Original subtitles

Dwayne, you are something else. Who knew this much romance came in such a tiny

package? Oh, yeah, baby.

I am sized for fun.

Come here, girl.

Dwayne, did you see that, baby?

Oh, that sounded like it came from Dwayne's apartment.

What's he up to now?

I know that scream.

He must have just showed Candy his bank statement.

Baby, why don't you go over there and check on him?

Daddy, has this horror movie taught us nothing?

The beautiful teenage vixen is always the first to get it.

You're more like the unsuspecting groundskeeper who always makes it to the

closing credits. You go, you go.

All right, all right, I'll be right back.

back in there unless you do something about that little monster.

Dwayne, I told you, lights off, then undress.

No, Flex, I have a mouse, and no candy is not a monster. It's one of Mother

Nature's little creatures who just happens to have the ability to poop

walks.

Listen, I moved from the country to the city to get away from little creatures

like mine. Now, baby, if there's one mouse, there's two, and if there's two,

there's ten.

Is that that new country, ma 'am?

Until that mouse is gone, you will get no more of this candy. Come on, fake.

Joke's on her.

I got my own candy.

You miss her already, don't you?

I eat to forget.

When there's nobody

equals jobs. Jobs equal money.

And money equals me roping a steered cowboy camp.

But I digress.

Look, the point is the only segment that still has a pulse is our flex files.

And can I just say that my back is killing me from carrying all y 'all.

There is no I in team, player.

No, but there is one in superstar.

All right, team, you know, I'm almost glad we had this little chat here today.

Look, just go out there, get the good stories, do the

best you can.

And not so fast.

Say, Ip -a -star.

Flex, I didn't want to embarrass you in front of your peers. I know how

sensitive you can be about your precious little flex files.

What are you talking about, Hank? He said my ratings are great. I'm the king

sports shows. Well, you've just lost your throne, your highness.

Blaine Lockraven's show is number one in your time slot, and that makes you.

Don't say it, Hank.

Number two.

What does Blaine Lockraven have that I don't have?

I get good stories, too.

I was there when Mike Tyson got out of jail.

Blaine Lockraven stole a car to get in jail with him.

What if I told you that Zorbo Vyshnevisevic just transferred to my

school? The Baltic bomber?

He's the hottest European import ever to play the game of basketball.

Uh -huh. Word on the street is he may skip college and go right to the NBA.

But everybody in town's been trying to get near this kid. It's like he's got

own personal iron curtain.

And who can leap an iron curtain in a single bound?

Hmm?

No clue.

Wait.

Did those mousetraps work?

Oh, yeah.

They worked.

What if those traps didn't work? How you gonna catch the mouse?

Baby, in order to catch a mouse, you have to think like a mouse.

Now, what catches mice? A cat.

Too girly. Come on, baby.

Think nature's hitman.

What did you get, Dwayne? Ah, there he is.

Gordy!

A snake?

Uh -huh.

Get the mouse, Gordy.

Get the mouse, Gordon. The mouse, Gordon. No.

Yeah,

Hank. Yeah, so you want the scoop on Zorbo, huh?

Well, my daughter tells me that every day during lunch, he practices by

Uh, it's Flex.

Flex Washington.

Flat out.

I am going to get the interview because I am the only reporter who knows about

it.

Blaine Lockwood.

Well, Flex Washington.

Pleasure to see you again.

Sticky wicket, this one, eh? So how do we get to this guy? Well, that's going

require some wit, some panache, my young Flex.

I remember once, bear with me if you've heard this before.

Anywho, I once posed as a doctor in order to get the scoop on Shaq's toe

surgery.

Well, so you threw on some scrubs and snooped around a hospital. That's not so

tricky.

And I performed an appendectomy.

Arnaz, if you weren't going to help us decorate for the pep rally, then why did

you volunteer?

Hmm.

Band practice.

Or cheerleaders on ladders.

I'm choosing the ladder.

A little to the left.

That's not quite straight, Luis.

He's peeping, Tom.

Ow, that hurt.

You Americans, you have shoulders like the baby.

The baby?

Yeah, baby.

Infant. Kitten.

