy's got a heart to break. 82 00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:52,800 How desperate do you have to be to go out with Z -Mac on Christmas Eve? 83 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,320 How does my hair look? 84 00:05:56,260 --> 00:05:58,380 Baby, this is going to be the worst Christmas ever. 85 00:05:58,780 --> 00:05:59,780 Brianna, it's still Christmas. 86 00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:01,540 Can't we just make the most of it here? 87 00:06:02,140 --> 00:06:04,380 Right, like what am I supposed to do? Bring balls from the water? 88 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,340 you guys get the full East Coast experience. 89 00:06:42,940 --> 00:06:46,200 Sarah, being from Iowa, I thought you would have missed the cold winters. 90 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,920 as much as I miss barn raisings and hoedowns. 91 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,340 Hoedowns, those sound warm. 92 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:59,160 All right, well, my special Christmas cookies will be ready any minute. 93 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:03,620 But while we're waiting, there's nothing like a cup of hot apple cider on a cold 94 00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:04,680 winter's night. 95 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:09,000 Should we pour this directly onto our frozen body parts? 96 00:07:22,299 --> 00:07:23,299 Including reindeer. 97 00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:26,060 I said reindeer, not reindeer. 98 00:07:27,860 --> 00:07:28,860 Give me a treat. 99 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:33,520 All right, come on, you guys. I'll turn off the A .C. if you help us decorate 100 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:34,520 the tree. 101 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,520 You mean the Christmas bush? 102 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:42,680 Oh, 103 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,300 Cash is now home, too. 104 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,680 But see, he was smart enough to kick his own ass before he came home. 105 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:55,400 Well, I was on my stakeout in Palm Springs and I spot Ben Affleck with Baby 106 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,920 Bennifer when all of a sudden Jen Garner jumps on me from behind and beats me 107 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:00,200 like a naughty schoolboy. 108 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:03,960 Ah, I think I'm in love. 109 00:08:06,140 --> 00:08:10,540 So why the rest of you home? Oh, all snowed out, hello Mrs. 110 00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:12,700 Chip, and love Filipino staff. 111 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:17,580 Bummer. Knew it. Are you crazy? That was your only chance. 112 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,280 little crabs and Fanta hats. 113 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:28,739 Here's our chant. 114 00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:29,940 Let's push her in the oven. 115 00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:31,859 Come on. 116 00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:35,020 I know Brian's behaving like Santa's little helper on crack. 117 00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:39,120 But this is our first Christmas away from home. 118 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:40,460 Can't we all just play along? 119 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:41,919 All right. 120 00:08:41,919 --> 00:08:44,039 I got it. 121 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:49,800 Oh, Dios mio. 122 00:08:50,060 --> 00:08:51,740 Santa did get my letter. 123 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:54,840 At least Navi daddy. 124 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:04,280 Esperanza! I guess you didn't get my message. 125 00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:07,700 Well, it turns out I have company. 126 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,100 Well, that's okay. The more the merrier, huh? 127 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:12,580 I like this girl. 128 00:09:13,180 --> 00:09:14,300 Can I take pictures? 129 00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:21,020 I really think the whole fiery Latin girlfriend thing is overrated. You know, 130 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,340 Asian is the new... 131 00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:41,030 babysitter? Come on, girls. You can help with the turkey. What? 132 00:09:43,110 --> 00:09:44,630 Dude, she's your nanny? 133 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,710 If the wet nurse is coming, shotgun. 134 00:09:53,530 --> 00:09:57,730 Look, man, the only reason why I invited her over here was because she was going 135 00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:59,130 to be all alone on Christmas Eve. 136 00:10:10,380 --> 00:10:11,420 Not to mention the cook. 137 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:14,480 Oh, 138 00:10:15,020 --> 00:10:17,100 is there a problem with the plumbing? 139 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:20,460 What y 'all doing in here? 140 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:21,720 Oh, never mind. 141 00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:22,900 Oh, what a bed. 142 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,300 This is for the turkey. 