Original subtitles

Mirror, mirror what you see.

Any other birthday boy is hot as me?

You don't have to answer that. We both know it's this cool cat.

Two weeks ago. Happy birthday, Daddy.

Two weeks ago? How can you not tell me I got my first gray hair?

Because it's not your first. You got one behind your ear, too. Oh, no.

It's not the ear. Please, Daddy, relax. I can fix it. We women have a way of

hiding our shame. Okay, now sit down.

This won't hurt a bit.

Okay, on the count of three.

One. What happened to two and three?

Daddy, you know it hurts to be pretty.

Brianna, you're young.

I'm afraid you'll never understand the pain of a mature... Oh!

Oh! A gift for me?

Yeah, you know I couldn't forget my daddy's 35th birthday.

Oh, you got me a throwback of my own jersey?

No, it's your actual jersey. Grandma dug it up for me.

Yep.

Yep,

just as lean as I was when I was 21.

When I can't turn on my name.

Then I isolate yourself when there's nobody.

with more about your acting talent, not acting talent. Also, tell me, how is the

weather up there, Stretch?

Make with the yuck spirit.

The McKinley players are all seniors, and they're considering me a junior, so

have to look extra mature.

Yeah, nothing says mature like falling off your shoes and breaking a hip.

But the McKinley players are the acting troupe. Recruiters from the best drama

schools always come to their play.

Ooh, Arnaz is coming. Hold me up.

Whoa, looks like someone's been playing in Mommy's makeup.

Go away, little boy.

Please. Little boys don't carry loaded guns.

Great honor, Barnes.

I've been looking for you.

Why, Amanda, how are things with the McKinley players?

Specifically regarding the applications for new members.

Oh, you're still in the running, darling.

Yay! I mean, how delightful.

Yes, but we were hoping to get to know you better outside of this concrete

stifler of creativity.

Oh, dear, I do agree. I'm... really rather stifled as we speak.

I'll give you $50 right now if you can tell me what stifled means.

Brianna, most aspiring members of the McKinley Players host a salon at their

place. It gives us a chance to see if they're player material.

A salon?

So that mean y 'all gonna be doing hair together?

Okay, I'm gonna bring the glue.

No, no, no, dear Sprite.

A salon is a gathering, a party, a meeting of the minds for a young

type. Yeah, that's right, Sprite.

I would love to host the salon so our artistic minds may meet.

Wonderful.

You can get back with me about the details.

Love those Manolos.

Manolos? Uh, try a no -no.

Look, why can't you guys just support me?

Nobody's holding you down. We got your back.

No, for real, support me. I'm about to fall.

I'm about to fall.

If I take off this blindfold and we end up in a Turkish bath again, we can't be

friends anymore.

Don't worry, dog.

This gift is going to blow you away.

Wow!

An old car.

Not just an old car, a classic. And it's all yours.

Until Monday morning. That's when Big Sal gets back from Florida.

Come on, birthday boy.

Get in.

This is nice and all, but why can't we just do what we always do on my

You take me out to dinner and I end up paying for it.

Oh, that's later.

Okay, I'm in.

Thank you. I'm out.

Hey, Mac, get back in here.

Come on, Flex, don't you get it?

I'm going with the theme here. This car was born in 68, just like us. I can't

believe I'm 35.

I had a mortgage, a daughter who's going to go to college, she'll get married,

have children of her own.

Do I...

Flex, man, calm down, dog.

Don't trip out over getting old.

Because you know what's happening now?

Old is the new young, huh?

Yeah, man, 35 is the new 25.

I mean, 40 is the new 30.

50 is the new 40. 60 used to be about 56, 57.

What's your point? Man, my point is that we are what's happening, dog. Everybody

wants to be like us. We're in the age of throwbacks.

Adidas, Izod.

Breakdancing. Chevy Camaros. Uh -huh, uh -huh. It's all back, baby, and so are

we. We are the alpha and omega of all this.

Can you dig it?

What? No.

