Original subtitles

A Doll's House?

Who's the writer?

Barbie?

No, Raggedy Ann.

It was written by Henrik Ibsen.

So you mean he has time to host Good Morning America and still write

plays?

No, that's Charlie Gibson.

A Doll's House is a classic play about a woman who feels trapped by her

conventional life.

So which role are you going for?

Obviously the most challenging.

You mean the one with the most lines.

I need to have as many lead roles as I can possibly land in order to make it to

Broadway.

Ah, New York.

That's my dream, too.

Sleep on a park bench, play in little coffee houses.

You guys, I have to get this part.

I must draw upon my method acting skills and become a depressed Swedish

housewife so I can get to Broadway.

The only problem is I don't know how to get depressed.

Try your mother's a recovering alcoholic, and your father insists that

his teenage fiancée mom.

Um, Ernest, maybe you ought to give up rock and roll and sing some country.

Mama's having a hard time giving up the Jim Beam.

But I can't tell no one's name.

Then I'll isolate yourself when there's nobody.

ex -jock and blonde bombshell are a winning combo.

The chemistry between Flex Washington and Holly Spears is a breath of fresh

Scratch and sniff me, Geraldine, because I stink of success.

Well, pull my finger, because our general manager, Johnny Bullbank, is

with Queens World Syndication.

Johnny Bullbank smells me, too? Uh -huh.

Yeah, and you know what that means?

Looks like we're finally going national.

Ooh, national.

Yes. The flex file's going nationwide?

Mm -hmm. I'll need new suits, new shoes, a new sign -off. Something that says,

America.

Flamerica.

Slow down, big boy, okay? It's not all about you. The critics are loving the

whole Denzel Washington meets Pamela Anderson thing.

They're loving the swirl.

The last time I checked, only the chocolate in that swirl was nominated

Baltimore's best sports anchor.

She's just a peroxide monkey on my back.

Yeah. Will you give that monkey a banana and keep her happy because she's our

ticket to syndication?

Oh, here comes Monkey Brewster now.

Oh.

Oh.

Uh,

why are you so happy? Did the one -thumb security guard ask you out on a date

again?

Liebchen.

Liebchen is German for sweetheart, and I have one.

Helmut Rose.

He's a German history professor, and he's almost as smart and pretty as I am.

You're so self -centered. There are more important things to talk about.

Me. Now, I'm inches away from going national, and I've decided to take you

with me.

You know, I've been giving this a lot of thought.

And...

Should I change my name to Holly Rose or Holly Spears Rose?

Look, how am I ever going to become Nora if I can't get said?

Okay, here's one.

When I was five, my dad ran over my favorite doll and wouldn't replace it.

You had a doll?

Action figure. I meant action figure.

My parents always taught me to look on the bright side. Being positive is

stifling my creativity.

I know, me too. Look at this shirt.

What? It's really cute.

You don't break into the fashion world by being cute. You break in by being

and loud.

Well, why don't you just scream?

Wait, where are you going? My audition is in two days. I need help. Depress me.

Well, picture yourself at a crossroads. You don't know which way to turn, but

you don't want to turn back.

Alone at a crossroads. Shut up, spirit.

Mr. Washington.

Boy.

Guess what? Looks like my show is definitely going nationwide.

Oh, Daddy, that's great. We need to celebrate.

Oh, I can't tonight. I'm having dinner with Geraldine to talk strategy.

But, Daddy, you're always working. I'm your daughter. You're supposed to make

time for me.

Okay, how about this? I have a nominee's dinner coming up in a couple of days.

How about you be my date?

Really, Daddy? You mean it? Yeah, why not? I have the prettiest date there,

I'll even buy you a new dress.

Captain Flamerica.

Hey, buddy, can I get my power tie back that you borrowed?

Uh, yeah, about the tie, I'm actually wearing it right now.

As a garter.

Yeah, I use it to woo Candy into moving in with me. And she agreed.

Congratulations, man. You two thinking about getting married? Oh, marriage? No,

no, no, not yet.

Just, uh, just roommates.

Roommates who, uh, who spoon.

And a fork. And a spatula.

Hey, I get the picture.

Wow, Candy moving in, that's a big step.

You never lived with a woman before?

Nope. Well, other than my mama and my canary Fifi, who actually turned out to

a boy. Do you know how hard it is to find out the sex of a bird?

Another time.

Let me tell you how it is when your girlfriend moves in.

First, it's beautiful.

All the loving and cuddling.

I like that part.

And then she starts cooking your favorite things, helping you with

and she starts laughing when she falls in the toilet because you forgot to put

the toilet seat down.