143 00:10:26,140 --> 00:10:28,460 Who is you calling Turkey Chiquita? 144 00:10:30,980 --> 00:10:33,860 At least let me tie one on first before you start all that name calling. 145 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:38,360 Okay, you guys, I know I shouldn't, but it is Christmas Eve. 146 00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:40,500 Manny? 147 00:10:40,910 --> 00:10:44,170 Would you like to join us for dinner? 148 00:10:45,110 --> 00:10:48,470 I think I'll be having turkey in my room. 149 00:10:49,210 --> 00:10:51,250 Stop coming on to me, Sarah! 150 00:10:54,450 --> 00:10:56,750 Thanks for the invitation, but I already got plans. 151 00:10:57,510 --> 00:11:01,030 And the first one involves you, my frothy frall line. 152 00:11:17,090 --> 00:11:18,690 Look at them, Arnaz. 153 00:11:19,090 --> 00:11:21,430 They need a big dose of Christmas spirit. 154 00:11:22,070 --> 00:11:24,130 Ooh, I'll spike the eggnog. 155 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:30,310 No, that thing we were saving for Christmas morning needs to happen right 156 00:11:30,730 --> 00:11:32,730 Brianna, you can't force... I said do it. 157 00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:37,730 Well, all the food is in the oven. 158 00:11:39,770 --> 00:11:40,790 plenty of company. 159 00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:43,390 I'm going home to my own family. 160 00:11:46,570 --> 00:11:48,110 Wait, family? 161 00:11:48,630 --> 00:11:51,290 DMACC said that he was doing you a favor because you were lonely. 162 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:54,410 I ain't say all that. See, why you lying on Christmas? 163 00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:58,250 She just thought because her little trip didn't work out. 164 00:11:58,490 --> 00:12:00,970 Ay, Terelito, you don't have to be embarrassed. 165 00:12:01,850 --> 00:12:05,650 Ay, ever since he was five and his parents didn't take him on their ski 166 00:12:05,810 --> 00:12:09,090 it's been our tradition to watch movies and stuff our faces. 167 00:12:09,550 --> 00:12:11,690 while we wait for Santa Claus, huh? 168 00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:18,490 Oh, T -Mac, on the night before Christmas, waiting for Santa with your 169 00:12:18,490 --> 00:12:23,230 teddy bear and footie pajamas across your tight little booty. 170 00:12:24,890 --> 00:12:29,210 And to all a good night. 171 00:12:31,970 --> 00:12:34,590 Esperanza, you ruined my street cred. 172 00:12:39,310 --> 00:12:40,310 But you should be. 173 00:12:41,870 --> 00:12:45,230 Don't worry, D -Mac. We understand. No one wants to be alone on Christmas. 174 00:12:45,510 --> 00:12:47,110 You speak for yourself, Mad Santa. 175 00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:52,750 Merry Christmas. Feliz Navidad. Merry Christmas. 176 00:12:53,790 --> 00:12:54,790 Okay, 177 00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:58,730 you guys. We have a surprise for you. 178 00:12:59,050 --> 00:13:02,610 Now, I know you really haven't felt the Christmas spirit, but that's all about 179 00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:04,030 to change. Come on, follow me. 180 00:13:05,310 --> 00:13:07,030 I've already felt the Christmas spirit. 181 00:13:07,530 --> 00:13:10,490 Jennifer beat me with a baby Jesus from their nativity scene. 182 00:13:12,270 --> 00:13:13,690 Guys, move it so slow. 183 00:13:13,930 --> 00:13:14,930 Get close together. 184 00:13:15,050 --> 00:13:16,049 We a family. 185 00:13:16,050 --> 00:13:20,110 All right, everybody, close your eyes and get ready for a real taste of 186 00:13:20,110 --> 00:13:22,170 Baltimore. Okay, Arnaz, now! 187 00:13:24,730 --> 00:13:25,730 Hey, 188 00:13:26,410 --> 00:13:27,410 it's snowing. 189 00:13:27,590 --> 00:13:28,590 Isn't it cool? 190 00:13:28,810 --> 00:13:32,190 Manny had a leaf blower and Arnaz picked up some fake snow from the dollar 191 00:13:32,190 --> 00:13:35,270 store. Oh, and by the way, don't get any of this in your eyes. 192 00:13:37,710 --> 00:13:38,710 What is he blowing out there? 193 00:14:20,950 --> 00:14:25,010 You are supposed to be an angel of mercy. Where's your Christmas spirit? 194 00:14:25,410 --> 00:14:26,410 I'm Jewish. 195 00:14:27,730 --> 00:14:30,910 Now, you have a seat, and I will call you when the doctor's available. 196 00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:32,350 Happy Hanukkah. 197 00:14:36,530 --> 00:14:38,930 Um, Christmas is ruined. 198 00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:41,990 Arnez may never walk again, and it's all my fault. 199 00:14:42,890 --> 00:14:44,410 What was that about not walking? 200 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:56,340 Excuse me, cutie. Have you been naughty or nice? Because either way, I got a 201 00:14:56,340 --> 00:14:57,920 little something to stuff in your stocking. 202 00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:03,780 That would be disturbing if it wasn't the best offer I've had all year. 203 00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:06,980 Of course, the year's not over. 204 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,540 What do you think, DMACC? 