Original subtitles

Daddy, please let me say about myself while you're in Los Angeles.

I've got to leave in a hurry, so real fast.

In Italiano, no. In Espanol, no. And in Flexionese, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Rihanna, look what you're doing.

You're putting your book bag on my brand new Cresthaven chair. There's only two

in the whole Baltimore area.

Daddy, it's just a chair.

Oh, no, this is not just a chair. This is Himalayan leather.

The thin air makes the cow skin very, very soft.

Daddy, give me one good reason why I have to stay with Spirit's parents for

weekend. Because you can't be trusted. You threw an illegal rave, you lied to

get a credit card, and the last time I left you alone, you threw a party that

the condo association is still talking about.

That's because they weren't invited.

Rihanna, this sports conference is important.

Rumor is ESPN's looking for new talent.

This could be my chance to go national.

And you know what that means?

A trip to the mall?

A new couch to go with my new chair that you can't sit on.

Look, Daddy, I've grown.

I promise I won't disappoint you. In fact, I promise I will make you proud.

Whoa.

Oh.

Hey, what are you guys doing in my bathroom?

This isn't your bathroom. This is my apartment.

Oh, man.

It's got to be the painkillers from the kidney surgery.

It makes me a little...

Okay, Brianna, I'll give you your last chance. You can stay here.

Yahoo! But you have to take care of Dwayne. Boo -hoo!

I enjoy coming to these conferences.

I get to hang out with funny guys from ESPN, from Fox Sports, and I even get to

hang out with you guys from the Ping Pong Channel.

But is it really such a bad thing being backup quarterback?

I mean, look at Mark Bolter in St. Louis.

He's played most of the season, and now his stock is sky high.

You have the most beautiful eyes.

Have you thought about doing on -camera reporting?

Sitting next to moi?

Flex.

I mean, if you want.

No,

no, no.

Sorry.

Flex Washington, this is Stuart Scott.

Of course.

Who is a big SportsCenter fan?

Reminds me of my show, The Flex Files. I'm number one with men 18 to 49 in the

greater Baltimore area. Hit me up top.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm sorry. Your name is Flex?

And his middle name is a bull.

Oh, Flex!

Miss Sheila Kerr. You columnists sure know

how to use your words almost as well as you use your son to steal stories from a

TV reporter.

Come on, Flex, get over it.

Besides... You got the better end of the deal. Oh, yeah, you ain't lying about

that.

Anyway, Stuart, I have been thinking about doing some on -camera reporting.

In fact, I heard you guys may have an opening over at ESPN.

Oh, really?

Oh, man, I heard the same thing.

You should check out my show. It's on every weekend.

Yeah, I'll check it out the next time I'm in Baltimore.

And the cable's out.

I will see you on Sunday.

at the roundtable discussion.

I'll see you there.

Yeah,

I'll be there too, Stu.

Booyah!

Desperation doesn't go with that tie, Flex.

I'm sorry, I couldn't get my push -up bra on this morning. By the way, yours

looks great.

You're not looking so bad yourself.

It's only been a few months. Not that much has changed, although I must look

taller standing up.

I suppose you're thinking about using this round table discussion as an

for ESPN, huh? Of course. I do some of my best work on tables.

Dining room tables, massage tables, time tables.

You have some time?

There's a table.

I can't. I can't. I have a meeting in the morning with Dan Patrick.

Oh, baby, that's more than 12 hours away. I'm only going to need 10 of

Wait a minute.

You said you have a meeting with Dan Patrick from SportsCenter?

Well, he's got to eat breakfast, and if I show up while he's there, I guess you

can call it a meeting.

Ooh, pancakes with a side of stocking. Ooh, you are so devious, so conniving,

hot. But you're right.

This is a business trip. Yeah.

And you and I are just going to have to wait.

Who cares? You're hot and I'm hotter.

Okay, maybe you're hotter.

I'm just in a hurry. Remember, I can't be up all night. I'm trying to bump into

Dan Patrick in the morning. Well, Dan Patrick's going to have to take a number

because you're going to be bumping into me all night long.

How's my chicken soup doing?

You said you wanted pea soup.

why Candy quit taking care of you.

She couldn't stand seeing me in pain.

Oh, really? I think that's the best part.

Excuse me. I just had a major organ ripped from my body.

So why don't you and your two kitties go across the hall and give me some

chicken soup before I die?

