Original subtitles

Ah, spaghetti night?

That's right. I just want to make my baby happy.

Oh, that's sweet, Flex.

Makes me feel a little uncomfortable, but thanks.

It's father -daughter night, not father -dummy night.

What you want, anyway?

For it to be father -dummy night.

Actually, man, I just came by to say that making me take on Arnaz as a

was a good idea.

I like being a mentor to the young boy. Oh, cool. Where's Arnaz now?

He's changing the oil in my car.

Actually, that's later. Right now, he's leveling the lifts in my shoes.

Haven't you noticed I've been walking in circles lately?

Well, circle your butt back on over there and finish watching him, man. I

want him kissing my daughter again. I don't want him touching her. I don't

want him looking at her again.

This isn't the calm, enlightened, zen daddy you told Brianna you were gonna

And where I was then, this is now.

Before, I saw her tongue -wrestling Arnaz on the roof. Now, I got no choice.

See, I gotta be cool daddy to her face and sneaky daddy behind her back.

That's it.

A double agent.

Double daddy.

What's with you, Flex?

Every day it's a new daddy.

It's like living with my mama all over again.

Brianna, are you sure you want to tell your dad that you and Arnaz are dating?

Yeah.

Ever since I got back from New York, my dad and I agreed to be honest with each

other. This is the first step.

Yeah. And you're here because I feel safe with as many witnesses as possible.

No, I'm here because movies cost money and this drama is free, okay?

Hey, Brianna, I sent you out for chips and you brought home the dips.

Daddy, Arnaz and I have something to say.

It's on you, boo.

Wait, hold on.

Okay, I'm good. I'm gonna go.

Well, Mr. Washington?

Well, that would be a good place to hide a body.

Rihanna and I feel very strongly about being open.

Gosh, she looks so good right now. She better be worth all this.

Oh, really?

A really, really deep well.

Yes, sir. We want to make sure that you are all right with us dating.

Dating who?

Dating whom?

would be the correct usage.

What a dork.

What a dork. What a dork.

It's hard being the smartest one in the room.

Daddy, Arnaz and I want to make sure you're okay with us dating each other.

Why wouldn't I be okay with you two dating?

Because you're an overprotective, ill -tempered lunatic.

Maybe the old Flex was an overprotective, ill -tempered lunatic,

Flex has...

Gas balls!

Yes! The new flex is cool.

Yeah, I'm cool with y 'all dating. I appreciate you being open with me.

If only this was his face!

Okay, well, that was good.

Bye.

Be a man.

Don't run till you get to the hallway.

Oh, thanks, Betty. I think this whole being open and honest thing is really

gonna work out.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go across the hall to be with my man.

Did you lick your fingers and stick them back in the bag?

Well, I didn't want to just stick them back in dirty.

Dwayne, did you see that underhanded move?

I mean, what teenagers are honest with their parents? They think I'm going to

ease up on them.

Fools. They're going to regret the day that they were ever honest with me.

that right, Dwayne?

Nobody knows.

Don't you see?

I mean, they're just like her mother and me.

Two teenagers driven by lust.

I mean, we spent our prom night in the maternity ward. The pediatrician signed

my yearbook.

I'm not going to let that happen to them.

Well, it's your own fault for having such a hot daughter.

What'd you say?

Is he reading my thoughts?

Hey, man, you see Breonna and Arnaz?

Weren't you following them in your car? Yeah, I was, until I accidentally hit a

bike messenger.

Was he hurting?

No, but he sure took his time getting up.

Anyway, man, I lost him. They could be anywhere doing anything. Her mother and

I, we did everything, and we did it everywhere.

You need what I got. What, hands like a hobbit?

No, I'm talking about a locator chip. I put one in Candy's car. Right now, I am

watching her every move as we speak.

Man, that is so sneaky.

So underhanded, so deceitful.

Can I get one?

I don't know, Flex. I mean, I only have a few left over from big sales, and I

already got a couple guys who are going to pay me good money for it. Come on,

Dwayne. This is Flex, your childhood friend, your best friend.

And if you don't hook me up with one, the last friend to see you alive.

All right, you're talking me into it.

And since you're my boy, I'm going to hook you up with a good price. My man.

$1 ,200.

What? $1 ,200?

I thought you said you were going to give me a good price. Man, that is a

price. For me.

And remember, I am unemployed and housing your daughter's future baby's

Man, I'll give you 20 bucks.

Sold.

Can I have it now?

Dwayne, I live across the hall.

They don't want to take you that long.

Fine, all right. Look, here's $10 and a chiclet. Oh.

Now show me how this thing works. All right.

After I install it, which is an additional $1 ,180.

Five. We'll talk money later.

Oh, look, look, check it out.

See, with this GPS software, you can track her anywhere in the country.

For instance, right now Candy's signal is slowing down and stopping at 5771

Street. Huh.

What losers are you going to see now?

