Original subtitles

Hello, everybody, and welcome to the Michelle McCall Show.

This week, we're in Baltimore because, well, quite frankly, I was in the mood

for some crab cakes.

Lean in. We about to be on camera.

No, the Michelle McCall Show is on the road looking for eligible, single,

successful men. So for all you women who keep logging on to wearmyman .com, I've

downloaded them right onto my stage.

meet the best of Baltimore.

Luke Rune, venture capitalist and author of the bestseller, I Got Your Money.

Michael Green, volunteer fireman and owner of the city's premier eatery, Kill

Crab.

And Frank Washington, former pro basketball player and current sports

WYNX.

You say that.

That. That. That.

When I say my, you say show.

My. Show.

My. Show.

And we'll be right back.

Sometimes it's a smile you can build all by yourself.

But a happy partner, well, I can't turn no one in.

So don't isolate yourself when there's nobody around.

One -on -one.

Can't nobody break the bond. We've been one -on -one.

Now we're having fun.

One -on -one.

One -on -one.

Now, my next guest is the Fladat man himself, Flex Washington.

You're the guy W .Y. and X go to when no one else can get the story.

Could it be those adorable dimples ladies?

Come on. Smile for us. Come on.

Look at that. You do blush.

Oh, girl, I'm too brown to blush.

Sex and the single father.

How do you work that?

I don't.

Because my daughter knows I've only had sex once in my life.

to create her.

Ah, well, he's selling something, ladies. Who's buying?

I don't know.

Tune in tomorrow when we'll meet Baltimore's hottest women.

Not as much fun for me, but you guys will love it.

Thanks for watching, because if you didn't, I'd be at home with you.

Thank you for having me on your show.

You know, I feel a little embarrassed, but can I have your autograph?

Sure. And could you make that out to my daughter, Brianna?

That's F -L -E -X.

Are you always this charming?

Only with very beautiful women and when I'm late for work, yeah.

There you go. You're being charming again.

When do you stop?

Would you agree to have dinner with me?

No, no, I usually don't date the guest. And I don't blame you. I mean, I've seen

some of your guests. You know, who would want to date a man who cried all the

time? Unless he's crying from joy from a night of romance

with you.

I usually don't do this, but I'm going to make an exception this time.

We have to be discreet or our dinner date will be the talk of the century.

Don't worry, Michelle.

Our secret is safe with me.

Where's Brianna?

Where's Brianna? Where's your pride? Where's your dignity?

I got her the last sloppy joe. There's nothing worse than a cold joe. Oh, yeah,

there is. A pathetic harness.

Oh, here's my little love bug now.

I got your Joe extra sloppy with extra napkins.

Arnaz, you've gotten my lunch a hundred times.

Have you ever seen me eat a sloppy Joe?

I guess you're right. I'm going to give it to Spirit. She'll eat anything.

Hey, you guys, me and Natasha.

She just transferred from San Francisco. Dr. Gilks asked me to show her around

and protect her from the riff -raff, so meet Riff and Raff.

I'm Arnaz, and this is Spirit.

Spirit, you...

Thank you for recognizing, girl, but you'd be surprised that you could put

together what you find in the trash.

My mama's bathroom rug yesterday.

A new coat today!

Inez, Brianna didn't tell me anything about you.

Oh, I'm going to tell you a little secret.

I didn't know you're my dirty little stalker.

See how much she loves me?

Oh,

I got to go to band practice.

That's where I'm going. Are you in the band?

Well, I'm trying out today.

Bass drum.

I play snare.

Well, it sounds like you two drummers need to beat it.

See you guys.

I like her. She kind of takes the focus off Arnaz. Well, if she keeps taking

Arnaz away, that might be even better. I mean, it might be liked and everything,

but he chewed my bun into the shape of a heart.

Coming to my house tonight. I am the man.

Okay, all right, checklist.

Brianna, gone.

Aunt Trell in the kitchen, gone.

Underwear, gone.

Welcome to...

My mama said I can't handle company.

Just a precaution. Okay, you can go now.

Oh, Flex, your place is so quaint.