I've got to chop some chicken.

Chase McCall's mom is visiting his dad at Roland Pines Penitentiary, so he's

having fun tonight.

You coming?

Look, you guys, I've got to help take care of Dwayne.

This is the last chance to prove to my dad that he can trust me.

In fact, you guys shouldn't even be here. Come on, let's go.

She used to touch me.

Okay, everybody calm down. We can fix this.

Okay, have you been eating brownies out of your parents' off -limits tin?

That's great, but don't go.

Okay, but see, my parents have this all -natural remedy that can fix any stain.

Oh, well, the stain is gone, and I'm dead.

The entire chair is ruined.

Oh, if only I had enough money to replace the chair.

You know, my mom made a little money when she sold all my dad's stuff before

divorce. I got a skis for a nickel.

I'll throw a garage sale.

If I sell all my clothes and my gear, I might be able to make enough money to

replace the chair before my daddy gets home.

And I can donate stuff, too. My parents have tons of trinkets from Africa made

in Korea.

And we can tell the white customers that they were made by our slave ancestors

and guilt them into overpaying.

Shoot, we just missed Black History Month. We could have got double.

She looks like a little angel.

That's like the devil.

Well, I'm glad Dwayne's feeling better.

Hey, you sound extremely comfortable.

Are you sitting in my chair?

No, no, of course not.

All right, well, it sounds like you have everything under control. Give my

cherry kiss for me.

You'll be so proud of me when you get home, Daddy. I've been such a good girl.

How much for this messed up chair?

What chair?

Is there something wrong with my chair?

Chair? No. She said chair.

I'm at the mall buying vintage dolls.

Where's my sunny doll?

I gotta go. Bye.

Um, Mrs. Cabot, that chair is $1 ,500.

For a ruined chair?

How much for the boy?

telling me Jimi Hendrix played this thing?

The question is, did Jimi play it or give birth to music with it?

I'm confused.

I like being confused.

Well, then this is not a guitar, and I'm not taking your money.

Well,

thanks, you guys. You really came through for me. Yeah, and I sold every

of... for my parents' African trinkets.

White guilt is the cash cow.

Well, I think we made just enough to replace my daddy's new chair.

Come on, let's go to the furniture store before they close.

Arnaz, can you grab my keys? They're right next to the TV. Yeah.

Brianna, where's your dad's flat -screen TV?

Oh, my God!

Because that, and only that, is what sports journalism is all about.

You let me sleep in, and I missed my breakfast meeting with Dan Patrick. You

didn't miss him. Dan ordered room service. I know, because I ate his

bacon.

You went to his room?

Hey, the early bird gets the worm, or should I say the bacon?

You're trying to sabotage my career.

No, I'm trying to build mine.

You didn't tell me to wake you up. I mean, surely someone as enterprising as

yourself has heard of an alarm clock.

You're right.

You're right. I should have been on it myself.

Oh, you were on it last night.

I say we return to the scene of the crime.

I can't tonight, Flex. I've got the roundtable discussion tomorrow, and so

you. Remember, it's practically an audition for ESPN. I know. I'm hoping

help me go national.

I'll see you later?

Yeah, I'll see you later.

This is later, right?

What am I going to do with you, Flex? You're so bad.

You won't regret this.

I never do.

Sheila?

Sheila?

Room service.

Yes, um, I'd like to order the all -American breakfast.

Yeah, does that come with a side of bolt cutter?

My life is over.

My dad's coming home tonight. That means my funeral's tomorrow.

Why do my nurses always leave me?

Do my stents do that?

Supervisor TV, too.

Oh, Mr.

Washington's gonna be mad at you when he comes home?

Please, I donated my kidney, not my brain.

What have you three been up to?

All right, Dwayne, it's like this.

It's all Spirit's fault.

My fault I should fry you like bacon because you squealing like a pig. You

only have 90 cents left because you just dropped the dime on me.

I'm sorry.

I watched the Beretta Marathon last night.

Okay, Dwayne.

In a nutshell, my dad's TV is gone, I ruined his brand new chair, and I hope

don't mind moving the laundry off your weight bench because I'm gonna need a

place to sleep.

Baby, my laundry's not going anywhere.

I'm gonna give you the money for the television.

What? Pop another pill, Dwayne. You don't have any money.

My daddy gave me some money.

He was so happy that I gave my brother my kidney that...

