Original subtitles

Cooking again?

Daddy, you know the hospital said if they have to pump my stomach one more

it's the foster home for me.

Very funny, baby. My girl, Celeste, is stopping by on her way to work, so I

thought I'd surprise her with her favorite, Huevos Rancheros. Ha -ha!

Yeah. Flex make style.

I've seen this setup before.

The rolls, the eggs, the hot sauce.

Uh -uh, it's day 29. This is a breakup breakfast.

Save the garnish for her broken heart, okay?

are you talking about daddy you never date the same woman for longer than one

month because that would make it a relationship and you like your

like you like your eggs over easy you know that is not true what about tanya

tanya and i were together for months no you only dated for one month and then

she hung around long enough for the free food and direct tv oh and that's not a

relationship

Daddy, just let Celeste down easy.

You know, dental hygienists are very sensitive. Why you think she keep giving

floss?

Sweetie, believe me, you are so wrong about this.

Rihanna, here, I brought you some floss.

That's so thoughtful and hygienic. You know what, girl, I got some for you.

Just because.

Thank you, Rihanna.

Okay, Rihanna, sweetie, have a good day at school now.

Juevos rancheros, I smell. Yes, it is.

You are so sweet. Oh, I may be sweet, but my huevos is hot.

I can't believe we've been dating a month. Hey, you know what? My cousin's

wedding's this weekend. My family's dying to meet you. We're going, okay?

This weekend?

Oh, baby, that's this weekend. You know what? This weekend's bad because this is

the weekend that I moved to France.

You can be alone by yourself.

But I have a partner.

But I can't trust no one else.

So don't isolate yourself.

When there's nobody around.

I'll be there for you.

What a true love for you.

This is me and you. It's the worst.

is going to show her work in a real gallery, so this has to be perfect.

So you might want to get a real artist.

That was not funny.

I'm just kidding, sweetie. I thought you wanted to be an actress.

Well, like Ms. Clark says, don't be held down by one dream.

We women are multifaceted.

A woman with only one dream is a man.

Oh, so I see. Ms. Clark is one of those man -haters.

No, she's a womanist, a woman who supports other women.

Ah, so she's an ugly woman.

Okay, you know what? Just for that, I'm putting in your razor bumps.

Yeah, this is an interesting change of pace, you defending your teachers. I

mean, what's next? A black dude on Friends?

Yo, Chandler, holler at me. Hit me on the two -way.

Okay, you know what? I think I'm going to need some more clay. I underestimated

the size of your head.

Flex, Flex, I did it. I feel like a new man.

I decided to move out of my mama's house.

Really? Man, it seems like last week you just turned 33.

Oh, hold on. It was 34.

That's right, dog.

I'm a grown man.

The time has come for Dwayne Odell Knox to strike out on his own.

Plus, if I don't move out, my mama's going to keep interrupting my basement

boogie.

I can picture that.

Dwayne, you better tell your friend to cover up. I'm going to have to come down

there and join y 'all.

use of the medium.

It's very reminiscent of early Rodan.

That big bird that fought Godzilla?

Actually, I was talking about a different Rodan, but that Rodan made

impression on Tokyo.

And I see someone's making quite an impression on you.

You're giving all your power away with your eyes.

I'm sorry, it's just that I'm so weak for him.

What's wrong with me?

Nothing's wrong with you. What's going on, Brianna?

Well, it's just that I have a thing for Arnaz, but he likes this girl with

big... You know.

Big butter chellies? Yeah.

Honey, you're talking about a 16 -year -old boy. When you get older, you'll

find... Well, not that much changes.

You are an amazing person, and someday he's going to recognize that.

Well, I hope you're right.

Oh, can I ask you about one more thing that's been bothering me? Of course.

Should I stuff?

Yeah, work for me.

Spirit, did you make that dress out of duct tape?

Anybody can make a dress out of fabric.

But Miss Clark says for the art show, I should think outside of the box.

I don't think she meant the trash box.

So, uh, what do you think about my piece?

Wait a minute.

That's Rihanna's head.

It's Ginger's body.

Ooh, Ginger got some jacked up feet.

No, no, actually, those are yours.

I wanted your cashew toes to balance out all that beauty.

Well, these nutty toes can still kick your squirrely butt.

Boobies!

All right, boys. Listen, women's bodies have been the subject of great art for

centuries. Now, as artists and as human beings, we have got to have respect for

the beauty of the female form. Amen.

Now, Arnaz.

Yes, Miss Clark?

What is it you feel when you look at this piece?

I feel as though I have to respect those beautiful boobies.

Man, Flex, you should have seen the place my realtor showed me today, man.

,000 a month, and I got a view of the park, a view of the city, a view of the

poorhouse.

You've got to find something a little more reasonable, something more

comfortable, you know, somewhere you can afford.