I do that sometimes.

And then they turn on.

Oh, yeah.

The loving and the cuddling is replaced with a swat and a smirk.

The housecleaning stops and is replaced with a, what fits up your size? Would

you think I'm a maid?

And the toilet seat thing? Ooh, once you hit a splash, that's two weeks on the

couch. Alone.

No spoon.

No fork.

No spatula.

That's it for The Flesh Files. I'm Fletch Washington.

And that's...

My meal ticket.

Flat out.

And we're clear.

What are you, a clown in Barnum and Bimbo?

He left me, Flex.

Who, Liebschen? He said I was too loquacious, too malleable, too

Too wordy?

I'm too fat.

Man, who knows what we're thinking.

I'd buck up.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Okay, Flex, our syndication ship is sinking, so you need to board the good

Hollypop and make her happy.

Go, go, go.

Maybe Helmut didn't think I was pretty enough.

Uh, pretty enough?

You're beautiful.

Oh, don't look now.

He dumped me, Flex.

Like he's ashamed of me.

He's the Democratic Party, and I'm Howard Dean.

Wow,

that guy really hurt you, huh?

You know what? Forget Helmet.

He doesn't deserve you.

You know what?

Wash your face, and why don't you let me take you to lunch?

You want to have lunch with me?

I hate you. You're my sidekick. My dog.

My show dog.

Show dog.

I like that.

This was a good idea, Plex. I feel better already.

It might have something to do with the fact that I haven't had carbs in three

years.

I want to marry the man who invented bread.

Helmut just walked in with a girl.

Helmut is a player. She is hot.

Plex. Show dog.

over here.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

He can't see me alone, Flax. Broke me.

Holly?

Oh, hello, Helmut.

Flax, Helmut, Helmut, Flax.

Here's my new leapshin.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Holly's new leapshin.

Or as we say in the hood, lebu.

I'm glad to see you've recovered from our brief love affair so quickly.

Actually, I'd like to thank you. If it hadn't been for your brief love, I never

would have realized that my true love sits at the anchor desk with me daily.

Poor, poor, rebounding Holly.

A word of advice, Felix.

That's flex, sauerkraut.

Girls like Holly, they are like Rubik's cubes.

At first, you can't put them down, but then they get all twisted and they lose

their novelty, yeah?

So that's all I worth to you?

Something you play with until you move on to your next plastic toy?

Helmet, you're an idiot.

You let go of this beautiful woman for that?

Shame on you.

Holly is a wonderful, loving, caring, kind, and sexy woman.

It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Do you mean that, Lex?

Do I mean it?

Come, my schnitzel.

I've lost my appetite.

Now that's a leapshit.

Well, well, well, what do we have here?

Oh, uh, Geraldine. It's not what you think.

Holly's ex came in here with his new bimbo, and we were just trying to make

jealous. Flex was my knight in shining armor. He swooped in and saved the day.

You jumped in my lap.

Yeah, but you put your hands on my thighs like you meant to.

We just think you're all being blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

What I see here is an opportunity, okay? A blonde bombshell and a chocolate

wonder together on camera and off.

Baltimore's going to love it. Or they're going to hate it. Either way, it's

ratings bonanza.

Joe, then how long are you suggesting we keep up this facade?

Just flex. This is the hook we need to slam dunk the show into syndication.

It's hip. It's splashy. It's funky fresh.

I appreciate the fact that you got yourself a hip -hop dictionary, but I'm

going to do it.

In other words, your idea is... Wicky, wicky, whack.

Hey, Daddy. I just want to thank you so much for these dresses.

So which one should I wear to the dinner? This one or this one?

Brianna, sit down, baby.

What, you don't like these? You could buy me some more.

No, look, that was Geraldine.

She sees this dinner as a promotional opportunity, and she's insisting that I

take Holly as my date.

So you'd rather spend time with your fake girlfriend than your real daughter?

Brianna, baby, I'm sorry. I will make it up to you, I promise.

I gotta go shoot some promos. I'm sorry.

Mr. Washington, boy.

If you're here to tell me some more stories about your family to depress me,

good.

No, this is about me.

I'm moving to New York.

You're right. And how you gonna get there? A tornado and a house with no

foundation?

No, I'm serious.

My mom's having a hard time with sobriety and she wants us to move in

aunt. If I'm gonna move, I'm going to New York to help my music.

If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere.

Well, I should write that down.

Wait a minute. This is for real?

You're moving to New York?

When? What about school? What about senior year?

Well, there are schools in New York.

Besides, there's nothing here for me.

