Original subtitles

Nothing like cool in the game to bring you out of a funk, baby. Hell yeah. Oh,

here's another one. Prince, 1999, featuring Little Red Corvette.

Baby, you must be fast.

Why are you guys so crazy about these things? I use them to sweep up the

Oh, no, no, no, no, sweetie.

These right here are classic. See, you may look and you may listen, but you are

never to touch.

You may be my child, but these are my babies.

He's serious. I caught him trying to nerf them one time.

Hello?

Okay. Uh, Daddy, it's Gabrielle Pride.

March 1999 centerfold Gabrielle Pride, whose hobbies include reading, long

in the rain, and bouncing naked on a pogo stick.

Oh, I've bounced naked on a pogo stick before.

Really? No, but it's not too funny when your daughter does it, huh?

I'm playing all the time.

Hey, girl.

Have her bring a friend.

Can't. Won't.

Try me next month.

Peace.

Baby, I'm free.

Baby, I'm free.

You just turned down Gabrielle Pride.

Dwayne, I have sworn off women, bruh.

You know, between Nicole thinking she was pregnant and Tanya with all her

and women who just want a piece of the flat -out man, you know, I have my fill

of the opposite sex.

It's time for Flex Washington to find out what it's like to be single and

unattached. Yeah.

Flex, look at me, dog.

This is what it looks like.

Not pretty, is it?

What did you use as a cast on that big toe?

A trash can?

This is Lex Washington signing off.

Flat out.

And we're clear.

Flat out back at you. I just landed you an exclusive with Rochelle Harvey, the

queen of the WNBA.

I thought she hated the press. What, you got some kind of voodoo going on? If I

did, your head would be the size of a raisin.

This is her first interview in a year, and she requested you, so you should

start figuring out now how you're going to thank me.

How about this?

Thank you.

That's it?

No cheesy come -ons? No sexual innuendos? No, instead of a thank -in,

a spank -in?

Oh, Stacy, Stacy, I'm sorry, but I put myself on a female diet.

Like the great Bob Marley, let me go out and say, no woman, no cry.

Washington has sworn off women.

That's like Bill Clinton swearing off cigars.

Do you care to put your money where your potty mouth is?

Oh, Lex, $500 says you won't even last three days.

Oh, it's so.

Oh, um, Lex, have you met our new makeup artist, Dominique, from France?

Bonjour. I'll be, uh, touching you up to there.

All right, bye -bye. All right, go on, girl. Come on, go on, bye -bye.

Take care.

Well, there's plenty more where that came from. I don't know, girl. I'm

kind of strong, you know. That French accent used to be one of my biggest turn

-ons, but today it just sounded like two cats dancing on the dumpster.

Really?

Nothing.

Girl, Janet.

And yet, I feel nothing.

Please, Godfather, protect me from his wrath.

My daddy is such an angry man.

I will do you this one favor.

But I must ask for something in return.

It is spring cleaning time in my basement.

Well, you want us to clean the basement? I happen to live down there.

Wayne, I'm sorry, but we will not do that. I think we're just going to take

chances with my dad. Yeah, whatever.

Relax, dog. What's up, man? Hey, how'd you like to spend the evening listening

to some old school jams? You know, Commodores, Earth, Wind and Fire, Rick

Cool and the Gang.

You buy the pizza and I get my Prince jeans with the butt cut out.

You know what? You know what? On the other hand, you know, these songs are

tired. Let's watch Gladiator and count the beheadings. Oh, shoot, man. I love

that line in the opening of the movie.

People should know when they're conquered.

Oh,

I think they do.

Bonjour, Monsieur Fleck.

Get to stepping, Dominique.

Girl, I tried.

All right, Stacy, you can call off your hired hoochies.

Because I'm about to make you $500 lighter. Ah, you still got two more

Flex. There's no way you're keeping that horse in the stable.

Your metaphor and stop looking.

It's way off tomorrow because I am female -free and more focused than ever.

All up in here. Focus.

Oh, Rochelle. Hi. Stacy Morgan. Did I give you the wrong date for the

No, I was next door shooting a commercial.

So I came by to meet the flat -out man.

Hey, well, that's me, half blah, half dat.

No, I'll leave you two alone, seeing as you've broken the ice.

By the way, cash only, tens and twenties.

Since you're here already, how about we go over a few questions for tomorrow's

interview? Actually, I've got to get back to the shoot, but I'll be available

tonight in my hotel room.

Sure, I'll call you there later. Oh, don't call me.

Be there.

I don't want to hear your breath over the phone. I want to feel it blowing in

face.

I feel so cheap.

Welcome to my little piece of heaven where Dwayne Odell Knox dreams of a

world.

Well, I hope your better world is stocked with odor eaters because this

my life.

Cool. Kind of reminds me of my room.

Of course, I'm 15.

Dwayne, you out here, voices?

Are you entertaining a lady friend?

Uh, no, Mama, just some day laborers I picked up outside of Home Depot.

Uh, so what do you want us to do, Dwayne? Clean, disinfect, call the

department?

Nope. We're giving these walls a little makeover.

Goodbye,

rustic paneling. Hello, purple rain.

in Hello Bus 17 back home.

Yeah, I only paint my nails and my eyes.

Well, uh, based on what I've seen of your work, we're gonna put you on clean

detail.

Oh, man, we're out of here, all right? Come on, girls, you can't play us like

this. Ah, good point, good point. I can't play you just like Flex can't play

records. Let's set it up, let's set it up, let's set it up.

Stacy, I'd like to give this Rochelle interview to another reporter.