Yeah, I know, Flex. I'm just so excited about being out on my own. You know, I

get carried away.

You're right.

I've got to be responsible.

That's right. You know, I've got to be mature.

Mm -hmm. I've got to be an adult.

I've got to... Oh, my God!

Boobies!

Ow! Ow!

Hey! Hey!

You're defacing my artwork.

How would you like someone to deface yours?

You know, it looks a lot better if you squint your eyes all the way shut and

turn around.

So you don't like it? I don't blame the kids. I blame the teacher.

Oh, really?

Well, I heard she's pretty good.

Yeah, I'm not one to gossip, but this teacher sounds like one of those...

Feminists? Even worse. She calls herself a womanist.

That's French for ugly.

No.

They're the worst.

I mean, she's probably filling your daughter's head with outrageous ideas

equal rights and self -respect.

I bet she doesn't even shave under her arms.

You know, and she probably wears flannel shirts and combat boots. Mm -hmm.

And a buzz cut. Oh!

Okay, stop. You're scaring me.

Oh, don't worry.

I'll protect you, little lady.

Oh, would you kind, sir?

Because I'm just vulnerable.

Helpless.

Defenseless.

Art teacher.

Hi, I'm Miss Clark.

Uh, uh, uh, hi, I'm Coop Jones.

I'm Spirit's father. Yeah, yeah.

If you have to fail her, I understand. I told her, hit the books, hit the books.

Nice try, Mr. Washington. I've seen you on TV, and I know you're Brianna's

father.

Call me a flex.

I'm just kidding about what I said earlier.

My daughter's crazy about you. You're her favorite teacher.

Well, I can't tell you what a pleasure it is having Brianna in my class. She is

a talented artist with a promising future.

My Brianna?

Have you seen this potato she's passing off as my head?

So, your head's big and lumpy.

Embrace it.

and think about it.

I think she likes me.

Daddy, Miss Clark is not like the women you usually date.

She's different.

When she wears jewelry with her name on it, it's a fashion, not a reminder.

Hey, that's for me and them. It's hard remembering everybody's name.

But, Dad, do you know how embarrassing it would be for me if you started dating

one of my teachers?

I mean, I can hear it now. Hey, yo, yo, Brianna Daddy is flat -apping Miss

Clark.

Okay, Brianna, I hear you.

Daddy, seriously, stay away from Mr. Clark.

I've got better things to do than to flirt with your teacher.

Hey, Ms. Clark.

Hey, Lumpy.

Look, I think we got off to a bad start.

By calling me an ugly French woman in combat boots, we got off to a great

Look, I'm not one of those maddest.

Rough crowd, rough crowd.

Maybe I can make you laugh over dinner sometime.

Charming, Mr. Washington.

Call me Flex. Mr. Washington.

Flex.

I make it a policy never to date my students' fathers.

You know, I've seen some of those fathers. That's a good policy.

Ah, it's the ugly French woman laughs. Okay,

all right, so you don't date fathers. What if we call it a parent -teacher

conference over lobster and...

Champagne. Oh, unfortunately, Mr. Washington, I learned the hard way. I

never mix my professional life with my personal life.

I respect that.

But what if we just happen to be in the same place at the same time? Oh, say, I

don't know, Jaffe's at 8 o 'clock Saturday night.

I would call that more of a coincidence than a date, wouldn't you?

You don't give up, do you, Flex?

Mr.

Washington.

You are charming.

Daddy, you couldn't help yourself, could you? You had to go over there and flirt

with Miss Clark.

No, see, she was... You know, what happened is what she... Okay,

she wasn't interested.

No, no, she just treated me like I was a... A Dwayne.

Boobies.

So, would you like to order something, since it appears that your lady friend

isn't going to make it? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. She's going to make it.

She's just being fashionably late.

Well, I'll get you another basket of free bread.

Oh, good news.

Your lady friend has just arrived.

Hi, Daddy.

What's the matter?

You were expecting Miss Clark?

Well, I, uh, uh, see, free bread?

So, are we gonna order here?

Sure, I'll have the lobster, and he'll have the crow.

Brianna, what are you doing here?

Well, Spirit overheard you asking Miss Clark out, and I knew she wouldn't show

up because of her policy.

Besides, she's not the one to fall for your charming potato head wave.

Did she say that?

She never mentioned you, Dad.

Oh, so you just came down here to gloat. Oh, no, I just wanted to come down here

and say I told you so. Oh, yeah, which reminds me, I told you so.

You know, it's moments like these that make me realize you're your mama's

daughter.

Dad, do not be upset because you got caught up in your own web of lies and

deceit, okay?

This happens to the best of players.

Let's just face it.

Ms. Clark is out of your league.

Oh.

Sweetie, I am a single, good -looking...

Well -paid brother.

I am the league.

The league MVP.

