Original subtitles

Hey, guy, wait until you see the new promo for the Flex Files. It is hot.

Hi, I'm Flex Washington of the Flex Files, and this is my co -host, Rania

Reschenko. She's new to this country.

I may be new to this country, but I'm not new to sports.

When do we shoot Croatian girls going wild?

Whether it's baseball, football, or basketball.

Nobody knows sports balls like Rania.

Watch me work it every week on the flex files.

Grr!

That grr was my idea.

Well, did I tell you, hot?

What happened to the promo that we shot?

You know, the one with me in it?

Well, Matt, actually, I loved it. But couldn't we shorten up the beginning

a little bit?

Can you believe this ace? Back me up here, man.

I only have one note.

She should be wearing clear heels.

See, Flex? You're the only one who doesn't like it.

All right, everybody.

Places, please.

Don't be angry, Flex. We are just trying to do what is best for my show. My

show. The Flex Files.

For now.

When there's nobody.

you to help me choose my class ring.

Should I go with subtle and understated or, uh -oh, Colby, what you do now?

See, I might not be the guy to ask.

My class ring has two years on it, 86 and 87.

That's it, Ace. I know it's a good job, but I'm quitting.

You ain't getting no ring.

If you quit, Flex, what would you do?

And more importantly, what would I do?

At first they cut me out of my own promo, and next they'll be cutting me

my show. I can't stand by and let that happen. I gotta do something. I gotta do

it now.

Wait, Daddy, before you do something crazy, can I get $400 for my class ring?

I already gave you money for your ring.

But I lost it.

At the shoe store.

Brianna, I'm not made out of money. I suggest you tie those shoes around your

finger and tell everybody you graduated from Gucci High.

And you're the one who said you wanted me to graduate from high school. It

costs.

Granny, you keep telling me you're an adult, so get a job.

Yeah, I kind of already did the job thing, and it's not for me.

Dwayne, get her a job down at your place.

What? I can't work at a garage.

The only thing I know about cars is that they need gas.

Oh, which reminds me, I need some gas money, too.

Uh, Brandon, look, you're gonna have to make your own money. I don't know how,

but just as long as it doesn't involve a fishnet, stockings, a pole, and a wad

of singles.

You know what? This would have been a lot easier if you would have just left

your wallet laying around.

Oh, man, what am I gonna do about my show?

As long as Ronnie's got control of Matt, she's got control of my show.

And I'm done. I can't compete with that.

Yeah, only thing that can compete with a hot chick is an even hotter chick.

Now, maybe if you grow your hair out, you know, shave your legs, put a little

rouge on your cheeks.

You might have a shot.

That's it.

Then again, I'm not sure Matt's into ugly transvestites.

That's true, Flex. You're a four at best.

I mean, not like I ever pictured it, you know.

No, you idiot.

I'm going to get another girl for Matt, get Rania out of the picture, and get my

show back.

And Ace, I'm at least at eight.

I got legs for days.

This is great, Brianna.

What better place to get a job than a restaurant where the waitresses recite

famous movie lines?

Yeah, you don't need us here to hold your hand. This job's perfect for you.

Okay, all right, I confess, I don't need you. I needed a ride because I ran out

of gas.

All right, ladies, before we start, I've got great news.

My divorce is final.

You know, I am the one doing the hiring.

But seriously, corporate has decided to use one of our waitresses for national

commercials. So if you get the job, you might also become a star.

Okay, now I need your support.

This is more than just making a few dollars. This can launch my acting

Okay, first up, Lexus Mercedes Beamer.

Get in gear, girl.

You get it? Gear, car names.

It's a joke, people.

All in my poor life?

I had to fight, okay?

And little Sophia wasn't even safe in a house full of menfolk.

But I ain't not never thought that as a grown woman, I would have to fight in my

own house.

Wow, she is really horrible.

I mean, really, really, really horrible.

Brilliant. You're hired.

They liked her?

Oh, quick, Arnaz, they may be looking for singers.

might as well just hand me this commercial right now.

Uh, Brianna Barnes.

Hi,

I'm Brianna Barnes.

Yeah, I know. That was me that just read your name.

Oh, okay.

All right, then. Um, here I go.

Oh, my poor... Thank you.

We'll call you.

Okay, thanks.

What happened?

I don't know. He wouldn't even let me finish.

all those women over me.

