Original subtitles

Hey, look at him, blocking the way to our building. Hey, Fonzie, don't you

to take that across the street?

Oh, sorry about that.

It wasn't bothering me.

It was bothering her.

No, it wasn't so much that I was bothered. I was concerned. I'm Brianna.

okay?

I'm Josh, and I'm fine.

Yes, he is.

I'll just fix this tomorrow. My mom will trip if I'm late for dinner.

Oh, is she making something special?

Reservations, if I'm lucky.

So,

um, do you live here?

Yeah, part -time. With my mom, my parents are divorced.

Oh, my parents are divorced, too.

Oh, well, my parents never got married.

Maybe I'll block your wagon tomorrow, Brianna.

And spirit.

Yeah, spirit.

I think he liked me.

You know what? We had a deal that the next time we both saw a cute guy

he was going to be mine.

No, but see, that law was superseded by the location clause.

If he lives in my building, he's all mine. Girl, did you get a copy of that?

Wait, wait, wait. Arnaz lives in my building. That's right, girl. And he's

yours.

When there's nobody

Well, they delivered it last week.

Last week?

Yeah, well, I've been busy.

And it's been dark.

Hey, why is the door unlocked?

Any lunatic could just waltz right in here. You're right, so why don't you

right back out?

I will.

I just wanted to give Brianna the geography book she left at my place. And

wanted to ask you a question.

Who is the worst sports reporter in all of Baltimore?

I don't know who.

Word is, it's you.

Another Howard McIntyre column trashing me. Man, that guy has it out for me.

Just because I get the interviews, he can't get.

Wait a minute, Flex. Listen to this.

Even with cue cards and a teleprompter, the only thing more derivative and

cliche than Flex Washington's reporting style is... Flex Washington!

That's all right. See, he's a hater. He doesn't like the pro -athlete -turned

-broadcaster thing.

You know, he says we're nothing but jocks with mics.

But I've done plenty of hard -hitting exposés.

I can handle his criticism.

I hope so, dog, because it says right here, how can Washington objectively

investigate athletes for point shading or taking performance enhancers when

out partying with them?

I say it's impossible.

Washington isn't a journalist. He's an athletic supporter.

He called you a jockstrap.

Poor guy.

You know who he is?

He's that kid at the playground who always got picked last.

After the girls...

And the kid with the special shoe.

Hey, I could out -kick anyone.

Well, good morning, everyone.

Ooh, girl, are you going to school or a rumble?

Okay, new look, lip gloss, new leather jacket with the tag still hanging on his

sleeve. What's his name?

Josh, and he's so cute, and I think I love him.

What happened to Arnie? He's so cute, and I think I love him.

I'm this most sensitive, amazing, wonderful, sweetest guy I've ever met. I

I could spend the rest of my life with him. Oh, baby, tell me more.

So what's Josh's last name?

How would I know? I just met him.

Go to school. We'll talk later, okay? Okay, bye -bye, Josh. I mean, Mommy.

You gotta see this, man. He is killing you.

Dwayne, I don't care.

He can't kill me. And you wanna know why?

Because I'm Flex Washington, and words mean nothing to me.

Funny, because that's exactly what he says right here.

You hold the record for most assists and most goals, three years running, and

you deny the use of any performance -enhancing drugs?

It's my asthma medicine.

Not a likely story, Amber.

And there it is, folks, another hard -hitting expose.

on the Flex Five.

Mommy! Yeah, go tell your mother.

And I'll be back with my closing comments.

And we're out.

How you like that, man? Bring them on. Who's next? I'm ready to take on the

world. Flex Washington isn't pulling any punches, baby.

Well, let's see.

Oh, there's the Senior Olympic Synchronized Swim Team.

Due to advanced age and chlorine, most of them are deaf already, so you'll have

to yell your insults.

I hear they're using Viagra as a performance -enhancing drug.

Supposedly, it helps keep the man afloat.

You know what, Flex? You just gave McIntyre more fodder for his column

As your producer and as your friend.

Maybe he's your producer.

I encourage you to take the high road.

No, you're right.

The high road, like a mature adult.

And we're back in five, four, three...

I'd like to close out today's Flex Files with a few words for Howard McIntyre of

the Baltimore Examiner.

I'm rubber, you're glue.

Everything you write bounces off me and sticks to you.

Good night, Baltimore.

And we're out.

Way to take that high road, Flex.

Oh, yeah, I'm Flex Washington.

Perfect timing. I was just about to go into my place.

All right. You have a good day now.

Flat app.

Ooh, pottery barn.

Hope it's a salad bowl.

