Original subtitles

Come on, Brianna. You haven't spoken to Arnaz in two days.

I haven't slept in my bed in two days either.

Picturing him and Natasha groping each other while my stuffed animal stared on

in horror.

We don't know for sure what he did with Natasha. The only way to find out is to

ask. Girl, please. Who wants to hear the dirty little details of their escapade?

I do.

Arnaz!

Whatever.

People are still talking about it. Huh, Brianna?

So where's your girl Natasha?

Where's your boy Louis?

Oh, my God.

It's Derek Tumba. That boy got dimples that were forced by God himself.

Yo, listen up, everybody, the moment you've all been waiting for. All right,

now, here in my hand is McKinley Pro's freshman hottie list.

Now, girls, if you're on this list, you're definitely hot. If you're not...

Hey, go home and blame your mamas and daddies.

Brianna, I can't look. Check and see if I made the list.

Girl, we do not need some list to validate our fineness. That's why we

other. I'm fine until you're home.

You made it, Brianna.

Well, I can't you know when there's nobody

Martini. Shaken.

Not stirred.

Can I have a beer, please?

So how is your James Bond class going, 00 Porkchop?

Laugh all you want. But I'm learning some pretty interesting things, like the

art of interrogation, like the art of the high -speed chase, and most

importantly, the art of making love in a German submarine.

Otherwise known as Das Nacken Wut. Ja, Wut.

to put your Bond charm to use.

Oh, no problem, dog.

I'm a spy with a license to match. Oh.

Ah. Good evening, ladies.

The name's Knox.

Dwayne Knox.

Uninterested. Totally uninterested.

Greetings, ladies.

Washington.

Flex Washington.

Oh, it's the flood.

you a drink or hot wing calamari well you can buy me anything you want as long

as we feed each other okay fine you got the rap but you don't know 10

different ways to kill a man with a single touch

girl

you know how much i love you oh my god black it's funny

This is Craig Harris, the love of my life and as of yesterday, my fiancée.

I should be called financier, considering that ring I got her.

My little peach cobbler's worth every penny.

I'll get us some drinks, baby.

Okay.

Wow.

You're engaged, huh?

Well, it looks like you're happy.

Even though I haven't seen a brother with starched jeans since Albie Short.

great guy. We met each other at an anger management group.

Since when did you have problems with anger?

Since we broke up and I couldn't say your name without punching the walls.

Okay. But here, I'm all better now and walls are safe everywhere.

Well, it's a good seeing you two.

It's good seeing you, Flex.

And I hope we can be friends.

That would be nice.

But being friends was always hard for us. Remember?

Well, you do have to admit, you are hard to forget.

Yeah, yeah. But I'm willing to try, though.

Right?

Friends.

Well, you better go on and have your drink with Starch Boy.

Stop talking about my fiancé. Okay, my bad.

But if you keep starching them jeans, boy, you're going to sleep standing up.

Hey, what's up, hottie?

Mind if we talk during that?

Go ahead.

Oh, but use short sentences because he's kind of slow.

I got you.

You're not funny.

So, what do you want, Derek?

Call me a dork and make me walk home in my socks again? Oh, no, man. That was

last month.

I'm here to give you your props on hooking up with that fine junior,

So, uh, you want to be down with us?

Wait, me?

A member of the McKinley Pros.

Awesome!

I mean, hell yeah.

So, uh, I get a jacket or something? Oh, slow down, Patsy. This ain't happy

days.

You're looking at the newest member of the McKinley Pros.

Ta -da!

Oh, so I guess now they're the McKinley Pros plus one chunk.

Oh, my God, it's Britney Spirit.

You like I decided to sex my look up a little?

Spirit, there's nothing wrong with the way you usually dress.

offbeat and retro.

Well, I'm tired of being the black block.

Now I'm hot.

Look, if you get any hotter, you'll be frying bacon.

Dang. What do we have here?

A little this, a little that.

Yeah, well, uh, let's get to know this, then move on to that.

Girl, her mama ought to whip her butt.

That's what I do to my daughter.

Girl, my daughter got a job on a TV show. Ain't nothing I can do with an

Check my spy stuff, dog. Oh, take out the bifocals. See, you pop out the

and they become nifty little handcuffs for the criminals and the ladies.

You have the right to remain naked.

Flex.

Flex.

Flex! Flex!

Man, you've been half -hair ever since I came over. What's on your mind?

Tanya, man.

I thought I buried her in the ex -girlfriend graveyard.

But she's back from the dead like Lazarus, except with Gucci sandals.

And now you think you ought to bat?

Man, that's pathetic.