What do they have that I don't have?

Uniforms.

Sweet. Not that I'm looking, but I think it starts with big and ends with ubi.

let you shine on TV?

You got to do something. You talk to Matt yet?

I haven't had a chance yet.

Ronnie's been all over him like a virus, giving him a case of the Croatian

cooties.

But I've got the cure.

Uh, hey, Matt.

A minute.

Yeah, listen, me and the fellas are going to hang out tonight and we need a

white guy on the crew just in case the car breaks down and we got to catch a

cab. So you want to roll?

No, no, no, no, no.

I've been through this before.

You just want me to pay for the beer, don't you?

No, we just thought it would be cool to have you as part of our crew.

Really? Yeah.

Wow.

I've never been part of a crew.

Although I was coxswain in college for the Harvard rowing team. Oh.

Of course, that was just because I owned a megaphone.

Whatever. So are you in?

I don't know. I'm going to have to check with Ron. Oh.

You know what?

I guess...

You're not the player that I thought you were.

And the fellow's going to be real disappointed.

We were looking for a rich white coxswain.

Wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on. Wait a minute. You know what?

Maybe you're right.

I suppose one night rolling with the brothers is in order.

I mean, after all, the madman has to get out of his 10 ,000 square foot cave now

and then. And he doesn't need to ask permission.

Because he is king of his castle.

I can't believe you're falling into this I'm not good enough trap.

here in Baltimore.

I mean, I could be in a national commercial.

I could be like the next Can You Hear Me Now guy.

This is what actresses do to get work. I didn't make the rule.

Well, I think you're overreacting, Brianna, and fake boobs are not gonna

that job.

Hi, I'm... Hired.

Pammy, you're starting tonight.

Oh!

Too terrible you could never outfight them.

He's a pimp.

But I didn't know until yesterday that it was Bazzini all along.

Hey,

Pammy. I saw you doing your thing, and you are a really

good actress.

I mean, you remember the words and everything.

Thank you, but I don't think that table noticed my acting ability.

I know what you mean.

Okay, I've been tripping over my lines all night, and I'm like racking in the

tips. I must be like a really good actress or something.

Pammy, I've been paying attention, and you've got God -given talent.

Really? You think I'm good?

As a matter of fact, I think you've got the inside track for the commercial.

Dwayne, thanks again for the great playa gear.

It's not often I can wear it right off the rack.

No problem. Just... Try not to sweat in it. I'm planning on wearing it tomorrow.

Flex, this is the most fun I've had in ten years.

Getting pulled over was great.

Profiling is no joke.

Yeah, yeah, good cover saying you just signed us to a record deal. That was

smooth.

Gentlemen, welcome to Dinner and a Movie. It's table for four with two

seats.

Right this way.

I need to hit the club. There's plenty of hot women here.

Hot women is going to help me get my show back.

Menu looks good.

Oh, check it out.

Ta -ta -tats.

Fellas, what's with the pigeon thing?

It's just a little something us hip -hop boys do these days.

See, see, Matt, what we players do once we're at the watering hole is we stake

out our prey.

Now, which one of these lost little lambs would you like to cull from the

Yeah, I find it easier to pounce on the sick and the weak.

Guys? All right, listen. I'm supposed to come over here and recite movie lines,

but I don't remember any, so can you all just laugh?

As you can see, no one laughs louder than my... well -paid television

friend here.

Television producer?

You don't say.

That's just something that we hip -hop boys do these days.

Well, you know what? I like you. I'm going to bring you guys all back around

drinks, and you, my phone number.

Oh, and bring some ta -ta -tats.

Life as a player ain't bad, is it?

Ron, you're who?

Word.

And when it's all over, if I have to beg, borrow, or steal, I'll never be

again.

I'll be right back with your bills.

Tammy. Oh. Listen, Mandy's falling behind. I need you to take these ta -ta

to table three and table six.

Oh, and put your shoulders back.

Good.

That is amazing. I never would have thought you were a Trekkie. We're

everywhere, baby.

Live long and party. What's up?

All right, here you are, fellas. Yes, Pat.

Brianna?

Ain't nobody looking at your legs. And what happened? Did you get bit by a

mosquito on steroids?

Ace, I got to deal with this. You make sure everybody has a good time. You, you

coming with me. But, Daddy, I need to work. No, you got your breast all out

Lil' Kim. What's wrong with you?

