Original subtitles

Good morning, Fiona.

Uh, uh, great morning. Once again, I'm waking up to a hot breakfast without

having to hear my daddy scream, fire!

Oh, I was worried you were bored of me and my pancakes.

Girl, are you kidding?

You're always making different flavors.

Strawberry, raspberry, blueberry.

Oh, and my daddy only makes one kind, berry nasty.

And just for that, I'm not making my special eggs ever again.

Oh, no!

No more scrambled, I can't believe it's not eggs.

What's wrong?

There is actually a bottle of ketchup.

Yeah, I went to the grocery store and picked up a few things for you guys, so

you wouldn't have to keep borrowing from Wendy's.

Oh, let's see what else you got.

Oh, dynamite!

What? Real napkins.

With flowers!

Oh, what the...

A woman in our life with good taste in it. My shoe size.

Oh, it's like we're a normal family.

Hey, man. How far are you coming?

Sometimes in the thought you can be alone by yourself.

But I have a partner when I can't turn on.

your dad's surprise retirement party. Dwayne, I've seen you dance. You're not

that good.

Very funny.

Look, Flex, you put me in charge of entertainment, you have to trust my

instincts. Why don't you get Candy to help you? She's dating you, so I know

she's got an eye for circus freaks.

Hey, guys.

Flex, I picked you up some new bed sheets.

500 thread count, Egyptian cotton.

Ooh, Egyptian cotton.

Man,

I don't know why the Romans ever left Egypt.

So, uh, NatDog, you nervous about meeting Flex's parents at the party next

Not really. I think I'm actually going to make a great impression, at least on

your dad. I have the perfect gift idea for him.

Oh, uh, oh, you're so sweet, Natalie.

But, uh, my dad was in Vietnam. He doesn't care about your frilly

used to brush his teeth with a rock.

So, uh, don't worry your pretty little head.

You are such a misogynist.

Well, I do enjoy a good rubdown.

Oh, Fletch.

What's going on around here, man? I mean, Natalie's redecorating your place.

Talking back to you.

Did she move in?

She hasn't moved in. This is still my place, my crib, my kingdom. Oh, your

kingdom. Yeah. I suppose that this is the royal potpourri, your highness.

Oh, Natalie bought that.

Daddy's idea of air freshener is burping after eating an orange.

Okay, it's true.

I don't know when it happened. It just kind of snuck up on me.

This relationship is in full bloom.

And I'm not looking for the weed killer.

And where do you think you're going?

Oh, to the movies with Arnaz and Spirit. Is that okay? It depends. What movie?

Kill, Die, Be Dead.

You mean the sequel to Stab, Stab, Die already?

Sweetie, you know how you are about horror movies. The last time you came

so pale, you looked like the old white guy from Poltergeist.

But Daddy... Brianna Latrice Vaughn.

promise me you will not go see kill die be dead fine daddy i promise i will not

go see kill die be dead why are you screaming the

movie just started yeah nobody's killed died or be dead yet i

know

Well, if she's here, your dad can't be far behind. You better hide.

Did you think I was looking for a lost milk dud down here?

Oh, Clay Rene just sat out next to Miss Clark.

Clay Rene, the football player?

Yeah, he's headed for the Hall of Fame. His nickname is the Bone Crusher.

Well, it looks like he's got a crush on Miss Clark.

Well, what about my dad?

My dad, my dad.

I don't think your dad is his type.

Pork skins, Flex?

You trying to kill the man before he retires?

I mean, these things are like truth serum for my dad.

A belly full of these, and I'll get the name of every friend he would want at

his surprise party.

Yeah.

Hey, Pop, there you go.

Ah, pork skins.

Nature's candy.

So, Flex, how are things with Natalie?

Your mother and I are looking forward to meeting her. Oh, everything's fine,

Pop. Great.

This is going nice and slow, nice and slow.

So, uh, how's your old friend Arnie Leach? He moved to Florida, right? Have

talked to him lately?

Oh, that would be an expensive call, since he's dead.

This must be serious.

Well, you don't get much more serious than that.

I met Flex and Natalie, fool.

Let me tell you, Mr. Barnes, you are going to love Natalie. I mean, she's

Just look what she's done with Flex's place. She's made it so... Homey. What's

up?

I meant homey feeling.

Yeah, son, I've been meaning to ask you. When did she move in?