I don't know if I'd go that far, but all I know is she found someone and I'm

still combing the clubs.

Tanya.

Tanya, what are you doing here?

Last night at the club, I... Could we be alone?

Oh, not enough.

You have no authority here, ex -woman.

Dwayne, could you give us a moment, please?

All right, fine. You know, I'll leave.

But if she breaks your heart again, I have a gun that doubles as a

so you can wipe away your tears.

Okay, Flex.

Is it just me, or was it kind of weird running into each other?

No, what's weirder is you're going to be a married woman with a boatload of

starched jeans to wash.

I'm sorry, I just can't get off that brother's pants.

Seeing you has just confused things for me.

What's wrong? You're not getting married? Yeah. No, no, I don't know.

Look, I still have feelings for you, and it's all your fault.

My fault? You walked out on me. Because you weren't willing to commit.

I just wasn't ready.

Look, I miss you.

No, no, we gotta stop. You're supposed to be getting married.

I know, but maybe I owe it to myself just to be sure.

Well, I want you to be sure.

Okay,

be at my place tomorrow at 8.

Make it 7 .30 in the a .m.

Uh -uh.

Uh, hello? People are eating in here.

I'm a copy of my report card from Mother's Day, and I need you to help me

some C's to B's.

Sorry, Brianna. I'm with my man.

Nah, it's cool, doll. Go on with your girl.

Whatever you say, Derek.

Whatever you say, Derek.

Girl, you hardly know him. I think you need to slow down. Slow down? I'm

catching up. Derek just told me I made the new hottie thing.

Everything is what Derek says.

Derek says the world is flat.

Ooh, Derek says... He saw Osama Bin Laden kicking it at the roller rink.

You were excited when you made the list. You even did that dance.

I'm a hottie. I'm a hottie. Get back, because you might get burnt.

Don't hate.

Congratulate.

Man, ever since I joined the pros, I got girls jockeying me. I got guys letting

me keep my shoes.

you could be so good?

Well, it's about to get even better.

Check it out.

The McKinley Pros are also known as the Panty Pots. And every semester, we throw

a party and invite all the hotties. Then we break them in.

You mean like give them cool nicknames and stuff, huh?

Boy, you really are a potsy.

See, look, first we soften them up with some slow jazz.

Then we feed them all these lies about how we respect them. They love that.

Before you know it, they got their panties as trophies.

And those two?

are about to enter the winner circle.

So what's up? You on board with sex in the hottie list, girl?

I hear you've been trying to get at Brianna ever since she beamed up from

Hotlanta.

Yeah, but I don't think Spirit and Brianna can get out on a school night.

Don't be stupid, man. Today's Friday.

Yeah, but those girls aren't the brightest.

You got tutoring on Saturday mornings.

Dumb girls, huh?

Even better.

Hey, ladies.

Hey, how about y 'all stop by my house tonight for a party?

Pros, hotties, and those that matter.

I guess clothes are optional.

Ooh, this girl don't need no tutor.

Spirit, you'll be my special guest.

I want to show you off like a trophy, baby.

We going to party with the pros?

No, you aren't.

The pros also call themselves the panty posse. And every year they make a game

out of doing the girls on the list.

Oh, I knew Derek was shady.

He got those shifty little eyes and that fake very white voice.

Hey, spirit baby, you should look good almost naked.

That was a pretty good impression you've been practicing. on your lonely

Saturday nights?

And you, you were a platinum blonde dork until Derek decided to make you a pro,

so both of y 'all need to shut up.

Look, Arnaz, I know I'm not speaking to you, but we gotta do something.

That boy's gonna use her up until all that's left is a big pile of braids.

pizzas with everything on it. I know you don't like anchovies, but I already

paid for it.

All right, what's wrong? Talk fast. I'm already an hour late for a date with

Tanya. Tell him I'm in.

The problem is of sexual nature. I knew it!

Hey,

Daddy Tim, nobody's been violated yet.

Well, you two better start talking.

All right, it's like this, sir.

I joined this group at school, and I found out that they want to, um...

How do they feel in your day?

Make whoopee with Brianna and Spears.

Make whoopee?

Boy, this ain't the color purple.

And where's the phone book? I'm going to call these kids' parents.

Daddy, no. If you make a scene, then we'll look like a bunch of snitches, and

I'm too cute for that.

Yeah, she's right, sir. Before I joined this club, everyone in school considered

me a dork.

Just at school?

But now that I'm a pro, I'm cool.

Let me tell you something, Arnaz.

Being cool is not being part of some crap.

Being cool is knowing when to be your own man.

