Original subtitles

Oh, good morning, parents.

Good morning, sofa.

How far is the Asabuhi African mask?

Oh, that's why he leaves. Oh, it feels so wonderful to be back home in

Baltimore. I guess you didn't see that triple homicide on the news this

Daddy, you're harshing my mellow.

Well, um...

That's a loose translation in your book. Sit your butt down and eat your

breakfast. But, Mommy, I'm too excited to eat. I gotta go surprise Freddy and

Arnaz and tell them that I'm back and that their boring little lives are gonna

be meaningful again.

All right. Now that the child is gone, can we discuss the house rules for

squatters, vagabonds, and the generally undesirable?

Rule number one. No more whale music at night. Man, what is with the...

of a killer whale is what helps me sleep.

Yeah, well, so could a well -placed harpoon.

Well, if I can recall, that's the sound that you used to make when you used to

reach your romantic peak.

Just tell me when you're gonna get a job.

Well, Flex, as you know, Baltimore is a water -based society with various points

gracing the Chesapeake Bay. You know, you used to be so hot.

Before that book learning.

And you used to be even hotter when I was ignorant.

Now, focus.

Now, I'm going to be circulating my resume to all the places befitting a

with a Ph .D. And then I'm going to find a very big fabulous place to live. Oh,

how about fabulous and far away?

Come on, Flex. Now you're lucky you don't have to start all over again.

No. No, I don't.

They've been keeping my seat warm down at WYNX. And do you want to know why?

Because I have something called likability.

See, when people like you, they want to keep you around. And when they don't,

well, you've lived the rest.

Sometimes in this life, you can feel all by yourself.

But I have a partner, but I can't tell no one else.

Then I'll isolate you there when there's nobody.

Hey, Captain, your flat -out man is back.

And now that I've got the sheen of a guy who almost made it to the pros again,

we need to renegotiate. But don't worry, I ain't gonna stick it to you.

That's awfully nice of you, little Flexie. Give me a chance to stick it to

first.

Oh, you're no longer lead sports anchor. You've been bumped.

What? By who?

Hey, Flex, you're in my spot.

Visitor parking is on level two.

Visitor parking? You can't fire me.

Oh, technically I can, but I haven't. You see, when you ran off to pursue your

hoop dreams, you left the WYNX team without a star player.

But Stacy said I could have the time off.

That's right. That's why I've given Stacy some time off.

But Danny, why him? Because he's ruthless.

He's hardworking.

And he's my wife's little brother.

When he got wind of the oldest rookie in the NBA story, he was on the first

plane out to L .A. That story was about me.

Yeah, but don't worry. The irony wasn't lost on us either.

But hey, maybe you could fill in for me on a day or two.

Cullen's sick on spa days.

Ciao, Bella.

I don't have to take this.

Every station in Baltimore is going to be knocking on my door because I have

likability.

You also have a non -compete clause.

Yeah.

See, your contract states that you can't work at a local media outlet for a year

if you quit.

I'm not intimidated by your binding contracts, your legal technicalities. My

million -dollar lawsuits.

A man dares to pursue his dreams and loses his job?

This is not the America that I want to live in.

But it's still the land of opportunity, pal. And lucky for you, our weatherman

is retiring.

El Nino Gonzalez?

I thought he died months ago.

Yeah, we did too.

Well, you never shake the sound of a man screaming in his own coffin.

Man, I do sports. I don't do weather, and I'll never do weather. So if there's

no position open in sports, then there's no position for me.

Uh, this is where you say, I'm sorry you're back in sports?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm just kidding.

Hey, hey.

Hey.

Brianna, I can rock this Gucci purse, and you can rock this Prada purse.

You are the worst Brianna ever, Ray Ray.

You need to go inside and practice. Then remember, it's...

kiss like that. Why?

Because that was our goodbye forever kiss. Our Titanic kiss.

The music swells, he slips into the ocean, he dies with the band, and my

goes on.

He lives next door to me. You're gonna see him sooner or later.

But everything has changed. I rocked one on him.

No, two.

And I don't think you learned that practicing on your pillow.

So, I at least need to know how he feels about our kiss.

So,

we gonna do?

Oh, girl, I miss your giveaway so much.

Now, if one lawyer in Baltimore can get me out of that non -compete contract.

Well, there's one, but I gotta rear -end somebody and wear neck brace for a

week.

And I've checked everywhere.

Nobody's hiring.

I can't believe I quit my job.

At least we're not like other unemployed people. We got skills.

You know what? You right.