Wayne? That's this building.

Oh, my God!

I'm the loser! Let's... No, you gotta go now. Come on, you gotta go. Hey, what

about my locator chip, man? You gotta install it for me. Man, no time. I gotta

get gussied up.

Probably shouldn't have said that.

Come on, man. Come on, man.

Candy!

Did you gussy up?

Baby, I stayed gussy.

What a pleasant surprise.

Come on in. Well, I'm here because I got your letter.

All ten of them. I wonder what happened to the rest.

You forgive me?

No. A lie is still a lie, no matter what the reason. I can't be with a man I

don't trust.

Unless he's really, really good looking.

Baby, I was just so worried that you wouldn't want to be with me if I didn't

have a job.

I couldn't provide for you like a man.

First of all, I can provide for myself.

And second, where do you get off thinking I was with you because you had

paycheck? Like I'm some kind of gold digger. Baby, I never said that you were

gold digger.

Although that's what I heard. What?

Then why would I have been dating you?

Well, no one said you were good at it.

Baby, please take me back. Oh, the whining, the crying, the begging.

I mean, I admit, I do miss our foreplay.

Dwayne used to make that buzzing sound like a bumblebee.

But I gotta move.

Well, Candy, please, baby. Look, I promise, I will never lie again.

Dwayne, how do I know you mean it? Look, I promise.

If I ever do get another job, I will tell you the minute I get fired.

Well, it'll mean us starting all over again. God, whatever, my sweetness.

Let's all go to the lobby.

Let's all go to the lobby.

Let's all go to the lobby.

Isn't this great?

Yeah, well, I have been practicing on my pillow.

No, I mean, I'm so glad we told your dad.

I just feel so free.

It's great not having to sneak around and look over our shoulders anymore.

Well, my dad trusts me now. He finally realizes that I'm not a little girl

anymore. Yeah, I realized that a long time ago.

What kind of an idiot pulls into the drive -in with his high beams on?

Hey, let the light shine on our love.

We don't need to hide from anyone.

Come on, let's give them a show.

Yo, I'm on a date, too.

Another coinkydick.

Yo, this is so bananas.

I'm here with my girl, Jabba. Come on, who brings a date to see Finding Nemo

Part 2?

Except for you and me.

Who wouldn't want to see a movie about a father who'd navigate treacherous

waters and battle those great half -white sharks to save his only child?

Excuse me. My job is percolating.

Take your time.

How did he know we were here?

I don't know.

But I think you better get your hand off my thigh.

I'm sorry, baby. Can you believe I ran into my daughter at a drive -in? I mean,

what are the chances of that?

I would think very unlikely since we were going to dinner at Café Pierre.

Come on, baby. Look.

Look, I know it's just a drive -in.

But you make me feel so young.

Don't you want to act like we were 18 again and hop in the backseat?

Aw, Flex, I can't be mad at you.

You're fun and you're on TV.

Flat top.

No, it's flat out. But that's okay, baby.

Let's go in the back.

Wasn't this backseat thing a good idea, Java? I'm glad I thought of it.

I'm so sorry about the clutter back there. I didn't know my dad and I were

on a double date.

Ever.

Me either. And that's what I get for being a B -list celebrity.

Oh, please, Daddy. Somebody's going to believe you're America's next top model.

Look, Daddy, don't you want to take Java back to your car so you two can have a

date like normal people?

What's not normal about this?

I mean, just a father and a daughter out on a date with other people in a car.

We were just going with the flow.

Who knows where the rest of the night might take us.

I can tell you where it's not taking us. And I am a top model.

Arnaz, are you hungry?

No, I ate earlier.

I mean, I can eat.

All right, we're going to go get some snacks. You two want something?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't have to get no snacks. I got you. I got

you. I stopped at the 99 cent store.

Yeah.

I think there's some licorice.

Well, what?

It says Licorici, but it tastes the same for half the price.

What's that beeping noise?

With any luck, a truck is backing over us.

That's how I hear it, too.

Beep, beep, beep. No, that's me.

Yeah, I'm working on this new thing for the show. You know, I can't live off

flat out forever.

Beep, beep.

Choo, choo.

I got to work out the kinks. Anyway, turn up the sound. The movie's getting

ready to start.

Oh, what'd you say, Jabba?

You can't see over Arnaz's head and you want to switch seats with him?

Oh, no, Arnaz wouldn't have a problem with that.

Arnaz, come on, sit back here with me.

Oh, hello, Cleck. Hey, I'm making breakfast for Candy and I need to borrow

things. What do you need to borrow?

Breakfast.

Take what you want, man. I owe you.

You know, this tracking device works like a charm.

Of course, Brianna's mad at me for crashing her date, and I'm sure I'll be

living with you when I'm old and sick, but my baby girl's not pregnant. I feel

proud.

I don't know why you're so worried about her, man. I mean, you raised your

daughter better than that, and I'm sure she has a good excuse for why she's at

the Green Door Motel.

