Original subtitles

Anybody call? Anybody call?

Daddy!

Paella again?

Paella!

That's the fifth time you've made that this week.

I can't help it. It was Natalie's favorite dish.

And she was my favorite dish.

Oh, Daddy, will you just get over her? It's been two weeks. She gone, Daddy.

gone.

Stop acting so desperate. It's embarrassing.

Oh, did Joshua Arnaz call?

I thought you were just friends with Salt -N -Pepa. They gone, baby, they

Daddy, where's the kitchen table?

Baby, I'm purging all furniture that reminds me of Natalie.

Long, shapely legs.

Nice, soft seats.

Made in Puerto Rico.

It's for me, Daddy, it's for me. Hello?

I'm here, Natalie, I'm here.

Oh, he hung up.

No, she hung up.

You answered the phone all breathy. She probably thought I had another woman

over here.

Or Prince.

Natalie loved Prince.

Daddy, what's happening to us?

You're getting all weepy over androgynous rock stars, and I went out

these.

They're night vision binoculars, so I can see Josh and Arnaz at night from

You know what's happening here?

The popular ain't popping.

The in crowd's on the outs. See, we used to be put on a pedestal, being adored.

Okay, Daddy, you may have been adored, but I was worshipped.

Yeah, and now it's just us.

But you know what? You don't need a boyfriend, and I don't need a girlfriend

be happy. I'm done with women. Ain't nothing but aggravation.

Me too.

I'm done with boys.

Then it's a pact.

Just you and me. No clutter.

Agreed?

Agreed. Hit it right there.

I'm Yvette, and this is my son, Michael.

I'm house -sitting for my sister in 3B, and I locked us out, so I was

wondering... Oh, don't you come knocking on my door with your sob story.

This is how it all starts.

Look at you.

Your hair's all silky smooth.

Mm -hmm. With your fine, handsome -looking -like usher son.

Yeah, we're on to you, and we don't play that. My daughter and I have each

other, and that's plenty. Yeah, that's right, Daddy. Break out.

I think this is going to go very well.

and swearing off women has made me a new man.

I never felt so free, y 'all.

I've learned from my mistakes, y 'all.

And mistake by name is woman.

But what are you gonna do when you get that, you know, 2AM dicko?

I know you and Asa knew around here, but I don't get that 2AM dicko.

I'm not a slave to my desires.

Yo, I like being alone.

You know what I'm saying? I can watch sports anytime I want. Yo.

I got ESP on the house right now. I ain't even there.

Although my ankle bracelet says I'm there, but you know.

I'll find a woman completes me.

When I can find one, I'm completely surprised.

Hello?

Hey, Bree Bree.

No, no, no, baby, no, no. You don't need to talk to Josh and Arnaz.

Okay, listen to me, sweetie.

Repeat after me. You and me, we don't need three.

You and me, we don't need three.

Very good.

All right, baby.

All right, I'll be home soon.

Stay strong.

Ah, my poor little codependent daughter. The girl would be lost without me. Oh,

Flex, I didn't know Brianna was codependent.

She got to wear, like, special shoes for that?

A manicurist who's two hours late and her C &I midget.

Hasty hookups, what is this?

It's a singles event.

Where have you been, Flex? It's the new thing. You go around the room talking to

different women for three minutes at a time. Look, it's an assignment for my

business class.

Now, according to my market research, single people are most likely to part

two things.

Cash and dignity.

I only want your cash.

See, that's what I love about my candy.

She's ambitious.

Driven. And doesn't mind a man who travels with a step stool.

Uh, hey, Flex.

How's Natalie?

Oh, hey, Dwayne. How's your daddy?

Look,

I wish you luck, Candy, but Brianna and I made a pact.

Then unpack.

I need to pass this class.

I can't.

Brianna and I are swearing off dating.

No more Natalie. No more Josh and Arnaz. No more anybody else. Just a father and

daughter having fun.

Flex, man, you have to come. This is important to Candy. Besides, your name

on the flyer as our celebrity single. It says here the celebrity single is Sex,

Washington.

Hey.

Oh, it feels so good to be walking down the hall and not to be worried about

Josh Arnaz and how much they in love with me.

Oh, girls aren't as looking at me.

No.

Say it with me. Stay strong. Others are wrong. Stay strong. Others are wrong.

