Original subtitles

Last time on One -on -One.

So, are you proposing to Natalie tonight?

Nope. On Saturday night.

I'm moving to Africa.

You pray for something long enough, then it happens.

My mom finally gave me my dad's real name. Turns out she's been lying to me

these years. So, how are you going to find her? Private investigator.

According to the court records, you've been married since June 18th, 1986.

Oh, man, it has to be some kind of mistake.

Will you marry me?

Oh, my God!

Not that many women would have said yes, knowing that Flex is still married.

Is that our dad's engender?

Mr. Washington, your wife, Nicole, took a drive into the jungle with her lover,

Tayden. Their empty Jeep was found overturned several miles from the main

Daddy, is Mommy okay?

Day 30 in the search for Nicole Barnes.

Good morning, I'm Craig Simpson, live from Baltimore, here with local...

TV personality, sports anchor Flex Washington.

Now,

Mr. Washington, your wife. The ex -ex -ex -ex -wife, people.

I shook her long before she disappeared.

I've told you once before, my mommy's alive.

I can feel it in my bones.

This is every American family's worst nightmare.

A tourist disappearing in a strange land, fighting for her life. A mother.

An ex -wife. Oh, she's still his wife because he never got divorced.

And now I'm engaged to an almost bigamist.

Natalie, sorry, Mommy.

Lo siento.

Lo siento.

She's half Puerto Rican.

Oh, yo también.

Yo también.

Brianna, this must be really difficult for you. After 30 days, your mother

be... Uh -uh.

Don't say it. Don't you even think it. My mama is not dead.

I've seen those Tarzan movies.

And if an unarmed white man in a diaper can survive in the jungle, you know my

mama can.

Oh, hope springs eternal in the heart of a naive child.

Now, if we only have proof that she's still alive.

And you are?

Friend and next -door neighbor Dwayne Odell Knox and I unselfishly support

and Brianna as they wait for news of their beloved Nicole.

Thanks, man. And America.

You can support the family, too. For only $19 .99, you can get an official

Baby's Mama T -shirt.

Made entirely of recycled cotton. One size fits all.

If you're all my size.

Thank you, Craig. Thank you, Dwayne.

And there you have it. As a desperate family clings to hope and a stained T

-shirt. The search for Nicole Aretha Barnes continues.

Hey, everybody. What's going on?

When I can't tell no one's name.

Then I'll isolate yourself when there's nobody.

Jaden and I found a remote village near Victoria Falls.

No phones, no TV, no lights.

Only our love and the monkeys to entertain us.

You guys have kids already?

Very funny, Flex.

Can your teeth get any bigger?

Well, girl, we're all just glad you're alive.

Now get rid of her.

Say what?

No, no, no. Don't take that the wrong way, Nicole.

But you and I, are still married.

Let me talk to you for a minute, Flex.

If you don't want to marry the girl, just tell her.

No, Mommy. You and Daddy are still married.

Which actually means we're a real family.

Oh, if you'll excuse me, I'm about to go make fun of Spirit and her common -law

parents.

What is she talking about?

While you guys were freaking it up monkey style, I found out that you never

filed our divorce papers.

Shame on you, Nicole.

Flex, wait a minute. I signed those papers. I remember it like it was

Dwayne mailed them. Hey, I mailed those papers just like I did everything else

for Nicole while Flex was gone. Picking up her groceries. Picking up her dry

cleaning. Picking up the pieces of your broken home.

Hmm. Good times.

But it's no big deal.

All it has to do is refile before a judge and it's done. This is a minor

bump on the highway to wedded bliss.

Girl, wait till you marry him. This is only the first of many bad problems.

That's the thing.

Ten minutes ago, I thought you were dead.

Oh, good times.

Day 30 in the search for your mom.

You're my brave little soldier.

Um, Josh, my mom is back.

Oh, day one in the celebration of your mom's return.

Naz was macking on Ginger at Burger Hut doesn't mean she wants you back.

Look, I am perfectly happy just being Brianna's friend.

How would you like a nice long hamstring massage, dog?

Sure, I guess.

Ooh, there's our Naz and Ginger. Look at them holding hands like Ben Affleck in

Waylo.

You know what? Your hamstrings are so tight, they need some Tiger Balm. And

going to go get some in Chinatown. All right.

All right, Brianna. It's been a month. Your mom's back.

Maybe now you're ready to hear the truth.

Oh, no, I see the truth.

All the jelly -shaking truth.

Tell her, Ginger. Tell her what really happened between us.

Arnaz, please don't make me.

Ginger, you have to tell her the truth.