Rihanna, you could tell me a million times why you did it, but I can't

understand why you'd want to alter yourself.

Because every girl that got hired had big breasts. Oh, don't use that word.

Okay, big boobs. Oh, okay, big breasts it is.

I don't think your buddies were there for the acting.

Uh, well, see, you and Matt went to... Never mind, I am grown.

I just don't get it. First you tell me to get a job, and then you yell at me

when I get one? Yeah, but I thought you were gonna get a job where the french

fries were supersized, not your chest.

Daddy, this job gives me a chance to act.

And I might get to be in a commercial because of it. Show them what?

Baby, I thought you wanted to be seen as a serious actress.

Even successful actresses supersize sometimes.

Look at Julia Roberts in that Aaron Bronkitis movie.

Okay, Julia Roberts didn't win an Oscar for Best Actress because of her

cleavage. She won because of her talent.

But, Daddy, it's not just movie stars.

Half the girls in my school got implants as birthday gifts.

You get more when you have more.

Baby, you are a beautiful girl. You have to think I'm beautiful. You're my dad.

But I don't look like the girls in the magazines.

No one looks like the girls in the magazines. The girls in the magazines

even look like the girls in the magazines.

Sweetie, look, you're my baby girl.

I made you.

And I'm proud of the way you turned out.

And I want you to be proud, too.

I am, Daddy.

But I can't help it if this is what gets girls hired.

All right, Brianna, you know what? I know you don't like when I tell you what

do, but you're going to get rid of them breasts.

Daddy.

Do you want to be remembered for your talent or your ta -ta -tots?

What are these hangers doing in your closet when I told you I don't want them

here ever?

I work and I work until I'm about to fall and what do I get?

I'm going to tell the boys upstairs that I want you for the commercial. What do

you say?

What do you say?

What in the name of Boys Don't Cry happened to you?

This is the real me.

Do you still want me for your commercial?

Well, sweetie, I don't really think that... Well, you know what? You can

your tongue, you swine.

Because I quit.

And I will have nothing to do with a place that objectifies women and makes a

mockery of the noble profession that I love.

Good day, sir. But I think you're... I said good day.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That wasn't a scene. That was real life.

No, I'm serious.

All right, fine. Keep playing. I'm just too good.

Oh,

Matt Player.

There you are.

So how did it go last night? You and that waitress Mandy hooked up. I haven't

seen a woman that crazy for a man since, well, my last date.

She was loving the mat man.

So when are you two going out?

Never.

She said the first Star Trek movie was better than The Wrath of Khan.

She's dead to me.

Oh, well, you know, we'll just get out and unleash the mat man again.

Thanks, but no thanks, Flex. Listen, taking me to that restaurant last night,

meeting all those hot chicks, and your daughter, made me realize

all women are hiding something.

With Rania, at least I know what I have.

Matt, but do you want to spend your life being her whipping boy?

God, I hope so.

Look, if you're feeling Rania, who am I to try to step in and save you?

but I just can't sit there and let her steal my show.

Look, I know she's good for the ratings, but I am the heart and soul of the Flex

Files. Without me, there is no Flat App.

Flex, I hear you loud and clear.

I'm a businessman, and I'm going to do what is best for this show.

I mean, after all, after last night, you and me are boys.

We're homies.

I got your back.

What is this phone number I found in your jacket?

Uh, the, um... Uh, Matt, isn't that the number for the jeweler?

You know, the one that's making the diamond pendant.

Uh, bracelet?

Uh, necklace?

Oh, I didn't know you still watch!

Washington of the Flex Files, and this is my co -host, Rania Reschenko. Whether

it's baseball, football, or basketball, nobody knows sports balls.

Like me, Fletcher Washington of the Flex Files. Flat out.

Matt, you ruined my promo.

Yeah, you didn't take my note about the clear heels.

I'm sorry, sweetie, and big guy.

But I had to do what was best for the show.

Matt, are you defying me?

Yeah, yeah, that's right. How do you like that?

I don't like it.

I love it.

I haven't been this hot since my summer in Chernobyl.

Well,

Flex, can't say you didn't try.

What are you talking about, man? I got my promo back. I won.

Right, right. And I got the clear heels.

Love you too, Netta.