Oh, I love it.

I get so tired of walking around my villa.

It's so nice to see everything in just one room.

Well, uh, later on, we can, uh, jump in the dishwasher and take a little steam.

Tell her I'm going to love being with a sweet young thang like you.

Now, where's your bathroom so I can freshen up?

Oh, uh, third door on the left. And please, ignore the teenage panties

on the shower. I have a daughter, not a fetish.

Oh, guys, listen.

Why don't we go to Blic -A -Bille? I hear they have the city's biggest

of vintage vinyl.

Girl, Arnette is always dragging me to that place. You got to take three. buses

and walk four blocks just to get there.

I have my car.

Okay, I'm out of excuses. I just hate that place.

Then I guess it's just us two sweetcakes.

Okay, pumpkin.

I want to get Lenny's album. Oh, the first Soundgarden album. Oh, I'm going

grab that one.

Sweetcake.

Pumpkin. Oh, Alex, I'll take dumb pet names for 200, please.

Why? Oh, the attitude, girl. Is it wrong?

Are you sure that's what it's about?

Yeah, what else would it be about?

Rihanna, hey, listen, I just want to make sure you're okay with me hanging

with Arnaz.

Sure, why do I care? I know he has a thing for you, and I don't know if you

him or you're just playing hard to get.

Not hard, Natasha girl, impossible.

Arnaz does nothing for me, we're just friends.

Good, because I really like him.

He's fine, he's sexy, and he smells good.

Did we sleep well?

Did we sleep? All right, you finish the eggs.

I'll get the paper. We'll get back in bed and make love over easy.

As long as it's not over quickly. Oh, you know how to roll like that.

behavior unethical, immoral, and just plain stanky.

Now, if you're going to shoot me, at least you can get my good side. Go

Michelle! Michelle!

Michelle, please!

Okay, Clayton.

Now, you promised me you wouldn't tell anybody.

Oh, I've been down this road before.

Okay, so who did you tell?

I swear, I didn't tell anyone.

Well, except my best friend, Dwayne.

And he would never keep a secret to save his life.

I'm a little insulted that you didn't think to mention it to me.

I'm a little bit insulted that you didn't want the world to know about us.

celebrity, too.

Of course you are, dear.

Flex, do you realize your life is about to become an open book because of me?

Don't you think we're strong enough to fight off the press?

Baby, I can handle the press.

I am the press.

No, Flex.

These people are vultures. They've been picking at me for years.

That's because you're one of the richest women in America.

It comes with the territory.

or go public.

Do you want to escort me to the governor's reception tomorrow night?

Oh, I would love to, as long as you promise to.

Is that why they call you flesh?

Then they go again, cleaning each other like cats.

Just keep that gun, baby.

Well, hello, guys.

Haven't seen you in a couple of days.

Sorry, Brianna. I got lost in the wonderful world of Natasha.

Well, I'm getting lost in the wonderful world of vomit if they don't stop doing

that.

Well, my little love bug, it's time for me to walk you to class.

Oh.

of the short one.

Now,

I know that look.

I see it in my mirror every day. Now, you've been rejected, huh?

You must be an emotional wreck, huh, baby?

Okay, bye.

Come here. Who rejected daddy's baby?

I don't know. I can't even say it. Anyway, you can't be rejected by someone

never wanted.

Who did you never want?

Nobody.

All right, come on. Tell Daddy what's going on.

Okay, so you know how Arnis is always getting on my nerves, doing stuff for

right? Getting my lunch, walking me to class, doing my chores.

Okay, you didn't hear the last one.

Anyway, he doesn't do that stuff for me anymore ever since Miss Natasha came

along with her perfect little personality, all friendly and nice and

anyway, he does not smell like peaches. He smells like apricots.

I cannot believe what I'm hearing. This is just crazy. That's what I'm saying.

You have feelings for Arnaz.

That's not what I'm saying.

Daddy, I don't know. Tell me what's going on.

Okay, well, I don't want to encourage this, but if you really, really like

Arnaz, and I hope you don't, you got to talk to him because there's nothing

worse than watching somebody you care about fall for someone else.

