Original subtitles

I'd like to take this walk with you and see you face my whole life

through. Oh, my God. Is he getting worse? It's like he's taking unvoiced

lessons.

So, what are you and Dim Shady doing for New Year's?

Well, it's our first together as a couple, so I want it to be special.

Oh, and Teen Vogue says it's Tracy to throw couples parties.

And Team Vogue also said a new haircut would get me a date.

Come on, Spirit, you'll have fun.

Somebody has to count down as the couples prepare to kiss.

I'm just kidding. We'll do couples and singles.

Maybe Zandra can perform.

Charlie and I can sing the song that I'm working on.

Oh, that's nice, lady.

Remember the good old days when Charlie was just a boy's name and not an

annoying French girl?

Oh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh. Oh, no.

But I can't check no one's name.

Then I'll isolate yourself when there's nobody.

Who are you ringing in the New Year with? I got to tell you, Dee, I'm

of spending New Year's Eve alone.

There's nobody I want to be with.

Flex is tired.

Okay,

don't look now.

I said don't look. But that lying, two -faced, manipulative little man is

sitting right behind us.

And Dwayne's here, too.

You know, you might be too hard on the guy. He seems very sweet.

I thought that one.

Before he put a tracking device in my car. Hinted I was a gold digger and

stalked me.

No. Yes. Girl, I had to change my pin number five times because of him.

Hey, since when did Candy and Danielle start hanging out? Well, Candy does her

nails every Saturday. Then they come over here for coffee after stopping at

ATM.

You want Candy's new pin number?

Oh, so there's no coincidence that we're here.

Man, I miss my Candy.

She hasn't spoken to me in months. What do you mean?

I've heard her say such popular phrases as get the heck away from me and shut up

shorty and midget please.

I don't know how I missed Candy's terms of endearment.

That's why I'm going to ask her out for New Year's Eve.

Maybe you should ask out Danielle.

Man, I told you I'm rolling solo for New Year's, man.

Besides, she has a rule about dating her patients, even the really good looking

ones.

It looks like do me a favor. Go over there and ask Candy if she has New

Eve planned.

I'll meditate in the fifth grade.

Come on, Fleck.

If you don't, I'll go over there and tell Danielle that you like her, like

No, no, I got it. I'll go.

But only because I'm taller. Taller people are more convincing.

Hello, ladies.

What do we have here?

Cook up a date for New Year's Eve.

You know, you can always call the takeout because I do deliver.

Somebody hold him down.

Look, this is a fundraiser for Orphan. Now, the women cook a dish and the men

bid on it. The highest bidder gets the dish and a date for New Year's Eve with

the woman who made it.

Sounds like an escort service with food.

You know, if you're not doing anything, you should come by.

Well, I would, but I already have plans. I mean, what loser doesn't have plans

on New Year's Eve?

Hello?

Candy, you are a sight for lonely, tear -stained eyes.

Midget, please.

Damien, let's go.

I guess we're leaving.

Twain, if you want to talk, call me. That midget thing, not to hurt.

Cook up a date for New Year's Eve?

Man, some people are so desperate.

Hey, girls, what are you doing? Oh, we're making a banner for the New Year's

party we're having here.

Which I haven't asked him about yet.

You want me to be safe on New Year's Eve, and what's safer than the house you

provide for me?

And should I have asked you first? Sure, but spirit blew it.

All right, you can have your little house party, but the usual rules do

No drinking, no drugs, and no baby making.

But with one addendum.

Get spirit kissed at midnight.

Oh, it's getting sad.

Hey, French girl, boy.

Hippie dude, I heard about your little party you're having.

I got cameras everywhere.

See y 'all.

Hey, baby.

All right, good news.

Charlie got the band its first paying gig down at that new coffee house, Bean

there. And there might be some record labels there.

The bad news is the gig's on New Year's Eve, so we'll miss your party.

But wait.

If you're not here, you and I can't kiss at midnight.

So you kiss later.

Excuse me?

I don't know what they do in your country, but here, the person you kiss

midnight is the person you're going to spend your year with.

Uh, sweetie?

Don't be silly.

I didn't kiss Spirit last year, yet everywhere I go, there she is.

you sure have a lot of rules, Bridget.