205 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:13,220 Well, I think you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, even if it is 206 00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:14,220 looking you in the knee. 207 00:15:17,060 --> 00:15:19,820 So, Rudy, what are you doing for New Year's Eve? 208 00:15:20,140 --> 00:15:23,440 I'm free after my gig as the baby knew you. Why don't you give me a call? 209 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:25,060 Hey, here's my card. 210 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,640 Arnaz Ballard, you're going to X -Ray. 211 00:15:32,340 --> 00:15:36,280 Thank you guys so much for coming down, but you don't have to stay. If you leave 212 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,320 now, maybe you can salvage what's left of your Christmas. 213 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,120 This Christmas is nothing but jingle hell. 214 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:47,400 Tell me about it. If Jennifer Garner hadn't kicked my ass, this Christmas 215 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,400 be a total bust. 216 00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:55,090 Still can't believe Esperanza would rather be with her own family instead of 217 00:15:55,090 --> 00:15:56,090 on Christmas Eve. 218 00:15:56,570 --> 00:15:57,910 And I've seen her kids. 219 00:15:58,650 --> 00:15:59,690 They ain't that cute. 220 00:16:02,130 --> 00:16:05,590 Hey, guys, let's get out of here. I'm going out with Rudy on New Year's Eve. 221 00:16:05,890 --> 00:16:08,450 I better start practicing my crouching. 222 00:16:24,590 --> 00:16:25,590 Why are you here dressed up like Santa? 223 00:16:26,590 --> 00:16:30,010 Oh, see, I made an appearance down at the mall, and since I was all dressed up 224 00:16:30,010 --> 00:16:33,290 with nowhere to go, I figured I'd come down to the hospital and talk to all the 225 00:16:33,290 --> 00:16:34,290 hot ladies. 226 00:16:35,030 --> 00:16:36,030 Ooh. 227 00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:37,450 Hey, sugar bloomers. 228 00:16:39,050 --> 00:16:42,110 I love the emergency room. They can't run away. 229 00:16:43,110 --> 00:16:44,470 Oh, there you are, Manny. 230 00:16:45,330 --> 00:16:50,290 Listen, now, I know it's late, but the kids refuse to go to bed unless they get 231 00:16:50,290 --> 00:16:51,290 an arm... 232 00:16:54,830 --> 00:16:55,830 All right, you got me. 233 00:16:55,930 --> 00:16:59,550 I do this every year. There's nothing worse than a kid spending Christmas in 234 00:16:59,550 --> 00:17:01,710 hospital. Wait, wait, wait. I know this part. 235 00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:05,270 And the Grinch's heart grew 12 times that night. 236 00:17:08,109 --> 00:17:10,569 Manny! Come on, the kids are waiting. 237 00:17:11,650 --> 00:17:13,030 Merry Christmas, Dad Beats! 238 00:17:14,190 --> 00:17:15,190 Hey, 239 00:17:17,710 --> 00:17:21,010 who would believe it? Manny, of all people, has a Christmas spirit. 240 00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:22,250 No, even... 241 00:17:25,099 --> 00:17:31,900 have it worse than we do i don't like myself right now more than usual you 242 00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:38,760 know there is a way to fix this we all pitch in so lisa can go to therapy no 243 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:43,820 can fix lisa but we can fix our christmas spirit come on 244 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,340 I've got to admit, bringing all this stuff from the house was a great idea. 245 00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,880 I think we've made these people a little happier. 246 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:01,480 Can someone help me? 247 00:18:01,860 --> 00:18:02,860 I've been shot. 248 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:05,660 Oh, what a pretty tree. 249 00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:10,700 You know what? 250 00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:14,960 This is the Christmas spirit that Brianna wanted us to have all along. I 251 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,380 know why we let Lisa get in the way of that. 252 00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:29,140 We made you feel bad when all you were trying to do was make our crummy 253 00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:30,079 Christmas better. 254 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,580 Well, I hope you can forgive us. 255 00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:33,460 Oh, of course I can. 256 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:38,440 Oh, I'm so lucky to have you guys and to be spending this Christmas with my new 257 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:39,920 family. You know what? 258 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,620 Now that I think about it, this is the first Christmas I've spent with a real 259 00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:44,660 family in a long time. 260 00:19:13,540 --> 00:19:16,260 Oh, that was great. 261 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,940 I love It's a Wonderful Life. 262 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:24,480 Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. 263 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,620 That part always gets to me. 264 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:29,760 Did you cry? 265 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,400 It's for my date. 266 00:19:39,060 --> 00:19:40,060 You know what? 267 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,200 This Christmas turned out really good after all. 268 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:47,940 Just goes to show you, it's not where you spend Christmas, but who you spend 269 00:19:47,940 --> 00:19:48,940 with. 270 00:20:18,990 --> 00:20:19,990 Love you too, Netta. 20505