Original subtitles

Well, thanks for walking me to my door. See you later.

Well, I just wanted to make sure you got home safely.

So that's why you followed me all the way home in your car after our date.

Well, I'm home now. I'm going to go inside, lock the door, and be even

Now,

don't you want to invite me in for a glass of wine or a sip of milk? Oh, you

know, I don't think we really know each other that well. I mean, you're a nice

girl, but maybe we should just be friends.

Are you gay?

Just because I want to get to know you before we get to the bedroom boogie

the brother's got to be gay?

Uh, yeah.

I'd go home and marinate on that.

Am I gay?

Oh, hey, Black.

Don't mind me. I'm just getting some of my stuff out of your fridge.

Man, what is wrong with all the women out there?

She had her hands all over me like she was an octopus with lipstick and

and the ability to suck meat through a straw.

Man, I know what you're saying.

No, I don't.

I know I haven't been on a dating scene in a while, but all these women want is

sex, sex, sex.

Man, I know what you mean.

No, I don't.

I just wish I could be around women who want to grope my mind and not my body.

Man, what's going on with you, Flex?

Just want to talk more, hold hands, share a fresca.

Are you gay?

No, man.

Natalie just spoiled me, that's all.

What we had was more than physical.

You know, we connected on a deeper level.

Well, speaking of Natalie, where are my wieners?

Dwayne, your fridge has been on the blink for over a month, man. When are

going to stop being so cheap and buying your new one?

Well, is it all right with you if I run a power cord from my fridge to your

apartment?

No!

Well, then, there goes my microwave.

With this new fridge, I'll have everything I need in my apartment, and I

have to keep coming over to your place for stuff.

So, uh... Dwayne, man, come on. Dwayne, why are you trying to move this by

yourself? You should have had it delivered.

What? For 15 bucks?

I'm taking that money and filling the freezer with pizza purses.

Tastes like Hot Pockets, but twice the calories, half the price. There we go.

Easy now. Here we go. Back it up.

has just stuck your sister in the oven. Give me that. You're not going to bake

me. Look, okay?

Brianna, what in the name of Hansel and Gretel is going on here?

We're making a Mac Daddy's of the World calendar to raise money to go to the

National Cheerleading Conference in Orlando.

Mr. Washington, they're exploiting young men to further their own interests.

It's shameful.

Oh, please. You're just mad because you're not in the calendar.

No, I'm just mad because those pecs have never seen a gym.

Spirit, exploiting someone because of their looks?

Profiling off of these bare -chested, half -naked boys?

There's a name for this. Yeah, heaven.

No, objectification.

Now, get out of here, all of you. Get out of here.

Hurry up, man.

Come on, get out of here. Looking like a ghetto voodoo dog. Come on.

Wait, me too?

family. Son, if you were my family, I'd take a chainsaw to the family tree. Now

get out of here.

This is ridiculous.

Raising money off of someone's looks.

Who gave you this shallow idea?

The president of the PTA told us to use our imagination to create a profitable

business model.

Spirit, your mother's the president of the PTA, right?

Is she? Brianna, why didn't you say something?

I'm going to the next PTA meeting and give Leilani a piece of my mind.

And Brianna, if I catch you shooting cinephiles again, you're going to be

grounded for so long, you're going to need pictures to remember what boys look

like.

Man, what are we going to do now?

Well, don't panic. At least we still have... You ain't got nothing!

Put team oranges in the crisper, in the crisper, in the crisper.

Put the meat on the next shelf up, because it's climate controlled.

The master falling down, falling down, falling down. The master falling down.

Why are you staring at me?

We're just happy to see a man here.

Working, watching TV, or scratching something.

Greetings, fellow PTA -ers. Oh, I see a visitor among us.

What brings you by Flex Washington? Lose your way to a peep show?

Well, actually, I heard you were here, so it's more like a creep show.

But seriously, I'm here because I'm concerned about my daughter.

Thank you. Thank you. I'm just one man in the village.

Yes, the village idiot.

Look, late loony.