I mean, we could find a job in no time. No doubt. The phone was going to be

ringing off the hook.

Is it on?

Okay,

this is it. Here comes Arnaz. Now, when he gets here, be sure to be real subtle

about the kiss. Okay.

Hey, Arnaz.

So how about that kiss yesterday, huh?

Yeah, that was the kiss I've been dreaming about my whole life.

I miss Brianna so much.

Sometimes I think I'm seeing her.

You got it bad.

But maybe she's closer than you think.

A lot closer.

Yeah, well, I got to go. Be around.

How come you didn't come out?

Girl, are you kidding?

I'm going to make him miss me more so he'll want me more. Now that I know

can't function without the soft touch of my tender kid.

How are you going?

Nowhere. Yet.

But I'm acting as if.

You see, if I dress for work, I'll get work.

It's called manifest destiny.

And that's destiny calling right now.

Nicole Barnes, Ph .D.

Hello. Destiny calling for Mr. Cal Barnes, Ph .D.

That is not funny, Flex.

This is hard for me. I've always had a job.

Even when I was 18 and pregnant with Brianna.

I was paid to be the poster girl for babies having babies.

Don't let it happen to you.

Look, girl, you need to get over it. You knew there was no job security in whale

watching? They're in a dangerous species, for God's sake. They go, you

Well, what about you, Mr.

Flathead Man?

Don't nobody want you. Do they? Do they? Do they? No.

Oh, how the bourgeoisie have fallen.

For once, you two are down and out, and I am the symbol of success and

prosperity.

Then why aren't you at work? Well, uh, my boss down at the used car lot gave me

a couple days off to prepare for my annual evaluation.

I'm sorry, that's employed people talk.

See, uh, in laid -off people terms, I'm just studying to become the lot manager.

Dang, Nicole.

What's up?

Dwayne's doing better than us.

It's okay, honey.

Things will get better.

You want a hug?

Uh -huh.

Okay, I'll give you a little hug. Aw, look at you two, comforting each other.

You two stay jobless much longer. I won't be surprised if I'm the best man

your wedding again, and there's another bundle of joy running around up in here.

Hey, hey, hey, where you going?

Uh, to let El Nino back in his casket.

Bring your umbrellas to work tomorrow.

It might rain.

Today's weather question comes from Margaret Kurtz of Towson.

Flex, my bridge club loves watching you do the weather.

Well, thank you.

Could we see if your back is as sexy as your front?

And what does that have to do with the weather?

Bless you.

Local weather forecast, and I'm your weatherman, Flex Chocolate Thunder.

Very funny, Charlie.

That was nice work, Flex. Really.

Top of the next hour, I'll wear spandex.

All right, you've won. I've accepted my position as weather slut.

Hey, uh, weather slut.

Could you... tidy up the desk a little.

I got to go. I'm off to play 18 holes with Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan and

some charity thing today. Wait, wait, wait.

I set that up. They're supposed to be teeing off with me.

No, actually, they're supposed to be teeing off with the lead sports anchor,

that would be me.

Smite him.

Look at her, crawling all over him like a spider with a big old butt.

See, that's what you see.

All I see is part two of my plan.

Arnaz being so into me, he rebuked the hoochie.

Now all I have to do is get over there and hear it for myself.

Hey, I got an idea.

Hey, Ray Ray.

That PhD thing on my resume, yeah, that's a typo.

It's supposed to be... G -E -D.

Yeah, I'm as dumb as a stump.

I need to be a job.

Hello?

Oh, I have been up all night studying. Nicole, look, ask me any question out of

this book.

Dwayne, I really don't have time for this. See, all that attitude gonna keep

from getting a job.

At least Flex has likability.

Make me like you.

my best friend's ex -wife. Let's not get freaky.

What's up, Dee?

You get a job yet, Nicole?

No. Chocolate thunder.

And it's sunny. You said that it was gonna be rainy.

Well, I got a forecast for you. Get a job.

Ooh, it's hurricane flex.

Batting down the hatches, board up the windows.

There's a lot of hot air blowing. Right up, yo.

There it is right there, that old passion.

You two keep this up, and angry sex is sure to follow.

Shut up!

What? You got a crappy job, right?

How do you get up every morning without wanting to throw yourself in front of a

train? Easy, all right?

See, I get up every morning knowing that by the end of the day, I'm going to

make somebody smile.

By selling them a pinto with a backseat made of Legos?

Hey, Flex, you got a job. You're a weatherman.

You get to lie to millions of people every day, and they keep coming back.

that's the American dream.