The next guy who comes along is all yours.

What's up, y 'all? I don't want him. He's used.

So, Arnaz, what brings you by for a brief visit?

I got problems.

Oh, everybody does. Things will get better. It's always a cloud with a

lining. It's always darkest before the dawn.

Have a nice day. Thanks for coming by.

Are you really?

No. Bye.

Hey,

come with me, Arnaz, and tell Spirit all about it. I mean, somebody's life has

got to be more pathetic than mine.

Who's Josh?

Cute hats. You look like you're ready to go riding.

Okay.

I didn't mean with me.

Well, neither did I. There's plenty of bikes in this town. Gotcha. Just

So was I.

Who's Josh?

Just a new neighbor of Brianna's with bad taste in women. So what's this about

private? It's Ginger.

She always wants to be with me. She smothers me. I didn't know it was going

be like this.

You know what your problem is? You got with Ginger because you were mad at

Brianna. That is not true.

I like Ginger.

Just the calling me 20 times a day, I can't stand.

At least Brianna left a little mystery.

With Ginger, we always know who's done it.

So, when did you get the bike?

Ah, two Christmases ago with my dad.

It was a big guilt year. He was thinking about moving in with his girlfriend.

Oh, I know exactly what you mean.

These earrings... I walked in on my dad and his date. They were just holding

hands, but if I came in ten minutes later, these would be real diamonds.

Well, I better get going. My mom's microwaving a burrito for me, and you

what that means.

What? Breakfast at the hospital.

Well, you know, if you want a home -cooked meal, I can always whip

for you. You can cook?

Of course I can cook. You can call me Chef Boyardee.

me with dinner mommy helping you i fixed the whole meal what did you

oh hi

i'm sorry i'm such a mess but i've been in the kitchen cooking all day it

smells great what are we having

You Josh?

I'm Brianna's mother, Nicole.

I've heard a lot about you.

Oh, so you've been talking about me. That's a good sign.

I don't believe this.

I'm getting it twice a day, in the morning and at night.

Flex, okay, enough about your love life. They're children present.

Nicole, this is not a good time. I'm at war with Howard McIntyre. As if the

newspapers weren't enough, now he's attacking me on the Internet.

You didn't tell me your dad was Flex Washington.

Oh, by the way, my daddy's Flex Washington.

I'm off the high road, I'm taking the low road. Throw away all the soap, I'm

getting down and dirty.

Are you finished?

Because this is Brianna's friend, Josh.

Okay?

Hi.

Hey, yeah, I've heard so much about you.

I'm Flex Washington, Brianna's father.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Washington.

I'm a big fan of the Flex files. Hey!

Thanks, man. I like this kid.

Hi, I'm Howard McIntyre, Josh's father.

His mother said he was down here.

McIntyre? Washington?

Dad? Ma?

Flex?

Dad? Oh, my bad.

Go with your daddy.

Sorry, Josh, Howard.

I'm Brianna's mother, Nicole.

Um, why don't you guys come in for a few minutes? Maybe it would help if we got

to know one another.

Forget it, Nicole.

He's the hater I can feel breathing on my calves when I'm trying to do an

interview with an athlete in the locker room.

Oh, big talk for a two -time NBA loser with nothing but a pretty smile and a

cute card with complicated words like fladap.

Dad, you're messing up everything.

Brianna. I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh, no, no, no, you won't. My daughter is not going to associate with the son

the slanderer who's trying to take the food off of our table, the roof from

our heads, and the DKNY off your back.

Son, you are not dating the daughter of the poster child of America's short

attention span.

A Washington by any other name would be just as foul.

Come on, we're leaving.

Oh, oh, no, you're not leaving. I'm kicking you out, George Jefferson style.

out!

Your life be not yours till you're 18.

Oh, my gosh, Josh.

Why, Josh, hello.

What are you doing out there?

I got you something.

You know, we never got to have dinner together.

Oh, you're so sweet.

Look, I'm sorry about my dad. He's such a dork.

I'm sorry about mine, too. He's a bigger dork.

I can't stop thinking about you, Brianna.

Oh, you know, if my dork finds out, he's going to kill you.

I better go.

Try not to dream about me too much.

You didn't see that.

Ow!

Ow!

I thought you said you were taking me out to breakfast.

Are we not out?

Is this not breakfast?

What is this?

Another McIntyre article.

Man, listen to this.

Faith smiled on me yesterday when I was given the opportunity to visit Flex

Washington's home.

It's decorated in early Fred. Fred Flintstone, Fred Sanford, Freddy

Pick a Fred.

