All language subtitles for One On One s03e22 Splitting Hairs

This is an outrage.

Lionel Richie's wife is asking for $300
,000 a month in alimony. For what?

Lionel wrote all the songs.

But the wife was the inspiration behind
all the songs.

No, she was the inspiration to never get
married.

Look, when they got married, she became
accustomed to a certain lifestyle.

You can't expect a woman to start eating
I Can't Believe It's Not Lobster

without a fight.

You American women are just spoiled.

In Cuba, after a divorce, all a woman
gets is a raft and a poosh.

What's up, girl?

Hey, Kevin.

Hello, everybody.

Meet my number one moneymaker.

Oh, hey, Uncle Kevin. I thought they
weren't supersizing things anymore.

Brianna, I'm the manager.

When people see this out front, they
gonna be flocking the fat heads. It's

called advertising, okay?

Two years at Baltimore Community
College.

BCC, baby!

What makes you think people wanna come
here just cause you here? Excuse me?

Who does P. Diddy fly in personally on
his private jet just to cut his hair?

who gave Ashton Kutcher the little
raggedy shag look?

And who cut Bobby Brown hair every time
before he went to jail? All three times.

This guy.

Hey, y 'all, who's the one who got fired
for damn near cutting the rapper's ear

off? This guy.

Y 'all clown me if y 'all want, but you
better be on your best behavior when my

big bro Flex gets here with the new
owner.

That means walk, no gambling. Gambling?

All right, man, come on. I just like to
play cards a lot.

For money.

Hey, what up, Fleck? Fleckito, what's
up?

Oh, I get it.

Kev is cut out for the barbershop
business.

Woo!

Anyway, I'd like to introduce you to
Jack Sherwood.

Hi. This is my daughter, Tiffany.

He's talking about the barbershop,
right?

You're the new owner?

But you're Jack Sherwood.

Jack Sherwood.

This is my little brother, Kevin. He
often repeats himself.

At home, we call him Kevin two times.

No, I don't. No, I don't.

Excuse me for a moment, please.

Flex, Brianna, family meeting.

I'm Candy. Welcome to Fat Heads. Hi.

Oh, look. You've got a purse just like
mine.

Oh, not exactly.

Fendi starts with an F, not an E.

Family meeting.

Flex, Jack Sherwood owns Speedy Cuts.
You know, they take mom and pop shops

turn them into generic haircutting
factories.

Man, all I care about is my speedy
check.

I'll be good.

I don't need another job.

I already have a full -time job being
your loving daughter.

Yes, I know, and you're fired.

And where does that have to get off
knocking my knockoff?

Will you forget about that? All right,
we got real problems here.

They don't use our cones.

Apparently, you don't either.

Tiffany, you ran up a $50 ,000 American
Express bill in one weekend by shopping

and partying.

But, Daddy, membership has its
privileges.

Just because Jack Sherwood owns fat
heads doesn't mean he's going to change

You better be right, Flex.

You better be right.

Oh, come on. Give him a chance, Uncle
Two -Dimes.

I'm sorry about that.

Me and my brother was just catching up
on America's top model.

I'm Kevin Barnes, your new manager.

Pleased to meet you, Kevin.

Tiffany will be managing the shop with
you.

Uh, family meeting.

Is anybody paying attention?

They don't use our calls.

I thought I was supposed to be the
manager.

Made a life -size cutout and everything.

You?

Life -size?

Let's go, Bri.

But, Daddy, don't you have one of those
yourself?

Uh, yes, baby, but Daddy's a star.

Excuse me, Mr. Sherwood.

When my brother arranged for me to be
managing the shop, he failed to mention

that I would be assisted by her.

Hi. Her has a name. It's Tiffany, and I
don't assist anybody.

That's true. She never helps with
anything.

Tiffany, if you and Kevin make this
place profitable and you show me you can

responsible, you can enjoy all the perks
of being a Sherwood again.

But, Daddy, I need money. How am I going
to live?

Like most people, Tiffany, you're going
to work for it. And no more traveling

from hotel to hotel.

You're going to get an apartment and
start paying rent.

Here's a small stipend to get you
through the month.

Well, if you'll excuse me, there's some
kids circling the limo.

Bye, Princess.

kind of way.

You know, it's fine for most people, but
I would never shop there.

Why? Because they don't have a spoiled
brat section?

I don't know. I said I don't shop there.

Kevin.

I was just in the office and I was
bored, so I started looking at the books

guess what?

We're not making any money.

