Original subtitles

Ah, Atlantic City, baby, here we come.

Yes, sir. Got my lucky hat, got my lucky sweater, my lucky boxers, my lucky

pants. Huh, what am I forgetting?

Uh, your lucky belt.

I tell you this much, I'm not going to need any luck. This year, that celebrity

poker tournament is mine. Kevin Frazier's going down.

Man, when are you going to let the past be the past?

Hey, he started it. You remember when I blew my knee out the first game with the

Knicks?

Back when Kevin was a sports reporter, anytime anyone got a serious injury, he

would say, you've been flexed.

Stop giggling. Your pants might fall down again.

This bobblehead has made a career out of my misfortune.

Oh, come on, Flex. This is what the feud's really about?

Kevin's career?

I mean, I know he's been on Fox Sports and ESPN and now Entertainment Tonight.

Yes, but I, too, am national now.

And this year, when we meet in Atlantic City, it is I who will emerge

victorious. I will have my vengeance.

Don't forget, you're playing for St. Mary's Homeless Shelter. Even if you

the homeless win.

Yeah, we're the homeless.

Dwayne, don't you get it? This is between me and him. Now, every year he

a side bet. And I tell you what, this year I will not be the one walking down

boardwalk at nothing but a boa.

The outfit is working already.

Daisy Fuentes is playing in the tiki lounge.

It's not every day you get to see this generation's charro.

Gucci, Gucci!

Yes, Flex Washington of the nationally syndicated Flex Files. I'm here to win

money for St. Mary's Homeless Shelter.

With you playing for them, it's more like St. Mary's Hopeless Shelter. Way to

flex the homeless.

Well, if it isn't Mr. Frazier. Hello, Kevin.

Washington, you're about to lose your shirt.

But it's okay. I have a nice little boa for you.

Hmm.

Isn't your boyfriend going to miss it?

Oh, if you'll excuse me, I have to sign an autograph for one of my fans.

Yeah, how you doing?

Thanks for watching in Michigan.

I'm sorry, that was one of my national fans had to sign a little autograph, you

know. If you haven't been up to speed, my little local show has gone national,

seen all across the country.

That's magical. Flex, why don't you let me know when you get one of these, your

own plot machine.

Three of Mary Hart's legs.

You win.

And who's the leg?

That's flex. You want an autograph?

No, I want you to stop assaulting my mom. And you owe me $4 .50 for this

Hey, you're John Sally. Matt, you know what? You do have the best damn sports

show, period.

Second best damn sports show.

Matt, love you and bad boys.

Thanks. Loved you on the radio.

Your whole family loves the show, yeah.

You are even more pathetic than the stories I make up about you. No wonder

you're still local.

Hey, man, I'm national. How many times do I have to tell you I'm national?

National? You sound like you're trying to rent me a car.

All right, well, at least my head ain't so big I gotta have two cameras to get

my close -up.

Man, don't let him get to you, Flex.

Listen, I'm here to win. Now, let's start by winning at the roulette table.

Always bet on black.

Or red.

That was close.

If I were to place that bet, it would have been bye -bye, Daisy.

That's okay. I'm going again. It always comes back to black.

Let's do this. Let's do this. There we go.

No more bets, please. Yeah, that black is looking awful red. Red. You know

Flex? Why don't you just rest up for tomorrow?

Don't worry, Dwayne. Lady Luck is like any other lady. Sooner or later, she's

going to want to give all her love up to the Flex Man.

omit by breaking world records.

Fitzy was a doodle away, and you snatched it away and crushed his dream.

Listen, Arnaz, my dad's gonna be gone this weekend. Do you know what that

Yeah. It means he posted my picture in your lobby as a registered sex offender.

No, it means you, me, us, together, alone, without your buddies. Come on.

I saw you running down the escalator.

so I could buy you some new boots.

Oh, girl, you're so good to me.

All right, come on, girl. Let's go back to the mall.

Um, Arnett, I'm going to be home later, alone, by myself.

So maybe you can call me when you guys are done playing with your doodles.

Ballot, what are you doing?

Your girl's asking to be alone with you and you're blowing her off?