Huh?

one was checking you out uh especially that little hottie over there you think

nah you think yeah come on flex remember throwback now you go over there and rap

with her and i'm gonna stay here and get a drink going in my face like old times

oh hey baby i'm duane so what did you name the twins

is anyone sitting there well

My name is Flex, and you are?

Amanda. Well, Amanda, must be my lucky night. Running to a beautiful woman like

yourself on my birthday.

Oh, well, happy birthday.

How old are we, 24, 25?

We're getting up there.

And how old are we?

Well, I'm in a nightclub, and I'm talking to you, so I must be old enough.

Oh, well, then will you join me in a birthday drink pretty late?

Lady, how sweet, but I still think of myself as a little girl.

Oh, I hope not, because that would make me a dirty old man.

So, uh, after I graduated, you know, I had to move up out the crib. My mom was

bugging out.

She was tripping.

She was getting on my nerves.

I know what you mean.

Huh?

That's my jam.

That's my cut.

I mean, that joint is going to hit right there.

Wow, I've never had a man do that before.

Well, chivalry ain't dead yet, baby.

it's two all night.

I know, so could I.

But unfortunately, I gotta get going. It's past my bedtime.

Well, if keeping you out all night is breaking the law, put me in handcuffs.

Stay in touch, Flex.

Be me.

I'll be me.

1993 all over again. I'm 25, I'm smooth, and... Why are you all wet?

Uh, I still got a two -dog.

Uh, hey, baby. Why don't we have dinner at my place and we can roast that rump?

So, what do you think of my salon? Pretty salon -y, huh?

Your waitstaff doesn't seem as eager as you.

This cappuccino is good as a mug.

It's like an exotic hot chocolate, especially after the stick's cut.

Potential McKinley player. We like to engage in a game that tests your

taste. So tell us, what's your favorite?

Waiting to exhale or the color purple?

Well, I think I would have to say... Wait... The

color purple?

Bravo, Brianna, bravo.

I apologize.

My potential new... suit her.

Oh, sweat. She wrote me back.

Check this out. Check this out.

Flex, you remind me of a cross between Usher and Genuine.

How does a 24, 25 -year -old respond to that?

Oh, I got it.

Whoa.

She thinks I'm a gangster.

Well, play on, thug love.

Oh, man, she can't hook up till after seven, yo.

Well, Chachi, why don't we go cruising the Camaro as long as we got it?

Whatever.

What's up, man?

I'm gonna grab my keys, change my clothes, and tiptoe through Brianna's

don't want to make a scene, you know what I'm saying? All right.

Don't mind me, sweetie. I'm just passing through. Oh, Papa.

I would like you to meet the president of the McKinley Players. This is Amanda.

Take a breath. Act it out.

Is it a movie? Is it a book?

You're a bird. You're flying.

You believe you can fly.

R.

Kelly. Oh, you've been messing around with an underage girl.

Amanda goes to Brianna's school.

Oh, Lord, what am I going to do if Brianna finds out she'll hate me? No

what happens, if she asks you to prom, you've got to say no.

Oh, Brianna, please don't make me. You know I'm shy. I'm not good in front of a

lot of people.

Daddy, you're a sportscaster. You're in front of millions of people every day.

Millions? You think?

Go get back in here.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Sorry, my father was having a senior moment, and he just turned 35.

to reintroduce him.

You see, I don't come from common folk.

I come from a long lineage of entertainers. Yeah, clowns.

So, I would like to introduce to you WYNX's beloved sports anchor and, mon

Flex Washington.

Daddy?

Daddy?

I gotta go talk to him. I mean, maybe I'll run into him.

on my way to the powder room, okay?

Must be the crab cakes.

Oh, I got next.

I feel so sweaty, so dirty.

Curse my good looks and my ability to appeal to all demographics.

Forgive me.

Forgive me.

You're forgiven.

Thank you.

Get away. Get away.

You're in my bedroom.

I'm looking in my bed.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to lie to you about my age, but it's not like you were telling

truth either.

I don't have to tell the truth. I'm an adult.

What were you doing in that club anyway?

I used my sister's ID so I could tell my boyfriend I was at a club with older,

more mature guys so I could make him jealous.

Oh, Lord, why is this happening to me?