I'm here about the mac daddies of the world counting, and there has to be a

better way to raise money. What about a bake sale? I mean, it's very simple, and

it's a little over here.

See, that's just the kind of sexist thinking that keeps women oppressed.

I would expect that from you, young girls in the kitchen slaving to make

for men.

No siree, Barbara.

Not on. my watch i'm not being sexist i'm just trying to help now what about

another car wash okay you just want an excuse to bring back those girls gone

wild that you brought to last year's car wash so they can shake their shammies

granted that was an unorthodox way to raise an unprecedented five thousand

dollars but i have evolved and now i celebrate all

that is woman

Maybe the calendar isn't the best idea. Maybe Flex is right.

Flex is never right.

Leilani, calm down. He is just trying to be involved like the rest of us.

And it's nice to see a father finally joining the PTA. That's right.

Maybe you'd like to see Flex for president.

I second.

Ladies,

ladies, Leilani is the president. I'm just a man who, when he looks into his

daughter's eyes, sees.

A thousand tomorrows.

No! Stop it! Stop it!

Don't be moved by his pretty smile and good looks. He is just a wolf in high

karate cologne.

No, I'm the new president of a PTA in high karate cologne.

to you, my brothers.

Don't sell your soul to these pimps with pom -poms.

Arnaz, what are you doing? I'm the president of a new organization called

Boys lobbying against calendars.

Okay.

And if you're president, shouldn't it be called Half Black?

Let's roll.

B -L -A -C -K.

Calendars are not the way. If you want to show your body, do it at our pool

party. Okay.

his ego and advertise those new big muscular bronzy arms are you

sure you're not just mad because you just decided to be friends and now he's

hottest guy in school girl you know that's the reason why you always gotta

it in my face

I have pizza purses.

Oh,

wait.

If I make enough noise, someone will hear me and rescue me.

Okay, ladies, the orange bliss is ready.

Now we can begin our meeting on how to get the girls to Orlando. Yes.

Oh, Lex, what is this delicious elixir?

It's seven up, a splash of Hawaiian punch, and a skosh of orange sherbet

together. My ex used to make it. She taught me how to skosh.

Now, what happened to you two?

You know, you can dish with us, Lex.

That our teacher gave my son a C.

You know, we just weren't right for each other. She was yin, I was yang. She did

her thing, I did my thing.

Anyway, let's get those girls to Orlando.

Now, I had some ideas.

I was leaning more towards a raffle. What do you think we should give away?

How about a flat screen TV?

That's the only thing my husband looks at when he gets home.

What do you think, Flex?

Is her husband a creep?

He's watching it, not sleeping with it.

Why don't you let your husband come in the house, sit down for 30 minutes and

watch television before talking to him?

You know, it might give him a chance to cool off after work.

You know, it's really nice having a man's perspective on things. It sure is.

My husband doesn't find me attractive anymore. What should I do?

Maybe he's bored.

You know, try to spice things up a bit. Role play.

Dress up for a night of passion.

Get a hotel room, girl.

Laundry? Like you're having an affair.

An affair with each other.

Now, back to the cheerleaders. Now, I think they need new uniforms. Oh, the

cheerleaders can wait. Now, back to this hotel thing.

You think I should use an accent?

Can you be a Jamaican with a rude little chat?

You know what you are to us, Flex?

You're our own personal love, Doctor.

Ladies, I'm just the president of your local PTA.

And your love doctor.

That's right, Alicia. That's a good question. Good question. So we need to

7 ,000 more raffle tickets before we can send the cheerleaders to Orlando.

Sis, boom, and bye.

Any questions?

Lynn. Cheryl found some dinner receipts in her husband's pocket.

What should she do?

Please, you know, if you want to ask a love doctor a question, you have to buy

three raffle tickets.

What's going on here?

Just raising money while spreading a little PTA more.

Now, back to show.

Those dinner seats you found probably mean nothing. But if you don't ask,

only be dining with Mr. Nile.

Mr. D.

Nile.

Next question. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What is wrong with you people?

Don't you know that there's no room for caring at the PTA?

Leilani, look.

