Original subtitles

This is Brianna. You're moving back in with your mama.

Daddy, this is our electronic baby for homemade class.

We have to pretend we're married and take care of it for a whole week.

noon, and night.

Hey, I'm hungry. You hungry?

Do you want a Hot Pocket?

Yes.

Okay, I'll make you three.

Well, Dad.

Mr. Father -in -law.

Mr. Washington.

Now that we're related, I think I should have a key, don't you?

Don't let a little school project cost you your life, boy.

What are they teaching y 'all in the public school system today, huh?

How y 'all gonna learn anything from playing house?

Hopefully not to become teenage parents like you and Mom.

God bless the public school system.

Wow, it's so clean in here.

So, you're dating a maid again?

You know better than that. Your Aunt Bernadette is coming in from Texas on a

to New York on a business trip. And I want everything to be as perfect as she

is. I know. She's smart, she's successful, and I can really learn a lot

her. Man, where was your sister when I was single?

you've got your mother's touch.

Oh, please, let there be child protective services coming to take this

away.

All right, that's not funny, Dwayne.

Do you mind moving your big head?

I'm looking for my brother.

And I'm looking for the other half of my sister. You know, the half that blocks

the sun.

Why, you are so much weight, you look great.

Well, you used to hide the M &M's.

Now,

I had to lose weight. I was tired of my knees being sticky.

Well, at least this time you can fit on the sofa bed.

Thanks for letting me crash here. You know, with Mom in Atlantic City, I

know Dad's probably sitting around in his boxers, scratching, waiting for her

come home before he showers.

Baby sister is going to New York on an interview to be a lawyer. Well, I am

going to New York to interview, but not with a law firm.

Uh, Justice Department?

Uh, District Attorney's Office.

Even better.

I'm going to be a model.

I've got an agent, and I've already taken some pictures.

Man, I don't know, sis.

You gave up law to vote?

agree to fall back on. I don't think it's a good idea, sis.

Mom and dad are going to be ticked off. To send you to law school, dad is still

driving that old 86 Volkswagen.

It's so sad watching him drive to work in reverse.

I just hope dad doesn't get too upset with me. You know how he gets.

Somebody's got to tell him.

Well, Could you... Say what?

No, that's okay. Never mind. I was just thinking about how when we were kids,

you used to fight all my battles.

But you can't be my hero forever.

I was your hero?

Well, yeah.

I mean, every time I would get in trouble, you would fly in like Superman

save me.

All the girls in the neighborhood were jealous because I had a big, strong

brother.

Even at early bloomer, Samantha?

Especially Samantha. I knew it.

Anyway, it's okay, because, you know, we're all grown up, and it's time for me

to stand up to Dad.

Let me handle the plate.

Thank you, Flex!

Hey, Flex, you got more on your newspaper?

You need to check my horoscope.

Oh, I see it's Foxy Lady and Dwayne Rising.

Hey, baby.

Dwayne O'Dell...

You went off to Texas six years ago looking like a twisted sister, and you

back looking like a William sister.

Yeah.

Let me just say I'm glad you're not my sister. Okay.

Maddie, you're just a really bad mom.

What's up, little mama?

Oh, hey.

We gonna hit the movies tonight?

Um, actually, I can't. Arnaz and I have to pick out preschools for Junior.

I don't know if I'm feeling this. You and Goldilocks have too much history.

Don't worry, Josh. I have my priorities straight.

Arnaz may be my husband, but you're my boyfriend.

No, that's my girl. Okay.

All right. See you later.

Hmm.

Josh. Hmm.

Arnaz.

How's Arnaz Jr.? Uh -uh.

You can give him your name, but you can't give him your time.

I'm the husband. Okay, the breadwinner.

Leader of my household.

I've been out there busting my hump.

At band practice, even sitting around lunching with all the other mothers.

It's the office.

Hey, Ginger Baby.

That's not the office. That's just a lot of work.

Okay, I'll bring you some chicken soup after school.

Bye.