Listen, little girl, you don't need to be lying about your age to get in the

clubs, and you shouldn't be in here.

Now, we're going to go out there and we're going to act like none of this

happened. Got it?

Got it. All right. And by the way, we're going to keep this between us. No need

to tell anyone's daughters, principals, station managers, assorted law

enforcement officers.

I get the idea.

Everything's cool.

All right. Now, you go out there first. I'll be out in a minute.

Yes, Flex.

That's Mr.

Washington. Girl, you respect people that were born before you.

Okay, now, the pig in Babe or the donkey in Shrek?

Come on, there ought to be an Oscar for best animal performance.

I'm here to kill Flex Washington.

Flex, for you!

Mustafa, how did you find me? You left me a message on my cell phone.

You gave me directions and everything.

So where is this Flex?

This distinguished gentleman here with the salt and pepper goatee.

You've been fooling around with my girl.

I've not been fooling around with your girl. Oh, now you want to step up and

claim me, Mustafa.

Wait, hold up. First of all, Mustafa, you crazy.

And we all know this because your homeroom is in the basement.

And my daddy would never mess around with a girl that goes to my school,

daddy? Of course I wouldn't, baby.

So flexing my kiss didn't mean anything to you?

Your kiss?

Oh, that's right. Unless you think your daddy lied about his age, picked her up

in a club, grinded with her on the dance floor, and then planted a big wet one

on her at the end of the night, then, oh, there it is, what you think.

Daddy, I will never be able to show my face at school again.

This is worse than the time that Arnaz's mom came up to the school in her house

coat with a bottle of Jim Beam.

She was bringing me my lunch.

Cute story. Now back to Mustafa and his jealous rage.

Mustafa? Thank you, baby.

Look, I'm here because I'm tired of you OGs cruising the high schools trying to

poach our women.

I feel like you need to be a man and knuckle up.

Look, Mustafa, nothing happened between me and your little girlfriend. It's just

a big mix -up. So why don't you just go on home?

You better walk away, old man.

What'd you say?

He called you old man.

You and I need to step outside and talk about this man -to -boy.

Ooh.

What's with the ooh -ing?

After you, Gramps.

Ooh!

What? We not doing that no more?

Hmm. So this is what you want to throw down? No, this is where I want to take

down your phone number. Boy, I'm calling your mother.

But you bluffing. You wouldn't call my mother. You Evelyn DeWise's kid, right?

Fighting in the street like a thug. You're going to break your mother's

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, okay. We won't fight.

But I got to do something.

I really love Amanda and I got to get her respect back. I don't want to look

like a punk.

All right. I'm going to help you out.

All right, now just follow my lead. I'm going to help you save face.

All right, we're going to do this my way.

The old school way.

Not with guns, not with knives, and not with fists.

So what's left?

You ready?

I was born ready.

1968 player.

All right, now.

First one who gets to the trash can on the corner wins.

Now be defensive.

Well, this is a chivalrous. I thought they were going to fight over me, not

over me.

Oh, please, girl, get over yourself.

My daddy don't want you.

Darling.

But they still need a vixen to drop the scarf.

A vixen? Oh, that's me.

Are you ready, boyfriend?

I'm not your boyfriend, girl.

On your mark, get set.

You pulled up lame so young Mustafa could save face in front of his

No, dummy, I pulled up lame because I pulled up lame.

Are you okay?

I feel real stupid, Bri.

I got all caught up in being 35. I started thinking like a 20 -year -old.

I'm sorry if I embarrassed you and jeopardized your chances of getting into

McKinley players.

That is okay.

Yeah, it was a little embarrassing, but I don't care much for those stuffy,

artsy wannabes anyway.

Oh, Brianna.

You are so a McKinley player.

Oh, my God. Thank you so much. I never wanted anything more.

Fantastic. Call me so we can talk details.

Get my number from your dad.

Uh,

Riri, you know the good thing about growing old?

What? One day, I'm not going to remember none of this.

I got you, dog. I got you.

Oh, oh, oh. Hey.

I must be a pirate because I am digging that booty.

Allow me.

Love you too, Netta.