Nothing?

Nothing at all?

Look, Brianna, this isn't about you.

Okay? This is about me and what I need to do.

Fine.

Then go.

Look, Brianna, don't be mad.

Okay, it's going to take me a few days to raise the money, and besides, it's

like I'm leaving today.

Watch the Flex Files on WYNX and learn something new about sports every time.

Lesson number one.

It's getting hot in here.

All right, this is going too far. And, Holly, I believe this is your gum.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with using my feminine wiles to appeal to the

sophomoric sensibilities of our core audience.

Oh, you can't see my bra.

Look, I want to talk about the nominee's dinner. I've tipped off the press about

your torrid love affair, so I want you two to really couple it up for the

cameras, okay? Holly, what are you wearing? You should wear that dress you

at the Christmas party last year.

Wear something twice, Flux?

I don't double dip.

But I am flattered you remembered.

You know what? Why don't you wear something red?

Red brings out the sparkle in your eyes.

Okay. I'll wear red because I'm your good show dog.

Barking like a couple of lovebirds.

Guess who's coming to dinner?

Okay, I'll go along. with this as long as we all agree on two things. This

thing is a fake and I'm better looking than Sidney Poitier.

They call me Mr. Washington.

Until they became my opinions.

I don't know my first line.

What's my first line?

How am I going to audition if I don't know my first line?

Why are you so freaked?

I don't know.

It could be the fumes from that oil rag you're passing off as a t -shirt. It's

hideous.

line, Oil Rag by Spirit.

Oh my God, I think I'm next.

Who I'm gonna take?

I can't believe Arnaz will tell me that he's leaving for New York right before

the biggest audition of my life.

Rihanna, you can't fault Arnaz.

We're all just chasing our dreams.

Now you need to focus on this audition and make Debbie Gibson proud.

Henrik Ibsen.

Rihanna Barnes, you're next.

Oh my God, that's me.

Who feels unloved? Who feels that her father and her husband always put their

needs before hers? How can I relate to that?

You've never understood me.

I've been dreadfully wrong, Torvald.

First by Papa and then by you.

You never loved me.

You only found it pleasant to be in love with me.

Wow,

everyone's staring at us. I know, it's like we're at an exhibit at a talent

museum.

Good, Flex.

Now have her come sit on your lap.

Hey, Holly, uh, come sit on my lap. Let's give him the money shot.

Good, good. Now give her a little kiss on the cheek.

Ooh, that's nice, Flex.

Good, good. Now feed her a breadstick.

No, not that one, the long one.

Uh, I'll be back. Give me one minute.

Okay, this is not gonna work.

What are you doing?

I think I know how to bring a freak out in a woman.

Uh, I don't think you do. Not a freak like Holly.

So you just need to put this back in your ear and let me walk you through it.

Do you know who I am?

These streets are littered with my conquest.

You've never driven down Flex X Boulevard.

But it's quite a ride.

So buckle up, baby.

So kidding.

Anyone parked there? Do I need a permit?

All right, now, where were we?

Wow.

I know.

All right, guys, I think you got enough shots.

Give us some privacy.

Man, people are really starting to eat this me and you thing up.

It's delicious, isn't it?

Ooh.

Okay, the cameras are gone. I don't think your foot is supposed to be there.

there.

It's okay, Flex.

You wouldn't have gone through all this trouble if you didn't feel the way you

feel or kissed me the way you kissed me. Ooh.

You got a hole in your stocking.

See? You notice everything about me.

That's why it's obvious.

What's obvious?

You're falling in love with me.

And I feel the same way. Huh?

See,

now this is the kind of place that Candy's gonna want to come home to.

She hasn't always had it easy, you know. She grew up in different foster homes

and never had a strong male role model in her life.

I hope I can be that for her.

Dwayne, you can talk all you want, but I'm not gonna forget that she owe me 20

bucks. Rats.

Hello? Oh, hey, Sal.

Oh, Bermuda, fun, yeah.

Hey, do you need me to open up the car lot tomorrow?

What do you mean there's no car lot?

What do you mean there's no tomorrow?

Okay.

Well, it was nice knowing you too, Sal.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Adios, Juan Tito.

Was that your boss?

Well, not anymore.

Juan Tito, formerly known as Big Sal, formerly known as Jimmy the Snitch, is

being investigated for tax evasion and he's closing down the car lot.

Man, I'm out of a job.

Dwayne, I'm sorry.

What am I going to tell Candy?

She's expecting to move in with a responsible, stable, employed man.

Dwayne, your candy's home.

Love you too, Netta.