Um, you are not going up over there. You took some vows. In sickness and in

health. Now, my girlfriend's sick, and I'm going to go make her healthy. Okay?

Now, till death do us part.

meet Fridays at the Y in case you're interested.

Where's my little girl?

Daddy!

Holy cow!

That's the first time I've ever been able to hug you and have my hands touch.

I wish I could say the same.

So how is my big time lawyer daughter?

What's going on? All right, come in and sit down. Might as well cut to the

chase.

All right.

Remember, Pop, how supportive and understanding you were when I wanted to

my dream?

Are you trying out for the NBA again?

For God's sake, son, now it's just pathetic.

No, and obviously all that understanding and support must have slipped your

mind. Uh -oh, uh -oh.

Here we go.

Bernadette, your brother has dropped more bombs on me than a bush on Baghdad.

This time, I got good news for you, Pop. Yes, yes, yes.

Instead of being a boring old lawyer, Bernadette is going to become an

fashion model.

Yay?

What?

Dad, I know you wanted me to be a lawyer, but I...

and glamour in my life. Of course you do.

So you're not mad?

Oh, not with you, baby.

With you! Me?

Glamour and excitement?

That sounds like something you put in her head.

Oh, Flex.

Wait till your mother finds out what you did. It will kill her.

If I'm lucky, I can catch her before she leaves her room.

Uh, yeah, well, that went well.

That was nice, baby.

Baby.

Wait, baby?

Where is Arnaz?

He is two hours late.

You know what? He probably went ginger.

And you're with me.

Yeah, but we're supposed to turn in our family budget tomorrow.

What type of father is he?

You know, Bree, if he were your real husband, you could divorce him and take

half of everything he had.

And then we could take that half and go on vacation.

Wait, where would we go on half of what he has? Your house?

Act like you've been holding him all day.

Oh, I get it.

Hold up. Let me get this peanut out of his nose.

Oh, hey, Arnaz.

What are you... Oh, yeah, that's right. Our assignment. Oh, come on in. Come on

in. I just have Josh here helping me out with our son.

What? I know you don't have some other man here to hold my child.

Uh, excuse you. You were the one too busy being Ginger's nurse to take care

your fatherly duties.

Why are you trying to hurt me?

I hate to break the news to you, bro.

Breonna's getting a divorce.

Oh, don't worry. You'll have visitation rights. You can see your son every other

homeroom. Supervised, of course. Later.

Then he ended up mad at me. And then called my mama on the phone and tried to

kill her. What?

Hey, what's up, fellas?

And fell let.

Quartz added another woman to his wall.

sexual harassment. I mean, who wants to sit here and stare at breasts all day?

Come on, Flex.

You going soft on us, man? Hey, I'm in a relationship now. The only breasts I

can stare at are in a bucket of KFC.

Flex, why don't you check out my new hot fudge sundae?

Oh, my God.

This is no hot fudge sundae.

This is my sister.

bring this trash into my dad's family establishment.

Which one of y 'all brought it here? Huh?

Which one of y 'all? Who brought it here?

Uh, Flex, it's your dad's magazine.

He's had a subscription to Mahogany Man for years.

He's been reading ever since Eartha Kitt poses Mahogany Mate in 1952.

Mmm. Marcus,

I'm not wearing any panties.

Listen, Flex.

It's very tasty. I mean, tasteful.

Sorry, man. Her booty confuses me. I mean, her body.

I'll be over here.

You know, I'm not hating or nothing, but it looks very airbrushed. I mean, come

on. Those whipped cream peaks are just a little too perky to be real.

Okay, all right, stop it. Stop it. Y 'all talking about my little sister

Keep your eyes off her peaks. That's right. You know what? We better get this

thing out of here before you perverts make a little shrine to it.

You know, decorate it with flowers and scented candles.

Maybe prop it up on a pillow while sipping a little Hennessy.

And wishing you weren't lactose intolerant. Give me that.

I'm going to take this home and burn it before my father sees it. Before your

father sees what?