Girded cart so funky, I'm about to black out from the pews. Knock it off. Go to

mission.

You know there's a fair going on at Druid Hill.

And I heard the haunted house is real dark and scary.

And I need someone to hold on to.

So, you want to go?

I'm not really in the mood for big crowds.

See? He's rebuking. He's rebuking.

Since Brianna left, I've been kind of down.

Me too.

Thanks, Ginger.

You're a good friend.

So hang out at the mall.

I don't love the mall.

See, now he's passed my test.

Oh.

Swear he wouldn't leave his cart in front of my building.

No, please.

So let your smiles be your umbrellas because there aren't any clouds in

And for Maggie Kurtz and her bridge club, I am chocolate thunder.

And thank you. We'll be back at the top of the hour.

And we're out.

Flex, that's one of the best weather broadcasts I've ever seen. Oh, thanks,

Hank. You know, I am just happy to be part of the team. Hey, bro -in -law, a

word. I just got this memo that you're sending me to that fishing contest on

Sharp Island. Oh, yeah, yeah.

The tournament.

That should be a blast.

I cover athlete, not fish.

Hey, hey.

Why don't I do the weather from the tournament?

It might be kind of fun to have the winner of the contest co -host with me.

mean, after all, I am the bass man for the job.

I like your attitude.

I'm like Danny here.

Danny, let's go talk about your future in my office.

Uh, Danny.

Likeability.

Who's in here cooking? Chef Boyardee?

Lousy. You have a bro R .D.

Very funny. This is an apology to your mother.

Wait a minute.

Cooking and apology all in one day.

Did the doctor call? Am I dying?

Very funny. But thanks to our good friend Dwayne, I got a new attitude and

old job back.

Congratulations,

Daddy. Hey, don't waste all those hugs over there.

Mommy's got a new job, too.

You're looking at the new research director for the Save the Oceans United

League. S -O -U -L. So?

See, now I'm helping marine life by going straight to the source. So

is going to be perfect.

Oh, congratulations, Mommy. Oh, thank you. Oh, and I've got even better news.

Brianna and I are going to be living it up in a spacious apartment in Bolton

Hill. Hold up, hold up, hold up. You and Brianna get an apartment?

We never talked about that.

You actually thought that since I got a job in Baltimore that the living

arrangements weren't going to change?

Yeah, things are great the way they are. No, no, they're not.

Flex,

I'm not going to argue with you. We'll let Brianna decide.

Baby, now who would you rather live with, Mommy or Daddy?

Now, take your time. You know, nobody's going to get upset.

Okay, Daddy.

You know, if you'd rather live here, then here is where you'll stay.

We could spend the weekends together.

Oh, thank you, Mommy, for understanding.

Okay. And for giving me life.

I'll see you out later. You too, baby.

Wow, Nicole, that was probably the most mature thing that you've ever done. Our

relationship is moving to a new level. I hate you!

Look, see, you're like broccoli.

Healthy, good for you, but people have to pour cheese all over you just to

you down.

See, I'm like chocolate cake.

I go down pretty easy, and I'm good for your hips.

Don't feel so sure of yourself, Flex. The only reason why I went along with

is because I didn't want to end up being mean mom.

I'm no a trap when I see one.

Oh, please, Nicole. Ain't nobody trying to trap you. Oh, I beg to differ.

I'm on to you, Flex.

See, you're the fun parent.

but not for long, okay? This is my chance to be the fun parent. So while

setting curfews and imposing punishments, I'm gonna be Molly's good

You see? I'm having fun already.

This place you're moving into, uh, padded walls, right?

Happy to see you.

I've been lost and out of you. When did you get back?

Well, it's a long story, but all that matters is that I'm here now.

I bet you never went anywhere.

Brianna, I know you never left.

Brianna, why do you keep playing games in my heart?

It wasn't a game.

It was a test.

Brianna, I'm a musician.

Elvis wasn't going to test, and neither am I.

I think it's best we stay friends.

What? You ready to go, boo?

Boo? Yeah, I'm with Ginger now.

She doesn't play games.

Welcome back, Brie Brie.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Oh, I blew his spirit.

I am never going to like another boy again, Daddy.

I wish all boys were more like you.

There's nobody like me, sweetie. I'm an original.

I thought our news wasn't original.

Stop messing with me.

Okay, well... This is the last of it.

I'll walk you out, Ma. Okay.

Well, take care, Nicole.

I wish you well.

Whatever, Flex.

Tina Turner. She goes.

She goes. She goes.

I'm going to miss her so much.

Love you too, Netta.