I just can't interview extremely tall women. I believe this in my contract.

You are so transparent. I can see your heart just beating and lying.

This is a WYNX exclusive, Flex. You have to do this interview. She wants you.

That's exactly my point.

She doesn't want Flex the reporter.

She wants Flex the mattress mambo king.

I know what this is about. This is about the $500, isn't it?

No, Flex, occasionally the lead anchor has to put his butt on the line.

I did, and it got pinched.

Are you saying you have no self -control?

No, I'm saying she doesn't.

And she's bigger than me.

Flex, look, I think you're selling yourself short. I think you can go over

that hotel, get the scoop, and leave with your dignity and your drawers on.

You really think I can pull that off? Who cares? Either way, I win.

Quit looking at Brianna's butt and start painting.

And Brianna, start moving your butts, getting a little droopy.

How do you fit all that evil into such a stumpy little body?

Congrats, director.

Miss, you know.

Surprise.

so much she wants you to paint the whole house.

I've never been so exhausted in my short, increasingly unhappy life.

I gotta take my grandma's stone pills for my back.

Oh, I close my eyes and all I see is purple.

Now I know how my dad felt in the 70s.

I know there's a story behind all this. all this but i'm dealing with a tough

interview right now so remind me to punish you for whatever you did later i

a song to pull me out of this phone celebrate good time come on we need a

distraction right right something that'll really throw

I was upset with Dwayne for years for scratching this record up.

Dwayne?

Uh -huh.

It's Dwayne scratching up at his bar mitzvah. That's why I have to put the

quarter on top of the needle.

Okay, everybody, bow your heads, because the little man gonna die.

with a job to do. Do the job, not the woman. Do the job, not the woman.

All right.

Hello there.

Oh, look at you.

All of you.

Are you going to come in or are you just going to stand out there looking all

pretty?

Those little bubbles always go right to my head.

Oh, those lucky bubbles.

I got a whole bunch of questions. Hundreds. So many questions. So little

So how about we get started?

Good idea.

So we'll talk about your shooting style.

Your release is quicker than any other player out there.

Well, what can I say? I'm good with my hands.

You want to play strip basketball?

Actually, it's a little chilly in here.

Oh, I know how to get the blood flowing.

God bless you.

Stacy told me you had a weakness for the language of love.

Montrez -moi ta faible.

Oh, please, I'm just a man.

Oh, you got that right, Daddy.

Oh, I thought that we might talk about the Olympics and, oh, you bit me.

Don't fight it, Flex.

Go for the gold.

Oh, I know you're the first woman to duck, but I'm about to slam you.

A story that I thought you finally wanted to tell the world through me.

No, I just heard a rumor around the league that you were easy, so I decided

come on down and get me a helping.

Easy? Who said I'm easy?

Everybody. The word around the league, if you're ever in Baltimore and you need

a little temporary relief, call for Lex.

Hey, now, you women talk like that?

Worse. I'm just dumbing it down for you.

Well, you know what?

I'm not a little plaything for you and your...

Big -handed sisters.

Oh, goodness.

Lex!

Stop it! Put those...

It's night.

We found out you were the one who scratched the record.

Ooh. Yeah, uh, you know what?

Walls look beautiful.

Why don't you, uh, take this 50 bucks and, uh, buy yourself some Pudding Pops

something. Go on, now.

Good job.

Who you talking to, cookie toes?

Your dad's boss.

You know what? This is not what it looks like. Um, see, Stacy just came over to,

uh, you know, borrow a cup of sugar.

Yeah, a big old cup of bread. Oh, sugar.

Yeah. Cookie toes.

Brie Brie, sweet little girl.

You're not going to tell your father about this, are you?

Yeah, because he might have a problem with his best friend and his boss

up, you know.

So many secrets. So much betrayal.

So many ways it could backfire on him.

All right, all right. Let's cut to the chase, demon child.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

How'd you know that? You went and got some sort of newsletter?

Actually, it's a hotline. 1 -800 -EASY -FLEX.

Now, listen, I wanted the interview, too, but my self -respect is more

than my career. Now, give me my money.

I had such high hopes for you. Eh, well.

So, uh, how was your night?

What? What do you mean? What do you know?

Nothing. I was just trying to be friendly.

Yeah, well, I have enough friends.

Let's keep it business, Buster.

Rochelle. Lex, I think I owe you an apology.

Forget it. I don't think that bite mark is going to leave a scar.

Look, my fiance broke up with me last weekend.

I guess I was on the rebound.

Plus, you are pretty hard to resist.

Girl, I know.

I look in the mirror every day.

Anyway, if you still want the interview, I'm ready to pour out my soul.

Well, let's get to pouring. Why don't you head down the hall to make up, and

I'll meet up with you.

Au revoir.

Too sweet.

I got my money.

I proved that I'm strong.

Oh, Rochelle.

Voulez -vous coucher avec moi? C 'est moi.

Thank you so much for taking us to the mall, driver.

My pleasure, Miss Brianna.

And what might be our next destination?

We'd like to go to the Piggly Wiggly.

Very good, Miss Brianna. The Piggly Wiggly it is.

What exactly is the Piggly Wiggly?

I don't rightly know, but we're going to go there instead of fail.

I said, I sure hope they have fried green tomatoes, because I have a feel

hunger.

Miss Brianna, if it makes you know, never mind.

May I pull over to the side of the road and make water?

You will hold your water and keep your eyes on the road.

Very good, Miss Brianna. No making water.

Looking back on it, that white lady was a whole lot nicer.

Love you too, Netta.