She hasn't moved in, Pop.

Son, you have sparkly pillows.

She's in.

Okay, yeah, we're getting serious.

And she does spend a lot of time here, but I'm okay with that.

In fact, I like it.

And you know what else I like?

Your poker buddies.

What's your old buddy Leroy Johnson up to?

You mean when he's not dead?

Why is Natalie here with Clay Renee?

Everything between her and my dad is going so great.

Are you sure it's her?

I'll find out.

Ow.

Yeah, it's her.

Dang. Come on, y 'all. We got to get a closer look so I can find out what's

really going on. Hey, I don't want to miss anything.

Boy, it's a horror movie.

The girls put their nighties on, go down to the basement with a weak flashlight

and die. Okay, let's go.

Don't go in there!

Did I tell her not to go in there?

I'm so glad you were home when I called. I really needed to see you.

Come on, you know me.

You call, I jump.

with the stones of life.

Well, good luck with that. Yeah, see ya.

Hey, Bree.

You went to see Kill, Die, Be Dead, didn't you? What?

Dang, that's crazy talk. I was at a library.

Okay, so how about a nice hot cup of...

believe you went to see it after i told you not to well uh natalie was there

with claire renee where at kill diaper death i saw you why didn't you say hi

don't even try to deny the fact that huh i knew she was going to the movies with

clay how's he doing oh he's doing okay he says hi wait

wait you know about her and claire renee they used to

date what did they break up an hour ago?

Brianna, Clay and I are just friends. Your father knows that.

And he also knows that he can trust me. Isn't that right, Flex?

Of course.

Brianna, Natalie and I trust each other. We don't have any secrets.

Exactly. Which is why I can tell your father I'm having dinner with Clay

tomorrow night and he won't get jealous.

Excuse me?

You're having what, what, when, when, why, why?

Because we're friends.

There's two nights in a row.

Okay with it, right? Yeah, Daddy.

You okay with it, right?

Of course.

That's tripping.

Yeah, because Natalie and I, we have a relationship that's built on trust.

Solid. Aw, thank you, baby.

You're probably the most together boyfriend I've ever had.

Yeah, that's me.

Oh, where you going? We in mid -hug.

You're actually going to love this. Watch. How low can you go?

Don't drown.

Watch out now. Go on now.

Go on.

All right.

All right, now go on now. Give it up for the water bottle guy.

Hey, man, that was just fantastic.

Ooh.

And refreshing.

Go ahead and keep building.

Oh, man, I told you.

I don't know why you keep auditioning all these acts for your father's

retirement party.

You should just let my sister Javaca sing.

Ooh, she sings like an angel. Yeah, like an angel that's been throttled and

tossed into a blender.

Next up, Hoopalicious.

All right, Ms. Licious, it is time to raise the hoop.

Move it up.

Come on, Flex, can you show a little more enthusiasm?

You're not even paying attention.

Freaks have feelings, too, you know.

You're right, Dwayne. I'm sorry, man. I just can't stop thinking about Natalie

and Clay Renee.

Flex, stop worrying.

Natalie is your girl, and she's crazy about you.

Even though Clay Renee is fine and looks like a Greek god.

Ooh, I wonder what he would look like coming out of a clamshell.

Oh, hello, hello.

All right, your man's right here.

All right, respect me.

I know I should trust her, and I'm even sure I do, but who stays friends with an

ex? Oh, lots of people, Fletch. I have tons of old boyfriends I'm still friends

with. Uh, baby, I've been meaning to talk with you about that.

Now that you and I are taking a love nap...

Oh, baby,

you are definitely getting a call back.

There you go. Thank you very much for coming.

So you're friends with these guys, and you don't think that they have any sort

of hidden agenda?

No. Well, they do. How do you know? Because they're guys, and guys want one

thing, all right? We just lay in wait like a cheetah, just praying for that

moment of weakness, and that's when we pounce on you as a friend.

So when we were just hanging out as friends, you were just waiting around to

pounce on me?

All right. No, no, no.

Next up, Benny and Kenny.

Here you go.

Whenever you're ready, fellas.

Thanks. Yeah, thanks. It's good to be here. Now, Kenny, let me do the talking.

Yeah, whatever.

Hi, I'm Benny, and this is my good friend, Kenny.

Oh, we're better than good friends. I don't let just anyone stick a cold hand

there.