So, uh, if given a chance, I could woo your Miss Clark. Handle that right

Wait, wait, wait. Hold up, hold up, hold up. You woo Miss Clark?

Uh, I don't think so. I love you, Daddy, but you just can't make that happen.

Ooh!

Is that a challenge?

You run with the big dogs, you're going to get bit.

Ten.

All right, you're on.

She's hosting a show at the gallery tomorrow, and we can go down there and

you crash and burn, Daddy -O.

Daddy -O?

Man, she better have some serious insurance because she's about to get

And the funny thing is, I like her because she's making me bring out my A

Speaking of A -game, I got to get A1 credit.

Finally found my 40 acres and a mule. Congratulations, man. Thanks.

Actually, it's only 600 square feet, but I'm going to hang a picture of a mule

up in the bathroom.

Oh, my new landlord is running a credit check. So when he calls, you might

answer in the phone, United Bank of Baltimore.

Yeah, great. And remember, I have 150K in Swiss francs.

Uh, should I use my English accent?

Oh, cheers, mate. I'd expect nothing less. Well, I'll talk.

Uh, Daddy, why do you have all that cologne on? You smell like Grandpa when

going to the racetrack.

To woo a womanist, you must think like a womanist. Now watch me womanize.

Like all expressionist painters, Mike Kroll depicts subjective emotions, not

objective reality.

It's obvious that a man painted that.

Look, the whole piece lacks the sophistication and tenderness of a

Okay.

Way to woo, Dad. Way to woo.

Now, if you'll turn your attention to this wall.

In this painting by Susan Holcomb, we have a beautiful example of a style

as photorealism. I see her female reality, a world void of war and hate. I

fresh just looking at it.

I really do.

Paint me a bra and I'll burn it.

How about I paint you a muzzle?

Kinky.

Uh, you know what, Dad? I think I'm gonna go clean off my shoes. I think I

stepped in some of your woo.

Abstract expressionists like Ted Van Cleave explore color and shape rather

specific subject.

Only a man would be interested in something as trite as shape.

But here's a subject worth exploring.

Have dinner with me.

Flex, I'm working here.

Not as hard as I am.

I'm afraid we're going to have to stop. Thanks to our many interruptions, we're

out of time and patience.

Thank you. Come again.

So, uh, I see you're off now.

Flex, what was your plan? To come down here and nag me into a date?

Well, if it's working, yes.

Did you hear anything I said about the artwork?

Of course I did. I watched every move.

Okay, if you're so interested in what I do, tell me about that painting.

It's nice.

You are so deep, Mr. Washington. Good night.

Oh, here we go again with the Mr. Washington. What do you want me to say?

not about what I want you to say. It's about what you feel.

What, do you want me to tell you how brilliant the artist is?

I mean, it looks like a child did this.

Okay, what else?

I mean, the colors are all over the place.

Like he was in a rush to do it, or he couldn't make up his mind.

Go on.

for me the guy was either confused or angry

maybe not angry at all maybe in love

maybe in pain maybe in pain because of love

Wow Wow you really get it

how'd you do that you did it You finally shut your mouth and opened your mind.

Brianna's right.

You're an excellent teacher.

Are you still flirting with me?

No, no, that was from the heart. I meant that.

Too bad. I was hoping you were flirting.

Why, Miss Clark, what about your policy?

Forget the policy.

You're okay, Brianna.

I will be once I gouge my eyes out.

Brianna. Okay, I know what happened.

You tripped and landed on his lips, right?

Not exactly.

You... You teacher kisser!

Natalie, could you give us a moment alone, please?

I hope you're not too disappointed in me, Brianna.

But I can't believe you fell for his act.

You're a woman then.

You're right, I am.

And a true woman is a real woman.

And honey, I need a man.

I hope you understand.

Daddy, I don't want Miss Clark to end up being another one of your 30 -day

girls.

She's more than a teacher to me. She's my friend.

And I don't want you to hurt her.

Ho, ho, ho.

Brie, I don't want to start dating someone with the intention of hurting

Really? Because that's what seems to always happen.

Not always. I've been hurt too, you know.

Yeah, right, name one time.

Your mother and me.

Now, we may not get along now, but I did love her.

I still do. I mean, it's different.

Daddy. Brianna, relationships are hard.

Maybe that's why I don't like to get in them.

Then why get in one with Miss Clark?

I don't know.

I admit, I got all caught up in the chase.

I mean, she's hot.

See, I knew it.

Sweetie, tonight she showed me things in a whole new light. She forced me to be

real. And when it comes to women, that's not something that's easy for me.

Maybe I think it's worth exploring.

Well, I still don't like it, but I guess I can't stop you.

Don't worry, baby. I won't disappoint you.

You better not. I know where you live.

Girl, you better go ahead.

across the hall from each other man it doesn't get any better than this does it

Love you too, Netta.