Better? Okay, love you too. Bye.

You know, this whole pact thing with you and your dad just seems silly.

How can you swear off guys? We're 16 -year -old girls. What else is there?

Spirit, I don't expect you to understand.

When you spend your whole life on a pedestal, your legs get really tired,

for real.

Besides, my dad needs me, and I need to stay strong for him.

I know Arnaz is looking at me. Just tell me he's looking.

No.

Now, look, I met a cute guy. I think my new hair is working for me.

And he has a cute friend, and we're going to Dave and Dan's Playtown on

night. You want to come?

Yeah, sure. I'll meet you there. My dad loves that place.

Great food, great games, fun for everyone.

Who's trying to hang out with your dad?

I'm trying to hook us up with some thugs.

Hey. Oh, hey, Ernest. Look at you, sounding all sexy.

Boy, you need to stop.

Wait, wait, hold on a second.

I'm sorry, Brianna, were you saying something?

Yeah, but not to you.

Boy, you need to stop.

Okay, I'm back.

Let me look in my purse and see if I can find you some spackle.

face just got cracked.

Yeah, but I don't even care about him.

I'm all about having fun, and nothing's more fun than hanging out with my dad.

Situated in northern Germany, on the Elbe River, Hamburg is about... Okay,

daddy. Only to save you the trouble.

Hello?

Oh, hey, spirit girl. How you been?

A movie?

Tonight? Oh, with Joe Cutie and his friend?

Heck no.

I'm watching a documentary with my dad.

It's off the chain.

Is that Hitler?

Hey, flex man. I need you across the hall, dog. There's too many single women

my apartment.

Dwayne. Check it out.

The women on TV aren't really in your apartment.

No, Flex.

It's hasty hookups, man. Not enough guys showed up. Just come on over and make

an appearance while we round up a few guys from the homeless shelter.

Dwayne, can't you see that my little girl and I are bonding? We're watching.

Are those Nazis?

It's okay, Daddy. Go.

Oh, don't worry. I'm just going to help Dwayne for a few minutes. Still me and

you, kid. Now, what do we say?

In it together, tougher than...

Can we get your cuties homeboy on three -way?

I'm ready for a little thug passion.

Let's get this over with, man. I can't think of anything more boring than a

full of desperate women.

Falling out of it, right?

Hello, ladies.

I'm Beck Washington.

Overcoming. My name is Candy, and this is my soulmate, Dwayne.

Roscaffa, that means you don't talk to him.

That's right, because the only game I play is Candyland.

Okay, gentlemen, please take your seats across from each of the ladies. Hurry,

hurry.

Your place.

What do you think of my opening line?

In a word, it's disturbing.

I'm communicating with my eyes.

You communicate with your words.

I'll use my soul.

Yeah? You got some crust in the corner of your soul.

What are you doing here?

I thought you were off with me.

I'm just helping out a friend.

But while I'm here, step back and you can watch a player play.

I know how to play the game.

Everything.

See, that's what you got wrong, El Duque.

The game isn't about talking. It's about listening.

All right, now tonight I'm going to try my new thing. I'm not talking about

myself. It's all about the ladies.

Okay, everyone.

Here are the rules to Hasty Hookup.

When the bell rings, you'll have three minutes to talk before the bell rings

again.

At which point, the men will rotate to the next lady.

Oh, hey, Arnett. Thanks for coming on such short notice. Now remember, you're

and in medical school. Got it? Got it.

Can I be a surgeon?

Not without this. Here.

Now go.

Operate.

So, check your teeth and your breath. Let the hookups begin.

Yes, you could get lost in my eyes, but I'd rather get lost in the sound of your

voice

that walks in the park and sunsets are my favorite things, but I'm really

enjoying listening to you.

Please, tell me more about your stitches.

Don't get it, brother, wrong. I can bring it.

It's just, you know, sometimes I just want to hold hands and cuddle.

Don't tell my boys about this.

I'm Cuban.

Do you know what that means?

I'm great at spitball.

Excuse my subtlety.

Blood. I like that.

So after I finished medical school and in my residency at the Mayo Clinic, you

know, they discovered mayonnaise there.

I'm a mustard man myself.

What are you staring at?

