Original subtitles

Last time on One -on -One. I'm not going to California.

I won't be living with you anymore. I'm moving in with Arnaz because that's

where my heart is.

Oh!

What's that?

An eviction notice.

We don't have a place to live. What are we going to do?

Brianna, open this door. I know you're in there.

Go away, Daddy!

Yeah. We're not going to let you in until you calm down, Mr. Washington.

It might help if you lock the door.

care what you say.

I'm going to be with Arnaz.

Brianna, look, I understand you want to follow your heart, but sometimes you got

to use your head. Like, see, right now, in my heart, I want to kill Arnaz.

But by using my head, he gets to live another day.

I like it when you use your head, Mr. Washington.

Brianna, you know the best thing for you is to get your education. And you

cannot stand here and tell me that you don't want to go to school in California

and become an actress.

Can you?

Fine, Daddy.

I'll go to school in California. Thank you, Jesus.

But Arnaz is coming with me.

Why me, Jesus?

Hollywood. Ooh, ooh, here's an apartment in Hollywood.

Hollywood, our next.

Okay, Sonny, one bedroom with half bath.

Wait, what's a half bath?

A toilet and a sink.

Sounds cozy.

So tell me, how much is this magical place where no one has to bathe?

$2 ,400.

Can't afford a place out here. That's exactly what I told you back in

But you just had to be here with your man child.

Break freeze!

Break freeze!

Look, we're sitting here on Venice Beach where you got your pick -a -freeze. I

mean, look at the broke -down Terminator. I'm sure he's available.

call from work. I gotta take this.

You know, work, something that people who like to eat are doing.

Hello?

Yeah, just for that, we're not naming our first daughter Flex Jr.

Focus, Arnaz. We have to find a place to live. We have to prove to him that we

can do this.

Don't worry, Brian. It'll all be fine.

All right. You got an extra burger?

My God, Brian, look who it is.

I already mean the TV star. Come on, let's go say something.

Hi, Manny.

I'm Arnett. This is Rihanna.

Hi, Manny. I want to be an actor just like you.

What, a washed -up child star from a crappy 80s sitcom?

Girl, my only source of income is a run -down rental home in Venice.

Wait, how run -down are you talking? Because we need a place to stay.

Oh, no, I didn't mean run -down in a bad way. I meant like you got to run down

and see it before it's gone.

Y 'all won't see that.

It's perfect.

You know what? We'll take it. All right, right here it says 300 apiece, right?

So, let me see.

Here is our first month's rent.

All right, now, welcome to Venice, and I'm going to Vegas.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Can you do it for us, please?

Do what?

Come on, man, you know what you always say on your show.

All right, give me $20. Okay.

of cotton from the Fresh Prince.

Being nice, Daddy, he's our new landlord.

He has a beach house for $600 a month, and we just gave him our first month's

rent. I can't believe you spent a chunk of your graduation money on a place you

haven't even seen yet.

Whose dumb idea was this?

It was...

We ain't with you, but it's 4 o 'clock and my show is on TV land.

And tequila doesn't drink itself, girl.

Our own place.

I knew we could do it, Daddy, and you didn't believe in us. I've always

in you, sweetheart.

Thanks.

Think it's the tall metrosexual stealing your food.

Hey, you guys must be looking for DMACC. Yo, DMACC, your peeps are here.

What? Who's here?

I don't know these people.

Just because they black, you think I know them?

What, you think just because Lisa's Asian, she's smart?

He's right, I'm not. I thought academic decathlon was jogging with books

strapped on your back.

Then, uh, who are you? are you guys? And should we be worried?

Why? Because they're black.

Y 'all not strapped, are you? And if you are, we cool, right?

I'm Arnaz. This is Brianna. We live here. Wait, I'm sorry. You guys live

too? But Mae didn't say anything about roommates.

Ah, roommates.

That man can't manage. He sure is full of surprises, ain't he?

Yo, what's up with Nick Cannon singing?

No, Omari not.

I'm staying at the Ritz -Carlton.

You must be broke if you're living here.

Uh, he's mine, he's broke, and I will cut you.

We're from Baltimore.

I'm here to go to Chaplin University of the Arts.

Oh, cool. That's where Lisa and I go.

We'll show you and Arnaz around.

Oh, I'm a musician.

I don't go to school.

Oh, good, because I'd rather just show her around.

You in the thug life?

Cool, you're a musician.

I'm an artist, too.

Filmmaker.

Cash couldn't even get into film school.

He's a paparazzi. He takes pictures of stars, whether they like it or not.

And Sarah tries to sleep with stars, whether they want her to or not.

You're jealous.

You're just easy.

You want me so bad. You want me. Excuse me.

Can one of y 'all just show us to our room?

Postman, he didn't tell you.

There's only two rooms.

The girls are in one and the guys are in the other.

Oh, wait a minute. You're serious.

What, we don't get to stay together?

But I guess you're not interested in that now, huh?

Well, Brianna, we're going to get your money back and take you back to the

dorms. Arnaz, Godspeed, brother.

Daddy,

for the last time, we're staying here.

This is our decision, not yours.

we dreamed of.

Yeah, and more.

There are no more of you, right?

Uh -oh.

Stupid thing's broken again.

Well, it probably just froze.

Reboot it.

Reboot? Sorry, I don't speak Geekanese.

She's a professional.

Not that kind of a professional.

Not yet.

See, all I'm trying to do is find a rich husband. That's all.

Well, what about love?

Oh, sweet, naive Brianna.

To base a relationship solely on love is a recipe for disaster.

The next thing you know, you're married to a musician who can't afford rent.