We had a sleeping together?

Yes. No.

What? Arnaz, you slept with Ginger? No, no, no. I did not sleep with Ginger.

Mazzy, it's out now. You don't have to lie.

Arnaz, how could you? I didn't. She's lying, Brianna.

No, I'm not.

Remember, Arnaz?

Me and you.

You know what?

I'm happy for you two.

It's the couch I'm sad for.

Wait, Brianna.

How could you?

Do you know how long you're about to have that couch on layaway?

Well, we're here. This is the big day. The biggest day of my life.

We're getting a divorce.

It's like my birthday.

No, no, no. Winning the lottery.

The Super Bowl.

The fresh air on your face when your mama lets you out of the closet.

Uh, good times.

Good day,

ladies and gentlemen.

Judge Maybelline, what are you doing here?

This is a divorce court.

That's what I do daily, before or after Oprah.

Check your local listings. Now sit down.

It says here that you two want a divorce, and you are their witness.

State your full legal names for the record, please.

Uh, Dwayne Odell Knox.

Nicole Aretha Barnes.

Uh, Flexster Alexander Barnes.

Flexster?

Yeah, you didn't think my parents would just name me Flex, did you?

Uh, but Judge, you might know me as Flex Washington, WYNX sports anchor, before

and after Oprah checked your local listings.

Cute. Today I know you as my 12 o 'clock.

Now, it says that the two of you have been married for 17 years, and you have

lovely daughter.

I saw her on TV the other day with your Spanish -speaking nanny. Uh, Judge,

that's my fiancée, Natalie.

She's half Puerto Rican.

And I'm half Thai.

Mr. Knox, can you vouch for this couple? Yes, I can, Your Honor. Now, you say

these two have been separated for 15 years?

Uh... Uh,

that is correct.

have the two of them lived together as man and wife? Your Honor, we were never

man and wife. We were man and beast.

I hate you.

I want to choke the spit out of you.

Mr.

Washington, I want order in my courtroom.

Now, Mr. Knox, to your knowledge, have the two of them slept together in the

last 15 years?

meet the question, Your Honor?

Have they had sex, little man?

Uh -oh, yes. Thanksgiving 2001.

But, but, but, but, it was Thanksgiving, Your Honor.

You're supposed to give to those less fortunate than yourself.

Exhibit A, Your Honor.

Just do something. Can we just get a divorce now, please? Well, I could waste

our time and keep asking you more questions, but it's obvious that the two

you don't get along.

So I guess I could grant you a divorce. But not today.

State law requires you to go into marriage counseling.

Oh, no, we don't need counseling. We need divorcing.

You should have thought about that, Mr. Washington, before you basted your wife

on Turkey Day.

hurt him back. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Well, what does hell have

for a bratty girl?

That.

Yeah, these are full chunks, Brianna, but it's not even my birthday.

Yeah, but it's your half birthday. See, you're 16 and a half.

Wow. You did all that in your head? Yeah.

Okay, Josh, couch.

Oh, is that my cake?

You know, if you really want to upset Arnaz, we should oil him up first, make

him real shiny.

Girl, if you'll just go.

Come in.

All right, Brianna.

I know what you're doing.

What? Getting lost in all this fineness?

Wow. This is the best half -birthday ever.

Brianna, I was standing right outside the door.

I know all about your little plan.

Well, I knew that you were standing outside the door, and I did all this to

expose you for the eavesdropper that you are.

Well, I knew that you knew that I was standing outside the door.

But did you know that Ginger set me up and that Josh was in on it?

Stop it! Aren't you guys ruining my half -birthday?

Josh, is this true?

Look... I didn't know what she was planning when she asked me to bring you

Burger Hut.

She used me.

Hug?

No hug.

You knew exactly what Ginger was up to at Burger Hut.

Brianna, make him leave.

You leave.

You leave.

No, no, no, you leave. Put your shirt on, man. Get out of here. How about both

of y 'all leave?

I don't know who to believe anymore.

Just go.

Go.

Look, therapy's a trap.

And the best way to get through this is to get along.

So this government -appointed quack will stamp our papers.

You're right, you're right. So you let me do all the talking while you just sit

there and wag your tail.

At least I'm not wearing somebody else's tail. Hey, hey, hey!

Don't touch my hair! Oh, my bad. I'll leave that to the stable boy.

Why do you always have to stop me? You see we're in public places. We're here

for therapy.

Hello.

Lex, Nicole.

Hi. I'm Dr. Medway. Easy way to remember. Med as in I'm a medical

in I will show you the way.

Medway.