Well? I was wondering, Dad, what would you say if you saw Dwayne eat

this paper? What?

Tastes like chicken.

And left, and right, and left, and right, and left, and right, and hold.

Now turn.

Oh, my God, it's spreading.

Another hot fudge sundae in the making. Brianna, take your pappoose and vamoose.

And left, and right, and left, and right. Brianna.

You said you quit law to become a model, not a hot fudge sundae.

Wow, my mahogany madness shoot.

Did they use my cream cheese spread? Oh, for the love of dairy, just stop it.

Who are you? Who am I?

Who are you?

Don't act like you never look at women in those magazines.

Now, I remember you and Dwayne sneaking to the basement to look at Dad's

National Geographic.

I had a thirst for travel.

the Bushwomen of the Kalahari.

You gotta search for tribal breasts.

Bernadette, I may be a peeper, but you, you're a shower.

Shame on you.

Flex, I'm proud of my pictures.

For the first time, I wasn't just Richard and Eunice's daughter or Flex's

baby sister.

I was Bernadette, the hot chick.

Yeah, with sprinkles on top.

understand why you stopped through here and wanted to stay with me. You set me

up. You weren't scared to tell dad that you didn't want to be a lawyer anymore.

You wanted me to prepare him for the real information.

I didn't trick you into doing anything you weren't going to do anyway. Tidal

tail.

How dare you?

I'm telling dad.

Coming in here all naked, covered in cool whip.

Trying to ruin my precious relationship with my dad.

Hello, Daddy?

Yeah, Bernadette has something she wants to tell you.

Bernadette?

Bern?

Oh, look at our little babies.

How'd you get yours to sit up so straight?

It's the starch I use.

Can't pick up my son.

You're late.

I didn't come here to fight.

I came here for the boy and to give you these.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Ethiopia, we got to go down to Arcade and get you a daddy.

And this is for little Nazi.

Hey, little Arnie, look what your stepdaddy wanted six flights for you.

Arnie, his name is Arnez Jr. Did it right, bro.

Hey, man, look, I'm just saying. Okay, you guys.

children this better be good i had to put on

pants to come over here just a minute pop i think that needs to be here for

something she needs to tell you.

Why don't you tell her? No, why don't you tell her? No, you tell her.

Well, somebody better say something. My belt hand is feeling a little itchy.

Okay, well, I hate to be the one to break this to you, Dad, but... I posed

picture in a men's magazine. Ha -ha, I beat you.

Well, he's gonna beat you.

Is that what this is all about?

I saw that picture.

I didn't care for it, but I'm too old to throw a fit over it.

Besides, when you told me she was going to be a model, I had a feeling there'd

be some posing for the camera involved.

That's it?

You're not upset about it? Of course I'm upset.

She could have mentioned the shopping article.

Annie, this isn't fair.

Whip her.

He's not going to flex because he loves me more.

That's not true.

I really can't stand neither one of you.

You, young lady, are a spoiled little brat whose naked butt is going to pay me

back for law school.

Dad! And you're a tattletale, mister.

Now, if the two of you will excuse me, there's a foot -long meatball sub

for me at home, and I am going to eat it on the good couch with no TV tray and

no pants.

I saw a collar cap.

Burned out.

I'll take you to the airport.

Look, I'm sorry I disappointed you.

Yeah, me too.

Look, Flex, I know you hated those pictures.

But they're a stepping stone. You know, something to jumpstart my career.

Yeah, and a couple of old men's hearts.

Oh, come on. I'll be on the cover of Essence before you know it.

I just hope we can get past this.

I'll try.

I'll never eat whipped cream again.

I guess my little sister is not my little sister anymore.

She's a grown -up.

Oh, can I be your grown -up little sister?

You'll always be my Superman.

You'll always be my kryptonite.

I guess this homemaker assignment just got me thinking.

I'm not ready to be a husband and a father.

It just gets to me seeing Josh with you and my son.

You know this is all make -believe, right?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, for sure. No doubt.

For now.

Love you too, Netta.