Yeah, he hustles rich people in Malibu. Calls them Mom and Dad.

Well, at least I don't get my hustle on by hiding in a Scientology dumpster just

to get a picture of Katie Holmes trying to escape.

Listen, if these celebrities want their precious privacy, they can go to the

bathroom, but when they step out that door, they're mine.

Well, I'm famous. You can take as many pictures of me as you want, as long as

you're cool about it.

Where's the fun in that?

Now, the element that surprised me gets me the best picture.

The old face has become my signature photo.

Like this picture he took of Angelina Jolie's son, baby.

Yeah, but you got to catch the 830 bus because Woody the homeless guy will be

there at 9. And he will show you why they call him Woody.

What happened to my milk?

Now stop crying over drank milk. All right?

Do what we do in the hood.

Pour a little water in the carton and use the milk residue.

We give you Sarah.

Oh, that joke's gonna be a whole lot funnier when you're out on the street.

Now, I'm gonna throw all y 'all out if I don't get my rent. And I mean

everybody.

Wait, what do you mean everybody's out of here? Arnaz and I paid our rent, so

cool, right?

Nah, look, I am tired of it. This happens every month.

Now, I'm gonna kick all y 'all out, turn this place into one of them halfway

houses, get some of that government money.

Hey, baby.

What's all that yelling over there? I'm going to kick all y 'all out on your

asses if I don't get my rent.

Oh, no, no. Everything is cool. That's just Manny. He's reenacting a scene he

did in an after -school special.

Yeah. You still got it, Manny.

Shut up or you're not going to get your money back.

Bravo.

Give it up, Rihanna.

Obviously, things aren't working out over there.

Doesn't sound like you have much of a choice. I'm not playing. I am not

Noah, Daddy, I do have a choice.

Bye.

I've got the dollars in the palm of my hand. Right here, right now. See? Money

in palm.

That should cover the rent.

Oh. And FYI, if this happens again next month, I will take Sarah.

drug dealer or something no that was the rest of our money and i'm gonna need

that back

Well, I took out of guitar college, and I've been working on my Elvis pelvis.

What do you think?

I think if I don't get my books, I'm going to fail all my classes.

And then my dad's going to blame me on not staying here. I need my money.

Matter of fact, I'm about to go ask for it right now. Oh, hold up, Brianna.

It's way too soon to ask for it.

Says who?

It's been three days, and no one's even hinted at giving me my money back.

I'm tired of being the nice one who just waits for it.

Yeah, tell me about it.

is i've had roommates and you haven't now trust me nobody has your back like

but if you go in there and lose your temper they're gonna hate us and living

here is gonna be miserable just from asking for my money back but it's my

yeah and money is touchy yeah and i want to touchy my money they're cool people

i'm sure if they had the money they just give it to you

And just so we clear, no one rides this but me and my new ride -or -die chick

right there.

Hey, no one rides this but me.

She's ready.

Nobody is riding anything.

Check out the Matrix jacket I just got off eBay from Keanu.

I don't even want to hear it, Mr. Clownbike.

And you, with your leather trench coat in the summertime.

Oh, and you, buying apple -bottom jeans when you know damn well you ain't got no

apple.

It's an apple -tini.

My dad was right.

Moving in with you losers was a big mistake.

You okay?

I'm sorry, Ernest.

I'm sorry I let my dad talk us into coming all the way out here.

We could be cozy back home in Buffalo.

Look, don't worry.

We'll figure something out.

How bad can it be as long as we're together?

Remember what I'd be without you?

Probably in your own room in the dorms. With $1 ,200 in your pocket.

Huh, what's this?

Oh, it's money.

I wonder who's it in.

Well, the envelope says Brianna. Yeah?

But who does the money belong to?

Uh, hey, guys, I found the envelope. I guess I owe you all an apology.

Ha!

There it is.

Ah, who had five minutes?

That means I won!

Yay! No taking out the trash for a week.

Look, guys, thank you so much for my money. Hey, no problem.

I got paid a bundle for the picture I took of Courtney Love trying to untangle

her tongue ring from her nipple ring.

Wait, so you're covering everybody?

Yeah, I owe these guys a bunch of money. Now that we paid you back, you're not

going to go all ghetto on us again, are you?

Yeah, because one roommate pretending to be ghetto is enough.

One pretending to be blonde is enough.

I'm sorry I flipped out, guys. I'm just not used to depending on other people,

except my dad.

It's cool, but a word of advice.

Lending money is like telling your girlfriend her butt looks big.

You'll always regret it later.

You gotta start dating some sisters.

You know what?

You're right.

Hey, Baltimore.

You really in love with this guy, huh?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

She's mine, man. What are you doing?

Baby, you know I'm the only one for you. Besides, they kill each other, we get

our own room.

What? Lobster is fake. Three days ago, you couldn't make rent.

Well, we wanted to properly welcome you to your new home.

Besides, L .A., Brianna, you have to learn how to live in the moment.

Big one could hit at any time. Yeah, there could be a mudslide.

Or a riot.

Or a freeway shooting.

Well, well -planned and so inspired.

Oh, I'm tired of being broke.

Oh, hey, Daddy, what are you doing here?

Baby, I just came by to let you know that we'll be hanging around for a few

weeks. Yeah, doing some work for ESPN.

Wow, ESPN, that's great.

Wait, are you sure that's not cold for keeping an eye on my daughter?

Was that obvious?

Baby, I just want to let you know if something comes up.

Thanks, Daddy.

I love you. Love you, too.

Love you, Daddy. Love you, too, Netta.