Say, Flex, if you think I'm just friends with Natalie, you da dummy.

Oh, no, no, no.

Clay. No, no, no. I'm wood.

Trust me. I can trust you. I can trust you.

Ooh, uh -oh.

The only time you bring out the dumbbell is when you're really upset with

somebody. And I haven't done anything wrong.

Today.

So this must be about Natalie.

Brianna, I hate to admit it, but you're right.

Something's up with Clay and Natalie. The dummy told me.

Dwayne? Uh, yeah, sure.

Well, you know what? I'm glad to see that my old daddy's back. All that I'm a

mature boyfriend gibberish was really starting to worry me. Yeah, you don't

me going to the movies or having dinner with any of my ex -girlfriends.

I'm saying that woman is two -timing us. The point is, when a relationship is

over, it's over. Say bye -bye and close the book. Don't mess with my woman.

and handle this like a man.

Um, um, Daddy, it is Clay, the bone crusher, Renee, and you're just Flex,

the bony Washington.

How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bony? I'm wiry.

Okay, you drive. I'll do a few more reps in the car on the way to the

restaurant.

Hope the restaurant's in Albuquerque.

Maybe I overreacted. I don't want to embarrass myself.

Oh, no.

Isn't that the touch and giggle?

That's my touch and giggle.

Okay, it's time to make her choose. It's either us or him. Go kick some butt.

Before I go over there and give him a beatdown, we need a plan. Something

sneaky, something intricate, something devious.

What would the Russians do?

You want to stand in line? to beat them up no they would send in one of their

top spies the kgb or in my case one kid hey

the bigger they are the harder they fall i'm about to kick some butt for my

daddy

There has to be some information gathered. There has to be some

Wait, what does French art have to do with this?

What do you do in school? Sleep?

I'm talking about a gathering of information.

Now, if you go over there and she introduces you as her boyfriend's

all good.

But if she introduces you as just another student, then it's on.

then I should just come over and say hi. So, hi.

Are you with your dad?

Who? No.

Oh, him.

Dad, dad. Yeah. No, he's not here. He's somewhere.

But, um, why don't you introduce me to your friend?

Oh, of course, Clay. This is Brianna.

Hello, Brianna.

That's it?

I'm just Brianna?

Yeah. And what are you doing down here by yourself?

Hey, you're not the one asking questions. I'm the one asking questions.

questions.

And I'll be right back.

What happened?

There was a flaw in your plan. She stopped short of Brianna.

That's it.

I'm going to go punch him.

After I blind him with this song.

You didn't know your daddy was a roughneck, huh?

Hey, Clay, let me holler at you.

See, I... Natalie, please don't leave me for Clay Rene.

I told you, we're just friends.

You and him, not you and me, right?

Daddy, stay strong. There is no way they can be just friends.

All right, Daddy, just let it go, let it go. Ain't nobody worth dying for.

Clay, I can handle this.

Flex, I'm here for you.

Clay gave me an autographed football to give to your dad at his retirement

party. And to thank him, I was just taking him to dinner. Mm -hmm. A likely

story. Yeah, likely and true story.

I told you, we're just friends.

The only thing we have in common are horror movies and nice restaurants.

Hey, bro.

Sometimes it's nice to have a woman as just a friend.

Yeah, sometimes you got an emotion you want to share that only a woman will

understand.

I'm going to take off and let you guys sort this out.

Well, this might be a good time to tell you, man.

I'm a fan.

Maybe sometime you can come down and do my show, flat out.

I guess that's a flat no.

Natalie, don't blame Daddy.

Brianna, stay out of this.

But it's my fault.

Oh, Natalie, listen to the girl. She makes a lot of sense.

Look, it's just that things are going so well between you two.

It just felt like we were becoming a real family.

Brianna, I feel the same way.

But trust is a very important part of any relationship.

If the three of us don't have it, it's not going to work.

That's exactly what I've been trying to tell her.

Nice try.

But I am flattered that you were willing to fight Clay and sacrifice your good

looks for me.

Girl, please, that would have ran long before it got to that.

Miss Licious, can you make some more of this for my dad's retirement party next

week?

Ma 'am, who needs a blender when you have Miss Licious?

Hey,

guys, we're back.

Who's that?

Oh, she's my new friend.

Oh, you said I could have a platonic friend.

Oh, really?

Love you too, Netta.