No, it's just that she wants to save it for the right time. And I'm on record

saying that Brianna's worth waiting for.

Dude, she's gone. She can't hear you.

Oh, my God.

Can I tell you that it's killing me?

You see her in those jeans? She gets hotter every day.

Step to her.

She obviously wants it.

She even did Starbeam at the mall.

I'm telling you, she was yapping about a long time.

You can't handle it.

Need to let somebody know, because she's definitely ready.

You think?

Yeah, it's like the universe has written you a permission slip.

Well, I can't disappoint the universe.

I'm sorry, dog.

Losing flex? Well, it's good to see that you're sticking to what you know. Hey,

man, I'm just trying to get it out of my system.

Drano couldn't get the loser out of your system.

You know what, Flexman? I can't watch anymore.

Every time you walk away, I win.

Wait a minute.

That's it, Dwayne.

When you walk away, I win. And when you come back and pat me on the back, I

lose.

You're the reason I'm such a loser.

Now you're starting to sound like Mama.

Don't you see, man?

You're a cooler.

Yeah, well, you're a wine bucket. Mmm, Neverland's all black.

Dwayne, don't you get it? You're bad luck. Look, I'll show you.

See that shooter at the crap table over there?

Go touch her.

Okay. On the shoulder.

Good luck.

See?

You made her a loser and she didn't even have to date you.

Come on, man. That could have just been chance.

Face it, D, you're bad luck, but you're good luck for me.

Now, with this newfound power, you and I will destroy the evil one of whom we

dare not speak.

Oh,

don't touch me.

Oh, man, just like Mom.

And the grand prize is $50 ,000, which goes to the winner's charity of choice.

And, oh, look, here comes...

Flex Washington, one of my opponents, who's about to lose his shirt.

Nice shirt, Flex. I hope it's my size.

No, Kev, this is an extra large. You look more like an extra loser.

Hello, fans. Flex Washington, star of the Flex Files. Check your local

He's on at midnight right after Byron Allen. Back to you, Mary.

Yeah, bye, Mary.

I was talking to you, Flex.

Excuse me while I buy your boa.

Hello. Dwayne, you're late.

I'm sorry, man. I've just been having so much fun with this cooler thing.

You know, instead of spending all these years trying to be a winner, I should

have just been making everyone a loser and level the playing field.

Wait, stop wasting your talent, man. Did you remember the plan?

Yeah, I touched each one of your opponents one by one, knocking them out

tournament. Perfect. And how are you going to do that?

Come on, Fletch.

If there's anything I know how to do, it's touch people that don't want me to

touch them.

Oh, look.

There's Claudia Jordan from that sports show, 5 -4 -3 -2 -1.

Blast off.

I know who I'm touching first. Oh, no, no, no, no. I want to keep her around

a while. I plan to do some touching myself.

Good luck in there, dog.

I love you on the young and the hopeless.

All right, here we go.

Loser.

All right, look, be sure to save Kevin Frazier for last. I want him to think

he's got all the money, and then we're going to shame and embarrass him and

him wish he was never born.

Oh, oh, looks like your charity people are here. Oh, hello, Sister Louise.

I'm raising money for the homeless.

I want him dead.

Last Dance, Titanic, The Notebook, and The Prince and Me.

Wait a second.

Who is she?

What are you talking about?

Okay, you're obviously going to go hang out with another girl, so what is it?

What does she have that I don't have? What, the famous shoe size?

Stop it. I'm just going to Arnez's.

Oh. Well, what's he going to be doing while we watch these?

It's just going to be me and Arnez.

He called me after I gave him a hard time about not having any alone time,

he said he was... Spend the whole night together.

So does this mean what I think it means?

Yeah, I know.

We can finally talk about Titanic around Arnaz because now he will have seen it.

Oh, I thought for a second that you guys were going to finally, you know, do it.

Please, girl, me and Arnaz, that's the furthest thing from our minds. We have

understanding. He knows that I'm not ready and he's willing to wait.

Tonight is just going to be a night of affection, love, and comfort.

Oh, yeah, and a white boy drowning.

Thanks, buddy. Hey, I hope you get out that coma, man.