But, Daddy, you're not listening. to me. I don't like him. I need someone to

walk me to class, carry my books, and tell me how fine I am six times a day.

My baby's got it bad.

You look so dazzling in that tie.

Damn, I got good taste.

Usually, I'm not used to a delivery man showing up at my door, except with a

pizza, you know, occasionally a subpoena.

But never a designer tux with a pair of diamond cufflinks.

Yeah, mama takes care of her baby, doesn't she?

Shelly, you wicked thing.

I see you found something new to play with.

Donatella, stop it.

Flex, I want you to meet my producer.

And girls, you remember Flex.

The very successful sportscaster.

That's Sports Anger, number one sportscast from 11 .15 to 11 .23, Monday

Friday. Thank you very much.

And girls, it doesn't hurt that he's only 33.

What a workout.

Excuse me, Shelly. Your little Billy Blanks would like to talk to you for a

minute?

You know, I'm making him feel like a piece of meat, and I don't like it. Oh,

honey, I'm sorry.

You know us women, we get together, toss back the sauce, and become dirty girls.

But, um, you can discipline me next week when we're in the Cayman Islands.

Vacation? I got a job.

It's hard for me to get time off.

And what about Brianna?

I mean, I know you don't have kids, but I can't just walk off and leave her.

Didn't you do a show about that?

Yeah, you want this to work, right?

How does a million five a year sound?

For doing what?

Whatever you want, as long as you do it with me.

I was thinking my new public relations director.

What? Wait a minute. I have my own job, and I don't... Wait a minute, baby, not

now. Wait a minute.

The cameras are upon us. Come on.

Hold.

So, Mr. Washington, how does it feel to be dating one of the most powerful women

in America?

Uh, I don't know.

Shelly, why don't you tell her how I feel?

You did the right thing, Daddy. She can't rule you. You are Flex Washington.

I don't know why saying your first and your last name means something, but it

does.

Thanks, baby.

Who does she think she is, offering me over a million dollars to be her...

Public relations director.

Okay, you know what?

I'm only a child, but someday when I'm going to an expensive college and

bleeding you dry, you're going to regret this.

Oh, hey, girl.

You must be here to see my daddy.

Well, you know what? Anytime you're in town and you want to have a cup of

and reminisce over the good times, okay?

Call me, okay?

That was, um...

Quite some exit you made.

Yeah, it would have been a lot more dramatic if I had remembered I was

with you.

Fleck, you said you can handle being my man.

I can handle being your man. I don't think you can handle being my woman.

I've done it again, haven't I? I've taken a good man and emasculated him.

shriveled you up into a little eunuch.

Oh, hold on now. Not even in the coldest of water do I shrivel.

But I want to thank you, Michelle, because you helped me realize that I

be king in my own castle.

Flex, I don't know what a woman like me is supposed to do. I can provide for

myself. I can provide for you. Hell, I can provide for half of California.

No offense, Michelle, but you have control issues.

It's like Dr.

Gill says on your show. Oh, that quack, he been divorced eight times.

Michelle, I think what you've accomplished in your life is wonderful.

But if you want a man like me, I mean, you got to learn how to turn off all

that. I'm Michelle McCall. I'm the woman in charge.

Look at me, I got diamonds, I got everything, I got a villa, all that. You

to turn it off.

I can do that.

Okay, I can't do that.

Well, I guess this is where we say goodbye.

Take care of yourself, Lex.

I had a wonderful time.

And you are a sweet, sweet lady.

Not my uncle.

Hey, Daddy.

So what happened?

You find a way for Michelle to adopt you without me?

use those powders to clean the tub.

Daddy, you go, Barney.

Hey,

what's up?

There you go. Your science book and your notes.

What about the cotton candy?

Oh, sorry.

I forgot.

So, uh, I'll see you tomorrow at school.

Well, I can't. Someone's waiting for me.

But I'll see you later, okay?

Oh, and thanks for introducing me to Natasha.

I really like her, and she actually likes me.

Love you too, Netta.