That's not how you love.

Have it free.

Yeah.

Well, my man pays for his love.

Wait, that didn't come out right.

Look, how about we take care of this right now and we all just start kissing?

I am not that desperate.

Yet. Uh, excuse us.

Why should I have to change my plans because Charlie booked a gig?

Brianna, this is a paying gig.

And even though my dad's paying my rental graduation, Butter and I have

pay. You think it's cheap living in this apartment?

Come on, guys, let's go.

Speaking of going, we're out of toilet paper.

Dwayne, what are you doing?

Uh, I'm going through Candy's trash.

Duh.

I'm looking for clues as to what dish he's making.

You brought Candy's trash all the way over here, but you couldn't take it into

your own apartment.

Do you have any idea how bad this stuff smells?

Look, smell my hand. Come on, man.

Ew.

Yam scratch.

That combined with the marshmallows and the brown sugar and this discarded how

to make yams video.

I think she's making candy, yeah.

You know, I gotta tell you, Dwayne, you have stooped to an all -time low on this

one. You gotta be pretty desperate to dig through somebody's trash, man.

Look, I don't have any options.

Uh, that's okay. It's more of a stomach, throat, foot thing.

Oh, man, she's got nothing but Neiman Marcus catalogs in here. No wonder she

rents.

A recipe for ambrosia salad.

Flat dab.

Uh, here's some man's acid.

Why is my trash can on my coffee table?

I was wondering the same thing. Girl, you're gonna have to learn to keep

You'll never get a man.

Ah!

What are you doing here?

I'm supporting local orphans.

I thought you said you didn't need a date for New Year's. Oh, why just have a

date when you can have a date and a dish?

Oh, I wonder who it will be.

And the highest bidder on the candied yams is Duane O'Dell Knox.

What? Doing like a player, huh?

Which means that his New Year's Eve date will be Danielle Price.

What?

Oh, no, no, no, man. She made the ambrosia salad.

Are you calling me a liar?

I'm saying.

But since you asked, the ambrosia salad has the distinction of being the highest

bid upon plate tonight, which is at $2 ,000 by Flex Washington.

Which means that his New Year's Eve date will be Candace Taylor.

Candace Taylor.

Who the hell is Candace Taylor?

Listen, don't tell me what I made, Keebler.

Now, Danielle baked the yams at my house, and I used her ambrosia salad

What? How am I supposed to know that by going through your garbage?

You went through my garbage.

Say who garbage say what? What?

What kind of man digs through trash?

Yeah, what kind of man?

Ladies, ladies, we're here for one reason only, and that's to keep the

from catching fire.

We should do this. But...

It's for the children.

Candy and I will go out, and we're going to have a great time, and you and

Danielle should try to do the same.

Well, Flex, just so you know, I do want to go somewhere expensive.

Some place that has those fancy onions, though.

You know, I'm looking forward to this, Dwayne. I think we'll have fun.

Yeah.

Yeah, be ready by 8.

I found the boy I'm going to be exchanging saliva with at midnight.

Who, the boy who brought his own Funyuns?

Yeah, it must be nice anticipating your New Year's Eve kiss with someone

special.

Well, I mean, I haven't spoken to him yet.

I know, Spirit.

That was my way of focusing the conversation on me.

Arnez and I should be together on New Year's Eve, and why aren't we because of

Charlie?

Brianna, what's going on with you?

I don't know.

Being in love makes you feel so vulnerable.

You end up doing crazy things.

You'll find out someday.

But I'm about to go down there and get my man.

Brianna, you're going to leave your own party?

A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

Hey!

Listen up. We got to step out for a minute. Don't take or break anything.

My daddy has cameras everywhere.

Oh, and find your boys an ark.

So you like?

The best onion loaves in town.

Yeah, this is nice.

You know, I admit, I never got the whole flex thing.

But I see now how you make an impression on a lady.

A bottle of your most expensive champagne.

You like?

I found this place on the internets.

Flex?

Dwayne?

Not to be kidding me. Mm -mm. We see right through you and the penguin.

Now, I don't know about you, but I'm leaving.

Wait, wait, wait. What are you going to do? Go home and sit around in your brand

-new dress and eat Haagen -Dazs because you're hot for your client who lives in

your building?