You think Tiger's golf swings all that? You haven't seen anything until you've

seen my follow -through. Oh, girl, I'm scared of you talking about you shot an

86. I can't wait to see that scorecard.

Well, it's in a frame on my wall, so I guess you'll have to come to my

for that, huh?

With flowers and a bottle of wine.

Red or white?

I want you to leave.

Play through, brother. I need to see a pay stub first.

Time, ding, rotate.

I'm a social worker.

Well, more of an advocate for children, really.

If there's a child in danger, it's my job to save them.

Do you wear a cape?

Listen to me. I must be going on too much about what I do.

Oh, I love listening to you. Please.

Then why don't we get together tomorrow night and you can hear me talk some

more? It's a date.

And I want to see your checking account, your savings account.

Do you have a house?

Oh, thank God.

Breon, it's Friday night.

Hanging out with your dad during the week is one thing, but on the weekends,

only white people do that.

I want to go to Dave and dance with you guys, but I can't. My dad needs me, and

a pack is a pack.

Look, I don't want to have to use this, but this is my man's brand.

Mother of all that is perfection.

Is he real?

Or did you cut him out of my dreams?

Oh, uh, Brianna, I just got some bad news. I found out that I'm going to have

work late tonight.

be working uh i'm interviewing serena williams so you know it might be a while

you know because she wants to get some things off of her chest about tennis so

don't wait up because i'm gonna be gone as long i'm really long i'll be gone

yeah yeah it's okay but when you come home don't wake me i'm gonna be sound

asleep you know with my eyes closed tight not moving a muscle and alone and

and not making a sound

I'm just gonna be sleeping.

Okay, now, if you don't want me to do this interview, I can blow it off.

No, no, it's okay. I understand. I get the picture.

It's your job.

Okay, good, baby.

All right. All right, bye.

Bye -bye.

and I can talk about you, my little Savion lover.

It didn't take you long to get back to your play away.

Well, girl, you know.

Ah, that's great. I can't wait to get you out there on the fairway.

Flax, you're a great date. You're a wonderful listener.

You took me to a nice dinner. I think we're really hitting it off.

I can't wait to see where we go next. Well, I was thinking about taking you to

Brianna.

Brianna? Never been there, but it sure gets you excited.

No, no, no, no. My daughter Brianna, she's over there.

You didn't tell me you had a daughter.

Please don't tell me you have a wife.

Well, yes.

No, sort of. Define wife.

Wait a minute. Are you telling me you have a daughter and a wife?

No wonder you let me do all the talking. You're a nightmare.

No, no, no. You don't understand.

It's my new thing.

See, I'm hiding from my daughter because I'm cheating on her.

Man, I thought I only met freaks on the internet.

Ron, it's not what you think. See, my daughter broke up with both her

boyfriends, and I broke up with my fiancé because I found out I was still

married, even though I got a divorce 15 years ago.

You know what? That whole not talking thing, I get it now.

Well, good. Stop moving. She can see me.

This is ridiculous.

Brianna, your cheating daddy's over here.

Hey, Daddy. You know, I didn't want to bother you because you were on an

interview.

your guilt trip on me miss i'm gonna be at home sleep with my eyes closed oh

look at me i'm sleeping daddy you broke our pact here with with little predator

actually his name is lamont but we can call him little predator

As a child welfare professional, I can tell you it's not unusual for a parent

and a child to cling to each other and shut out the world when they've both

hurt. You have to be with people your age, and you have to be with people your

age. As sweet as the thought, you just can't be everything to each other.

Daddy, I like her. She gets us.

Yeah, I'd like to see you again if that's possible.

No chance.

Obviously, you can't be trusted.

No, but... I'm saying...

Look, Daddy, I'm sorry.

I am too, sweetie.

But she's right.

Yeah, we should be around people our own age.

New pact?

New pact.

Okay, repeat after me.

Just you and me, two together. Uh, Daddy, newer pact, no more slogan.

I agree.

All right, you want to go home?

Uh, actually, Daddy, my date's still here. See you, Daddy.

hookups, I got an A on my assignment.

Am I a great business woman or what?

Call me Stedman, fellas, because I am with the next Oprah.

Oh, no, baby. We get married.

Oh, man, it's a shame that brothers need all this game to talk to a woman

nowadays. See, back in the days, smooth brothers like Gregory Hines didn't need

all that game. All they needed was space.

Love you too, Netta.