Now, a good president is good at multitasking. Now, I've raised a lot of

and saved seven marriages.

Multitasking.

You get out of my PTA! You get out!

See, ladies, that is the perfect example of a woman who is having dinner with

Mr.

Delusional.

No wonder I haven't seen Dwayne in so long. He and Candy sounds like they're

having fun.

Okay, I'm on my way there.

Okay, bye.

My man!

You need to cater to your husband's needs.

You need to give him a moment to unwind when he gets home from work.

The best way to find out what's on your husband's mind is to act.

Well, that doesn't sound good, does it, fellas?

Yes. Murmur on.

Murmur your need to destroy Flex Washington. That's right. And there he

man who's turning your wives against you. Get him.

Get him. I knew you wanted the PTA back with the call and the false love

emergency. Now, that's just a shame.

I'm not trying to turn your wives against you.

Did you tell Cheryl she was having dinner with some guy named D?

What's the last name?

Niall?

Oh, you're Cheryl's husband.

You should really be home with your wife and kids.

Didn't little Edgar have his first football game today?

I'm sure he wants to tell you all about it. Don't tell me what to do.

You can't pull a mind trick on me like you did with our wives, you... Social

Spingali? Yeah, Social Spun Jelly.

I'm just saying, your families feel like you've abandoned them.

And you guys are the stitching that keeps the family quilt together.

Now, without you, they're just a bunch of cloth strips that don't even match.

But I want them to match.

Maybe when you get home, you can do a little mending.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know, I know.

Maybe you should all go home and do a little mending.

Yes, come on, guys, come on.

But first, but first.

Show your wives how much you care. Bye -bye. A raffle ticket, y 'all.

Help

me.

All right.

I'm going to send you out the window.

Save me, little buddy.

I can't be in your calendar.

None of us can.

Thanks to your dad, we all have to babysit this weekend because our parents

going to hotels to have sex.

Ew!

Well, what are we supposed to do now?

In my hands, I have a petition signed by six whole people

demanding you cease publication of your calendar at once.

Arnaz, I'm not in the mood for this.

Look, I'm not the one who made this personal.

I know why you didn't put me in your calendar.

You're one of the girls looking at all this.

Oh, please. I don't care if any other girl looks at... all that.

Admit it. If you can't have me, you don't want anybody else to.

That's not true.

Okay, prove it.

Put me in your calendar.

If you can handle it.

Brianna, this isn't fair. I thought I was supposed to be sexy.

Well, you have your shirt off underneath your parka. Work it.

Rihanna, I know you still want me.

All right, the love doctor is in the... Where is everybody?

Well, let's see. I think they're all out... How did you put it?

Oh, yeah.

Dressing up like Jamaican nannies and having affairs with each other.

Are you happy, man? Are you happy?

We were supposed to do that during their free time.

Flex, when are you going to get it?

Happy people don't come to the PTA?

I don't feel their pain. I exploit it for the children.

Who hurt you, Leilani?

I sent some pain in you. I see it in your face and in the way your daughter

dresses.

You know what? You're mama, Flex. You're mama.

PTA was my sanctuary. I felt important. I got things done. People needed me.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

After I broke up with Natalie, I was missing something.

Female companionship.

The PTA ladies, they helped me as much as I helped them.

Flex, you can't help everybody.

Yeah, but the people I can help, I will.

If I let you help me, can I be president again?

Yes, the love doctor's in.

Mom, my man Cooper.

I think he's eating red meat again. I've got a Happy Meal toy in the car.

Sounds like someone's starving for affection.

Maybe you should feed his hunger with a lot of passion.

Well, all right.

Good advice.

Now, can I be president again?

Nope. I demand a recall.

Okay.

Okay? I told you not to shoot this calendar, and you did it anyway.

You're on punishment.

But, Daddy, I was being an entrepreneur.

That's not fair.

Don't you stomp your feet at me, little lady.

No, there's a toilet in it.

What? Oh, marching... into Dwayne's apartment.

Did you hear that?

to know that pizza purses hatch after two days.

I'll flex.

Huh?

If you could.

Love you too, Netta.