Oh.

So you are feeling flat.

Building who? Client say what?

Listen, the maitre d' said that he only has one table left, so we're going to

have to sit together.

Well, I'm not sitting next to the hobbit.

You think you're pretty smooth, don't you?

No, not at all.

Rose for the lady.

Flex, I'm not your date.

Oh, I know.

Dwayne, pay for that right there.

What to do, it's up to you.

Maybe you should try again.

Maybe you should fade away. Put that up there. That shade around my man.

Yeah, that's right. I said that shade.

Never go against this song.

Rihanna, it's all just a part of an act. Putting it on a show, it's all very

innocent.

You let me do it all the time.

Danielle,

a toast to the best date I've ever had.

Yeah.

Why don't you have some of my crab cakes?

Oh, Danielle, don't you look so fine with that sauce dripping down your lip.

Come on, Flex, we're dancing.

I'm guessing you're leading.

Dwayne, don't you think this is getting out of hand?

You need to stop playing games. I mean, you even dragged me and Flex into this

farce. I didn't drag Flex into this. This was his idea.

He wanted to be with you.

He went to all the trouble just to be with me?

I mean, I thought he was doing it for you.

Oh, quick. They're looking. Give me a kiss. Wait,

look at him now, playing patty cake with her. He loves that game.

And you know he loves you too, Candy.

But then why does he lie, spy on me, and dig through my trash?

Flex, what kind of person does that?

Dwayne does that.

Look, people do foolish things when they're in love.

And we both know there's no bigger fool than Dwayne.

Crazy. I know.

See, but last week, Dwayne spent the whole day in a tub getting pruney just

see what he looked like when he got home.

But, you know, if the day went by where he wasn't in my refrigerator stealing my

food or practicing his Emanuel Lewis impersonation, you know, I wouldn't know

what to do.

Candy, guys like Dwayne, they need lots of second chance.

Yeah, I do miss her.

Come on, it's just one kiss.

This is ridiculous.

This is ridiculous.

Let's go.

Now or never, okay? You tell her you love her, and if she rejects you, you

on.

May I cut in? Oh, yeah, please do.

Candy, baby, I love you.

I'll worship the ground those big feet walk on.

You know, I know I've been a fool in the past, and I'll probably be a fool in

the future, but I'll always be your fool.

Baby, give us another chance.

Oh, baby, you had me at big feet. Oh.

Okay, so how much longer are we going to keep doing this dance?

Well, that depends.

You're going to keep stepping on my feet?

But not this dance.

I'm talking about the dance we've been doing for the past couple of months.

Oh. Well, I hope you're wearing comfortable shoes because this dance

a long time.

And trust me, I'm with you.

Oh, you got to go there with it. All right.

a gig on New Year's Eve so she can get our nads all to herself.

Yeah, Brianna, it was all a part of her evil French plot. Next, she's gonna

bring back Kool -Aid.

Where else would I be?

Oh, I don't know. Somewhere kissing your French bluesy. I saw you.

Yeah, I saw you seeing me. And seeing as you were seeing me, I thought that I

had to come see you.

See?

Why did you kiss her back?

I didn't. Well, you didn't stop her.

Rihanna, she's Prince.

She'll kiss anything.

Besides, what was I supposed to do?

Hit her with my guitar?

That's what I would have done.

Why are you being so jealous?

Because...

on themselves as you? I mean, that's how it is when you're a rock star.

Rock God.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Trust me.

Look, Brianna, what we have is special.

And nobody can break it up with us.

And I don't want that to happen.

But I don't want you to keep acting like you'd rather be up there doing your

rock star thing than be with me.

Brianna, it's midnight.

Fans across town playing a game.

Where am I?

Happy New Year.

I see the place

is gonna win peace.

Boo.

What's that smell?

Oh, wait.

Funyuns.

So, did you have a nice night?

Everything's been perfect so far, except for one thing.

What time is it?

Uh, 1 .59.

Oh, it's almost midnight in Denver, which means it's not too late.

For what?

For me to give my favorite girl a kiss.

Happy New Year's, baby.

Happy New Year's, dear.

Funyun boy, come back!

Love you too, Netta.