Hey, if you're Fred Flintstone, does that make me Mr. Slate?

I killed him in the coffee room.

Hey, my daughter hates me and is probably going to run off with the son

man who's making me the laughingstock of Baltimore.

Not mine was funnier.

What I don't understand is, what's this guy's beef with me?

Oh, it's simple, Flexi. Since the Dada Man, or what I like to call the early

80s, there's been this battle between print journalists and broadcast

journalists. Tell us more, media man.

You see, your print journalists are generally smarter, but not the most

attractive folk.

Bordering on Carney.

Looks like a little Benazuri of circus freaks, if you will.

Well, there's only one way to deal with a little circus freak. I'm going to go

over to that newsroom and pound that little freak into a little freak. That's

what I'm going to do. Hold on, Flex here. Hold on. You can't go around

up little people or bowling them or offering them $50 to sing Ding Dong the

Witch is Dead at your divorce hearing.

You know, but what you can do is show them what it's like to dance your dance.

Really. Challenge him to a sports duel, if you will.

Oh, I get it.

I get it.

invite McIntyre to join me on the flex files, and I can show him how it's done.

Yeah, this way we'll go head -to -head.

Or in his case, head -to -knee.

No, mine was funny. Yeah, it made me laugh.

Get the door! Get the door!

How did they accidentally deliver Mr.

Washington's coffee table to your apartment?

How'd you accidentally back into the door frame?

What?

All those different stores with the wrong address.

Okay. I have a confession to make.

No.

Well, see, I had a big date. My first one since Stacey and I broke up. So I've

been borrowing Fletcher's things.

So, uh, we can just keep this our little secret, huh?

Sure.

For 50 bucks.

Each. Y 'all can forget that.

Welcome to a very special edition of the Fletcher. Oh, this is the big show Don

Brown was telling us about.

With me today is noted Baltimore sports journalist Howard McIntyre, or as I like

to call him behind his back, Little Mac.

I've invited him on this special edition of the Flex Files so he can teach me

how to do my job.

Howard? Thank you, Flex. It's a pleasure to be here.

And here.

And now I'll turn things over to our station manager, Hank Hampton, who will

the stage for tonight's sports challenge. Take it away, Hank.

Thank you, Flex.

Well, the challenge is quite simple.

I've selected two clips from the Super Bowl between the New York Giants and our

beloved Baltimore Ravens. Our two newsmen here, Mr.

McIntyre and Washington, will do a highlight commentary.

Mr. Washington, you won the toss backstage. You go first.

Thanks, Hank.

All right, sports fans.

Dilfer, with a three -step drop, looks off to safety like he's flirting with a

guy. This man is sick.

He hits Stokely, who's more open than Shannon Sharp's mouth. Then he takes it

the his -house.

A 38 -yard touchdown pass that has the people of Baltimore forgetting all about

the dreadful day when the Mayflower Trucks herded the Colts out of town.

Flat out. It's all yours, Howard.

Okay. Okay, the ball is snapped.

Dilfer drops back.

Wait, I think that's Banks. And it looks like he's making an early deposit.

Or is it a withdrawal?

Wait, can you rewind that?

Never mind.

And it looks like the guy caught it like the flu.

Achoo!

God bless you. No, no, no, that's my flat app.

Achoo!

Oh, we're out.

Oh, my God, I suck.

It's so much easier when I do it in my basement.

What is it now, Ginger?

I miss you, wish you toozy woozy.

Okay, bye.

Okay, that's it, all right?

I've had it. It's not how it's supposed to be.

I need someone who's going to give me some space.

Someone who's independent.

Someone who's...

Not named after a spice.

If it's so funny, I'd like to see you do what I do.

Look, man, I respect what you do. I didn't make fun of you until you started

making fun of me.

Why? You make it look so easy.

And I hate that Fladap thing.

Just like I hate Kevin Costner.

I don't know why, I just do.

Look, man, it's not as easy being me as it looks.

For example, I have to watch my weight.

You, on the other hand, can let yourself go even more.

Listen up, guys.

The kids have something to say.

Daddy and Mr.

McIntyre, we could disobey you guys.

And sneak around and see each other.

But we need our allowances.

And I really like Rihanna a lot.

Hey, man, we need to bury the hatchet for the kids' sake.

You're taking all the fun out of it, Washington.

But I'm going to be the bigger guy.

For the kids' sake.

Howard, you can never be the bigger guy.

Spirit, I've made up my mind.

I want Brianna back.

She's a girlfriend of mine.

That was so close. We're getting good at this.

I hope you're good at running!

Love you too, Netta.