So, would you mind to get me out of
here?

You don't see my big manly portrait out
front?

I mean, it's just another marketing tool
I picked up from the BCC.

And here's another one. Mention my name,
Kevin Barnes, and you get a free

haircut. Kevin Barnes.

Damn.

Congratulations, Kevin. You're actually
losing us money now. Oh, oh, and what,

do you have a better idea?

Oh, I know. We'll put in a cappuccino
machine and listen to techno music all

and totally rave, dude.

to resort to stereotypes.

Oh, me.

But actually, who doesn't love
cappuccinos?

People are buying them across the street
at the new Starbucks.

Things are changing in this
neighborhood, mister.

And how would you know?

Because when I got out of the limo and
tried to run away, I noticed a few

things. Like they're putting in a
bookstore across the street and a

You know what? I heard about that place.
Isn't that where Dracula's from?

Yes, Walt, they're opening a vampire
store across the street.

For real?

Look, the point is, I've been to the
best spas all over the world. If we

in some upscale services like some sea
salt scrubs or milk and honey facials,

can attract a new upscale clientele.
Yeah, and by the time they get here,

would have spent all their money.

Back in the BCC, we called that
economics.

Oh, well, I don't have a fancy community
college degree like you.

But before I got kicked out of Yale, we
called that stupid.

See, you rich people don't know anything
about making money.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go
print out my coupons.

Tiffany, girl, ignore him. He's got
issues.

He's a guy.

Well, what are his issues?

Aren't you listening? He's a guy.

Girl, I have to sit here and listen to
this ignorance all day long.

You know, Tiffany, this barbershop
doesn't need a vampire store across the

street. What it really needs is a
werewolf store. They always need to cut.

My body has warmified my station.

So we're going to need a couple of
treatment rooms for massages.

And I'd like to put a facial station
next to the waterfall.

Oh, Kevin.

Tiffany, what have you done?

Welcome to Serenity.

Huh? Serenity.

An urban oasis where you can pluck,
scrub, and wax away the stress of the

You're at...

You're not about to come up in here and
change what it took my father 40 years

to build.

This is a barbershop for men. Uh -uh. An
urban oasis where men are welcome, but

women are preferred.

Thanks, man. How you let this happen?

My hands were tired.

Well, not so much tired as they were
soaking in paraffin.

My hands never felt so soft.

It's like somebody else is touching me.

daddy's donated buildings at Yale. And
they still kicked us out.

I got my daddy to pull some strings. I
got you two of the best styles from his

record label and my cousin because she
just got out of rehab.

Girls!

Cousin Bethany, I'll take that.

So this is your big plan? To bring in a
slightly healthier Whitney Houston?

These stylists are going to put serenity
on the map and turn blue -collar

Baltimore into a rainbow.

Fabulousness. Ladies, let's beautify.

Hey, hey, hold up, hold up. That's my
station.

Can't you be coming up in here and
moving my stuff without some help from

Hey, man, get up. Come on, we got to do
something.

Can't right now, man.

It's like I'm in seventh grade all over
again.

Hey, Mr. Duke.

You're next, bro.

and talk about women, not see them.

I don't mind old C -Cup over there, but
this is ridiculous.

See that?

Men are running away from here in
droves. More women, more problems.

Ain't that right, C -Cup?

Sure is, D -Cup.

Way ahead of you, bro.

We baked them out for some paella and
sangria.

Then tomorrow, they're so exhausted from
our lovemaking, they canna fight us.

Okay, you hold on to that, all right?

But for right now, we gotta show them
how the brothers roll. Ain't that right,

Big Walt?

What's up, Tiffany?

Welcome to... That ain't it.

The remit.

How could you turn my oasis of
tranquility into a dead of Neanderthal?

me? I resent that.

It's Neanderthal American.

Hey, yo, Ace.

Give me a brew.

From the Rocky Fountain.

That's how we do it, you know? You
turned my waterfall into a beer fall?

Well, yeah, the frozen margaritas were
clogging it up.

Kevin, none of these changes are going
to make us any more money than Serenity.

Well, you have your vision, and I got
mine. Right now, my vision is wrecking

into coins.

Kendra, get off his lap.

Tiffany, don't be jealous.

Get your own... I'm a middle class man.

You know what? I cannot work under these
conditions.

As co -manager, I demand as much say in
the shop as you. And I say it's

serenity. Fathead.

Serenity. Fathead.

Serenity. Fine. You run serenity, I'll
run fathead. Fine.

gonna do?