Poppy.

Chick.

Hey, who are you calling a chick?

You, baby.

Ow! Hey, who are you calling a baby?

Yo.

Shorty.

looking very bootylicious today.

And you're of the heezy for sheezy.

What? What?

What?

Well, I would just very much like to kick with you.

Kick it?

What? No, kick it. Kick it.

What? What?

Okay, how about bye?

Bye.

I have to get in there somehow.

Some... The air vents.

Sandy, grease me.

How do I get in there?

Come to the PTA meeting. Meet the new president, Flex Washington.

Hey, that's me.

That's Washington PTA president.

Surprise gym inspection.

Yes, right. We got a bake sale going on next week, so we got Bundt cakes coming

in. We got muffins, snickerdoodles.

And we need to check the temperature in the gym to make sure the snickers don't

doodle.

Don't just stand there. Let me in, Mr. Furley. Come on.

Don't be mad.

Yeah, right. Here we are. This is where we at with it. Right there. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Uh -huh. It's okay.

PTA. Hey, Zorbo, can you call off your bodyguards, man?

They're not my bodyguards. They're my entourage.

I must have crew for big pimping.

Okay. Anyway, I'm Flex Washington, WYNX sports anchor and host of The Flex File.

Flat out.

Ah, I see you play a little ball, huh? Yeah, me too.

Nick Clippers.

You know, I'd like to talk to you a little bit about what you're going to do

after graduation.

Street shoes, street shoes.

In my country, I score 45 points in one game.

Barefoot.

While dodging landmines.

Speaking of dodging, rumor has it you're thinking about dodging college and

going straight to the NBA.

Everybody wants to know Zorbo's plans.

But you know who knows?

Who's that? Zorbo knows.

Game over.

You doing that Zerbo story?

I was, but Zerbo's not talking.

Yeah, don't feel bad. All he knows how to say is, what?

What?

Why didn't you tell me this fine shorty Brianna Barnes is your daughter?

What? She's beautiful.

I just want you to know she's my favorite girl.

Oh, yeah, there's something special about her. Let's make a deal, Flex

Washington.

You get me date with your daughter, I'll give you exclusive interview.

Man, I'm sorry. As much as I want that exclusive, that's something I can't do.

In that case, bistro, kapla.

Hey, who you cursing at?

Hey,

well, it was a nice move at the high school there, Flex, until you hit that

snag. You heard about that, Blaine? Oh, yeah. You hear everything from the air

vents. Except for the cries of a man who's trapped inside.

Yeah, and it's that kind of dedication that got you a nationally syndicated

show, champ.

Oh, you heard about that, did you?

Oh, yeah, I've been stalking you for... I've been following your career for

years.

Wait, you're going national? How come I'm not going national?

Do we have to do this in public, Flex?

Look, look, look.

It's not as glamorous as it sounds, Washington. I, uh... I have the burden

having to entertain over 365 cities across the country. You only have to

about Baltimore. So, uh, who's the lucky one, huh?

Actually, uh, actually I am. I took the liberty of making a few copies of my

resume. This one's for you.

You're not going anywhere, Hank. You're my producer.

I'm gonna take you to the top.

Because what you don't know is that little snag I hit earlier...

Yeah, it's sewn.

Uh -huh. Yeah, I took it to the tailor, and I had it altered.

So all of you, tune in tomorrow night for the hottest show in Baltimore on the

Flex Files. Mm -hmm.

Flex, are you telling me you finally trumped Blaine and got the Zorbo story?

Oh, I'm sorry, Blaine. I'm sticking with my man, Flex.

know about this, Mr. Flex.

Brenna Barnes.

She act like she want me to kick a hole in the speaker, grab the mic, and then

jet.

Let me guess. You, uh, learn how to speak English watching BET?

AJ and 3.

Number 1.

Get back.

Gordy! Gordy!

Flex, have you seen Gordy? Who's Gordy? Your imaginary friend?

No, that's Jordy.

Gordy is Gordon, the snake. He's missing.

You speak

his language?

Yeah, I used to deliver pizzas for Mischa Petrovich's Pizza Palace.