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Sally. Hey, how you doing? Hiya.

I think this chip here is yours.

Hey, Randy, what did I tell you about talking to me? And why is this chip wet?

It's sweaty here.

Sweaty palms. A real problem when I date, though. Though I don't date that

Don't worry, radio. There's a lot of career girls in the lobby.

And remember, what happens in Atlantic City stays in Atlantic City.

So, uh, what's up, Sally? You in or you out?

With a hand like this, I'm all in, Claire.

Ooh.

Looks like this baby's all mine.

For how...

You're running some kind of good luck there, Flex.

It must be pseudo -celebrity night.

I'm out of y 'all. All right, peace out, man. Peace out, man.

Wow,

would you look at all this money.

Maybe later you and I can turn this pile of chips into a pile of us.

I wouldn't mind losing if I knew which Wayne's brother you were.

Your phone number.

Give it to Kenan, Damon, Sean, whichever one you're not.

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to holler at you anyway.

Girl, for not like tonight, I cleared out the whole building.

Good, so we can turn the volume all the way up.

Oh, we can get as loud as we want.

You know what, Arnaz, I have to admit, I thought once you got your own place, we

would be doing this all the time.

Well, now you tell me.

Well, uh, where do you want to do this?

Well, on the couch. The DVD player's in here.

You want to watch movies?

Let me go to Butter's room and get one. No, no.

Don't be silly. I brought a bunch of my own.

You brought your own movies?

You're the best girlfriend ever.

He's the best boyfriend ever. And I brought enough movies to last us the

night.

The whole night?

The whole night.

Girl, you just earned yourself a special treat.

You stay right there.

coma medicine.

What are y 'all doing here?

You know this is my night to be alone with Arnaz. We wanted to hang out. We

thought you'd be done by now.

Done, but we haven't even started the movies yet.

You brought your own movie?

You're the best girlfriend ever.

So, what do you think Arnaz and I should watch first?

Titanic or The Prince and Me?

Wait a minute.

These are regular movies.

I thought you guys were... Ready or not, here I come!

And the body oils... Arnaz!

Edible!

Arnaz, what are you doing?

What am I doing? What are they doing?

They're interrupting what I thought was supposed to be our movie night.

Apparently, I'm overdressed.

Yeah, Arnaz. Movie night. As in Titanic and the Prince and Me.

What are we going to do tonight?

What?

A man can't watch a movie naked in his own house?

Yeah. Put on Titanic, woman.

Ooh, you hate to see that.

Unless you're me.

I win again.

Touch Kevin Frazier and touch him hard.

Excuse me, Mr. Frazier, can I have an autograph?

Not now, friend. I'm busy.

$10 ,000.

Two aces? Maybe I'm not cool.

Maybe I'm hot. Well, that's stating the obvious.

Back to the game, Flex.

And I call.

Mr. Frazier, are you missing a chip? Because I found one.

Four aces? Yes!

Even Dwayne couldn't cool me.

What's up now, Mr. Entertainment last night?

You know, I'm going to bet as many dollars as you have, viewers, $10 ,000.

that's being generous.

$10 ,000, man?

What I'm wearing is worth more than that.

That's really great when you're playing for the homeless, Fletch.

You know what? That's it, Frazier. I'm tired of you disrespecting me. I'm going

to show your jughead butt who's the best.

I'm all... in, baby.

He can't win. Flex is about as lucky as a sister on The Apprentice.

I'm in.

Four aces. Four aces beats everything.

I win.

I'm a winner.

You mean the homeless win.

Not so fast, my brother. Four aces beats everything except a royal flush.

You've just been flexed.

Hey, Flex.

Look, no hard films, man. I caught your show in my room and it was actually

pretty good. Congratulations.

Oh, thanks, man.

Hey, that whole, uh...

Jughead thing, man. No, I'm just kidding.

You actually almost have a normal -sized head.

So we're cool now?

We're cool, man.

Hey, listen, I got a pair of tickets to go see Daisy Fuentes.

You want to roll? Oh, I'm down.

Oh, she's this generation's charlatan.

Let's go.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Love you too, Netta.