Oh, I'll show you what we gonna do.

Being served by Euro trash from
Chumadale?

Well, uh, I'm feeling pretty serene. How
about you, lady? Oh, yeah.

You want a real man? I'll show you a
real man.

Who wants a haircut?

Who wants a manicure? Bring your

filthy nails.

how to party.

Who wants a massage?

Go, Tiffany! Go, Tiffany!

Go, Tiffany! Go,

Tiffany! Go, Tiffany! Go, Tiffany!

Go, Tiffany!

Go, Tiffany! Go, Tiffany!

Okay,

Daddy. What you thought there was me
being an efficient manager.

No.

What I saw was you doing what you always
do, making life one big party.

I thought if I brought you here and gave
you some responsibility, you would

appreciate the merit of hard work.

I entrusted one of my businesses to you,
and what did you do?

You shimmied all over it.

Y 'all be quiet. I can't hear. Rich
people don't talk as loudly as we do.

And I hope she get what she deserve.

Always thinking things should go her
way.

Uh, Kevin, put your shirt back on me.

No choice, Tiffany.

I tried to give you a chance to do it
your way.

But, Daddy... You're my daughter, and I
love you, but I'm also a businessman.

That's why I'm going to make fatheads
like the rest of my shops and bring

someone in from corporate to supervise
you.

But, I mean, what's going to happen to
Kevin and Candy and the rest of the

I'll get the knife severance packages,
and they'll find other jobs.

He's talking about changing my father's
business into one of those cookie

-cutter drive -thru shops where you can
get a bad haircut and an oil change.

Hair cut?

Oil change?

Donuts.

Crispy loot.

I thought of it. It's my idea.

Thanks.

Man, shut up.

Move out my way.

Daddy, this neighborhood doesn't need a
speedy cut. The world doesn't need

another speedy cut.

They're boring, they're unoriginal, and
by the way, your conditioner leaves my

hair very greasy.

Greasy? Hmm.

I have ten homes that say, oh, well.

Mr. Sherwood, well, I've only got one
home, and this is it.

Now, I know you might have walked in on
the strangest moment in Fathead's

history, but, uh, truth is, Tiff and I,
we just get in our groove.

Call me Tiff, Kev. Don't slow me down,
girl.

Anyway, we're gonna make some mistakes,
but we're also gonna make some cheddar.

Dough, bread.

Dinero!

I mean, it's not all Tiffany's fault. I
did play a very, very small part in it

also. The truth is, she's not our party.

She did come up with some good ideas.

And Kevin had one. One more than you.

And, well, business is up 35%. You don't
say.

Yeah, I hate to admit it, but women are
willing to spend a lot of money to

correct nature's mistakes.

All right.

I'll let you two kids do what you're
doing.

For now.

But I'll be checking on you.

Good job, princess.

A tea?

Kevin, thanks for helping me save
Serenity.

Oh, I didn't save Serenity.

I saved fatheads.

But I have to admit, Having women in the
shop does give the place a new flavor.

It all fits into my plan.

Whoa.

What plan?

Oh, well, it's my plan.

But I'll let you in as we go along.

Hey, everyone.

Your first Serenity paychecks are here.

Yeah, this place has changed a lot since
Tiffany and my little brother Cab have

taken over.

Yep, they're getting paid and
everything.

Tiffany, you know, I'm not feeling this
whole unisex thing. We need to get some

partitions for my client.

Women don't want to be seen looking like
ghetto tin men.

Honey, you look fine.

But do you mind tilting your head to
reflection?

Maybe I spoke too soon. You got a
brother checking you out.

Man, she look jacked up.

Head looking like a baked potato.

Come on, dog. At least you know what
you're getting. I mean, if she look like

that at her worst, imagine how at her
best.

Well, I guess her worst ain't bad.

All right. That's what's up. You go.

Hey,

sorry.

Couldn't help but notice you.

Give me a call sometime.

I will.

Ladies and gentlemen, the hookup. Just
one of the many benefits here at... Oh,

girl,

he's a meat inspector. Throw him back.

She wanted on a trip. I mean, first she
complained that her brother don't got a

job. And then you complain about the one
he got.

A police dog has a job, but ain't nobody
trying to hook up with Cujo either.

You women don't know what y 'all want.
And you men want it all.

You want us to be your mothers, your
lovers, and your friends.

Hold up, hold up, hold up.

Ain't nobody said nothing about being no
friends.

Love you too, Netta.