Oh, my God.

The Green Door Motel?

Dwayne, Nicole and I used to go there.

That's when Brianna was conceived.

And now she's gonna take Arnaz there?

Don't you see, man? It's the circle of life.

I gotta find my baby before she makes a baby.

Okay, well, uh, good luck with that. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, man. You gotta come

with me. I need somebody to hold Arnaz while I beat him down.

Well, here's Brianna's car. They gotta be in one of these rooms.

Man, this isn't right.

We're acting like the Vice Squad.

Dwayne, as God as my witness, Brianna's not going to make the same mistake I

did. Now get to Bison, listen at one of these doors, and see if you hear him.

Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing.

Just the sound of a bit squeaking and somebody getting spanked.

Get the freak off!

I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him, Dwayne. I'm going to kill him

dead. Get this door down.

She's not my daughter.

Hey, your shoe's untied.

Hey,

you dislocated my shoulder.

It mustn't always be about you. Get out of here.

Get out of here right now. Right now. Get out. We're out of here.

What's next?

Leilani?

This is worse than I thought.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Is Spirit in there, too?

My daughter?

Well, if she were, what would be the point of me and Cooper being here?

Cooper's in there?

Of course he is. He is.

Although for the next hour, he's the last samurai, and I'm his little geisha

girl.

Well, the tea's getting cold, so sayonara.

What kind of sick wasabi madness is going on around here? Now, that's

car. Tell her to get out of here right now.

You think Brianna's here?

What kind of world do you live in, man?

She was nice enough to lend her car to us because she knew our van had been in

the shop all week.

Well, all year.

Once again, you cannot seem to keep track of your own daughter.

Oh.

Oh, well. Just call him back into your hidden dragon.

Gladly. Cooper, you can turn the camera back on, Daddy.

Oh, Sookie's looking at you, too. I got to go.

Yeah, my mom said your father's face was, like, crazy.

Yeah, it serves him right for putting that locator in my car and trying to spy

on me.

Ooh, I can't wait until I bust him out.

Wait, so your parents go to that motel every week?

Yeah, where else are they going to watch HBO? Oh, my God.

Ooh, that's him. Look busy.

You found something to do that goes with your clothes.

Now go on home, sweetie.

Hey. Hey, baby. Have a seat, Daddy, so we can spend a little father -daughter

quality time together.

Oh, yeah.

Mmm. This is good.

I love father -daughter quality time.

Yeah, so do I.

You know, it gives us a chance to share our days. You go first.

Okay. So, um, you want to share with me how you ran into Spirit's mom today?

that locator chip you put in my car.

Next time you want to violate my civil rights, I suggest you use new batteries.

That thing takes batteries?

That beepin' Dwayne.

Hey, you set me up. How could you do that?

How could I?

How could you be so sneaky, so deceitful, so wrong?

I'm a parent. It's my civil right.

Hey, you're the one trying to throw me off by being honest.

We're dating.

I just wanted to be honest with you.

Do me a favor. Don't ever be honest with me again.

Oh, I know how you just say that.

Daddy, why can't you just trust me? I mean, I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm

almost 18 years old. Ah, yes.

18. The evil age.

The age of deceit.

It's when the dumb gene kicks in.

I know. That's how I ended up with you.

Oh, yeah. That's real nice.

I didn't mean it the way it sounded.

Sweetie, I love you. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

But it was really hard for me, and I don't want that for you.

I don't want you to end up doing something that you're not ready for.

Daddy, that's all I've been hearing from you and Mom since I got into high

school. I get it.

I'm not going to end up like you two.

Can't you just trust the girl that you raised?

Just please give me a chance to be me.

Could you be you without Inez?

Daddy. All right. Hand it, give it a shot, throw it out.

All right.

I promise.

No more spying.

Okay.

I wonder if that means I should take the wiretap off her phone.

This is so much fun, Dwayne. And to think, the only reason why I came by the

other day was to tell you to stop sending me those annoying letters.

I put a lot of time into writing those letters.

I mean, do you know how hard it is to find words that rhyme with please,

squeeze, disease?

Baby, stop.

I read the letter.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I'm looking forward to our fresh start. As

I.

And every relationship begins with a little mystery.

Oh. A little surprise.

I put a locating device in your car because I was jealous and wanted to keep

tabs on you.

Surprise!

You've been following me?

No, but keeping an eye on you for safety reasons.

Oh, and when you go to the drugstore, don't park at Blockbuster. They always

tell.

You disturbed little man.

You just don't get it, do you?

I'll never trust you again.

Goodbye, Dwayne.

What? Candy!

No, Candy!

Baby! Candy!

Man, I can't believe I lost her again.

Dear Candy, I'm down on my knees.

Come back to me, please.

Or else I'll... Sneeze.

Oh yeah, she's coming back.

Love you too, Netta.