He opened up a savings account for me.

$10 ,000.

Hey, have you been losing weight?

Do you really mean that, Duane?

Yeah. I mean, I know I'm a horrible patient.

I mean, Candy's my girl, and you're my goddaughter, and you both left me high

and dry.

And obviously, I need some health care here.

Say to the tune of one flat screen television, hmm?

I'll be happy to take care of you, Duane, again.

Thank you.

Now, get off me. Don't make me a grilled cheese sandwich.

And you, a chocolate milkshake. Go on in.

And you, tell me jokes, all right? No knock -knocks, no priests, no rabbis.

Okay, a guy walks into a bar. No bars.

How far will a reporter go to get a story?

How far should a reporter go to get a story? What are the boundaries?

Are there any boundaries?

Uh, this is a roundtable discussion, people. Just, you know, feel free to

right on in there.

Sheila Kerr, Baltimore Examiner.

As a woman in this business, you better push the boundaries if you want to run

with the big dogs.

Now, I may look like a cute little poodle, but trust me, baby, I'm a pit

Prada.

Pit bull?

The woman's more like Cujo in Calvin's.

Ah, Mr. Washington.

From Baltimore's WYNX and something called the Flex Folders.

Files, Stuart.

Flex Files. Help a brother out.

Anyway, sorry I'm late. I got a little lost on the way over here. I made a

turn on What's Wrong With You Avenue.

Anyway, I'd like to say I've had a great weekend.

Flat out.

Thanks for grandstanding there, Flex.

Sheila here was just talking about how women journalists sometimes feel the

to push the boundaries in order to compete with their male counterparts.

Your thoughts?

Yes, Lex, why don't you tell us your thoughts?

Off the cuff.

Very cute, Sheila. Speaking of boundaries, what happens to the male

attempts to be sensitive and let his guard down only to become a victim, nay,

a hostage? in a seedy game of revenge.

I'm not sure I'm following this, but that could be because of the double

cappuccinos. Booyah!

I'll tell you where this is going, Stuart.

Nowhere.

How can you say that after I unselfishly gave you the best two nights of your

life?

Just so you could handcuff me to the bed and try to steal a job at ESPN.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

This was supposed to be about boundaries, but since I'm the moderator,

none.

Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. Booyah.

Hey, that's my new thing.

Can I get another cappuccino?

I can get it for you, Stu.

Look at you. You'd do anything to get a job at ESPN.

There ain't no job at ESPN.

See? Look what you've done. Now there's no job at ESPN.

Are you even listening to him? There was never a job to begin with.

Yeah, that's because of you.

Black, lose my number. I never want to see you again.

You ain't said nothing but a word, sister girl.

Don't try and mess with me.

I'm a pit bull in product. That's a pit bull in product.

Next conference question. Should two competing journalists sleep together?

Apparently, not.

Next question.

Oh, Flex, this whole me and you thing isn't going to work out.

I don't know. I've just been working for the last 36 minutes.

No.

I'm serious.

We're poison together.

A good kind of poison, right? Like the kind of stuff people inject into their

foreheads and make them look younger?

No.

The kind of poison that kills careers and relationships.

Oh, Flex, I like you a lot.

I mean, your kisses make my toes curl.

You're ambitious and you're a great journalist.

It's been fun for me, too.

I've never dated a woman like you before.

You're just like me.

Except you have all these fun extra parts.

We're always going to be competing against each other. If it's not a job,

going to be an interview. If it's not an interview, it's going to be a breaking

story. But our...

Our career is more important than our happiness?

Yeah.

So, is this it?

Yeah.

This is it.

Well, as long as the room is paid for, what do you say we agree to be friends

after one last...

Dance. Okay.

But since this is it, you better put it down like you mean it. Oh, I hope you're

flexible.

Spirit, how much longer until those leather chaps you're making me are done?

It would be much faster if your hips weren't uneven.

Ooh, how's the bathroom?

Brianna, you owe me big time.

Oh, excuse me. Have to go use the sandbox.

Brianna, peel my grape while I'm gone.

Okay, this is ridiculous. I can't put you guys through this anymore.

Yeah, but we can't leave until we get that check.

This check?

I don't know.

It wouldn't be right.

I'm out of toilet paper. Can somebody bring me a roll?

You know, this is enough to replace the TV and my juicy hat.

And pizza and movies at the mall.

Love you too, Netta.