Come on, Daddy. We got to do something fast. Spirit's going to be at that

Okay.

Okay, I think I got an idea for where you all can save face. But the minute I

find somebody making whoopee, somebody's getting a whooping.

Oh, I knew I made a good choice making you a pro. You're one of them old head

DJs straight out of 85.

Yeah, you know how I do.

How we doing, fellas?

Uh, we all set, baby.

Ain't that right, DJ Kool? Yeah, boy!

I got my trusty James Bond swat swat with built -in knockout gas. You say the

word, I will turn this basement into a smoky cave in Afghanistan.

Okay, Dad, Spear's mom just dropped her off. I'm ready to block like nobody's

business. Spear won't see you, and Derek will see nothing but me.

Okay, that's nice, baby, but make sure you cover up that navel.

Spirit, spirit, spirit.

How's my little chocolate -covered strawberry doing?

Just peachy.

Why don't we step on this dance floor, girl, so I can hold you like you need to

be held?

Sure, we'll dance.

Um, girl, I'm glad you changed your mind about coming to the party.

But you busted up my roof.

Hey, you'll run DMC.

Why don't y 'all slow it down a little bit so we can get cozy with the ladies?

Uh, man, this is a hip -hop party. If you want us to slow it down, you should

hire Luther Vandross as your DJ.

We ain't got nothing for you, man.

You know, my man, what's the deal with the DJ throwing salt in everybody's

If I ain't know any better, I'll say they were parents.

Nah, I checked it out.

Them college kids.

Yeah, well, I'll handle this.

Hey, yo, we need some help.

Y 'all college boys, right? Yeah, of course.

Hey, well, look, there's some gangbangers outside this door here, and

ready to crack some heads.

Oh, no, brother. No, no. Stop the violence, man.

Increase the peace.

I can handle this, all right?

Let's just talk this out, okay?

You know what, man? You're right.

We'll follow your lead. There we go. There we go. Let's mobilize it out here.

Be right, right.

There they go. Amen.

coffee can do with things. Handle that.

Oh, they just threw my dad and Dwayne out.

Oh, now look at Derek in spirit.

Okay, let's just dance by them until I can figure this thing out. Come on.

Uh -uh, don't be grinding all up on me. I am not Natasha.

You're worried that your boyfriend Louis might find out?

You think Louis is my boyfriend?

Well, since you're in your dad's bedroom with him at the party, he better be

your boyfriend.

Wait, hold up. Is that what you think?

Spirit, has anyone ever told you how special you are?

Well, the school counselor said I was special, then suggested trade school.

See, Spirit, that's why I like you.

You ain't like all the other girls.

Scratch that.

Ernest, I looked everywhere upstairs.

Where could she be?

Hey, do you know... Derek is he's in the laundry room getting his pro on you

gotta get in there look on this pro point spirit is

our girl I I don't know if I'm comfortable with

it just relax baby this ain't gonna take long all the girls say I'm pretty good

at this I don't know Derek doesn't feel right well what you mean

Don't tell me all this is just a tease.

It's not a tease.

Well, show me how you feel.

Derek!

Arnett! Yo, what you doing, man? You got Brianna. I got this one, though.

Yo, man, it's not going down tonight.

Come on, spirit.

Trying to get bowled up at my crib?

Man, you pathetic.

Kind of good to get their panties? Yeah, you about to get thumped out, John.

What's up?

You gonna raise up on all of us?

Oh!

No, I didn't. Just you.

I don't anybody move.

I don't anybody else move.

Don't worry, Mr. Washington. Everything's handled.

Handled like a man.

Okay, son.

Nasty!

I was just interested in getting your freak on.

Oh, I forgot.

Yo, D, I've got a date with Tanya, man. Could you take the kids home? Ah, get

your freak on. Oh, yeah, get your freak on.

Guy,

I owe you an apology.

You were right.

Thanks for having my back.

Hey, we always look out for each other.

Thanks for stepping in on this.

Oh, you kids warm a spice heart. You really do.

Come on, Fanny.

That was really cool of you, Arnett.

Maybe I can forgive you for what you did with Natasha in my room.

Dang, Brianna.

Do you really want to know what happened with Natasha in your bedroom?

Nothing. In fact, she broke up with me and hasn't spoken to me since.

You happy?

That was pretty bold of you to stand up for spirit.

Were you scared?

What are you doing tomorrow night?

Hey, one question at a time. Remember, ladies, there's only one Naz to go

around.

Tanya, sorry I'm late. You up?

She made filet mignon.

Uh, I'm worth expensive meat.

Love you too, Netta.