Yeah, a little Baltic small talk will get you a big tip.

And some sparky bark.

Fuck it, bub.

Oh, oh, oh.

Gordy's on the move. See ya.

Look, don't worry. You're gonna have a great time, okay? But no Spocky Back.

No chocolate?

No. No chocolate.

Baby, Brianna.

Daddy's home. I got a surprise for you.

What is up, Brenna Barnes?

It is me, Zorbo.

Hi. Hi.

I am ready to get jiggy with you.

Surprise!

Daddy Kitchen, now.

She's just overwhelmed with overwhelm. It's all right. She should be all right.

We'll be right back. After these messages.

are pimping me to get a story.

I would never do such a thing. Now put on some lip gloss and go talk to the

Daddy, I'm not doing it.

Baby, please.

You have to do this for daddy. I need this story.

I told the guys I already had it.

Now all you have to do is talk to him. Maybe you talk to your stupid friends

today.

If you do this for me, I promise I'll love you forever.

You're my daddy. You're supposed to love me forever.

Is that the risk you want to take?

Daddy, you're being ridiculous.

Okay, Brianna.

Let me paint the picture for you here.

If I don't get this interview, I lose my job.

Which means we'll lose our beautiful waterfront condo.

Which means you'll have to wear the same clothes twice.

Like spirits.

I ain't gotta like it.

So, Brenna Barnes, why not you hot for me?

You're a little too high profile for me. I have to be the star in all my

relationships.

You don't have to be star, baby, to be in my show.

Zorbo, you got any future plans?

I told you, I give you scoop after date.

No doubt. Speaking of scoop, why don't we get some ice cream?

I'll just have to run to the store. What do you like?

Cookie dog.

I like cookie dog, too.

Hey, something in common.

I'll be right back.

Oh, oh, oh.

And remember, no spacky back.

I'm sorry. My dad could be a trip sometimes.

Well, it's because he has a beautiful daughter.

My father is the same way with my sister.

And she looks like Bear.

So Gordon took care of that nasty mouse, right, baby?

Is that real?

Yeah, baby.

I'd like you to meet my hawk, Ethan.

He's going to find the snake that's running loose around my apartment to

the mouse that's also running loose around my apartment.

Couldn't you just call an exterminator? I told you, baby, that's too girly. This

is a man's apartment. It's survival of the fittest up in here.

The mouse has exposed himself.

Gordon is on the flank. The moment of truth is nigh.

Attack, Ethan!

Attack!

The circle of life.

So, what's it going to be, Zorbo? College or the NBA?

Zorbo wants to get paid. I go to NBA.

Well, thanks for that exclusive, Zorbo.

On your face!

What he said.

These are my parents.

We're here for a wedding.

Oh, nice to meet you.

Who's getting married?

Me and Zorbo.

In my country, Mr. Washington, when father makes date for his daughter, it

the same as an engagement.

Welcome to family, daddy.

Daddy, you have to help me. I don't want to be Mrs. Vicious.

Brianna Barnes.

You call me Big Papa.

Hey, hey, now, nobody's getting married up in here. This is all just a silly

misunderstanding. Come, we must go, Brianna. Must prepare bridal bed.

Daddy! Oh, no, you ain't taking my baby. I will take my belt off.

And... Please.

I love you.

Hey, what's going on?

It's only a joke, Daddy. This is my drama teacher, Mrs. Livingston, and her

husband.

Sorry to scare you, Daddy, but I owed you one.

No, I'm sorry, baby. I was wrong.

I was under a lot of pressure.

I mean, you know I get a little crazy with competition.

And Blaine Lockgrave, boy, he'll do anything to get a story.

I guess I took a page from his book.

The wrong page.

Oh, Daddy, please, let me do the acting here, okay?

Come on, Zorbo. I'll be home by midnight.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Where are you and Vladdy Divac going?

We have a date.

We're going to party like it's your birthday.

Yeah, it turns out Zorbo's a really sweet guy.

Plus, he's going to the NBA.

How am I going to be live when I'm right here?

And right there?

Wait a minute.

Greased up and ready to get to the truth, pimp daddy.

Love you too, Netta.