Why don't you just tell me what happened between you two?

Well, we loved.

We lost.

We had dinner reservations. Can you stand by the voice paper so we can be on

way?

Okay. Let's try something Dr. Phil stole from me.

I'd like you two to face each other eye to eye.

Uh, that's going to be hard, Doc. She's kind of cross -eyed. You know, she can

watch a tennis match without moving a head. That is not true, Dr. Matthews.

I saw that, Flex.

Hush, Trigger.

Okay, Mr. Cut from the Clippers.

Oh, that's cold.

Like your jump shot.

Oh, I didn't say nothing about your cold feet. No, I know I said nothing about

your feet. Hey, hey, hey, look at... You're acting like a couple of kids.

My guess is whenever you two get together, you regress back to being

teenagers. That's why you don't get along. Your relationship never grew up.

Analysis.

It's kind of a trip, huh?

Nicole, I want you to share with Flex what you felt initiated the breakup of

your marriage.

Well... I never understood why Flex stopped loving me.

What are you talking about, Nicole?

I never stopped loving you. You know that.

Flex, come on. I was left alone raising a baby by myself.

And all I could think about was, what if you married me just because I was

pregnant?

Nicole, I married you because I loved you.

The fact that you were pregnant just added shotguns to the ceremony.

Oh, you see? You see, everything is a joke with him, including our marriage.

Nicole, I know you don't believe me, but even though I was on the road all the

time, I was still serious about our marriage.

And I missed you guys.

I missed holidays. I missed birthdays.

I even missed my baby's first words.

Where's daddy?

You were my family.

What's wrong with your face, girl?

Oh, this has never happened before.

I'm leaking.

Um, Flex, you never told me you missed us.

Why?

I don't know, Nicole. I guess I just thought you knew.

Hmm.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Does it look like me?

Hi, I'm Dr. Medley.

I'm just lightning the moon. It's getting a little heavy in here, if you

what I mean.

So what now, Dr. Metway?

Obviously, you two have some unfinished business.

Maybe you need some room to breathe, to think about it.

Thought about it.

Can you stamp our divorce papers so we can be on our way?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Slow your roll, dog.

Maryland state law says you need a one -year legal separation before a divorce

can be finalized.

What?

The Maryland way, not the med way.

Med way.

A year?

It's not my fault. What do you want me to do? It's the law.

Look, I'm too tall to go to jail.

You know they take the big guys down first.

I can't believe this. I came over here in this to celebrate my engagement with

my single fiancé, only to be standing here in my underwear in front of a

man.

Stop staring.

Natalie, it takes about a year to plan a wedding anyway. Everything is going to

be fine.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm the one who's sorry.

I'm the one who fell in love with a guy who's still married and probably still

not over his ex -wife.

Oh, now you're talking crazy.

Natalie, wait. You can't leave like this.

Max, just let me go. I need my space. No, I know that. I just wanted to tell

that you don't have no clothes on.

I'm sorry therapy didn't go as well as you planned.

Your mother's like a foot fungus.

The more you scratch, the more you itch.

Why do you hate Mommy so much?

Sweetie, I don't hate her.

In fact, she's my best friend.

You just caught her fungus, Daddy.

It's just that she just gets me so frustrated sometimes.

I mean, she knows how to get to me. No matter how many times we get together,

it's the same old dance.

The cabbage patch?

You know, your mother and I got together when we were about your age.

And we could not get enough of each other.

Now we can't take too much of each other.

You know, that's what happens sometimes.

You get too serious too young.

And your relationship never grows.

You know what I'm saying?

Arnaz, can I talk to you?

Look, Brianna, I tried talking to you, but you won't listen.

Look, but I need you to listen.

I don't want to be like foot fungus to you.

You're supposed to be turning me on?

I hope not.

I just... I don't want us to get so wrapped up in each other that we can't

really be friends, and I need us to be friends.

So, you don't want to be my girlfriend ever?

No, but...

I want us to be friends forever.

Friends who make out all the time?

How about friends who won't grow up fighting all the time?

Look, Brianna, to be honest, I've been working really, really hard at this.

And truthfully, I'm tired.

So, friends.

Thank you, Ernest.

But you remember that whenever you decide to change your mind.

My little foot fungus.

All right,

Blaine. I've got to know.

That's just me and you.

Friend to idiot.

Did you really mail out divorce papers?

I can't believe you don't trust your best friend.

Yes, I mailed them. How many times do I have to tell you? I'm sorry, man.

How do you want your steak?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, my girl.

Those guest beans are very fresh.

Call me.

Love you too, Netta.